Bella's alarm went off at seven. She grabbed her phone to shut off the alarm and was blinded by the brightness of the screen. Her eyes were dry. Her joints hurt. Her head felt like it was being crushed by a hydraulic press.
"I didn't… water…" she croaked. Her mouth was dry as a desert and tasted awful. She would have to fuss at Rosalie later for not making her drink water before she went to sleep. Of course, that would be after she apologized again.
Her phone was flashing at her to let her know that she had several messages, but there was no way she was going to be able to look at them right away. Instead, she tossed her phone aside and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She was still wearing Edward's shorts. She eyed the hoodie he had let her borrow that was still hanging over the back of a chair in the corner of her room.
I should just start actively stealing his clothes at this point.
With much effort, she stood up. Gravity pushed down hard. She knew that the moment she opened her bedroom door, she would be exposed to sunlight, and she would burn up like a vampire.
Do the Cullens burn up in the sun? she wondered, realizing she had never asked.
Bella took a deep breath and turned the doorknob. Light streamed into her bedroom from the hallway window. She hissed and closed her eyes. Slowly, she opened them again, letting them adjust to the light. Carefully, she walked down the stairs to the kitchen. Charlie was sitting at the table, reading the paper as usual.
"Sorry I got home so late last night," he said. "I was gonna wake you up to let you know I was back, but I decided it was better to let you sleep."
"It's fine," she said, opening the fridge and grabbing a Gatorade, the ultimate hangover cure, to replenish those electrolytes.
"We were out late investigating the deaths of several hikers. It's not exactly uncommon for people to die in the woods, but five different people have died in the past two weeks. Animal attacks. Real gruesome."
Bella froze as she was uncapping the bottle. "Wow, that's terrible…"
The ghouls…
"Not only that, but there's been a lot of murders in Seattle lately. State police think it's a serial killer. Initially they were just disappearances, but a few of the bodies turned up in the bay. Sorry, this isn't great breakfast conversation."
"You're good," she said, grabbing a pack of pop-tarts. "Sounds really bad."
"It is," he said, setting down the paper. "Bella, please promise me that you'll be careful. It looks like things are getting dangerous around here, and I don't want you getting hurt. God, if Renee knew, she'd be dragging you back to Arizona."
"Please, don't make me think about that," she said. "I promise I'll stay safe, dad."
He reached over and picked up a small canister that was sitting on the table. "This should help."
"Pepper spray? Dad, I don't really-"
"Take it. It'll make me feel better."
Bella smiled and took the canister from him, slipping it into her pocket. It wouldn't do much against the real threat, but it would make Charlie feel better. "Alright. Thanks, dad."
"Just doing my job," he said, grinning.
Bella headed back upstairs with her minimalist breakfast of orange Gatorade and brown sugar cinnamon pop-tarts to get dressed before Edward showed up; there would be no time to take a shower, so she was just going to go to class feeling super nasty and worry about getting clean later. She searched her backpack for the bottle of aspirin she carried around and took two to ease her hangover. She also dug a pair of sunglasses out of her half-unpacked suitcase.
"Never thought I'd need these here," she said, slipping them on.
She cut the brightness down on her phone to read her notifications. Edward had sent her twenty texts. They were all riddled with poor spelling and were barely coherent, but she could tell that he had been trying to apologize. The latest one was sent around five in the morning. It was the only one that was properly typed.
"i'm really sorry about last night. i definitely shouldn't have started drinking with you. i'm a bad influence and i should be more careful in those kinds of situations"
Bella sighed. There was no point in typing out a reply because she would see him in ten minutes. She didn't want him to beat himself up over her problems.
Right on time, his Volvo pulled into her driveway. She grabbed her backpack and headed out to the car, saying goodbye to Charlie on her way out. To her surprise, Edward wasn't driving; he was curled up in the backseat looking at his phone. Alice was in the driver's seat.
"Hey," said Bella as she climbed into the back with him.
"Hey," he responded, not looking up.
"Listen, I know you're upset with yourself, but it's really not your fault," she said.
"No, no, it is," he said, pushing himself up in his seat. "I could've diffused that whole situation but I decided to encourage a bad habit instead because I'm an alcoholic piece of shit."
"Edward. Come on. I'm not mad."
"You should be, though!"
"I'm not. We both made our mistakes. You need to stop trying to put all the blame on yourself."
He stared at the back of Alice's headrest as they rolled down the road and out of Forks. Houses turned into endless pine trees, darkness peeking between their trunks. Heavy rain started to fall. Alice cut on the windshield wipers, giving a rhythm to the silence inside the car.
"Edward," Bella said once she realized he wasn't going to say anything. "You can't blame yourself for my problems. So, you fucked up. You totally could've said no to me last night. But you didn't, and you can't change that, and we're here now. I'm okay. You're okay. I talked to Rosalie last night and I'm pretty sure we're okay, but I'm going to talk to her again today just to make sure. Everything's fine."
"Okay. Okay," he said, nodding. "Okay."
"By the way, why aren't you driving?"
"He was still a bit tipsy when we left this morning," answered Alice. "He kept drinking after you left."
"Of course." Bella looked out the window. "God, it's really raining. With this hangover, I'm not complaining."
"Yeah, but it's gonna be super sunny tomorrow. You'll have to get someone else to give you a ride," said Alice.
"Oh shit, that's right. What happens to you guys in the sunlight?" Bella asked.
Alice started to giggle. "Well, we don't catch on fire if that's what you were thinking. It doesn't really hurt us at all, but it does do something really interesting."
Bella raised a brow. "What does it do?"
"I'm not gonna tell you. You can come over tomorrow afternoon and see for yourself. It's pretty wild."
