Hi you beautiful people!
I'm pretty much recovered from my surgery now, my body is just healing itself inside. Which means I feel SO much better.
On the downside, I'm working all the weird hours at the moment to support some work my company are doing in New Jersey. I'm in the UK but the time difference is playing havoc with me. 3pm to 11:30pm shifts are not fun. On another positive, I've entered my application to train as an English Teacher! I'm not sure if I'm insane, I will be honest...
Sorry this is a bit late by the way. I've been trying to post for the last 2 days but for some reason I've kept getting a gateway error when I logged in. Strange. Anyway!
Enjoy, and lots of love!
MM-x
Haldir
Haldir watched the sleeping figure from the trees, deciding if it was a good thing to wake her or to leave her be. He looked at the basket of bread and cheese hanging limply by his side, and hoped it would work as some form of peace offering whilst he tried to talk to her.
Taking a steadying breath he walked with some trepidation into the glade and knelt down beside Bernadette, watching her for a moment. Her hair pooled around her, and her closed eyes fluttered as she dreamed. Closed eyes. She slept like humans did. Haldir wondered if she realised that her own kindred rested with eyes open, always on guard.
"Lady Bernadette, wake." He whispered, shaking her gently. "Lady, wake up." He raised his voice a little more.
"Five more minutes..." she mumbled, rolling onto her side, her hand groping for covers that did not exist. He leant back as she sat up quickly, looking around, startled. Her face crunched and she spoke in her own language for a moment. How strange it sounded, a mixture of those human languages he knew and some other mixture of tongues, including what he thought might be an amalgamated elvish dialect. He remained quiet until her eyes focused on him.
"Haldir." She looked guarded as she took in his appearance.
"Lady Bernadette." He said, equally careful. He bowed his head to her in greeting, and slowly she did the same. He held out the small basket, and she took it timidly. "I have not poisoned it." He said lightly, chuckling at her expression. "Truly, I have not. I would be strung from the treetops by my dear brothers if I did so."
He knew this was the moment. She examined the basket briefly before rolling her eyes and placing the basket between them, taking a roll.
"I suppose. Can't be too careful." She mumbled finally, making him grin again.
"True; that is true enough." He took a piece of bread and ripped off a crust, popping it in his mouth and eating it, as if to prove a point. She did the same, giving him an awkward smile before tearing the bread and placing it down to get some cheese.
"Haldir, I don't know why you're here, or why you come bearing food – thank you, by the way. Has Rumil set you up to it?" She asked warily but with less discomfort. That was at least something.
One of his eyebrows rose lazily, and he shook his head. "Rumil? No, I have not seen him since he brought you here earlier this morning. It was rather... your hair, that started the whole thing off." He gestured to the dark hair that fell in uneven waves. She clearly hadn't made any further attempt to cut it since he had trimmed the edges.
Her eyes widened. "Oh, bugger." She dropped the piece of cheese she was eating and her hands flew to her head. "Well, shit."
"Indeed. The last time I saw you, your hair was..." he motioned to his neck. "...this long. Now it nearly reaches your waist in but a month."
"So I guess you want an explanation?" She looked at him curiously as he shook his head. "You don't want an explanation? Who are you, and what have you done with Haldir?" She asked suspiciously.
"I... Galadriel." He offered by way of an explanation. Her mouth formed an 'O' shape for a moment, and then she folded her arms with a hiss, glaring at him.
"For goodness' sake, really? You really went to the Lady? And what, Captain Haldir, did she tell you?" She was angry, and he supposed he could understand why. He had been somewhat hasty in his decisions, but then he rather always had been.
"She told me of your family, and where you come from. Of how much you have experienced." He said, not wanting to recall the whole conversation. He did not know how much she knew and in turn was meant to know.
