A/N: There's no good way to break an eight month hiatus, is there? I got a new job in January, and it took some major adjustments to figure out how to carve out writing time. Then I had some writing deadlines come up for an original writing project...overall, the longer I was kept away from this story, the harder it was to jump back into it. Fortunately, season five was amazing, and had me hardcore craving some Alex and Piper writing. But I had more revision deadlines pop up, and I wanted to wait until that was firmly finished so I can dedicate my time to finishing this. I think we have about three more chapters left, and I've always had the ending in mind.
Quick recap as to where we're at since it's been 84 years: Alex and Piper are obviously broken up, but since they finally had a post-breakup conversation, they're distant but civil. Piper just stopped hanging with Polly/Jessica Wedge & Co. after she reamed Jessica out for badmouthing Alex. Piper also came out to Cal. At our cliffhanger, Jessica/Polly/etc. go caught smoking pot, and Jessica told Red Alex gave it to her (not true) and that Alex frequently sells to students (true). Piper heard this from Polly and ran up to their room hoping to clear out Alex's supply and save her from potential expulsion, but Red and Fisher were already in their room searching Alex's side.
We're getting deeper in this mess,
take careful contemplation.
I'd rather be spitting blood
than have this silence fuck me up
The Quiet / Troye Sivan
When soccer practice ends, Alex checks her phone to find a text from Fisher, asking her to please come straight to the dorms after practice. She frowns down at the message, not sure what the dorm counselor could want with her.
She's been putting off talking to Fisher all week, even though she'd resolved to get it over with.
It should be a relief, requesting a room change. If someone told her she could spend the last three weeks of school in a different dorm room than Piper, Alex would gratefully take the offer without hesitation, but there's something so final about committing to a whole senior year of living apart. It's like an acquiescence that this really is permanent.
That's a subject Alex keeps getting tangled in - her hesitation forces an acknowledgement that some stupid part of her is hoping things will change with Piper, and finding a scrap of hope where she thought she'd cleaned just makes her angry - and it's enough to preoccupy her during the walk to the dorms, so much so that she forgets to wonder about Fisher's text.
And so the sight waiting in her room catches Alex completely off guard: Fisher and Red sitting in her and Piper's desk chairs, Alex's desktop cluttered with bottles and ziploc bags of weed.
For a second, the only thing Alex feels is the gut punch surprise at being caught. She's never really worried about this, in nearly three years. Now, she freezes, stunned, like an animal stepping into a trap when they didn't even know such things existed.
"Miss Vause," Red intones brusquely, her lips flattened into a grim, unsmiling line. "Seems as though we need to have quite a talk."
Alex had been summoned to a meeting with Red once before.
Only once. Not a terrible track record for the school drug dealer.
It was a few months into her freshmen year, the Jessica Wedge's Roommate era. The L Word poster on her wall, making out with Nicky in her room when she knew Jessica would be returning from class, off handedly mentioning how how Jessica's friends looked that day era.
When Red got involved, Jessica had already outed Alex to everyone, was already talking about how "uncomfortable" Alex made her. She had finally threatened to go to Fisher, demanding a room change. Alex had heard about Fisher's timid attempts at mediating conflicts by then, and the threat didn't scare her. She figured the worst that could happen was Fisher might make them come to her room and do trust falls, probably after stammering through some overly PC talk about tolerance.
Instead, the headmistress is the one who summoned her. She'd gotten a note in her first class after lunch, telling her to report to Red's office as soon as classes ended, which meant there were three more class periods for her stomach to twist itself into knots. By the time the final bell rang, Alex was convinced she was getting expelled.
She silently berated herself the whole walk to the administration building. What had she been thinking, antagonizing the rich bitch daughter of Litchfield board members? It was never going to be a fair fight.
Her mom was so proud of her for getting into Litch. More than that, she was relieved, that maybe Alex wouldn't be held back by all the things Diane couldn't give her.
She'd stopped outside Red's office and frantically started googling on her phone, looking for legal terms she could throw out about discrimination lawsuits. She finally entered, sick and scared but determined to dig in her heels and refuse to let Jessica Wedge or Headmistress Reznikov rip this away from her.
