Chapter Nine - Night Follies, Pt.2

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Vash had fallen into a fitful sleep, oblivious as the door inched open allowing Meryl to quietly slip inside. She cautiously pushed it shut behind her and stood still, willing her heart to calm down. She felt somewhat irritated by her nervousness – it was hardly the first time she'd had to do something covertly. Still, she was grateful for the moonlight illuminating the room, revealing Vash's inert form.

Glancing around she sighed in relief, then exasperation. Trust him to leave everything on the floor. Then again, it saved her the trouble of rifling through his things.

Or so she thought. The darkness prevented her from easily discerning her clothing from Vash's; twice she grabbed at his pants mistaking them for her own. After several minutes of blind fumbling, she paused to inventory her collection.

Skirt, check; tights, check; blouse… never mind; belt, fine; cape, thank heavens; underwear… er…

She felt her face begin to heat up. Speaking of which, Meryl thought as she again pawed through the clothing, I seem to still be missing…

After several fruitless minutes she gave up in frustration, and peered uneasily about the room. Where else was there to search? Vash owned very little as it was, and as far as she knew wasn't overly secretive about what he did with his belongings. She looked to the bed where he lay, dead to the world.

Face it, Stryfe, she told herself, there just isn't anywhere else –

She realized that he had something covering his eyes.

Meryl got unsteadily to her feet, frowning as she inspected him.

Funny, I never imagined Vash to be the type who needed his "beauty" rest.

Then she smiled. She would risk a light.

Creeping back to the door, she reached out and flipped the switch. A harsh glow flooded the room, causing Meryl to clap her hands over her eyes in momentary blindness. Allowing her vision to adjust, she squinted about the room, wondering what she could have missed. Hearing Vash grunt, she quickly turned to check on him. It was then, in the light, that she suddenly recognized that particular piece of cloth.

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Milly snorted, opening one eye halfway as her ears twitched. "Go back to sleep, Meryl…"

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Vash was startled to awaken to a very live, livid Meryl straddling him about the waist. He wondered if this was another dream. But then Meryl was usually stark naked in those. This Meryl was both clothed – mostly – and furious. And she was holding something up his face.

Blearily he cocked a lone eyebrow at her, struggling to comprehend the scene. He failed.

"Er, Meryl… why are you showing me your bra?"

Snarling, Meryl slammed his head back into the pillow.

"You IDIOT! The question is why do you have it wrapped around YOUR HEAD?!?"

Blinking, Vash raised his head again to examine the item. Putting two and two together, he chuckled sheepishly.

"Um – would you believe it makes a good sleeping mask?"

"Don't you even know a bra when you see one?!"

"B-but it was so small! And… and… padded! And the cups fit over my eyes per –!"

Vash threw up his hands in time to keep Meryl from encircling hers around his throat.

"Wait! WAIT! But Meryl – !"

"WHAT?" Meryl growled, straining to break his grasp.

"Why are you in my bed?"

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"Mmm… there it is again," Milly mumbled before turning over into a more comfortable position.

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Vash stared at Meryl uneasily. Never mind that she had for some reason broken into his room in the middle of the night and seemed hell-bent on hurting him. His male mind was wholly preoccupied with matters other than self-defense right now. Her current position astride him, with head thrown back, hands clutching each temple, mouth clenched tightly to cut off a primal scream, was giving him an unprecedented view of her torso. He eyed her night shirt straining across her chest, the triangle of exposed flesh around her navel, taut thighs converging to her white –

Hold. That. Thought.

"M-meEryl..." Vash's voice squeaked in a way it hadn't done in over a century. "Meryl, wha –?"