"Alright then."
Alice drove just as fast as Edward, if not faster, so they arrived forty-five minutes before their class started (Bella didn't complain about her driving speed because she knew Alice wouldn't listen to her). It was still pouring, so they stayed in the car and watched the rain fall, Edward playing DJ with moody music that suited the weather. Eventually, Rosalie pulled up with Jasper and Emmett in the other car. Bella wanted to talk to her, but the rain kept them divided, both groups sitting in their respective cars. When it was time to go, Edward produced an umbrella for him and Bella, Alice sporting her own. They walked together to communications while Rosalie walked off in a different direction to her own class.
Bella spent communications trying to sneak a peek at Edward's speech, which he was doing his best to hide from her.
"I told you that you have to wait," he said, smacking her hand as she tried to snatch one of his papers away.
"But it's gotta be very good if you're hiding it from me!"
"It's a speech, Bella. What's yours about?" he asked.
"I feel like I shouldn't tell you."
Edward narrowed his eyes. "Oh, c'mon."
"It's about reading critically versus reading for pleasure," she said. "And you can't see it, since you won't let me look at yours."
"I wasn't going to ask," he said.
"Can I see it?" Alice asked Bella.
"Sure, Alice," Bella said sweetly, looking at Edward while she handed her draft over to his sister.
Edward rolled his eyes and went back to work.
In bio, they were being prepped for the lab they would have on Friday. It was something Edward had never done before, so they actually had to pay attention for once (normally, they goofed off during lectures and Edward would guide them through whatever they had to do during labs). It was boring, and all Bella could think about was talking to Rosalie.
Lunch was eaten indoors due to the torrential downpour that was still going on.
"I know I've lived in Arizona for most of my life, but I've never seen it rain for this long, even here," said Bella, watching the water slam against the cafeteria windows.
"Get used to it. We have days like this, and then we have weeks like this," said Edward.
Bella took the time to stop by Jessica and Angela's table to tell them that she would need a ride tomorrow. They were ecstatic to have her riding with them again.
"You have to tell me about the Cullens, Bella," said Jessica, winking.
"Uh, sure," Bella responded awkwardly. Edward, standing a few feet away talking to Jasper, snickered as he heard what Jessica had said.
She excused herself from the conversation with the humans to go talk to Rosalie before English.
"Hey, I know I apologized a trillion times last night, but I thought it might mean a little more coming from a sober me," said Bella. "I really went off on you, and then I went and got drunk, and that was just terrible behavior all around. You didn't deserve that, and I'm sorry for the way I acted."
Rosalie smiled. "I told you I wouldn't hold it against you."
"I know, I remember. I wasn't that drunk. Still, sober apology. There you go."
"Sober apology accepted. Shall we head to class?"
She was amazed that things were going so well for her with Rosalie. She had expected the blonde to be at least a little upset with her, but she had brushed it off like it was nothing. It definitely made things easier on Bella, who probably would have shattered into pieces if Rosalie got mad at her again.
"Since we seem to be really into second chances, why don't we try hanging out again tomorrow?" Bella asked. "I'm asking you that, but technically Alice already invited me over so I'll be at your house anyways."
"That sounds like a good idea."
"Awesome."
"Now, are you ready for this quiz?" asked Rosalie.
"Um, duh. Piece of cake," said Bella as they walked into the classroom.
And it was. The identifications were easy and the essay questions were fairly simple. After it was over, Bella talked about it with Rosalie and Angela, who both agreed that it wasn't hard at all.
"Honestly, I could do with something a bit tougher," said Angela. "But this is a community college."
"Are you planning on transferring?" Bella asked.
Angela nodded. "I'm actually thinking about going to art school to major in photography."
"Oh shit, that's really cool. Good luck with that, dude."
"What about you?"
Angela had asked the dreaded question. Bella tensed up, and Rosalie noticed.
"Uh, well, I'm not super sure right now. I know I want to get my associates, and then I guess I'd try to transfer and maybe major in English?" Bella was starting to sweat.
"You seem like the English major type," said Angela. "And you, Rosalie?"
"I'd like to transfer out. I want to be an engineer."
"Really? I never pegged you as an engineer. Then again, I don't know you that well," said Angela, laughing awkwardly.
"No, I agree with you, Ang," said Bella. "An engineer?"
"Bella, you might know me better than Angela, but you don't know me that well," said Rosalie, smirking.
Bella had to admit that she was right. Technically, they'd only been friends for a day, if you could even call it that. Somehow, though, Bella felt like she had known Rosalie for years.
"You got me there, my dude," said Bella, snapping her fingers. "Also, I think this is our stop?"
They had arrived at the Cullens' cars. Angela waved goodbye and walked over to meet with the others at Tyler's van. As usual, Edward was sitting in the trunk of his Volvo. Today, he was blasting tunes through the stereo loud enough for the whole parking lot to hear. Bella could see a group of students dancing to his music across the way.
"You're a regular DJ. Do you do birthday parties?" Bella asked.
"Nah, I just like to sit in parking lots and play Carly Rae Jepsen albums really loud."
"I think that's technically loitering," said Rosalie, crossing her arms.
"Someone's feeling snarky today," he remarked.
"When am I not snarky?"
"Touché."
"You finally good to drive?" Bella joked.
"Yeah, I'm totally fine," he said, looking a little bit burned that she had asked that.
"You should see him when he actually goes on a true bender," said Rosalie. "It's a real mess."
"June of 1975 is a blur. October of 1981 is a total blackout," he said.
"That's… impressive," said Bella.
"It's dangerous," said Rosalie, suddenly turning serious. "Don't get any ideas. The shit he does isn't healthy."