She never needed to make any threats. Red seemed embarrassed to be having the meeting at all, and was largely concerned in finding out, in a roundabout way, whether they would be able to appease Jessica with a room change without making Alex feel like she was being bullied for her sexuality. Once Alex adamantly assured Red that such a move suited her just fine, Red had seemed nearly as relieved as Alex.
Today, though, Red clearly isn't on Alex's side.
She doesn't make any mention of moving out of Alex's room and into her office, or even Fisher's room. So Alex is just left awkwardly standing, feeling like an intruder in her own space.
Just like two and a half years ago, Alex's survival instincts flare to life. She goes instantly on the defensive, even without the benefit of internet research.
"Why are you in here?"
Red lets out an impatient sigh that manages to apply she thought Alex was above such an obvious starting point. "Alex. You know perfectly well the administration reserves the right the search students' - "
"I haven't given anyone probable cause," Alex cuts her off. The muscles in Red's face tighten, and Alex notes that interrupting is reckless. Still, she pushes through, "So does this mean everyone's room is getting searched?"
She knows it doesn't. Based on the spread on her desk, they found the majority of her supply - most of it was hidden in places a general search wouldn't have turned up.
"Probable cause only applies to the police," Red chides her. "You've watched too much of the Law and Order."
"But you don't randomly select students' rooms to search," Alex shoots back, having to work hard to keep anger out of her voice.
"No, we don't, Miss Vause." Red's voice turns grave again. "But very serious accusations have been, and we felt compelled to investigate."
"What accusations?"
"We were told you've been selling contraband - both drugs and alcohol - to your fellow students. Apparently for quite some time now."
"That's bullshit," Alex blurts out, her voice throbbing with indignation.
Her brain churning furiously, assessing her situation. She's smart about this, has never kept any written or typed record of sells, storing orders and transactions nowhere outside her own head.
Possession isn't so bad. It's only a first strike, minor violation. They won't find any proof it's more than that. All they'll have is someone's word against Alex's.
She doesn't think anyone she sells to would rat her out. People have gotten caught with her product before. They've always taken their violations, have never pointed to a source. There's no benefit to it; Litchfield doesn't make deals or offer lesser sentences.
"Language," Red admonishes almost lazily. "Frankly, Alex, we were skeptical, as well. It didn't sound like you, but this..." She waves a hand at the drugs and alcohol. "...is pretty convincing."
A clear, rational strategy is beginning to take shape, and Alex takes a breath before saying in a determinedly calm voice, "This is what you would find in almost every students' room. Everyone stocks up for a full semester, and I'm guessing whoever made up that crap about me running some drug ring out of a dorm room knows that, too."
Red holds her gaze. "And why would someone make up something like that?"
"If you tell me who said it, I can maybe answer that."
Red exchanges a look with Fisher. Alex had nearly forgotten she was in the room. Fisher, bless her trusting soul, tentatively speaks up, seemingly in Alex's defense. "They have had their troubles - "
"Who was it?" Alex asks tersely, her voice unnecessarily soft to keep from yelling.
After another momentary hesitation, Red admits, "Jessica Wedge."
Alex had just come to that conclusion herself, but she barks out a hollow, incredulous laugh. "Re - Headmistress Reznikov, come on. You know how she feels about me. Why would I give her anything?"
"I believe she said you sold it to her."
"Right." Acidic fury bubbles deep in Alex's gut. Like it's not enough Jessica's got Piper stuck in her web now; she thinks about that day at the mall last weekend, Piper walking to the movie theater with Jessica and the rest of her hive of followers. Alex had heard Jessica say her own name when they passed by, probably talking her same old brand of bullshit.
And Piper probably lets her. Piper's probably terrified to say anything: wouldn't want to make anyone suspicious, wondering why she'd bother defending her own roommate.
"Look," Alex tries to soften her eye contact with the headmistress, appearing both humble and reasonable. "This isn't fair. Jessica obviously got caught with something, right? And she decided to find a silver lining to getting in trouble by pinning it on me. She figures of course you'll believe the scholarship kid is selling stuff to rich kids, right?"