To his utter surprise she did not raise her voice at him, simply sitting for a moment in silence. "Why didn't you just ask me? I would have told you the real truth, if you'd asked me again. Your brothers are aware, you know, and with this evidence against me," She unfolded her arms to wave a lock of her hair, "I couldn't have lied to you. I didn't really lie to you before, just rearranged the truth of it. My parents raised me to be better better than that."
"I... I was too unsure as to if I would be permitted to." He said the words through clenched teeth to hide his shame. He clearly did not succeed, as her eyes and the lines around her mouth softened.
"You didn't have to run to Galadriel. I would have been willing to talk, as long as you didn't start shouting and attempt to throttle me." She laughed awkwardly. She picked at a blade of grass silently, rolling it between her fingers. "I'm not usually so argumentative, by the way. I was so stressed out the day we met. Exhausted, cold, wet, stressed out and frustrated at everything. I hadn't been here all that long, at that time"
"I could not have guessed." He said dryly, eating a little more. "I was no better, but alas, I have no excuse. I am a foul-tempered elf who doesn't always know when cease."
"At least you admit it." She laughed, a real laugh, which startled him. "Oh, don't look so shocked, I do laugh. Sometimes. Around the right people." She rolled her eyes and ate some more of the cheese she had rescued. "This is really good by the way, better than the stuff that your brothers brought for me."
"I should hope so, it cost twice the amount." She looked quizzical. "Everything has a price – we do usually trade but some of us, like myself, have no tradable skills."
"Really?" Bernadette examined the cheese more closely. "It's like a mature cheddar."
"Not quite, but I suppose it is the most comparable you might know. It is not quite as long lasting, hence the price. Not many are paid aside from those of us who are wardens as we do not usually need it, but it keeps things fair and the money can be exchanged on those rare occasions when we purchase from other localities."
"Fascinating. I was about to ask your brothers how I'm supposed to make my way one they headed back to work. Do I need to get a job?" She joked.
"Of sorts, I suppose. Everyone needs an occupation. You could assist in one of the taverns, or in the bakery perhaps. Many elves no longer feel the need to learn the arts of making good bread, myself included." He grimaced. "My mother would be ashamed."
"I might do that then, someone should show me where to go. Bread I can make until the end of time; cakes and pastry too if anyone feels the need for a sweet treat." Bernadette offered with an open smile.
"I will of course pass the message on." They sat in a mostly comfortable silence for a few moments before Haldir decided to take the plunge and clear the remaining tension. "I sincerely apologise for my behaviour that day when we first met. In all seriousness, I cannot begin to fathom how you must have felt at the time. I hope that you are at least a little more settled?"
She looked genuinely surprised. "There is nothing to forgive, I bloody awful to you. I deserved it and worse!" She flushed a little. "I'm getting there, but I'm unfortunately finding myself out of friends as of tomorrow."
"All the more reason for you to work, then. You really do not wish to rely on my brothers for any long-term assistance." He said drily. "I should know, after all." She chuckled at that and they sat together again, this time simply to absorb what had just been said.
"Haldir." She said suddenly. "Did you... did you know my Father?"
At that very moment he wished for all the world that he did, but he shook his head. "No, I did not. I knew of his tale but I never knew the truth, nor did I meet him. Some of my other wardens spoke to him from time to time, I understand. I will see if they recall him, if you wish?"
"Okay." She said simply, looking up at him and into his eyes for the first time since he appeared in the glade. "Thank you for telling me the truth." She offered a small smile, but he did not notice it for the pain in her eyes. They were deep with emotion, and he thought that the falls were working the magic Galadriel had once offered him – pulling her thoughts to the surface and helping her to make peace with them.
"It is the worst pain you will ever feel, to loose a parent." He said before he could stop himself. "No battle wound, no accidental or... intended physical pain will ever match it." He was focused on her eyes, the interesting green-grey that were so unlike his own kindred from Lothlorien. He did not comfort, he did not hide the truth.