Looking down, Meryl dropped her hands, letting them rest on Vash's stomach. Eyes narrowing, she leaned forward to fix the lean man with a piercing stare, in the process unknowingly giving him an unhindered view down the opening of her blouse. She smiled as she felt him start squirming beneath her, beads of sweat breaking out along his brow. Good, she thought. He'd better be afraid of me…

"For your information, Vash," – she said his name with a slight hiss – "I only came in here to collect a few… misplaced items. I didn't plan on disturbing you –,"

Vash swallowed hard, only half listening to her words as he focused in on her fingernails tapping rhythmically along the top edge of his towel. He could swear she was purring.

"But then again I forgot to take into account how disturbed YOUR mind already is!!!"

With a disgusted huff and final shove, Meryl slid back off Vash and stood up, to frown down at him with arms crossed. Then she paused, as if seeing him for the first time. Coloring up, she glanced away.

"And WHY are you only wearing a bath towel?!"

Vash let out a deep sigh, unsure of whether to be more relieved than not, as he dragged himself upright and threw his legs over the edge. He sleepily rubbed his face.

"Didn't mean to. Fell asleep before I could change."

Meryl looked back at him, feeling genuine pangs of guilt as she examined his tired face. He still looked unwell. And, she noted, slightly on edge around her given the circumstances. She suddenly felt rather foolish.

"Look, Vash, I'm really very sorry. I honestly didn't mean to bother you or sneak into your room like this. I just came in to… to… you know."

She gestured helplessly at the pile of clothing on the floor.

"Oh," said Vash, somewhat uncomfortably as he followed her motions. "Er… yeah."

There was a tense pause as both contemplated the floor. Meryl bit her lip, thinking carefully. Mostly she wanted to grab her things and make a break for it. On the other hand, she knew that rather than repeating the scene from the previous morning she should just stay and talk to him.

Still, Meryl reconsidered, this doesn't really seem like a good time.

But then when was it ever a "good" time?

"Vash," she began, pausing as he looked up at her. Meryl felt her heart flip within as she gazed into his uncertain eyes. Focus, focus! she mentally commanded herself as she turned slightly away from him.

"I think we need to talk."

Distracted, Vash could only nod dumbly; he was struggling not to stare at her legs. Realizing that he'd never succeed if Meryl stayed in his direct line of sight, he gestured for her to sit down next to him on the bed. Relieved, she sank down quietly. And so they sat motionlessly side by side for the next few minutes staring at their toes: Vash thinking about Knives; Meryl fretting about Milly; and each acutely aware of exactly what it was that they were sitting on. Neither had any idea how to start.

"About last night –," they both began.

"Oh… sorry."

"No, it's all right – go ahead."

"No – you first, I mean…"

They fell quiet once more. After another lengthy pause Meryl drew a breath, willing herself to try again.

"Vash, do you… ever think about the future?"

Silence followed. Meryl thought that perhaps Vash hadn't heard her when there came a sigh.

"All the time," he finally admitted.

She perked up, her heart giving a hopeful leap.

"Then… do you know what you… want? Out of life, I mean?" she quickly added.

"What I want?" Vash repeated doubtfully, as if it was a wholly new idea to him. What was it that he wanted out of life? To stay alive? To stop Knives? To never again have to watch people being murdered or his loved ones die? They were all a part of the reason for his continued existence, had motivated him for almost as long as he'd been alive – even with Knives in a coma, nothing had really changed, had it? He even had a mantra that summed it all up, didn't he? What was it…?

"I want…," His brows furrowed with the effort of recollection, unsure of the reasons for his sudden memory lapse. "I want… peace. And love," he added, almost as an afterthought.

Meryl smiled ruefully. "I meant something more… specific than that. Tangible," she prompted. "Immediate."

Peace… and love. Love and peace. What more was there beyond that?

"I… no," he said quietly.

Eh? thought Meryl. "But…" she stopped herself, stifling the urge to argue with him. She couldn't lose focus now. She decided to try rephrasing the question.

"Where do you see yourself in a year? Is there –," She paused over the words. " – Anyone with you?"

"Knives." No hesitation in his response.

Yes, Meryl acknowledged silently. "And… that's it?