Alex catches the slightest flinch in Red's expression when she says that. She decides to push that button again. "I have an actual job back home. I work at a bowling alley every single break while most of the girls here tour their family vacation homes." She doesn't mention her own trips to Nicky's family vacation homes, but the thought does remind Alex to play the Nicky friendship card. Red's favoritism can come in handy. "And yes, sometimes I still have to borrow cash from Nicky. But I don't sell anything, Red. I promise."
Using the headmistress's nickname is a smart move: Alex can see it land. It makes her seem vulnerable and honest, like she's not even filtering herself.
After a long moment, Red sighs. "Even if you aren't selling anything, Alex, this - " Again, she indicates the evidence on Alex's desk. " - is highly troubling. Marijuana and alcohol possession...that's two separate violations, without even taking the quantity into account."
Alex's heart drops. Two violations within a year is still expulsion. They just usually aren't given simultaneously.
"But you shouldn't have even been in here," Alex insists, her control audibly slipping. "If I named a random student I don't like and say I got it from them, is that enough for you to go search their room?"
"Miss Vause - "
"You had more reason to search Jessica and whoever else she got caught with, but I bet that didn't happen."
"Alex, we're talking about you now."
"And I'm saying that's not fair. I didn't do anything today and I'm the only one who got my whole room torn apart so you could find multiple violations. Right? The board probably wouldn't let Jessica get in that much trouble anyway."
Fisher looks away in obvious discomfort, but Red's eyes flash, apparently reaching her limit of the disrespect.
Before she can interject, Alex changes tactics, indicating the contraband on her desk. "You don't even know all that's mine."
"We did only search your side of the room," Fisher puts in.
"So? Maybe I'm just better at hiding stuff. And anyway..." Feeling bold, Alex picks up a bulky bottle of gatorade that is at least 60% gin. "We only have one mini fridge in the room. This could be Piper's." She puts the bottle down, then crosses the room to the bookshelf under Piper's bed, pulling out a copy of On the Road and extracting a plastic bag of weed. "And this is definitely hers."
She drops the pot on the desk with everything else. Red stares at it, looking genuinely confused at the route this disciplinary conversation has taken.
"So do you have to give her violations now, too? Just because you caught someone smoking weed, who then lied and said she got it from Piper's roommate, leading you to search her room? That doesn't seem fair either, does it - "
"Okay, that's enough," Red snaps. She stands up, leveling a steely glare at Alex, who understands right away that, no matter how this turns out, she is no longer going to be seen as one of the good kids. She maybe could have saved that even with the haul of illegal substances - Red's smart enough to know that Alex is right about almost every student having stashes in their room - but not anymore. Now, the headmistress thinks Alex is a self righteous smartass who doesn't respect her authority.
Red holds Alex's eyes long enough to silently communicate the magnitude of her displeasure, then flicks her gaze to Fisher.
"Susan, please gather all this and then meet me in my office." To Alex, barely looking at her, Red says, "We need to discuss this."
"But - "
"You have more than had your say, Miss Vause."
Alex's face feels hot. She doesn't move as Red walks out of the room past her, leaving Fisher to hastily gather the alcohol and weed. It's only then, staring blankly as Fisher sweeps her source of cash into a garbage bag, does Alex notice another item on the desk: a strip of photobooth pictures she and Piper had taken at the bowling alley arcade over the summer.
In the last two they're kissing.
The urge to reach forward and snatch it out of view seizes her, but Alex doesn't move. Those photos were somewhere in a desk drawer; she hasn't seen them since before the break up. There's technically nothing against the rules about dating your roommate, but there's an implied violation of no sexual conduct there, and Alex doubts it will help her case.
The desktop cleared again, Fisher gives Alex an awkward grimace. "I'm, um, sure we'll call for you soon."
Twenty seconds after she's closed the door behind her, Alex nearly dives for the small trash basket beside her desk, her stomach lurching along with her.
She crouches on her knees on the tile floor of the dorm room, half leaning against her desk chair. She gags on bile and what tastes sickeningly like the red Gatorade she drank at soccer practice.
When it's over, Alex's throat feels raw and achey. She sits down on the floor, eyes landing on Piper's copy of On the Road, discarded nearby.