"No matter how you push it away, force it into submission, the pain is never-ending. It touches every part of your life in some way, and makes you hurt more. Yet if you let the pain come and release it as you should, time becomes a healer." He rolled up the sleeve of his tunic, showing her a puncture wound from an Orc arrow. "300 years ago I was wounded, and it went straight to the bone. It was sheer agony for days, weeks, months. It took nearly a year to heal fully because it was laced with poison, and we did not realise until flesh had been eaten away." He stopped, wincing as he probed his fingers into the surrounding muscle. "My foolishness means now that it still aches from time to time. You must not let grief become like that poison, it must be purged from your system so you can heal."
She gently reached out, something changing as she supported his arm to study it. Curiosity caught her and she turned his arm over, tracing finer scars that had come from swords and daggers, most from his training as a younger elf or from tumbling fights with his brothers.
"I can't fight like you can." she said. "It gets too much too often, physically." Bernadette looked up at him, noticing he was watching her intently. "How do you keep going?"
"My brothers. We relied on each other as we dealt with our Father's death, and then when our Mother sailed west to wait for him. She nearly faded." He was clinical, too clinical as he spoke.
"Orophin never told me he died." She said quietly, and she rested her hand on his. It was surprising the comfort he found in the gesture.
"I did not think he had. I wished for you to know." He bowed his head, closing his own eyes for a moment and setting his jaw firmly. "You are not the only one to have lost a parent whom you loved more than your life."
"I never said I was." she said. He heard the change in her voice and he took a breath, feeling uncomfortable. Haldir was of absolutely no use with tears. Abysmal, even. This was certainly not the direction he had hoped for their conversation to go.
"You thought you were." Haldir countered, head still bowed, and she sniffed.
"I suppose the self-pity was perhaps a little indulgent." she said ruefully and he grasped the hand that she had left resting on his. She gripped it back and looked up, her eyes red but a gentle humorous smile tilted her lips. He still did not look up.
"I did not say you were not to feel so. You are not alone, Lady Bernadette; this is all I wanted you to know." She leant over the basket that sat between them and twisted herself so that she was looking up from underneath, forcing his eyes to meet hers. Her grin settled him a little and he laughed as she raised her eyebrows in a questioning gesture.
"Benny." She said with some aggravation. "Please, call me Benny before I beat it in to you."
"How will I ever cope with such a threat, lady?" She snorted and sat back up, eyes still red but relaxed once again. "I suppose I shall, but on one condition." Sensing his change in tone, Benny raised a hand to her cheek, brushing away the remnants of her tears before squaring herself.
He cursed that she was already throwing back up every barrier she had, but let her be for the moment. "Promise me that you will let me help you. You cannot heal alone, and I am somewhat uniquely placed to guide you where I can."
She put her small hand over his once more, lacing her fingers in between his own. She closed her eyes, sighing, and then she returned her gaze to his with a lopsided smile. "I can't promise that I will, but I'll promise to try."
Haldir stood, lifting her with him, and smiled. "Come, Benny. I am sure my dear brothers miss you quite sorely." He announced. "I couldn't think why, you are a strange one with your oddities and your little flecks of metal." He teased, tapping her nose for effect and gave the sparkling stud she wore near her lip a twist.
"Hey, c'mon, that tickles, give up." He laughed richly, dropping his hand. Haldir watched as Benny picked up her cloak, wrapping it around her, and offered her his arm as she stood straight.
"Come, Benny. I will not have it said that Haldir of Lorien does not treat a Lady with respect." She took it, holding her head high to match his.
"Indeed, good sir. Ho, to the city!" She announced, affecting a somewhat odd accent, and Haldir had to laugh. She was utterly charming when she wanted to be, the bright smile she wore dissolved all thoughts in his mind that she was not pretty. No, pretty certainly wasn't the word Haldir reasoned as they walked down the path.