"Live a little, Rosie," he said, kicking her shin.
Rosalie just glared at him. "Bella, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon." She turned on her heel and walked over to her car.
"Jesus," Edward muttered. "I mean, I am a bad influence, but…"
"You just know how to have fun. Maybe a little too much," said Bella, patting his shoulder. "Look, here comes Alice. Let's get a move on."
On the way back, Bella wondered just how extensive Edward's drinking problem was. She understood it; she had spent most the past few years of her life in an alcoholic stupor. There were whole weekends that she couldn't remember, big chunks of time that she would never be able to recollect. As a vampire, though, there was nothing stopping Edward. Alcohol couldn't kill him. He had probably consumed inhuman amounts of the stuff for days and days on end. Weeks, apparently.
Bella understood her own trauma. What had made him that way?
-X-
Bella rode to and from PC with Angela and Jessica on Thursday. As much as she enjoyed her time with the Cullens, it was relaxing to be around regular human beings for a while. Just as Alice had predicted, it was bright and sunny, and the students were eating it up even though summer was fading away.
"So, the Cullens," Jessica said without an ounce of subtlety on the trip back to Forks after class.
"Oh my god, Jess," said Bella, exasperated.
"You've gotta tell me all their secrets!"
"Have you ever tried talking to them? Like, for real?" Bella asked. "Angela and I literally had a civil conversation with Rosalie yesterday and she lived through it."
Angela nodded, backing her up.
"You've opened them up, though, Bella," said Jessica. "They used to brush everyone off. I did try, trust me."
They have their reasons, Bella thought. "Well, they're normal people. They live in a normal house and they act like a normal family."
"Oh, there's got to be more to it than that!"
"Jessica, I'm telling you they're just regular, chill people. They are very normal."
Bella was only halfway lying. For a family of vampires, they did act like normal people to a certain extent. The thing that truly made them interesting was their supernatural secret, and that was not something Bella wanted to spread around, for both her sake and the Cullens.
"Ugh, that's so boring," said Jessica. "Whatever."
Jessica dropped Bella off at her house where she went inside to drop off her things and came right back out to head to the Cullens'. It was the first time she had driven there herself, and she almost got lost on the way. She missed the turn for the road that they lived on and had to do some fancy maneuvering in the middle of the road to get back to where she was supposed to be.
"Your address is not GPS friendly," she said to Edward when he opened the door to let her in.
"That's intentional," he said, a smug look on his face.
"So, vampires in the sunlight. I've been kept in suspense for over twenty-four hours."
"Rosalie's gonna show you that. You did say you were gonna hang out with her."
"Right, right."
Rosalie was waiting for her on the second floor, leaning against the kitchen counter.
"Bella," she said, composed.
"Rosalie," Bella responded, firing off finger guns and grinning.
Rosalie couldn't help but laugh and shake her head. Bella felt her face heat up slightly. Rosalie's laugh was an almost musical sound, and she would never get tired of hearing it.
They were an awkward pair of people. Bella got along with Edward so well because they were so similar. Rosalie, on the other hand, was Bella's complete opposite. She was always cool, calm, and collected. She took care of herself and her appearance. Rose looked like an angel freshly descended from the heavens when she stood next to Bella, a gremlin with a hangover who just crawled out of a dumpster in hell.
"We're going on a hike," said Rosalie, walking past Bella to the stairs.
"Right now? Damn, you should've told me. I've got on Vans."
"I've got some sneakers you can borrow. We look the same size," said Rosalie, turning around and blurring upstairs, returning in seconds with a pair of shoes. "Try these on."
"Y'all move so fast," Bella grumbled as she tugged off her skate shoes and put on the ones Rose had given her. "They fit."
"Good. Let's go."
Bella jogged down the stairs. Rosalie led her out a back door to their back yard. The clouds had picked this moment to cover up the shining sun, dimming its light and leaving Rosalie unchanged.
"Goddammit, I just want to know!" Bella cried.
"You'll see soon enough," said Rosalie.
She led her across the grass to the trees, taking her up a small path. They walked together in silence, appreciating the sounds of nature around them.
"How far do you want to walk before I just pick you up and run?" Rosalie asked.
"What?"
"We have to walk quite a ways and it'll take, oh, thirty or forty minutes at this pace. Alternatively, I could carry you and we could get there in two."
"While I appreciate the offer, I'd like to keep my dignity for now and walk at least ten or fifteen more minutes before you throw me over your shoulder like a sack of potatoes and haul ass to wherever we're going. To give up now would make me a bad representative of the determination of the human race." Bella paused. "Though, honestly, I'm a lazy-ass, so I don't do us that must justice."
Rosalie giggled, and Bella felt like she might melt if the blonde laughed at one of her snarky comments again.
"Alright, Bella. We'll walk for a little while longer."
And so they did, climbing over fallen trees and weaving through spots where the pines grew thick. After Rosalie helped her scale a small pile of rocks, Bella threw in the towel.
"Okay, the human is giving up," Bella said, raising her hand. "Please, whisk me away to our destination with your very fast vampire legs."
Rosalie bent down, inviting Bella to hop onto her back. She did, and Rosalie wrapped her arms around her thighs. Bella's arms hung loosely around Rosalie's neck. Her face was very close to the back of Rosalie's head, and she couldn't help but sniff her hair. The scent she gave off was nigh intoxicating.
"Alright, here we go. Hold on tight," said Rosalie. She gave Bella a minute to adjust her grip before taking off.