She hadn't even thought about it. Pragmatism and self preservation had been driving her on some sort of manic autopilot, and consciously there hadn't even been time for Alex to wage an internal debate over whether to drag Piper into this.
But Alex still knows that if they were together, not even her most base, selfish instinct would have mentioned Piper's name.
Even with the breakup, Alex still might have protected her if it wasn't for Jessica: because she was the one to do this to Alex, and Piper fucking chose to be friends with her.
And all that was storming around Alex's head when she went for Piper's bookshelf.
Piper's sitting in the dorm basement, listlessly watching Poussey and Brook play a giggly game of ping pong. She hasn't told Poussey about the search going on in their room, and she's got her phone in her hand, wishing she could think of something to text Alex.
Eventually, she gets a text from Fisher, thanking her for clearing out and saying she can return to her room.
"Hey, Pipe, we're gonna go grab dinner at the bakery." She looks up, seeing that Poussey and Brook have put their paddles down and abandoned the game. "Wanna come with?"
It's an unusual invitation, even for a Saturday - Poussey must have noticed Piper sitting alone for the past week - but Piper barely registers the offer. She doesn't feel much like eating anyway. "Thanks, but that's okay. Not that hungry."
Poussey shrugs. "Suit yourself, girl."
Piper waves half heartedly, then heads upstairs.
She isn't expecting to find Alex there, and definitely not sitting on the ground, looking dazed.
In that moment, Piper's worry over a situation that has nothing to do with their relationship eclipses everything else about the past few months. "Al..." Like there's nothing weird about it, Piper drops to her knees just in front of Alex, seeking immediate eye contact. "Are you okay? What happened with Red?"
Alex blinks at her. "What? How do you know - ?"
"Polly told me that Jessica named you to Red...they all got caught, Polly and Madison and those guys."
Alex frowns. She seems out of it, like she's having trouble keeping up. "Were you with them?"
"What? No, I...I don't really hang out with them anymore, did you..." In spite of herself, a pang of disappointment sounds in Piper's chest. "You hadn't noticed that?"
"No."
"Anyway...Polly told me what happened, and I ran up here to try to clear everything out, but Red and Fisher were already going through your stuff."
"You were going to clear everything out?" Alex repeats. Her eyes are big and restless, and Piper has to wrestle down the urge to grab her hand.
"Yeah, I don't know, I thought maybe I'd call Nicky, we could put it in her car."
Alex holds her stare for another long beat, then abruptly stands. "Pipes, I can't...I can't do this with you, right now."
Despite the nickname, there's a distance in Alex's voice that reverberates like a door slamming between them. Trying to let the hurt roll over her, Piper stands, too. "Yeah, sure, sorry, just...what happened? Did they give you a violation or...or what?"
"I dunno," Alex mutters, her back to Piper as she goes to her closet, changing out her clothes from soccer practice. "Red's discussing it. With Fisher, for some fucking reason."
"You know what, I think that's probably a good thing. Fisher knows you, she'll probably be on your side."
"No one's on my fucking side, Piper," Alex snaps, the words cutting the air like a blade with the same sharpness of the night they broke up. Piper shivers at the sound. "Jessica's parents are on the goddamn board, so as soon as she calls somebody out, fuck them. Especially the trailer trash scholarship kid who of course must be the school drug dealer."
Without thinking, Piper points out, "Well, you are, though."
"Fuck you, Pipes." Alex whirls around, still wearing her sports bra with her shorts, and Piper's chest tightens when she realizes Alex is fighting tears. "I didn't sell shit to Jessica, you know that. And they still fucking believed her, with nothing else to go on." She turns back around, grabbing for a tank top. "You think they tore her fucking dorm apart today? Or any of your other friends? The people who actually got caught breaking rules? No, cause nobody wants to find a reason to kick them out -"
"Wait, did Red make it sound like you're getting kicked out?"
Dressed now, Alex shoves past Piper, grabbing her bag almost violently. "What do you care?"
"Alex - "
But she's already halfway out of the door, slamming it shut behind her. Piper's sick of conversations with Alex ending with that sound, hearing the harsh finality again and again.