From high in the trees, a pair of eyes watched the two elves walking arm in arm with a wide smirk. Rumil was rather pleased with himself, all in all. It had been too long since his brother had laughed like that, and his heart went out to the two; they would help each other heal, most certainly, and be good for each other. However, if he had anything to do with it, friendship would not be the only feeling blossoming between Haldir and Benny.
Grinning, Rumil dropped from his perch and went in search of Orophin; he had a tale to tell and then a spot of meddling to attend to.
xxxXxxx
Benny
Haldir and I walked in silence for most of the way back to the city; there was nothing to say, for the time being, that had not been said. Free from conversation, I allowed my thoughts to wander away from the here-and-now, contemplating what had been said between us. We were no longer fighting, so it seemed, and I had found out quite quickly that Haldir was not the elf I thought him to be at first.
Sure, he was an arse at times – rude too, and stubborn – but there was a deeper side to him that I was only just starting to see.
I'd been completely dumbfounded when Haldir approached me, and I still was as we walked arm in arm into the heart of Lothlorien. I looked up at the trees out of habit, still marvelling at their magnificence a month into my stay. I wondered briefly what my mum would have thought of this place, before the picture popped into my mind.
Benny, they're just trees. Home to squirrels and birds. Tend to get struck by lightning a lot. You know – trees.
I chuckled at the voice of mum in my mind, earning a glance from Haldir.
"What makes you laugh? Not I, surely?" He asked, one slender brow rising. I narrowed my eyes, how did he do that without looking like a complete idiot? Every time I tried, my face scrunched and I looked like I was having some sort of seizure.
"Yeah, it's your nose." I said with a straight face. He looked insulted and opened his mouth to say something, so I stopped him. "I'm thinking of my mum, and what she'd say about my fascination with trees."
Haldir looked faintly annoyed, but a smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth. "She was not so fond of nature?" I shook my head.
"No... Mum liked shiny things. Well, no, Mum did like nature, in a different way. She liked going caving, she found them fascinating." I remembered our weekend jaunts to various caves across the country, they were always good fun. "I was joking about the nose, you know." I looked up at him innocently, earning a sigh and a rolling of the eyes. He really was leggy - far too tall.
"Good." He said, quite stiffly.
"Relax, Haldir. I do that you know; joke and stuff." I smiled.
"At the expense of others?" He scowled.
"Yes, sometimes at the expense of others. Oh come on, if you saw one of your brothers fall over, or fall out of a tree, unhurt except for maybe a few bruises, would you laugh?" I set a scenario for him to contemplate.
"Aye, I would." He admitted. "As would any older sibling worth his salt."
"Or her salt." I reminded him. "I have younger siblings too, you know. Somewhere." I stopped and stamped my foot, unlacing my arm from Haldir and tying my hair back into a knot in frustration. "They have to be alive, Haldir. I came through okay. Well, as okay as anyone could be given the circumstances." I struggled with my hair. I started mumbling in English under my breath as the thick mass of black refused to co-operate.
"Oh, I give up!" I fumed. Haldir just looked at me as if I was an alien. "I haven't had long hair since I was 15, that's nearly 5 years of easy-to-manage styling. I've NEVER had my hair this long."
"I see." He said thoughtfully, before moving to stand behind me. "Keep your head still." He told me and I didn't move as he pulled sections of my hair back, tugging and weaving.
"Ow." I muttered as he pulled a bit too hard, and he relaxed his movements. "Do you think they're alive?"
"Yes." His voice was quiet as he worked, deftly creating intricate braids in my hair. "It is just a matter of finding them."
"They could be anywhere." I replied sadly.
"I think they will be near an Elven kingdom. Near to their kindred." He tugged a portion of hair from behind my left ear and worked on it carefully, and I relaxed into his braiding. "You were found near to Rivendell?"
"Indeed" I answered, pondering what he had said. "You go back to the border tomorrow, yeah?"
"I shall watch out for them. What do they look like?" He asked as his fingers stilled. "I am done."