Bella had been in airplanes before, but never had she felt like she was flying like she did in that moment. Everything around them was shooting by in a blur, too fast for her to make out anything but vague shapes. At first, it was mesmerizing, and Bella wondered how it felt to be Rosalie, someone who could move this fast anytime she wanted to. This must be why they drive so fast. Nothing could ever compare to moving at a speed like this.
Then, the motion sickness set in. Bella held on to Rosalie tighter as she began to feel loopy. Luckily, they slowed to a complete stop, and Bella hopped off Rosalie's back before she could even let her down properly. She stumbled over to a nearby tree and bent over, staring at the dirt.
"Are you okay?" Rosalie asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm… fine," Bella said, gasping for breath. "Just a little… gross… feeling… Need a… minute…"
Bella stood there, breathing heavy and dry heaving for a few minutes before she recovered.
"Sorry, I didn't realize-"
"No, you're good. That was amazing. It was just… a little much. Like riding a rollercoaster that's going at the speed of light. I think I could get used to it, though. Now, where are we?"
Bella looked at their surroundings for the first time. They were deep in the forest, far away from civilization, surrounded by the moss-covered trees that had always mystified her as a child. To her left was a steadily flowing river—the Sol Duc. They had arrived at a secluded spot on its banks where the river was calm and overshadowed by the surrounding forest. Bella looked around in awe, amazed that a place like this existed. It felt like something out of a fantasy novel.
"Rosalie, this… This is beautiful."
"This is where I come to think," she said. "I haven't ever brought anyone here before."
Bella's heart went up into her throat. "R-really?"
"Really."
Bella couldn't process what was happening. Rosalie, a beautiful woman, so far out of her league that it was laughable that she was even crushing on her, had brought her to her special place, where she had never brought anyone else. Rosalie, the most beautiful vampire on the planet, who could have anyone she wanted, had brought Bella somewhere she only went to be alone.
"I… I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything."
Rosalie walked over to the riverbank and sat down. She took off her socks and shoes and let her feet dangle in the water. Bella watched her do this, and then did the same. She splashed her feet in the cool water, scaring away a few tiny fish.
"I lived in Arizona for most of my life," said Bella, looking at her warped reflection in the river. "It was dry and empty. You go out into the desert and everything pretty much looks the same. And it's hot as fuck. Whenever I came to Forks to stay with dad, I was amazed. I'd spend hours playing outside in the woods. It was awesome, like some kind of Lord of the Rings shit. Even the beaches at La Push seemed like a fantasy world to me." She chuckled. "I guess it actually is, in a way, with you guys and the pack running around, not to mention those ghouls… My point is, this place, these woods have always felt like an escape from the real world to me."
Rosalie was staring at her intently, but Bella's gaze remained fixed on the water.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is… my fantasy has turned into a reality. I've entered a whole new world of things I don't understand, and as scary as it can be, I love it. The 'real' world has been nothing but awful for me. I wanted a second chance when I moved up here, and I feel like I've really gotten it."
"Bella…"
Bella looked up at the sound of Rosalie's voice. The clouds had blown past, the sun bearing down in full force, illuminating the secluded spot. The river sparkled with reflected light and sunbeams shown through the canopy.
Rosalie was shining.
As if her skin was composed of thousands of tiny crystals, she was refracting the light in a way that made her shimmer and sparkle. Bella was captivated by the sight of her. Brown eyes bore into gold. Bella could no longer hold back her feelings. She had to say something. It was now or never.
"Rosalie… I… You're beautiful," she murmured, unable to look away. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen, and I… I feel… drawn to you in a way that I can't explain. When I see you, my heart…" Bella's mouth remained agape as she struggled to find words to express her feelings. "I don't know how to say it."
"You don't have to say anything," Rosalie said again.
Bella broke her gaze and looked down at the ground, where she had balled up a clump of moss in her fist. "Sorry, I just… There's no way someone like you would be interested in a piece of shit like me."
"That's not true," said Rose. She hadn't meant to say it out loud, but she had. Her feelings had overpowered her and escaped her lips.
Bella's eyes went wide. Her hand relaxed, and she pushed it down into the moss, pressing a handprint into the ground. "You can't mean that."
"Bella, I mean it." Rosalie grabbed her hand. There was no going back now.
"No, I don't… You…" Bella shook her head. "You've seen how I am, Rose. You deserve someone better than me."
"You have no idea what you're saying," said Rosalie. "I promise that I feel the same way."
Bella looked into her eyes again. Rosalie's expression was one of pleading. Bella could see that she was telling the truth.
"Are you… Are you sure?"
"I'm sure." Rosalie smiled slightly. "Besides, you already confessed to me, even though you don't remember it."
"Oh my god, is that what I said to you when I was blackout? Oh my god. I am so sorry. See? I told you I have issues."
Rosalie laughed, the sound of her voice drifting through the woods like bird song. "It's okay, Bella."
Bella laughed a bit too. "I also tend to overreact. About everything."
"I can tell."
Bella smiled, and looked at the river. "This is all well and good, but… I don't know. I need some time to think about stuff. I'm pretty messed up and I'm not sure what I want, if that makes any sense. Never in my wildest dreams did I think you would confess to me."
"It's completely understandable. I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to," said Rosalie, releasing her hand.
"I hate to be this way after I was the one who started all this, but-"
"It's fine, Bella. I promise. You need time to think. It's okay."
"Pinky promise?" Bella asked with a grin.
Rosalie smiled back at her. "Of course. Pinky promise."
They intertwined their pinky fingers. Bella squeezed Rosalie's finger a little tighter than she usually did.
-X-
At home that night, Bella sat alone in her room nursing a can of Rainier after eating dinner with Charlie. Her emotions were all over the place. On one hand, she was elated that Rosalie hadn't spat in her face the moment she had confessed. She was on cloud nine.