Alex gets summoned to Red's office after about an hour. Since it's Saturday evening, she was starting to worry they'd make her wait until the morning to find out her punishment - then again, the urgency might not be a good sign.
She crosses the campus to the administration building. There are texts from Nicky, Janae, and Poussey on her phone, probably figuring out plans for tonight, but Alex doesn't let herself look at them.
The only reason the administration building is open at this hour on a weekend is for her punishment, but Alex still isn't called in right away. Litchfield is all about its collaborative staff, including in discipline. Red's probably been calling other teachers.
Like Ms. Rogers, who can tell her all about Alex freaking out and disrupting a play reading in the middle of class. Or Coach Mendoza, who's probably smart enough to at least suspect that the reason Alex sucked so bad at practice for a few months is because she was showing up stoned.
Or just about anyone who can confirm that Alex's grades have slipped this semester, and that she barely talks in class. Somehow, they'll be able to use her post-breakup behavior as evidence for drug dealing.
Sitting in the chair outside Red's office, Alex rests her elbows on her knees and lets her head rest against her palms. Her throat is still raw and sore from vomiting, but she's feeling sick again.
How in three years has she failed to worry about this moment? Litchfield has always been a chance she literally can't afford to lose, but somehow she's always been willing to risk it. She's just that much of a fuck-up.
What a goddamn cliche. Piper's right, Alex has no grounds for getting all self-righteous when she's every bit as much of a low life as they assume.
Then Piper walks in, and it's the only thing that could possibly make Alex feel worse right now.
"Hey." Her movements tentative, Piper sits down beside Alex. There's nothing on her face but sympathy - she hasn't figured out why she's here. "Fisher texted me to come..." Piper lowers her voice. "You know I won't say anything, Al. And I happen to know Jessica gets her shit from guys at Overbrook. She started this, I don't mind spilling."
Alex closes her eyes, swallowing thickly against a lump lodged stubbornly in her throat. More than anything else, for the past hour of waiting, she keeps thinking about Piper running up to their room and trying to hide Alex's stuff.
What a stupid fucking thing to do. She's lucky she was too late, or she could have run smack into Red and Fisher lugging a bag full of contraband, and then what would she have done? Thrown Alex under the bus to save her own ass?
Like Alex did to her?
She isn't proud. It was one of those moments when Alex wishes she didn't have to bear witness to her own behavior.
She doesn't like knowing she's that kind of person.
"I can't talk to you right now, Piper, okay?" Alex mutters, leaning forward again so Piper isn't even in her peripheral.
"Sure, yeah. Just...it's gonna be okay."
"Alex?" They both look up to see Fisher leaving the office. "Red's ready for you."
Alex catches the quickest flash of surprise on Piper's face, but then she stands up and averts her gaze, moving past Fisher, who doesn't follow her in to hear her fate.
"We're disappointed in you, Alex," Red tells her gruffly, the we weighted down, like it's carrying the disappointment of the entire Litchfield faculty. "Not just about what we found in your room, but your behavior afterward...a distinct lack of respect, which isn't like you."
Alex curls her lips inward, sensing it's best to stay quiet. She definitely pushed it too far earlier; Red prefers students who bend completely to her authority, are even a little afraid of her.
"However. I can appreciate the point you made, about searching your room and not the rooms of other students in trouble. As your dorm counselor, I trust Fisher has more knowledge of the dramas and dynamics between you girls...and she seems to find Miss Wedge lying to get you in trouble more likely than you conducting any sort of transaction with her." Alex inhales sharply, the words lifting hope from her chest. "If that is the case...then I apologize. But I hope you understand that the accusations made were extreme serious, and I wouldn't be doing my job if I simply dismissed them."
"Yes, ma'am," Alex forces out.
"Although, according to all your...candor, earlier, it seems as though we should be monitoring all students' rooms more frequently. So that's something that will be implemented soon...particularly for students that have a history of violations." Red narrows her gaze, back to severity. "And on that note...marijuana and alcohol. Two separate violations."