I reached my hands up to feel what he had done. "Thanks." I said. "And... well, come with me, I have something to show you." I found my way to my talan, no longer arm in arm with Haldir, and invited him in.
He stood awkwardly in the living room. "Do you want anything to eat?" I called as I walked into my bedroom, diving into my rucksack for my camera. I spun it in my hands, checking for damage, and smiled at the blinking LED light signalled that it was working and on. I flicked through the pictures until I found a full length one of me and my sisters stood in the airport that my mum had taken, and returned with it, grinning.
"No thank you." He said, and then his eyes fixed on my camera. "What in the name of the Valar..." He looked at it with pure curiosity.
"You wouldn't get it." I grinned, showing him the picture. "On the left is Tori, me in the middle, on the left is J... sorry, their full names are Victoria and Jade."
"You did not say that they were twins." He looked surprised. "You all look very similar." Haldir observed, and I nodded.
"Yeah, we are. Oh, look!" I showed him a picture of me and Elrohir, who looked startled. "I took that not long after I arrived in Rivendell. I'd spent most of the day in bed, ill, hurting and otherwise managing to get people to wait on me, hand and foot." I smirked.
"Why were you so unwell?" He asked, taking the camera from me and twiddling the buttons.
"Really? I swear I grew the best part of a foot in a day."
"That must have been uncomfortable." He commented. "I assume that is your Mother?" He waved the camera at me.
"You honestly, genuinely have no idea. And yes, that was her. That is her. I don't know, I don't want to think about it right now". I took the camera off him a little more forcefully than I intended. I flicked through some more of the photos angrily and he sighed. I slowed my breathing.
"Are you quite finished?" Haldir gave me an affected bored glance, and I nodded, deciding to ignore the concern below the surface.
"All done. If you see two blondes who can't speak a word of Sindarin, someone must inform me because they will be confused and scared to death." I told him. I turned it off with a flourish and ran away into my room, putting it away into my rucksack. "Are you sure you don't want anything to eat? Cheese on toast?" I called to him.
"I beg your pardon?" He looked intrigued yet slightly disgusted when I retuned.
"You semi-burn a bit of bread, slice some cheese, put the cheese on top, stick it in the oven and let it melt. Most excellent snack." I sliced the loaf of bread I had made earlier in the week, and hunted in one of the cupboards for some cheese. "Here we go." I found the neatly wrapped block of cheese and unfurled the leaves, and began to prepare my meal, including some risky business with hot stone rings and bread.
Putting the prepared food in the oven, I noticed that Haldir was watching me. "What?" I asked, tucking my towel into the tie-belt of the simple, very human dress I had asked to be made for me. It was heavier than normal elven clothing, in soft grey wool with a shirt-like top underneath. Practical, comfortable, simple.
"You are the most unusual elf I have ever met." He observed.
"Unusual in a good way, or unusual in a run-away-from-the-lunatic way?" I questioned suspiciously, wandering around him as if he were under interrogation.
"I think perhaps I should have said unique." He amended, and I nodded, satisfied.
"Unique I'll give you." I said, sitting down at the table and drumming my fingers on the surface. "Haldir?" I piped up after a minute of silence.
"Bernad...Benny?" He amended.
"Did you mean it?" I didn't look at him, but ran my fingers along the knots in the wood of the table.
"That I wanted you to share your burdens with me? Yes, I did." He stated. "However, that is your choice, of course." He said curtly.
"I didn't want to start an argument, I just wanted to make sure that you weren't just going to... oh, I don't know!" I hit my head on the table. "Ugh..."
"I am not in the habit of saying things I do not mean." I could tell he was annoyed, and I mentally began kicking myself. I said nothing else and moved to check on the food, secretly hoping my cooking impressed Haldir at least a little. As I stood in front of the oven I felt his hands rest on my shoulders, squeezing gently. I smiled to myself and looked at him over my shoulder. "We will find our way." He assured me, and I rested one of my hands on his, giving it a squeeze. It was as close to an apology as I would get.