But her mind was racing through all the possible scenarios as it always did whenever something important happened in her life. It exhausted all the positive scenarios first and then delved into the endless negative ones.
Anxiety was a bitch. Bella couldn't do anything about it. Within the span of an hour, she went from walking on sunshine to being absolutely convinced that Rosalie was toying with her.
There's no way a girl that pretty is being real. She's just leading you on. She'd date you for a week and then dump you in front of the entire student body and insult you. She'd spread lies about you. She'd…
Bella crushed the empty beer can as her thoughts spun out of control.
"I've got to stop," she mumbled. "I've got to stop thinking about it, I want to stop. I want it to stop!"
She hurled the can across the room. It bounced off the opposite wall with a clang and fell to the floor. Bella held her head and rocked back and forth on her bed, tears of frustration running down her face.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"
She got up from the bed and threw open her closet, rummaging through the mess in the floor, searching for what she had asked Edward to get her. He had given it to her in a canvas tote bag before she left the house earlier today: a fifth of Captain Morgan and a fifth of Pinnacle. She went downstairs to the kitchen, poured herself a glass of orange juice, and went back upstairs. On her desk, she opened the Pinnacle and poured one, two, three shots into the glass, making herself a screwdriver. She knocked back half of it right away. She could taste the vodka.
"Homework, I'll do homework," she said, sitting down at her desk and opening up her laptop.
Homework was more reading for both English and American history and more speech research. She opened the PDF file of the history reading and pulled up the Google doc she and Jasper were using to share notes. By the time she reached the bottom of the screwdriver, it tasted like vodka with a slight hint of OJ. History reading finished, she went back to the kitchen for another glass of juice for another screwdriver. She added some notes to the doc and looked over Jasper's. The second screwdriver got her through another book of Paradise Lost. Too lazy to go back downstairs, she took bottle pulls as she worked on writing her speech.
At 2AM, Bella was too sleepy to continue and just a little bit tipsy. A little over a third of the Pinnacle was gone and Bella cursed herself for drinking so much of it in one sitting. Her mind was still telling her that Rosalie was just playing with her.
Bella tossed and turned, a victim of her own thoughts, exhausted and desperate for sleep that wouldn't come. Sometime after five, the sun began to rise, and Bella cried out of frustration as she heard the birds chirping outside her window.
Somehow, she managed to fall asleep for a few hours. Her alarm went off at 8:30, but a blessing had arrived in the form of an email from her bio professor. He was too sick to conduct the lab, so class was cancelled for the day. She also had a text from Edward asking if she wanted to hang out.
Bella mulled over the message. She did want to talk to someone about Rosalie, but she felt that Edward was too connected to the situation. Before she brought it up with him, she wanted to talk to someone entirely removed from it all. She responded with a "maybe later tonight" and then texted Jacob to ask if he was busy.
-X-
"Not in school today?" Bella asked as she walked into Jacob's garage where he was bent over the Rabbit, tweaking some piece of machinery.
"Pack stuff makes school complicated, but luckily the council is working with the Rez school to make sure we aren't penalized for being out all the time. After all, we are keeping people safe. It would be really shitty if someone got killed just because I was forced to go to my chemistry class." He stood up, wiping off the grease on his hands on his t-shirt. "We run patrols in shifts, but today I'm on standby, meaning I'm just sitting around waiting to help out if shit hits the fan. I have a patrol shift tonight. I guess I should be sleeping, honestly, but I wanted to work on this beauty. Haven't gotten to do anything I really enjoy in a while."
"Damn, can I be a werewolf? I want a free pass to skip school."
"It's a lot less fun than it sounds. Try running the same patrol routes over and over for hours every single day and then tell me how you feel."
"Yeah, except you get to be a big ol' dog." Bella sighed. "I swear, all of you guys get to do cool supernatural stuff and I just get to get motion sick from experiencing it."
Jacob raised a brow. "What happened?"
"Rosalie gave me a ride in the woods yesterday and I almost hurled in front of her after she sat me down."
He laughed. "She's the blondie, right?"
"Yeah. Speaking of which, I came over today because I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Well, let's walk and talk. First, let me change out of my grease monkey clothes."
They headed up the hill to the house where Jacob washed off and changed into a clean outfit. Bella, feeling a bit dehydrated, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before they headed outside and began to walk down the road to the beach.
"So, what's up?" he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Well, like I said, I was with Rosalie yesterday. Our relationship has been… tense. I thought she hated me when I first met her. Even after I started hanging out with Edward, she would avoid me. After I found out about the Cullens, the whole family was really nice to me except for her, so I thought that I had done something to piss her off."
"Did you?"
"No, not really. At least, I don't think so? She did say she was upset that I found out about the whole vampire thing, but she blamed that on Edward and said she wasn't really mad at me."
"So you guys are on speaking terms now?"
"Yeah, yeah. It was weird. She seemed really pissed off on like, the second day we had class together? Then she was absent for the rest of the week. She came back on Monday and we had a civil conversation for the first time, which was wild. Then on that Friday I almost got crushed by a fucking van and she saved my life, but then she starting avoiding me again. That night I talked to Edward and he told me about all the vampire stuff because like, I basically knew at that point. I went to their house the next day and she was ignoring me again. Now, I did leave out a pretty important detail: the whole time all this is going on I'm really crushing on her. Like, she's gorgeous, Jake. It's ridiculous how pretty she is. The first time I saw her I just lost it. I've never fallen for someone so fast."
"Bella's got a cru-ush~" he teased.
