Chapter Ten
'Dear Mom
I just want to say how sorry I am for taking off again. This time I have no real reason to. I'm chickening out for no good reason. I guess I should state what's going on. Besides me running away that is. Anyways I don't really know what's going on with me. Maybe I really am depressed? I don't know the stupid therapist won't tell me anything. Honestly I love you but being here I can't breathe, I've been having nightmares and really bad anxiety. I feel as if everyone is staring at me like they know my past or something. I've been on edge for a while now and tonight I've officially snapped.
I've been having really bad nightmares where I've told you life changing news and you didn't accept it and kicked me out. You sent me back to Russell who just beat me. I know it's only a bad dream but it feels so real.
I'm also sick in the middle of the night after a dream. I wake up crying then I go to throw up. I want it all to stop. I also just want to crawl into bed with you where you would hold me; rocking me telling me everything is fine till I fall asleep again. When I wake up again you'll be sleeping but still holding me in your arms. I want that. Before you ask Blaine knows a little bit of what's been going on. I haven't told him anything other than the very basics of everything-he doesn't even know this letter exists or that I ran away.
I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I never meant to and I know you've been trying so hard these last few months to make up for the summer. I didn't want to do this but I felt as if I needed to breathe. I'm sorry if you don't trust me anymore.
If you need me I'll be with Fran and Coop. If you're wondering why I went there it's because for some reason that house always makes me calm. I don't know why, it just does. Encase your wondering; no I don't want to live with them instead. It's you I want. Their house just makes me feel safe. Everyone needs at least one safe space in their lives right? Well that's mine like Blaine's is Dalton.
Don't worry I'm safe. I always am. I'll be back Christmas eve I guess with them. I guess you're gonna make me talk right? Again I'm sorry I never meant for this to happen I just needed to be able to breathe again; I wanted to feel normal. That's about the best I can explain it.
I suck at explaining things. I guess that's something else for me to work on right? Please don't be mad at me even though you have every right to. I love you I really do even if I suck at sharing my thoughts and feelings.
I love you,
Quinn
Judy was rereading her daughter's letter for about the tenth time that day when the front door opened and she heard little kid voices. Then hearing her oldest daughter's. She knew from that phone call early this morning that they'd be here a day early. She also knew of their plans to drop Quinn off and go back out for a few hours to leave them time to talk. Cooper was the first one in the kitchen with Elsa who leapt out of his arms at the sight of her grandmother.
"Nana! Why didn't you come visit is with auntie Quinn? Again? You never come and visit!" Judy laughed at the girl who sat in her lap.
"Well Aunt Quinn doesn't tell me she goes to visit you so she gets in trouble when she does that. I don't come visit you because I don't have the time sweetheart. I'd love to but I'm so busy trying to keep your aunt out of trouble that it's a full time job." Judy answered with making the girl laugh while Cooper smirked.
He didn't say anything he just leaned against the kitchen counter and watched. His wife would find him shortly that much he knew. After she sent Quinn upstairs to change and locating Blaine to tell him about their plans so Quinn and Judy could talk.
Sure enough Blaine came into the kitchen a few minutes later dressed to go out followed by his wife. His son nowhere in sight.
"Where's Tony?" Cooper asked.
"In the washroom. We can leave when he's finished." Fran explained giving her mom a hug.
Some time after everyone had left leaving Judy and Quinn they sat on the couch together uncomfortable.
"Sweetheart talk to me please. I need to try to understand you. You can't keep running away." Quinn took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak.
"It was okay at first then that stupid doctors appointment ruined it all mom. My nerves are basically shot, I know it's stupid and everything but I just don't know how to tell you what's wrong." Quinn explained feeling the tears rolling down her face and her mother reaching over to wipe them away.
"Sweetie what could possible be so bad that you're afraid of telling me? You had no problems with telling me that your father was cheating on me." Quinn shrugged.