The air seemed to press in heavily on her lungs as she waited for him to speak.

"I… guess so."

"Oh."

Meryl turned her head away, staring at the far wall as she felt her chest constrict. Blinking, she bit her lip.

Is that all?

Even the voice inside her head had grown small.

Is that what you want? Does that make you happy? After all these months together, all I've done for you, shared with you, lived through with you – don't I even matter to you at all?! She wanted to scream the last out at him. But the words that came out of her mouth were completely different.

"I just wanted you to know that… I'm fine with… whatever…."

"You're… fine?" he echoed faintly, as if suddenly becoming aware of what she'd been asking.

Meryl jumped up to leave, turning to face Vash one last time, but with head bowed down so that her hair fell forward over her face. She was smiling, but he noticed that her lower lip was trembling.

"Right… that's all. And… and I'll just be going now."

A surge of dread coursed through Vash as his inner voice commanded him into action. Don't let her leave. Not like this. Don't you dare let her leave without making her understand that isn't the whole of it. You have to –

"NO! No, Meryl, wait – !"

Vash reached out lightening fast to grab her shoulder but miscalculated. As Meryl twisted away, his grasping hand swung down in the air, falling like a scythe through grass. A great, rending sound of delicate material disintegrating filled the room, leaving them to blink at each other for the heartbeat it took to register the origin of the noise: the entire front of her nightshirt was now clenched in his hand.

He looked up. She looked down. Both their eyes boggled.

Vash leapt to his feet, feeling his throat go dry. He fought for something helpful to say.

"W-would you… like your bra back?"

There was a terrific crash.

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Milly jerked suddenly, scratched her arm and rolled over. Giggling, she began to drool slightly. "Oh, Nick, please not so quick…"

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Vash peered out from a tangle of arms and legs, surveying the wreckage of the bed. Meryl's flying tackle had caught him off guard; otherwise he might have been able to avert their hard landing. The gunman sighed. Fortunately, he hadn't lost his towel. Yet. At that thought he looked over in alarm at Meryl, who was quickly pulling herself back up.

He gulped. If anything the look in her eyes now was positively awe-inspiring. Arms wrapped firmly around her chest, the torn sleeves of her nightshirt hanging loosely from the cuffs about her wrists, Meryl stared down at him. Then turning around she quickly started grabbing every piece of scattered clothing she could lay her hands on. Confused, Vash watched as she hurtled around the room, the mound of clothing growing steadily. He supposed she was getting ready to leave. But then why was she grabbing his coat and things…?

She stopped in front of the window. Vash gasped with realization. He lunged to his feet and hurled himself forward.

"Meryl, DON'T – !"

"THERE!" She heaved everything outside. "We're even!"

He slumped against the wall, looking forlornly out the window.

"Now, Vash, if you'll kindly excuse me, I'll be on my way."

"No, you won't."

"YES, I will." Turning back around, she folded her arms over her chest. "All I need are my clothes and my keys and… I'll… be…" She gazed about the room. "Where are my things?"

Vash leaned out into the darkness. "Take a wild guess."

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Elsewhere, Milly snored the deep sleep of the blissfully unaware.

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Vash nervously watched Meryl's backside start to tremble. He was half torn between the desire to throw himself on the floor and beg for mercy or to just start running before she came around.

Instead to his surprise he watched Meryl begin to collapse bonelessly to the floor, a move which frightened him even more. Heedless of her near nakedness, Vash caught her, quickly pulling her into his arms, and was equally relieved and alarmed that she didn't resist – she was shaking too badly. Unconsciously he began to rock her.

"It's okay… it's okay… really, it's okay…"

"I – I just can't take this anymore," came a tremulous whisper from somewhere within his shoulder.

Vash frowned worriedly: it was disconcerting to see her fall apart like this. "Don't worry, Meryl; I can go get everything. Just wait here and I'll be right back."