"Ready for the best snap you've ever had in your life?" I joked, using the towel to pull out the metal rack. "Pass me a couple of plates, will you?" I felt his hands drop after a second, and heard him sigh.
I removed the perfectly cooked cheese on toast from the oven and slid one slice onto each plate. "It's not a proper meal, just..., if you ever want a nibble but it's not quite time for dinner, or lunch, or you wake up in the morning hungry and want something light..." I babbled, trying to explain. Handing one of the plates to Haldir, I poured myself a small cup of water, struggling with the pitcher again. Why was it necessary to have a jug as big as my torso?
"I hate this bloody thing." I grumbled. I looked up to see Haldir was watching me with a curious expression. "What?" I snapped, putting the pitcher down with a huff.
"Nothing, lady, nothing at all." I glared at him and gathered my food and drink, sitting at the table. Haldir still stood, looking at the food like it was going to attack him.
"If you eat it first, it won't eat you." I teased, taking a bite of my own and grinning. Nice, homely food. Shame I didn't have any Worcestershire Sauce.
Haldir had sat down opposite me and had taken a bite of the snack. I saw his eyebrows rise; "Good or bad?" I asked, and he swallowed.
"Different. Good, I do believe." I grinned broadly.
"Excellent! Another elf I have converted to my cooking." I did a little dance in my seat, earning a laugh. "And I make you laugh too, it's like the ultimate positive day." I finished eating quickly, finding I was still quite hungry.
"You truly are the strangest elleth I have ever met." He said softly as he sat back, arms on the table, watching me with those unerring silver-grey eyes.
Something about his comment made me blush bright red, and I bit my lip. "I try." I muttered and stood without warning, collecting the plates and putting them next to the two bowls from earlier that day to be washed. I tried to make myself as busy as possible, wiping surfaces that were perfectly clean, stacking and re-stacking dishes and cutlery – anything to avoid having to talk to Haldir. Absent-mindedly I began to hum as I tidied away the bread and cheese into their cupboards, falling easily into some Andrew Lloyd Weber hit or another as I pottered.
"You cannot avoid me in the same room, you must have realised this?" Haldir said from the table.
"I'm not avoiding you." I grumbled. "I'm pretending you aren't there; subtle difference." I didn't look at him as I walked with an unknown purpose towards the window furthest away from the dining table.
"And why would you be ignoring me?" He asked lightly.
I turned around suddenly, feeling the pent-up stress that had been building out in one great rush. "I know you don't understand me, so therefore I am ignoring you because you're someone I got completely wrong, I don't like being wrong. Also, you're disturbingly handsome and you made me embarrassed because I took something you said to mean something I know very well you didn't actually mean. Why would someone like you ever like someone like me?" I finished my rant and hopped up onto the window ledge; one foot braced against the opposite side of the frame and the other dangling freely above the floor.
"Did you mean to speak in your own tongue?" he asked, curious.
"Yes, no, I don't know." I admitted. "You need to bear with me a bit."
"What was the general sentiment?" He asked, bracing himself at the opposite side.
I shut my eyes and forced myself to calm down."Life isn't fair." I wasn't specifically talking about his not being able to understand what I said, but actually what I had said. It was so typically me to start getting feelings, that were decidedly unwanted, for someone completely inappropriate that would never return any interest.
"Perhaps, but we are only ever granted by the Valar that which we have the capacity to live with." He tried to reassure me, but it wasn't what I needed to hear.
"That is pure, pure bullshit. Jesus, how can you go from understanding to condescending in the space of a minute?" We stared at each other for a shocked moment. Where the fuck had that come from? I closed my eyes again tiredly. "Haldir, I..."
"Stop. I shall no longer bother you with my condescension."
I heard the door slam and I opened my eyes, watching as Haldir strode away from my talan. I forced myself away from the window and I stood in the middle the room, completely lost.