"Let me finish," she said, shooting him a glare. "So she ignores me. I get wasted with Edward and blackout. After that, I start regularly hanging out with the Cullens. Rosalie is still being a bitch, for lack of a better term, and despite that, I'm still weirdly attached to her. A week passes, and then she apologizes to me for acting like that. We hung out on Tuesday, and it was really nice until I went off on her."
"You went off on her?" Jacob asked for clarification.
"Yeah, she really stirred up some shit. I don't want to get into it right now, so let's just say that it was bad. I got mad and went and got drunk with Edward again, which was a stupid idea, but I did it anyways. I apologized to her the next day, and we hung out again yesterday. This is where it really gets wild."
"It's already crazy wild, but keep going," he said, hanging on every word she said.
"She takes me out for a hike and, like I said, gives me a vampire piggy-back ride, which is simultaneously less and more fun than it sounds. I got motion sick and almost vomited in front of her, which was probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. We sit down and talk about stuff and my dumb ass decides to confess my confusing feelings, and here's the fucking kicker: she reciprocates."
"Dude, no way," said Jacob, genuinely surprised. "You're not joking?"
"I am dead fucking serious. My mind is blown. Then, of course, I'm a piece of shit, so even though I'm the one that confessed, I tell her that I need time to think about things. In retrospect, I really don't know what I thought I was doing with that whole situation. I guess I got caught up in the moment and just spilled out my heart to her and then did a complete one-eighty." Bella sighed. "So that's where I am now. I wanted to give myself time to think about it, and now I'm convinced she's just fucking with me and it's all a big joke. Why would she be interested in someone like me, anyways? I'm a depressed piece of shit with awful anxiety issues."
"Nah, man, I think she'd be lucky to have you," said Jacob.
"I don't know, Jake. As much as I want this, my brain keeps telling me that it's too good to be true. I don't want to put myself into another situation where I just end up getting hurt."
"Well, what reason do you have to believe that she's messing with you?"
"She's so far out of my league. For chrissakes, she's a vampire! And she's spent all this time being such an ass to me, it's confusing. For some reason, though, I feel like she was being genuine. I have no evidence, I just… feel it."
The smell of salt grew stronger as they neared the beach. A few steps further and they could see the dark waters of the ocean on the horizon. Waves crashing against the shore gave the silent moment they shared a gentle tone.
"So, I'm definitely not a relationship expert," said Jacob. "I dated one girl in middle school for three days. She broke up with me because I didn't like screamo music." Jacob smirked and Bella stifled a laugh. "However, I do my best to give good advice, and I feel like you have two options here: you can tell her no and spend the rest of your days wondering what would've happened, or you can take this chance and find out. Both options are probably gonna stress you out, but at least if you say yes, you'll know for sure. That and you won't have to be awkward around her whenever you hang out with her siblings. Speaking of which, you should totally talk to Edward about this too since y'all seem to be pretty tight."
Bella nodded. "You're right. I'll probably talk to him tonight. And yeah, there's no easy way out of this."
They had reached the sand. It was overcast, as always, but the final remnants of summer were still lingering. The air was warm and comforting. Bella rolled up the sleeves of her shirt. Jacob took off his sandals as they began to walk towards the water, and she pulled off her Vans as well. Down the beach to their right was a group of teenage boys playing hooky, sitting around a small fire, eating pizza and listening to music. Bella and Jacob sat their shoes down next to a large piece of driftwood and walked forward, letting the cool ocean waves lap at their feet.
"I know them," Jacob said, looking at the group of boys. "We go to school together. Had a few classes with them. I think I played soccer with a couple of them in middle school." He stared at them for a moment, laughing and having innocent fun. Then he looked out over the choppy waters. "It's amazing how fast your life can change. One day you're just a high school student trying to figure out your place in the world, and then next… Well, you're a fucking werewolf, duty-bound to protect people from horrifying monsters crawling through the woods."
"Suddenly you're in a whole new world," said Bella.
"Yeah. Those guys, if I could tell them… They wouldn't understand any of it. It would fly right over their heads, but it's sitting right under their noses. I'm out here keeping them alive, and they probably think I'm just some silly old legend. We're… We're intrinsically different now." Jacob looked at the palm of his hand, which he then closed into a fist. "Obviously, it's a part of growing up, but do you ever feel like things have changed so much that you don't belong anywhere anymore?"
The sky had grown darker, black clouds gathering overhead as the wind picked up. The boys put out their fire and ran back down the beach, pizza box in hand.
"Yeah, definitely. I mean, I feel like the world I grew up in never wanted me to begin with," said Bella. "Maybe we're still figuring out where we belong."
"Maybe."
Thunder rumbled in the distance.
"Fate can be a cruel mistress. You never know what'll happen to you."
-X-
Bella got home at eight after spending the evening at Jacob's. Charlie was asleep in his chair in the living room, so she didn't bother him and went straight to her bedroom. She sent Edward a quick text inviting him over, and he responded with a "sure". She sat on the edge of her bed, waiting to hear someone tapping at the window to be let in.
When it finally came, she walked over and opened the curtains to see Rosalie's face instead of her brothers. Bella's heart dropped to her stomach. This was not what she wanted to deal with right now. Nevertheless, she opened the window and let her in.
"I know you were expecting my brother, but he insisted that I needed to spend more time with you," she said as she climbed inside.
"Yeah, I'm sending him a strongly worded text right now, but please, make yourself comfortable," Bella said as she tapped out an angry message to Edward to let him know that this was the last thing she needed right now.
Rosalie sat down in a rocking chair and Bella took a seat in her desk chair, playing with one of the fidget toys on her desk. Unsure how to proceed, Rosalie decided to make small talk.
"So, how was your day?"
