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Almost five days had passed since Hermione officially signed the engagement papers to her former professor, and she was trying to slowly come to terms with all the changes in her life, and with her unexpected husband to be. Thankfully after that turn of events, the wizengamot gave her the peace she so much wanted, but the press didn't. Articles about him, her, and both combined were coming up almost everyday. She tried hard to ignore everything, as some of those articles were very provocative. Going as far as suggesting that she was using him to gain a position in the keepers, or that he was controlling her. Ok, maybe this engagement was indeed an arranged deal, but everything was done with the consent of both parties, and at the end of the day, Hermione had actually begun enjoying his attentions.
She was still hard on getting over the conditioning of the seven years at Hogwarts, but letting each day pass slowly without too much pressure, was making a difference for her. She was meticulously trying to avoid any close physical contact with him, trying in some manner to stop that intense chemistry she felt close to him. Unfortunately the moment they got into the same room all her fears got dispersed and her body took over, seeking a soft caress or a gentle kiss from him. She always stopped things from developing further, mostly from a deep fear that she was going to regret it the next morning and she didn't want to hurt him in that manner. She was feeling a strong need for him physically, but she didn't know were she stood emotionally and she was not a woman that would bed anyone, just because her body gave her those signals.
Severus was treating her equanimously and always listened to her cues when she called for more privacy or more affection, and he was doing everything without a word of complaint. Hermione knew it must be hard on him to let her go after a long passionate kiss that left them both hot and panting. It would be hard for any man to pull away, nevertheless he did it without a word of negativity.
He touched her heart by acting so gallantly, and he had been doing so since the alleyway incident. She knew her confused feelings about this sweet mess, but she didn't know where she stood with him. He was not a man that would speak openly, and he was not searching for an opportunity to lay down his cards and come clean with her. On the contrary he seemed even more reserved than she was emotionally, but when he was kissing her…oh…that reserve went flying out the window and she was up against a levelling passion that left her whole body throbbing. Something that she had witnessed first hand with that other woman. Was he like that with all his lovers?
Ah, that was not a question that would assist her confused brain a lot, so she decided to store it at the back of her mind for further analysis at a later time. So during these five days she managed to get her cat at the house, which admittedly went much better than expected. Severus seemed totally unbothered by the new roommate, even though Crookshanks dived under the couch and came out only for food all this time.
After that she made it her business to fix her stuff in his room. Next thing was to acquaint herself with the kitchen and the rest of the house. The only place she rarely stepped in, even though he had allowed her free entrance, was his study, which was an impressive large room with a wall to wall and floor to ceiling library, a large heavy desk with a comfortable easy chair, and a rather spacious couch that he used as a bed since she came on board. He absently told her that the trap door behind the desk hid stairs that led to the basement where he kept his laboratories. She wanted to go there to see his working place, but she expected an invitation, which hadn't been offered yet.
Notwithstanding her need to feel more comfortable in his house, she also had other obligations. First and foremost she attended a meeting at her hospital, were she asked for an extended leave in order to settle into her marriage. The head doctor was not difficult to give that to her, now that her reputation had been restored by the Wizengamot. They gave her two months.
After that she established a running connection to Harry's house, and she kept on coming and going as she pleased to Severus's annoyance. After a calm discussion he came to accept her need to keep her friends close by, but he warned her that if he caught Mr. Potter in his living room unawares he was going to blow that connection and the fireplace to kingdom come. She brushed his anger away with a soft kiss and a promise that whenever Harry was to come, she was going to inform Severus two days prior. He grouchily accepted.
As the days rolled by she used her time to rest, cook, go for walks alone with him or with Ginny, go to Harry's, talk about the news from the ministry, and trying to convince Severus to start her training. He promised her that on Monday he'd do just that. Today was Friday and she still had no clue when her official training was going to begin. He seemed like he wanted to avoid this part of the deal. She didn't know why, but she was not going to let him off the hook so easily. She just preyed on him, trying to find the right opportunity to press him into action. One day he was too messed up from attending his colleagues that have been in the underworld. The next he was too fucked up, because he had been in there himself. One day later he was still out of it and she had to force him out of his self inflicted hiding in order to eat something. After that he got buried in the bowels of the house making up potions, or using his runes to create magical protection walls and evasive or offensive spells.