I let out a frustrated yell and dug my hands into my hair, spinning. What the hell had I just done that for? Two steps forward, one step back; why did I have to go and mess up the massive leap we had taken? I grabbed a cushion off one of the chairs and threw it against the wall in anger; not at Haldir, but at myself. Was I a complete moron when it came to men?
xxxXxxx
Haldir
Haldir stormed into the talan he and his brothers shared, interrupting the quiet evening with a bottle or two of wine Rumil and Orophin had planned with a torrent of annoyance at the childishness of Bernadette. It took an hour or two to explain the whole day to them but once he had, he could get to the crux of the matter.
"She disrespects the Valar and speaks so unrelentingly in a tongue she knows full well to be unintelligible to us." He sounded somewhat hurt.
"You know that she does not know our beliefs, Haldir. I am absolutely certain she had not meant to hurt or offend you. Why do you care what she said?" Rumil said reasonably, earning a glare that would have him buried six feet under if one of his older brother's looks could kill.
"I know this brother, I truly do. I perhaps did not need to react the way I did. We were both a little raw from our earlier talk." He admitted.
His brothers glanced at each other uncertainly. "Possibly so. We have not spoken of father's death in quite some time and the winter always brings about a certain melancholy in all of us. Perhaps today was not the day to have gone traipsing through the past?"
Haldir laughed bitterly. "I had not intended to, believe me."
"It is going to take time, Haldir. You know she does not have the most restful temperament as it is, and she reacts rashly to overspills of emotion. She's grieving still, not just for her family but her previous life. I know she knows something of the world we live in, but we are little more than strangers face to face." Orophin sighed. "Please do not be offended when I say this, but you have overreacted. Yes, she was a little abrupt but so were you, and you have worn your tempers so thin this day already."
"I am aware. I am a little... frustrated. Have you not often said that I do not work well with others?" He joked, and his brothers nodded.
"Brother, do not let this upset you further. Females are difficult to understand at the best of times, so naturally you have picked is more complex than the rest. You cannot help yourself." Haldir rolled his eyes.
"I have not picked her at all. I was merely offering another hand in friendship."
"I do not believe that for a moment and I can see it as clear as the stars that shine that you do not either." Rumil countered, and slung his arm around his brother's shoulders in a gesture of affection. "There is no shame in feeling more than friendship. It has been far too long since you entertained even the thought of getting to know a lady better."
"I do not know why she affects me so." He ground out, pouring himself some wine. "She is the most infuriating, stubborn, childish..."
"Beautiful, charming, witty, clever..." Rumil continued, laughter in his eyes. "Tell me dear brother, if she were to step up to you, flutter her lovely dark eyelashes at you and look upon you fondly with those lovely eyes, would you take her apology immediately?"
"Or if she were to sing for you, or walk with you by the falls and cool your temper, would you take her in your arms and tell her it was forgotten?" Orophin added.
He stared at his brothers, a strange feeling creeping into the pit of his stomach. "I see that I shall get no help from you two. You are planners and schemers the both of you, and you are on her side." He muttered, dropping into a chair and stretching his long legs out in front of him.
"No, Haldir; we're not on her side, we are on yours." Rumil sat opposite him. "You do not deny it." He observed.
Haldir sighed. "I do not deny it. There is no point in doing so after all, as I apparently have made quite the fool of myself this day trying to do so." He grumbled, glaring at his brothers again. "She prefers to be called Benny." He added as an afterthought, staring into his empty cup.
Orophin and Rumil wore an identical smirk, eyes glistening with mirth. "You, brother dearest, are infatuated with her." Orophin said lightly.
"I shall not dignify that accusation with a response." Haldir countered, standing. He poured another drink and downed it for a little extra courage "I am going to talk to her, to get her to apologise and give my own in return." He looked at his brothers reproachfully as they sat back, looking smug. "I would ask you to say nothing, as I'd like to retain some modicum of respect from our Wardens tomorrow when we depart."