Bella couldn't believe that was where she was going with this, but at least it was something. "Well, pretty good, actually. I work up to find out that bio was cancelled, which was great for me because I got like three hours of sleep."
"You were drinking last night."
"How did you know that?" Bella asked, perplexed.
"I can smell the vodka," she said, pointing to the empty, unwashed glass Bella had been drinking out of the night before.
"Yeah, well, reading Paradise Lost would drive anyone to drink," Bella said.
"I still can't believe that this is your third time reading it."
"Well, I read it in its entirety once. The second time, we read it in high school and we only covered certain parts. I'm so glad this was our last reading assignment for it because I would kill myself if we had to read any more of it again."
Rosalie chuckled. "So, you woke up, and then?"
"Bio was cancelled, so I texted Jacob and we made plans. I slept for another three hours so I could actually function like a human being for the day, and then I fixed a sandwich and drove to La Push."
"I really don't appreciate you going places we can't follow so often," said Rosalie, crossing her arms.
"You guys can't go to La Push?"
"Our treaty with the wolves states that we can't set foot on their land. Of course, they can't come on ours either."
"Oh, right. Edward definitely mentioned that before. Still, I wouldn't worry too much." Bella flicked a bottle cap in the air with her thumb and caught it. "Jacob's already saved my life once, and I have no doubt he'd do it again."
"You seem close with him."
"We've known each other since we were kids because our dads were always good friends. Jake's like a brother to me."
"It's amazing that you've managed to get so wrapped up in all this supernatural business."
"It's really wild," said Bella, flipping the bottle cap again. "Well, you didn't miss much. Jake and I had a very philosophical conversation on the beach. It looked like it was going to storm, so we went back to his house, ordered a pizza, and sat on his front porch to watch the rain."
"I can never tell if you're fond of the weather or disgusted by it," said Rosalie, placing a hand on her chin.
"Constant rain is kinda gross, but I love a good thunderstorm."
"Oh, me too," said Rose, though she seemed to have a different reason than Bella.
"Anyways, I came back home after a while and now I'm here talking to you." Bella spotted the liquor bottles sitting in the back of her closet. "You want a drink?"
Rosalie hesitated. "I don't like to make a habit out of drinking for… personal reasons… but every once in a blue moon, it's fine. What do you have?"
"Rum and vodka. I can fix you a rum and coke, a screwdriver, or a vodka cranberry."
"Vodka cranberry, please."
Bella disappeared downstairs, careful not to wake the still-sleeping Charlie, and returned with two cups, a jug of cranberry juice, and a can of Pepsi. "One vodka cran, coming right up." She fixed Rosalie's drink and handed it to her, then cracked open the can of Pepsi and mixed it with rum for herself.
"So, how was your day?" Bella asked as she sat back down with her drink.
"Well, this morning I went to Port Angeles with Esme and Alice to go grocery shopping. Someone didn't eat all of our food, so we had some things go bad."
"I'm sorry madam, I'll try to eat more next time," said Bella, giving a slight bow.
"When we got back, Emmett was channel surfing, and I ended up watching a House Hunters marathon with him."
"Glad to see vampires are as susceptible to mindless television programming as humans are."
Rosalie scoffed and took a sip of her drink. "After that, I went down to the garage to work on my car-"
"Wait, are you like, a mechanic? Is this where the engineering thing comes in?"
"Yeah, that always surprises people," said Rose. Bella pulled out her phone and began tapping away, typing out a text to someone. "Who are you texting?"
"Jacob. Dude, the two of you would either hate each other or love each other. He's a mechanic too. Built the engine in my truck or something like that. He's fixing up a Volkswagen Rabbit right now for himself." Her phone buzzed as a response came in. "He says 'good to know some bloodsuckers have worthwhile hobbies'."
"He sounds like an ass."
"He's kind of an ass, but I love him all the same." Bella pocketed her phone. "I would ask what you were doing to the car, but I'm sure the reply would be full of mechanic jargon that would go right over my head."
"Probably. I worked on the car for an hour or so before Edward came down and told me I needed to come see you."
"What an idiot," Bella said, taking another sip of her drink.
"What did you want to talk to him about?"
"It's a secret," she replied, putting a finger over her lips. "Not for your ears."
"Fine, I won't pry. I'm not as nosy as he is."
Rosalie stood up and began to walk about the room, Bella slowly turning in her chair to follow the blonde as she inspected the décor.
"Just so you know, I haven't really had a chance to redecorate since I got here. All this stuff is from when I was a kid."
"I assumed so from the handprint turkey on your corkboard."
"Never was much of an artist." Bella got up and stood beside Rosalie, looking at all the pictures tacked to the board. "This is me and dad on a camping trip." She pointed to one photo. "And me graduating from kindergarten. Oh, this is me and Jacob!" Bella pulled the photo off the board, flipping it over to look at the date on the back. "2005. I think that makes me six? And Jacob would've been five."
It was a photo of the two of them taken around Christmas. Bella could tell because they were both wearing Santa hats and posing beside a snowman they had built. The Black house, a brighter red color at the time, was behind them. Bella and Jacob were grinning, both of them missing several teeth. They stood proudly beside their snowman, who was taller than they were.
"Cute," said Rosalie as she inspected the picture. "You were a really cute kid. I wonder what happened."
Bella gave her a light shove. "Oh, leave me alone. I thought you liked me."
As soon as she had said it, she regretted it. An awkward silence fell over the two of them. Rosalie wasn't sure how to respond, and Bella was kicking herself for bringing it up. God, you idiot, why did you have to flirt with her now of all times? Bella was searching her eyes for some kind of sign, anything to tell her what to do, but Rosalie seemed just as panicked as she was.