Alex's stomach drops again, her submissive act nearly collapsing. "But - "
Red talks over her. "Given the circumstances, we are spreading those out: one for this semester, one for next. Meaning you'll start your senior year with one strike already on your record."
Instinctively, Alex looks away so Red doesn't glimpse the flash of anger lightning through her.
Starting with a violation - and suspicion already on her - means she'll have to play it safe her whole senior year. Which shouldn't matter, considering she walked in here expecting expulsion, but Alex knows what it means. She's officially been branded a bad kid now, a troublemaker, and Red is forcing her into a corner. Making her start in a more precarious position than anyone else here.
What else is fucking new?
"I hope you understand how lucky you are. I would be well within the rules to compound these violations right now and expel you." Red's voice is sharp, like she sense the defiance coming off Alex in waves. "But given your clean record, we're giving you the benefit of the doubt here. Understand?"
Alex grits her teeth. "Yes."
"Good. Now, I assume you know what violations involve. We'll be contacting your mother, and it's fifteen work hours each you'll need to schedule - just a reminder, work hours are suspended during finals, as well as the week leading up to them so as not to interfere with studying. It's unlikely you'll finish this semester, so they'll carry over." Red pauses. "And you'll be unable to participate in soccer for the next week - "
"What?" The protest bursts out of Alex, her whole body tensing as her calm finally deserts her entirely.
"A week's suspension from extracurriculars is standard for any violation, Vause, you know that. And Miss Wedge and her friends - "
"It's Regionals this week -"
" - are facing the same consequences."
" - and they're just on the off season for tennis."
"Enough."
Alex shuts up, swallowing a snarky question about how Red can ban students from sports they're required to play. Red's got that look again, the one reminding Alex how far she's fallen in the headmistress's estimation, but it's worse to think about facing Coach Mendoza, knowing she's gotten herself benched right when the games start to really matter.
Worse than that, obviously, is her mom getting the phone call about Alex's multiple violations, but she's not letting herself think about that yet.
Red gives her a shrewd look. "You may want to use these work hours to consider an adjustment of this attitude, Alex. I'm not the only one whose noticed its recent emergence."
When Red seems to give up on her responding, she says in a more neutral tone, "We've also decided it's best if your...room situation is reassigned."
Alex was going to ask for that anyway - she thinks she was, she was supposed to be, she probably would have done it - but she still feels a sharp stab of loss. She meets Red's gaze for the first time in awhile. The headmistresses' face is stern but blank, no hint of accusation for the real reason she and Piper are being separated.
She wonders, stupidly, what Red and Fisher must think of her. They see her kiss Piper in a strip of photos - a messy, uncoordinated kiss because they couldn't stop laughing - and the next thing they know, Alex is going out of her way to narc on Piper.
She remembers Piper outside the office, right now, and for a second Alex rummages around for some way to undo it. But nothing comes to mind short full on claiming she lied about the pot in Piper's bookcase, dragging Red's already plummeting opinion of her further into the dirt.
Alex is still too selfish for that.
"Can I go?" She says, finally, trying to keep any ounce of asshole out of her voice.
Red makes a show of considering it. "Yes." She arches an eyebrow. "Fisher will be talking to you about when to start your work hours."
"'Kay."
"What was that?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Send in Piper as you go, please."
Outside Red's office, Piper's desperately seeking eye contact, but Alex walks by her as quickly as she can.
After maybe two minutes, Piper gives up on trying to hear any part of the conversation through Red's door.
She isn't sure what's going on. She figured she was here to give some sort of statement about Alex and everything they found in their room that would somehow affect Alex's punishment, but then Red had called Alex in first.
Restless and nervy, Piper toys with her cell phone. She keeps wishing she could text Poussey or someone, reach out and share the anxiety a bit, but she doubts Alex wants them to know anything yet.
She keeps trying to distract herself with Instagram or Twitter, but mostly Piper just watches the minutes tick by and tries to convince herself there's no way Alex could get expelled.
She's almost startled when the door finally opens, and Piper barely gets a glimpse of Alex's face before she's gone. Her insides twist.
"Miss Chapman?" Red calls from inside her office, sounding exasperated, like Alex was supposed to get her.