She huffed and puffed through his heavy schedule, trying to find where she could fit herself in that. She understood that his job was highly demanding and seeing him return from the underworld almost dead from exhaustion, made her rethink her need to join them. Nevertheless her dedication to try herself in this hardship and to help him uncover any possible dark magical onset, stood strong.
So she kept trying to find ways to bypass his defences. Hermione shook her head turning at the aisle of the small clothe store in the Glodwick magical village, the place that he had chosen to buy his new home. She browsed idly through the clothing rack, trying to find something feminine and to clear her head. She didn't know why but that morning she decided to invite Ginny over and go shopping with her with the sudden urge to get rid for one day her trousers and t-shirts and get into something airy and elegant. She was not a dress wearer by no means, but once upon a decade she wanted to buy something different. She assumed that her latest adventure left her wanting for a gift…something to pamper herself with. She had been through a lot during this week and she needed a silly unproductive way to blow off some steam. Buying useless clothes, with your friend whilst drinking some strawberry milkshake was the best thing she could do with her free time.
She pulled out of the rack a short flowery dress made of cream clouded organza. It had flower embroidery all over the front, with blue, pink and green colours. It reached just below the neck and the sleeves were short and see through. It was elegant and beautiful. She smiled at it.
"Ah, no, not this" Ginny said. She was munching on a donut.
"What? It's simply beautiful" Hermione said frowning.
"It's too conservative"
"Who told you I want something liberal?" Hermione asked with a smile at how political this was getting all of a sudden.
Ginny scrounged her lips licking the donut off her fingers "I f you wanna light him up, you won't choose that"
Hermione pursed her lips. She had talked to Ginny freely about her confused feelings for Severus, but also about the explosive chemistry between them. Her best friend had been easier on accepting this as a possibility than Hermione and after these long talks she began taunting her about him all the time. This was one of these times "You do understand that I am buying this for myself, right?"
"Yeah yeah…try this one" Ginny said taking off the rack a black short tube dress that left little to the imagination.
"First this won't fit me, and second what the hell Ginny? It's not my style" she admonished and pushed the dress away.
"You won't know unless you don't try it on. Now come on" she said pushing the dress in her hands.
"No way in hell am I getting this piece of shit" she said as Ginny pushed her into the changing room.
"Try them both on and let's see you" Ginny said taking another big bite from her donut.
"I truly wonder why I spoke to you about all this mess, in such tantalising details" Hermione said taking off her usual jeans and then her t-shirt.
"Because you need someone to trust in baby" Ginny's muffled voice replied.
"That's true" she pulled up the tube dress and tried to fit her healthy curves into the elastic fabric. Why did women try so hard to become pencils…she thought and snorted.
"You got into a really complicated situation, very quickly, and without too much thought. Therefore you have a lot of unsolved issues" Ginny continued.
"Yes, the final result was unforeseen" she pulled back the curtain and protecting her over exposed boobs with her forearm she got out with small steps. Her other hand was trying to pull down the dress, the helm of which was reaching below her crotch.
"You mean marrying Snape? That's an understatement. We are all trying to get over the shock. Get your hands off it" Ginny admonished and pushed her hands clear off the dress.
"I mean the whole turn of events. Rioting against this law, almost getting killed, getting saved by the most unlikely person alive, deciding to accept the law in return of becoming a Keeper trainee, and during this whole theatre figuring out that our former potions master is kissing better than anyone I have ever kissed in my life" she said trying to straighten herself in front of the mirror. The dress suited her admirably well, and made quite a bomb out of her figure, but she still hated it's trashy effect.
"Dear me, he does fire you up, doesn't he?" Ginny snickered turning her around in order to set the dress properly on her.
Hermione shook her head feeling her cheeks becoming crimson "I don't want to admit it"
"Does he?" Ginny insisted keeping her hands down.
"You have no idea" Hermione admitted looking at herself in silent appreciation. The fleeting thought that he might enjoy her in this dress flashed through her mind. She didn't give it a second chance.