"I don't know mom. I mean you didn't exactly believe me at first and it took you months to even do anything about that. I'm afraid that you'll kick me out. I know you won't but I know if Russell still lived with us I'd be out of here in a heartbeat." Quinn bit her lip watching her mom get so upset.
"I made it up to you didn't I?" At Quinn's nod she continued.
"So again what is it that you're so afraid of telling me?" Quinn sighed.
"I um wrote another letter to tell you. Can I let you read that instead?" Judy nodded; she much rather her daughter tell her in person but if this was the only way then she'd accept it.
She watched her daughter get up and disappear from eyesight for a while before before coming back with a letter, this time no envelope.
"I uh had this written for weeks but I could never show you. I guess I'm out of options. Please don't read this til I'm out of the room okay? I don't want to see your reaction." Judy just nodded and took the letter once again she watched her daughter walk out of the room; this time toward the kitchen.
Judy stared at the letter for a few moments before actually opening it and read it.
'Dear Mom
I don't know if you already know or not but anyways here's what's up. I'm choosing to tell you in this letter because I'm afraid of looking at your face. I'm afraid of your reaction. At the time of writing this letter only Blaine knows. I couldn't keep a secret from him. You know that. It's why he's spending so much time here. It's to keep an eye on me. He actually told me if I haven't told anyone by New Years he'd do it himself. I guess he kind of is my brother. Protecting me then threatening to tell on me.
Here's something you should know. It leads to something else as well. I'm no longer a virgin. Surprise! I got drunk over the summer and well I guess I agreed to it I don't know. Also I should tell you that you're gonna be a grandmother again. No Fran isn't pregnant again-she'd tell you before me. I'm pregnant. The doctor told me at that appointment you made go to. I should have told you right away I know but I was scared still am. At the appointment I found out I was pregnant only a few weeks along. I wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't forced me to go. I have proof.
When it happened? Yeah it was that Halloween party I went to just before we moved here back in October. I got drunk and I don't know what happened. All I know is that the doctor told me I was so I guess I gotta believe him right?
I'm sorry if I disappointed you again, I'm sorry if I can't be the perfect daughter. I'm sorry if I screwed up I still love you even if you don't love me anymore.
Love, Quinn'
Judy reread the letter twice more just to see if her eyes were playing tricks on her before standing up and moving toward the kitchen where Quinn waited. Sitting down across from her daughter at the table she stared at her waiting for her to speak.
"So I guess you read the letter huh?" Quinn asked her eyes never leaving the glass of water she was slowly drinking.
"I did. Is this why you've been so distant lately?" Quinn nodded.
"You've known for what a month and a half and you're now just telling me? After Blaine and I'm assuming your sister knows?" Again Quinn nodded, not trusting her words while holding back tears.
"Why didn't you tell someone you had sex in the first place? We could have avoided this had you told someone." Quinn shrugged; the truth was she had never even thought about telling anyone.
"It never came to mind. I couldn't exactly walk up to you and be like oh hey mom guess what I had sex last night. Will you give me birth control?" Judy sighed; Quinn had a point.
"You still should have told someone." Quinn shrugged.
"You said you had proof?" Quinn nodded and reached into her pocket pulling out a photo handing it to her mother.
"So this is actually happening then?" Quinn nodded; that was supposed to be her line.
"Have you thought of anything?" Quinn shrugged.
"Not really. It's all depending on your actions and thoughts. Your house; your rules." Quinn stated.
"Your body, your child, your choice Quinn." Judy replied.
"It's okay to be scared. It's natural but you have to start growing up. You cannot act like a child if you choose to go through the rest of this pregnancy and raise your child." Quinn nodded letting the tears free.
"Bella pretty much said the same thing." Judy raised her eyebrow.
"Just how many people know?" Judy asked hurt that she was clearly the last to know.
"Blaine was the first one to find out I told him so I'd have someone to talk to. Bella found out on her own a few weeks ago and I told Fran and Coop last night." Quinn answered truthfully.