He moved to disengage her and was surprised to feel her arms suddenly snake around his torso, gripping him firmly. She gave a hollow laugh.

"No, Vash, it's not that… I don't mean that. I don't even care about that. It's just… this is so stupid. This is all my fault. If only I had never…"

"I can't… I don't follow you." He stopped rocking, his feeling of disquiet increasing with her shivers. "What is it, Meryl? What's wrong?" he asked gently.

The words seemed to shatter her. "Oh, why do I have to spell it out? Why? Don't you even see that much, Vash? Doesn't it matter to you at all?" Meryl let out a heartbroken wail, shuddering violently as she clung to him. "How can I wake up with you in the morning and yet you still have nothing to say about this craziness between us, this constant uncertainty, this awful, awfulnothing? Vash, what if I'm…?" her words faltered, drowned out by tears.

Vash felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over him. Numbness overcame him as flashes of his dreams and troubling thoughts flooded his mind. Knives. Humans. Plants. Angel Arms. There were so many things in dire need of working out; too many problems he had yet to overcome. And there were awful things he still had to answer for. Gung Ho Guns. July. Augusta. … Legato. Wounds that had been inflicted and sins he would always have to bear – Meryl had to understand that.

And still he knew that she was voicing the one question that most urgently needed addressing. He could no longer avoid this – she had a right to it. But the thing she was asking of him… what could he tell her? The end result stood out so clearly in his mind. Rem. Brad. Nicholas D. Wolfwood. An endless stream of unforgettable faces….

But the sight of Meryl breaking down in his arms gnawed at him powerfully.

"Meryl, please calm down." He wondered at the cool steadiness of his voice. "We don't even know yet about… that."

"I know, Vash, but what if…?"

She was sobbing uncontrollably. "I n-never know what's going to happen next to us, Vash. After all this time traveling with you, I know n-nothing is ever for certain. One day e-everything is fine and the next we're fighting for our l-lives. Today you're here in f-front of me; tomorrow you're n-nowhere to be found. First it was the b-bounty, then it was the Gung Ho Guns. It's your b-brother, it's this world – it's your life, Vash, and it's my job, I know that! All this time I've t-told myself I could handle it, I was f-fine with it, and I really believed it. But it's n-not like that now. I nuh… n-never thought that I would f-fa… I never even told you –!"

His head was reeling. Her words were breaking him, throwing his better judgment into disarray. An inner voice nagged at him that she was merely overwrought – she couldn't really know what she was saying. But deep inside a tiny, defiant spark had been kindled, and Vash began to feel hot and cold at once. "Told me what…?"

"Wuh…w-when you went off to face your br-brother this last time, I thought I would… j-just die. I wanted t-to tell you that you had to c-come back, because…"

"Tell me." It was a cross between a command and a plea.

She drew a long shuddering gasp of air. It steadied her voice somewhat. "B-because I would be… waiting for you. Because I couldn't bear it if I lost you again."

He barely registered Meryl reburying her head in his shoulder. "I-I just can't keep going on like this, not if… not if…," She moaned in a low, desperate voice. "Tell me what to do, Vash, and I swear I'll do it. Just, please, s-say something, anything…!"

Her voice dissolved into weeping as Vash stared down at her head. Perhaps for the first time in his life he was completely struck dumb. Wrestling between an equal sense of wonder and disbelief, he sensed that something inside him was threatening to tear loose, a dangerous thing that he shouldn't – couldn't – give into, not if… and yet….

Something red glimmered in the corner of his eye. Vash twisted his head to look outside, realizing in shock that it was the fifth moon. A war of emotions played across his face, as dismay transformed into a defiant glare that faded into somber resignation. Tell her what to do? His lips parted –

Run away, Meryl. Take Milly and get away from me, as far as you can, and never look back.

– but the words wouldn't come out.