"Then use this dress to make him…do things to you" Ginny pointed out.
"Who told you I want to go that far?" Hermione frowned.
"You are confusing me really" Ginny gave up and sat at a free stool.
"Ginny we made this partly professional, partly friendly deal. He offered to help me get the wizengamot off my back, and I offered to help him with the keepers. That's where the whole deal starts and ends" Hermione said outlining her hips with her palm.
"And in the meantime you steal passionate kisses from each other..." her friend pointed out.
"That was not part of the original deal" she said wincing.
"So it sort of just happened?" Ginny moved her hand impatiently.
"I told you, he kissed me spontaneously the day he recovered me from Knockturn alley"
"You could have stopped there, but as you told me the very next day you almost swallowed him whole. And that was solely your own doing. So?"
Hermione's body let go and a long exhalation came from her "My body reacts instinctively most times when I am close to him. My brain shuts down and the automatic pilot takes over. It's hard to stop…" she tried to explain.
"Maybe you guys should have sex and get it over with" Ginny said matter of factly.
Hermione blushed and at the same time felt her insides clutching briefly. She frowned at the sudden reaction of her body "You are quite casual about something that you know I never take lightly"
"I f you have sex with him, you might find out that you are not compatible, so all this tense pussyfooting will be over"
"Or I might discover quite the opposite…" Hermione trailed off.
"I n which case fuck him to kingdom come…" Ginny snickered.
"Ginny!" she cried blushing.
"You are both adults aren't you?"
"Our deal didn't include consummation of this marriage, engagement, dramatics…call it what you like" Hermione said getting pissed off. She went back into the changing room and took off the tube dress with difficulty.
"There you are getting stuck inside the borderlines of the typicalities again…try to think out of the box. Why not consummate with him? You are lawfully engaged, and you are clearly attracted to each other" Ginny rejoined.
"because such an action would complicate our situation even more and I am not ready to do something like that" she pulled up the airy organza dress and tried to pull the zipper up, but failed.
"Complicate it because?…" Ginny urged her on.
"…i want to be part of the keepers, I want to find out if dark magic is the reason behind all those baby deaths, and I want to bring back evidence to rub it in the face of the wizengamot, after I stick it up Kingsley's nose. Having sexual intercourse with my former professor, no matter how tempting at times, does not fit my plans. I want my mind concentrated on what truly matters" she retaliated and got out "Help me with that zipper"
Ginny shook her head "Now you are becoming paranoid. You don't even know if there is a dark thread that causes all these birth defects. And even if there is, you cannot be sure he's going to find it. How about your nursing station? Are you going to give that up in order to become a special auror? Because that's what the keepers are, no matter that their boss doesn't want the name auror connected to his elite group"
"Yes I am ready to give it up" she said steadily and observed her mirror image. She looked elegant and airy in that dress. She whirled and the dress lifted up to her waist.
Ginny shook her head "I think your obsession with this law is going to be your undoing. You are giving up so many years of studying in order to put your life in danger inside the underworlds. Has he told you how dangerous they are? Harry has….people die in there Mione. You could die in there. This job is no joke. Snape lost at least a handful of keepers into these strange dark worlds. He even scrapped death himself a couple of times. The ministry orderlies are located across the keeper hallways. On purpose. Don't romanticise about his job"
"obsession?" she looked angrily at her friend.
"dedication? call it what you will. It is making you lose sight of all that's truly important" Ginny shook her head testily.
"I have dedicated myself to undo this injustice and I am going to turn the world upside down in order to achieve it. You know how stubborn I can become" Hermione looked at her keenly.
"You can get hurt...seriously hurt" Ginny pointed out.
"I can take care of myself" she returned and got into the booth again. She took the dress off and put her own clothes back on.
"Like you did in the alley?" Ginny raised her brows at her.
Hermione peaked through the curtain "Well, I survived"
"He helped you…"
"And I have thanked him enough times already" she said picking up the clothes and making it to the cashiers.
"Like you did when you run away into hiding when the wizengamot was looking for you?" Ginny continued relentless.