"And why did all these people know before me?" Quinn shrugged.
"I needed to tell Fran and Coop so they'd let me stay. Bella found out cause she recognized the signs and like I said I told Blaine." Judy shook her head.
"I would ground you but that would do nothing. Right now though I want you to know that even though I am disappointed in your actions Lucille I still love you. I promise nothing will happen. This will be your house for as long as you choose it to be. I know we had our issues before but I promise you I will ALWAYS love you. I know I've done wrong with you in the past but I'm hoping we can work past that." Quinn took a shaky breath and nodded.
She knew that now that everyone in her family knew she could feel lighter. She could just breathe and let everything else work through on their own time. She could stop hiding secrets. Stop feeling so guilty.
"Has Bella been taking care of you Lucy?" Back to Lucy then. That was a step in the right direction.
"Yeah. She's been watching me like a hawk when I'm with her. Making sure I eat right and everything." Judy nodded glad her former step-daughter was taking care of her little sister.
"I really am glad you two are getting along. I moved you here so you could get to know her. I could have easily moved closer to Fran, Cooper and the kids but then you wouldn't even think of getting to know Bella and that wouldn't be fair on her at all." Quinn nodded; that much she knew.
"I didn't want to at first. I was just so angry it's why I started acting out. When I calmed down I realized that Bella didn't ask for any of this she just wanted to get to know the family she missed out on. That's why I decided on coffee dates or well Tea in my case. Her sister has basically inserted herself into the role of best friend for me. I told you about her remember? Brittany?" Judy understood; it was her fault that Quinn had been acting out.
"Yes I remember hearing about Brittany. She was the blonde girl at your sectionals a few weeks ago right?" Quinn nodded.
"The blonde one that clearly knew the dance better then most of us?" Judy laughed and nodded.
"Well there's only one other blonde besides you so yes her. Now go upstairs and wash your face. Everyone will be back soon and you don't want the kids to see you like this. From now on your bedtime is ten pm got it? I'll make an exception when your sister is here but once she leaves its bed by ten." Quinn nodded and kissed her mother on the cheek before heading upstairs to clean herself up.
Quinn washed her face of everything quickly and changed into her pj's before heading back downstairs to see her mom flicking through the TV. Sitting down beside her mom she bit her lip for a moment before asking.
"Mom can we watch a movie together?" Judy looked over at her youngest and smiled the next few years would be hard but she'd manage.
"Sure what are you thinking?" Quinn shrugged before looking over at the DVD rack. She walked over and pulled out a movie she had always loved.
Putting the disc in, she cuddled up to her mom pulling the blanket around herself thinking that she shouldn't worried so much to begin with and just tell her mom. They watched the movie in silence for the next little while Judy rubbed her daughter's scalp lulling her into a peaceful sleep.
Judy sat there watching the movie with her daughter although her mind was on other things. She still had to talk to her daughter clearly but they would have plenty of time to talk in the upcoming days and months. Although sooner would be better. She continued to watch the movie lost in her thoughts unaware Quinn was asleep. An hour into the movie everyone walked in. Judy had figured out her daughter was sleeping only a few minutes prior quieted them down.
"Quinn's asleep. Cooper can you take her up to bed? I'll talk to you three once these two are asleep for the night." Cooper nodded and picked up Quinn carrying her upstairs while Blaine helped his sister-in-law get the two kids upstairs and ready for bed themselves after all it was late.
Blaine quickly made his way into his room he quickly changed and headed back downstairs to figure out if Judy was mad at him or not. He would sleep with Quinn tonight but he knew that either one of the kids would crawl into bed with him and Quinn or Quinn would crawl into bed with her mom at some point during the night.
When Quinn woke a few hours later after being sick she quickly and quietly walked down the hall to her mom's room where she found her asleep. She slowly slipped into the room and crawled into bed before falling asleep again just barely feeling her mom pull her closer in her sleep almost as if she knew Quinn was there.
End Chapter