Piper gets to her feet and turns into the office. She can't help herself, immediately blurting out, "Is Alex being expelled?"
Red's face is impassive. "Sit down, Piper."
She keeps talking even as she obeys. "Because, honestly, Jessica really hates her, and Alex would never - "
"No one's being expelled," Red interrupts, her expression a mix of weariness and impatience. "Alex is in a good deal of trouble, which she can tell you about if she chooses. But we're here to talk about you, now."
Confusion quickly punctures the relief swelling in Piper's chest. "Me?"
"Mmm-hmm. We found quite a bit of marijuana and liquor in you and Alex's room. I need to know if any of it belongs to you."
"No," Piper says immediately.
"Sure about that?"
There's a hard edge to Red's voice, and Piper's stomach liquifies as it occurs to her that question isn't obligatory. That fast, a heat wave sweeps across Piper's skin. She doesn't do well with this, being in trouble; she isn't used to it. The one and only time she'd turned a card - her elementary's school's preferred disciplinary system - in third grade, she'd cried in front of the whole class.
"I - yes, I'm sure."
Even though her body currently feels like it's made of pure, buzzing anxiety, Piper really does feel certain about what she's saying. She never really had to think about obtaining contraband - Alex just handed it over at the moment of consumption. She's never heard of room searches actually happening here, but if they had, it's not something Piper ever really had to worry about.
But skepticism is set in Red's expression. "Even what we found in a book on what seems to be your bookshelf?"
Piper feels the muscles in her face go slack, her projected innocence faltering as she remembers Alex grinning about joints hidden in On the Road, telling Piper they'd earmark those for personal use.
That doesn't make them hers. Alex had gotten them, Alex had put them there, Piper had completely forgotten they were there.
"No," she says firmly. "Those aren't mine."
"Those?" Red repeats, and immediately Piper's heart lurches. "So it's not yours, but you seem to know what we found there wasn't just a clump of something. Or a bottle."
"A bottle wouldn't really fit...behind books..." Piper says weakly. "I...I knew what was there, but it...it's Alex's."
She feels shitty even as she's saying it, especially when she came in here ready to defend Alex, but Piper is technically telling the truth. Anyway there was so much shit on Alex's desk already that pinning one more bag on her isn't going to make the difference.
Then Red lifts an eyebrow and says, "Really? That's not what she said."
Piper feels like she's just been shoved, hard. She actually jolts slightly, back against her chair, as Red continues, oblivious, "But I assume you're claiming you would pass a drug test if we were to administer one?"
"I, um..." Piper took a few hits of a joint with Cal and his buddies, playing Settlers of Catan on one of those desperate Saturdays when she needed away from the emptiness of her and Alex's room, she isn't sure how long ago that ways, a few weeks at least, but she doesn't know how long that stays in her system -
"I thought so," Red says with a tired sigh. "This is your first violation of the year, you'll be assigned 15 work hours, though they won't interfere with finals or the week before - "
"Do you have to call my parents?" Piper asks, her voice catching.
"We do."
"And you tell them...you tell them what happened, that I had weed..." Piper's voice is jumping all over the place, hot, panicky tears pooling and threatening to spill over.
Her parents are going to freak. She isn't supposed to be this kind of person. None of them are, but especially Piper, who's had one card turned in her entire academic career. Danny hasn't had a violation in four years at Overbrook, and even Cal made it out of his freshmen year unscathed.
Piper will be the first. And it will change the way her parents look at her. Especially since its drugs...they're the type who just associate the word with their vague, mythical concept of street gangs and juvenile delinquents.
"One more thing," Red is saying. "I've discussed it with Fisher, and we think it's best if you and Alex no longer room together."
Piper lets out a high-pitched, disbelieving laugh. Alex must have asked for that, even after everything. Probably the second she found out she wasn't being expelled.
"Fine," Piper bites out, a little taken aback by the vehemence in her own voice.
A few minutes later, she's walking in a numb sort of daze back to the dorm room. Alex isn't there, but after a second Piper sees her copy of On the Road lying on the floor. She stares at it for a second before swinging her eyes to the bookshelf; it's largely undisturbed. So does the rest of her side of the room.