Holding Meryl tightly against him, Vash sighed at his own lack of resolve. His heart, his head – how could he tell her what to do with them so divided? And then suddenly he knew what to say. In the end, there was only one thing that mattered, that could possibly sway him. Or break him. Steeling himself as he gazed skywards, he quietly voiced it.

"Meryl, do you… do you want this?"

A tense moment. He felt her nod silently into his shoulder.

The moon blurred as he felt a wetness seep into his eyes. He lowered his head.

"Me too," he whispered back in a husky voice.

The shuddering stopped. Meryl turned her face upward, searching his eyes for several moments. Vash felt his breath catch in his throat: in the moonlight her eyes shone large and full, startlingly beautiful in their limpid innocence. He had never realized before how much he liked their color.

"R-really?" she choked out, hopefully. "D-do you… really?"

"Yeah… really."

And having said it, Vash knew at once that it was true. He let out another sigh, deeper yet more relaxing, and smiled softly at Meryl.

She returned a watery smile before pressing her head back into his chest. Vash watched silently, noting that her sobs had lost their hysterical quality and were steadily growing calmer. He let her finish out her crying, rocking her gently while his thoughts turned towards graver matters. Dying Plants. Revenge Seekers. His Angel Arms. And at the root of it all Knives…

But Knives couldn't control his life anymore.

Making up his mind, Vash pulled Meryl towards the wreckage of the bed. He felt her stumble uncertainly against him, but she didn't pull away – and he was forcibly struck by the dizzying knowledge that without even asking, if he wanted to, he could have her –

But that hadn't been his intention. And… it wasn't the right moment, just yet.

Keeping one arm wrapped around Meryl, Vash reached down with the other to grab hold of the bed sheet. Yanking it free, he quickly flung it about their bodies.

"Come on, Meryl. Let me take you back to your room."

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"Well… here we are."

"Yeah… here we are."

They were standing facing each other outside the door of her room, still wrapped loosely within the confines of their improvised shroud. The trip back through the darkened inn had passed without incident, and Meryl supposed she should be feeling relief that it was all over. Instead, she was conscious of the cool night air caressing her skin, the one thin sheet concealing their heated bodies. It was intimate. Much too intimate.

Vash motioned towards the door. "Need some help getting back in?"

"No, it's okay. I didn't lock it," Meryl murmured.

"Well…," Vash cleared his throat nervously. "Er… good night, then."

"… Good night, Vash."

It didn't feel right, just leaving it at that. Meryl felt oddly vexed, as if there was something left undone, something yet to be said. She glanced up at Vash and almost gasped. The look on his face…

He took a step forward. "Meryl, I – ."

Vash stopped short as Meryl's eyes bulged out dangerously. Her eyes watered up, teeth biting down on trembling lips. Startled, he looked down, quickly jerking back his foot from where he had brought it down on top of hers. She took a shuddering gasp. Then –

"VAAAASHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

He clamped a hand over her mouth. Too late.

Up and down the hallway, for the umpteenth time that night, lights went on and doors opened as irritated sleepers stuck their heads out. Seeing Vash and Meryl wrapped only in a sheet, arms around each other and startled looks on their red faces, most began to grumble.

"Keep it down!"

"Get a room!"

"Perverts!"

"I thought I recognized those screams." Mildred, tight hair rollers in place, hands clamped firmly over young Jimmy's eyes, scowled derisively at Meryl. "And in your condition! Have you no shame?"

"Oh, Mr. Vash! Meryl!"

They turned to see Milly standing in the open doorway of her room, staring blankly back at them. She suddenly broke into a self-conscious smile. "Oh! Oh, I… I suppose this means you'll want to be alone together tonight. Good night!"

She quickly shut and locked the door. The others followed suit, and soon the lights went out again.

Meryl stood there blinking in astonishment. What just happened?

"So…" She turned to see Vash grinning sheepishly down at her. "I guess this means you'll be sleeping with me tonight?"

He managed not to scream too loudly when Meryl brought her foot down on top of his. Hard.

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