"I got out of it in one piece" she spat banging the dresses in front of the cashier lady.
"You want both Miss?" the woman asked.
"Yes" Hermione barked at her. The lady raised her eyebrows testily and took the dresses to fold them.
"He gave you a way out…he hid your trace"
"And I appreciate that more than I have told him" Hermione acknowledged.
"Like you did when you went frightened to the hearing about your marriage? Not even knowing what to do about the whole mess?" Ginny insisted.
"What's the point in all this?" Hermione turned to face her "Yes I got out of that unharmed also, and yes Severus helped me again. Your point!?"
"That you are hardly able to take care of yourself lately Mione. How can you expect to take care of others like a keeper? That this obsession…don't look at me that way…yes obsession is draining all the creative force out of you. Maybe if you came to accept your situation, maybe if you tried to accept the needs of your body with this man, whomever he is I don't care, maybe then you could put your internal debate to rest. Your strength could gain a new focus, and maybe then you could prove to us how able you truly are of taking care of yourself and others. Right now, you look like a lost confused puppy" Ginny replied calmly to her.
Hermione opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. Instead she felt her eyes burning and she turned quickly to the cashiers trying to control herself in front of Ginny. Her friend had hit the nail on the head "How much do they cost?" she asked trying to even out her voice.
"One hundred and sixty seven" the lady smiled.
Hermione raised her brows and opened her purse "Fine Ginny, you win" she snapped back taking out the money and giving them to the woman.
Ginny touched her shoulder "I don't want to win, I want to open your eyes"
Hermione snorted bitterly "You want me to ask him to leave me out of the keepers"
"Exactly…find other ways to focus your energy. Ask him if you can become the regular keeper healer. He might be into that… and it is what you have studied" Ginny pressed her shoulder.
"There you go Miss, I hope you'll enjoy them" the cashier said and Hermione took her bag with a thankful smile.
"I will think about it" she tried to brush off Ginny's insistence.
"I am afraid that by the end of this mess, someone will die Mione" Ginny turned her around when they were out of the door.
"I t won't be me" she hurled back.
"How can you be so certain…oh mighty psychic..." Ginny smirked.
Hermione's body gave up slightly and she placed her hand above Ginny's "I promise I will think about it ok?"
Ginny pursed her lips and looked at her testily for several aggravating moments "Come on!" Hermione smiled.
"Fine, ok…i hope you decide to do the right thing. I am worried about you Mione. That's all…we are all worried" Ginny said.
Hermione took her in a tight embrace and closed her eyes "I know…i love you too" she whispered.
After a few comforting moments Ginny spoke again "you bought both dresses?"
"yes"
"Are you going to try that tube dress with Severus?" she asked playfully.
"Of course not!" Hermione answered back only half seriously.
"Ok, let's go home, I am famished" Ginny said and pulled her by the hand. Hermione followed her happily down the beautiful village roads until they reached his house. She brought Ginny in and both girls enjoyed a hefty dinner and a long easy talk about the fun they used to have during their school days. Hermione carefully avoided all current topics, and Ginny tried to alleviate the burden their of their previous encounter. This has been a long, difficult week. They both needed to relax in some manner.
Several hours later close to two in the morning Hermione was sleeping on the couch. She had picked up one of his books and decided to keep awake in order to keep him company over his late dinner. Time rolled by and he was still away, so her eyes drooped heavily and she fell into a restful sleep cuddling his book, with Crookshanks rolled up at her feet. She didn't hear him as he apparated in the kitchen. When he saw her on the couch he covered her up and went to the kitchen to get something to eat. He tried to be as silent as possible in order not to wake her up, but Hermione was lost in other worlds. Deep mysterious worlds where terrifying things were happening. She moved restlessly in her sleep and shook her head with a soft moan.