"Bella, I…" Rosalie started to say. She couldn't find the right words.
Bella hadn't realized that they had gotten so close to each other. Rosalie could feel Bella's breath on her lips. She heard her heart beating at a rapid pace. Rosalie opened her mouth to say something.
She was unable to say anything as Bella pressed her lips against hers.
Bella had always imagined what Rosalie would taste like. Now she knew; mixed in with the vodka and cranberry juice was a sweet peach flavor. Her lips, though cold, were soft.
It was a brief kiss. Unprepared and shocked by what was happening, Rosalie leapt back, flinging herself against Bella's nightstand. Panic in her eyes, she looked at Bella, then bolted past her and leapt out the window. Bella fell back against her desk, her heart racing.
"I fucked up. Fuck, I fucked up!" She began pacing back and forth, downing the remainders of her drink. "Shit, I fucked up. She probably hates me. Shit."
Bella grabbed her phone and began furiously texting Edward, who responded immediately and was in her room in minutes.
"Bella, Bella, calm down," he said. "You'll wake up Charlie. Please, calm down. Sit down."
"I fucked up! I ruined it all, Edward!"
"No, no you didn't," he said, placing both his hands on her shoulders and guiding her to the bed. "Bella, you need to breathe. Take a deep breath for me, okay?" She was shaking, sweating, shivering, and her heart was beating far faster than it should. "You're having a panic attack. I need you to take some deep breaths. You don't have any meds, do you?"
She might have brought them with her, but she couldn't remember where she would have put them, so she shook her head.
"Okay, just sit here. I want you to count to ten for me, slowly. You don't have to do it out loud." He knelt down in front of her, holding her hand and keeping track of her pulse.
"She hates me," Bella mumbled.
"Rosalie doesn't hate you. She was just surprised. She wasn't ready for that to happen yet."
"I fucked up so bad."
"No, Bella, you're okay. Rosalie isn't upset. I talked to her before I got here. She's fine, and she feels bad, but she panicked and ran. Everything's gonna be okay, alright?" Her pulse was slowing down. She continued to take deep, shaky breaths. She was still shivering slightly. Edward squeezed her hand. "Are you feeling better?"
"Yeah… Thanks," she whispered. Edward stood up, but she grabbed his hand. "Please don't leave."
"I'm not, I promise. I'm gonna go get you some water. No more booze tonight. I'll be right back."
Edward carried the cups back downstairs, rinsed them out in the kitchen sink, and got a glass of water for Bella. Charlie remained asleep in his recliner, completely unaware of what was happening. When Edward got back upstairs, Bella had changed into her pajamas and was sitting on the bed holding her knees to her chest. She was staring at the picture of her and Jacob. Edward handed her the glass of water.
"Jacob, right?" he said, pointing to the picture.
"Yeah." Bella wished that she could get him to come over, but she knew he was out running patrols. She couldn't drag him away from protecting the people of La Push.
"Nice snowman," said Edward, taking the photograph and turning it over in his hands. "2005. You were a little baby."
"I was six, I think. Maybe seven. I'm not great at math."
Edward laid the photo on her nightstand. Bella slowly sipped at the glass of water.
"You look exhausted," he said. "Finish that, and I think you should get some sleep."
"Only if you stay," she said.
"I promise I'll stay. Look." He pulled aside the covers and slid underneath. "I'm already all nice and comfy. I'm not going anywhere."
Bella smiled. "Thanks, Edward."
"It's what friends are for."
When Bella finished the glass of water, he placed it on the nightstand for her. He got up, closed the window and the curtains, and cut off the light. When he slipped back under the covers, she hugged him tight.
"Goodnight, Bella," he said, gently patting her head.
"'Night, Edward."
Edward's presence kept her anxiety at bay, and she quickly fell into a deep sleep.
-X-
Edward left the next morning, promising to return later to take Bella over to his house. He ran back home to find Rosalie sitting on the roof, her feet dangling off the edge. He leapt up to join her.
"Edward," she said, acknowledging him without looking at him. She was staring up at the cloudy sky.
"I understand that you were scared," he said. "But you hurt her again."
"I know. I feel awful." She raised a hand to her chest and gripped her shirt tightly, wrinkling the fabric.
"Rose… She's a mess without you. She needs you, and you need her." He paused. "And if you keep running away from her, it doesn't even matter, because she's already a part of this family."
"I know," she said. "The two of you are already attached at the hip, like long lost siblings. I get it." She loosened her grip and looked at her hand. "I don't want to keep running away."
"You did."
"I panicked. You know exactly what happened, you ass. You can read my thoughts. I panicked because I didn't want to hurt her, and I didn't want to let myself get attached, but it was already too late." She touched her fingers to her lips. "I can't ever forget the feeling of her kiss. It's ingrained in my memory."
"I can tell, and it's making me just a little bit uncomfortable," he said.
"I'm sorry, Edward. You know my history with romance. I don't know what I'm doing. This is all new to me, and I have to get used to it."
"You have to communicate that with her, then. If she understands where you're coming from, maybe she won't break down every time you make a mistake like this. She'll understand why. I know this is going to be hard for you, but she has to understand that it's hard too, or she's just going to keep thinking you don't care about her."
Rosalie stood up. "I'll talk to her. Today."
Twenty minutes later, Edward's Volvo pulled into Bella's driveway. Bella, who was dressed and waiting on him, ran outside with a quick goodbye to Charlie the moment she saw the SUV pull off the road. She flung open the passenger side door and jumped into the car, eager for whatever he had had in store for her.
Edward looked at her as he started the car.
"Rosalie wants to talk."