Their faces softened immediately. "It is no weakness to care for another." Rumil said gently.
"In usual circumstances I would agree, but war is coming to this world and I must consider the implications of such." They all looked at each other, eyes looking equally dark. "You know of what I speak, of course."
"Aye, we do. You will find fewer and fewer of us wed, and those who are somehow find themselves occupied elsewhere. We have lost two more this month."
"Four, actually – the Lady removed two further Wardens from the second rotation." His brothers whistled. "Friendship is all I dare offer these days. I am needed at the border, we cannot afford to train a new Captain. It has already been said to myself and to Taeglyn in no uncertain terms." He referred to the Captain of the second rotation. "The storm is coming to us, I believe."
"Let us pray we can weather it." They stood quietly together for a moment, before grasping each others arms in support.
"Go, Haldir. Make your apology and right yourself before we leave. This war cannot last for long, and you must keep a reason to return in your heart. Even if she does not know it, let hope be that reason." He nodded to his brothers and turned on his heel, treading lightly but swiftly down the stairs of the talan and back in the direction he had come.
xxxXxxx
Haldir knocked on the door with trepidation, wary of what there was to find inside. Hearing no reply, he considered turning around and going to prepare for his departure in the morning. Against his better judgement, he opened the door and looked around the room. A lone mug laid prone with liquid seeping into the floorboards, and scattered across the floor were cushions well away from their proper places.
"What have you done?" He said to the empty room, and eyed the half-open door that led to her sleeping chambers. This was a dangerous path to tread, and Haldir made to leave. Standing at the door he looked back once again, then shut his eyes for a moment. What was he doing, considering going into her room?
You are infatuated with her. You are no better than a youth around his first fancy, Haldir chided himself mentally. Oh, caution be damned, I have an apology to make. Walking with purpose, he made his way to the room and knocked on the door. Hearing no response again, worry began to ebb into his stomach and he pushed the door open a faction.
"Berna...Benny...Are you well?" He kept his voice low, but felt his nerves vanish as he saw her lying on the bed, fast asleep.
Her dress had ridden up to her knees, and Haldir pointedly refused to look anywhere but upon her face as he knelt down beside her bed. One hand faced upwards on the pillow, the other underneath it, and hair fell across her face. Not wishing to disturb her but too tempted not to, he carefully brushed her heavy black strands off her face, tucking them behind her ear, smiling softly as she stirred in her sleep. He frowned as he realised she had been crying – her eyes were still red and there was a small wet patch on her pillow where her tears had fallen as she slept.
Guilt began to eat at him, something Haldir was most unused to, though he knew she was as much to blame as he was. Still, he did not like the feeling and hoped to alleviate it as soon as he could. Her tears were due to his rashness and quick temper, as he forgot once more that she was no normal elf. Standing, he looked to see if there was any way he could get her under the covers; seeing none, he unpinned his cloak and laid it over her, the warm grey material covering her completely. He held the old brooch a moment, weighing it in his hand, before he laid it quietly on the table where Bernadette had placed some of her belongings.
Turing back to the sleeping elleth, he brushed his fingers across her brow, a fond smile tweaking at his lips. He would never understand her, no matter how many thousands of years were to pass. She would forever remain a mystery because he would never know the type of place that moulded her, and he would never know the type of life she had lived before. It was so different to his own in so many ways, ways he could never replicate in his own mind. They would forever fall into traps and clashes of culture like they had already.
His hand travelled down to her nose, touching the small stud, and then to the ball at the side of her bottom lip. Marks to forever remind him that she was not of this world, though much he wished she was of Middle Earth. Haldir did not see how there could ever be more than friendship, companionship, between them. She would never want an elf like him; even if he were to admit to himself that he was beginning to take a fancy.
Tracing Bernadette's lips, he tore himself away from her side and fled from the talan. Any more time spent simply looking at her, and he would begin to take more than just a fancy. He would not do that to her.
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