She found herself inside a dark forest. Where nature was going wild and the elements of air and water overpowered the darkness around her. A hailstorm beat the land mercilessly and the wind blew hard turning the tree branches into whips that thrashed about wildly. There in front of the dark forest with the storm lashing around him, Severus stood with his back turned to her. He looked untouched by the elements of nature around him. Her voice barely spoke his name...under her breath. She called him mostly for her own benefit. She needed to make sure he could hear her. Severus? ...a soft question...certain that he wouldn't turn to her. But he did...as always…she frowned deeply and searched his eyes. Her breath caught as the eyes looking back at her looked haunted. He looked at her with a desperation that broke her heart to a million pieces. Tears began falling from her eyes as she tried to draw in breath, but her airways felt constricted. She knew that something was terribly wrong. Everything around her was telling her to hold onto something because death lingered close. She felt her mouth opening again, uttering his name one more time. Severus?...and that is when she saw it. It was enough to loosen her joints. A small trickle of blood. Just a small trickle coming out of the side of his mouth...and his haunted eyes becoming so sad as he kneeled down heavily. She raised her hand towards him and she felt her heart ripped out, tears overflowed her eyes and the scream tore her throat apart. His name again, but this time demanding. Demanding his constant presence next to her. He couldn't die, it was impossible, she wouldn't let it. She dashed to him in order to shake him to his senses...to shake him out of his own death...and that is when the nightmare blew out like a candle and the real world slammed into her violently. She cried and sat up, drenched in sweat, with tears running down her face and her mouth repeating the same word over and over again "no, no, no, no, no".
"What's wrong?" his deep voice came from the kitchen. She turned her teary eyes and saw him sitting calmly eating dinner. Getting into auto pilot one more time she dropped the duvet from her body and Crookshanks crashed on the floor with an indignant meep. She rushed at him and almost knocked him off his stool as she embraced him with as much strength as her sleepy body had.
"You are alive…aren't you? Are you hurt? Did you get hurt today?" she asked partly confused partly petrified of her vivid nightmare. She still couldn't tell where reality begun and dreams ended.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her head under his chin "I am fine, did you have a bad dream?" he asked gently.
She squeezed her eyes tight and tightened her jaw "You have no idea…i saw you dying…you were mortally wounded. It's Ginny and her bloody talk this noon…"
"Everything is fine. Had a rough day at work but nothing extraordinary happened. Do I need to ask about your day?" he said caressing her hair.
She took a long inhalation and his spicy smell solaced her "The day was fine, it was just the death talk with Ginny that ruined my sleep. Never mind…" her fingers began caressing his back.
"Do you need something to drink?" he asked kissing the top of her head. A shiver run down her back and she pressed her face on his chest. The steady and strong sound of his heart made her smile.
"No, I want to sleep again…do you mind?" she asked.
"No, i'll take carry you to bed, come on" he said and picked her up with an ease many would have envied. She relaxed in his arms and caressed his chest gently.
"I t's becoming a kind of tradition to carry me to bed..." she said pulling her face close to his neck and giving him a soft kiss there.
"You don't see me complaining do you?" he asked.
"Me neither" she said as he reached the door and put her down.
"Now off you go to sleep…" he said pushing her inside.
She grabbed hold of his arm and embraced him one more time "Are you going in the underworld tomorrow?" she asked fear gripping her heart again.
"No, it's Conroy's turn" he said carefully.
She took his arm and wrapped it around her waist "Kiss me?" she asked looking up at him.
He smiled and took her in a slow explorative kiss that drew exhalations of bliss from her and electrified her skin to his touch. When she pulled back her eyes were smiling "Goodnight" she said caressing the contours of his chin tenderly.
"Goodnight lady" he replied with a smile and she turned and made it to her bed not minding closing the door behind her. The moment she fell on the bed she was smiling brightly at the way her body felt awakened by his kiss, but soon enough the darkness of her nightmare returned and just before dreams overtook her one more time she saw a pair of lips talking to her. In her limbo state she was certain that she knew these lips. Whose were they? Harry's? Ginny's? Her father's? She knew them…and the words they spoke just before she got lost in dreamscapes, made her hair stand on end.
"What shall we die for?...for a magical power greater than life itself? For the ability to raise the sea onto the skies? For a force strong enough to break mountains in half? magic cannot be measured in our abilities...magic can be measured in our choices...
Whom shall you die for?
i shall die for the one I love...I shall die for you..."
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