Piper's pretty sure Fisher didn't thumb through every one of the books on her shelf on the off chance of finding something. She highly doubts they even came over to her side of the room, at least not for anything more than a cursory sweep. They had more than enough from Alex's.
Which means Alex must have pulled it out and shown them. For no fucking reason. Just to drag Piper down with her.
Fury has its grip on her, just like that, and Piper grits her teeth so hard it hurts, grabbing the book and ripping it at the spine.
She doesn't stop, tearing pages out and shredding them, leaving Kerouac confetti all over Alex's bed and desk and floor. Her breathing turns rough and shallow, and she keeps it up until her fingers are stinging red.
Alex is in Nicky and Janae's room, finishing telling them about the drug ordeal and the eventual punishment. She'd had to start over halfway through when Poussey showed up after hanging out with Brook.
They express outrage and indignation in all the right places, appalled at Jessica and irritated with Red. Even Nicky manages to wait until Alex had gotten a five minute pile on of sympathy to wonder aloud what they were going to do about alcohol next year.
Alex doesn't tell them what she did to Piper. After the stress of the past few hours, she wants their uncut sympathy for awhile. But as long as she's there, Alex keeps an eye on the time, getting closer dorm curfew when she'll have to face Piper. She's well practiced at avoiding their room by now, but this is different.
"Hey, so does this have something to do with what Chapman was texting me for earlier?" Nicky says suddenly. "She was all emergency, need your car, and then when I answered she said never mind."
"Uh, yeah, I guess," Alex mutters vaguely.
"How the hell was my car gonna help?"
The other three are all looking at Alex expectantly. Reluctant, she doesn't make eye contact when she admits, "Polly told her Jessica sold me out to Red, I guess...she was gonna try to get my shit out of our room but they were already there."
"Nice of her," Poussey comments carefully.
Alex changes the subject, realizing she left out another detail. "Oh, I almost forgot, Red also found photos of me and Piper. From when we were together."
"Oh, shit."
"Wait, like..." Janae wrinkles a face. "X rated photos?"
"No. We're just kissing. But Red's still splitting us up. New room assignments next year."
"Whoa." Poussey's eyes widen. "For real?"
"It's not like you actually broke rules with that, right?" Janae asks.
Nicky snorts. "What's Red gonna do? Claim any gay inclined girl who happened to get roomed with another gay inclined girl isn't allowed to be into her?"
"She didn't even mention it," Alex tells them, her voice starting to dull. "Just told me we were being reassigned. It's like she was daring me to ask why."
"Works out for you, right?" Nicky raises her eyebrows at Alex. "Just saves you from having to ask Fisher."
"Yeah. Right."
Fortunately, conversation turns for the next ten minutes until Alex and Poussey have to head back to their own rooms for dorm check.
"Come back after if ya want," Nicky calls after them. "We can get in a little FoL before light's out."
"For sure."
"What's the point?" Alex asks over top of Poussey's affirmative. "I can't drink anymore."
Horror takes over Nicky's expression as the reality of Alex's situation sinks in. She doesn't wait for further reaction, just heads into the hallway, Poussey following her.
"You should come back and watch anyway," Poussey says tentatively. "We don't have to make it a drinking game."
"I think the day we start watching Facts of Life sober is the day it officially gets weird that we watch Facts of Life," Alex deadpans. Then she sighs. "You guys go ahead, I probably gotta talk to Piper anyway."
"Y'all are talking more lately, huh?" Poussey slows a bit before they get to Alex's room. "Hey, maybe not living together will make it less weird with you two, ya know? And maybe next year...she can start hanging out with us again." Misreading Alex's silence, Poussey adds, "I know it still sucks, what she did. But she's not even hanging out with Polly's whole crew anymore, either. I feel bad."
"No, I know." Privately, Alex wonders if it will even matter. "I get it."
"Just something to think about." She half-smiles. "See ya later?"
"Yeah. Night."
Poussey walks on to her own room, and Alex tentatively tries the doorknob. It's unlocked, but Piper isn't inside.
Alex's side of the room is littered with shreds of paper. For a few seconds, she just gapes at it, confused, until she spots a larger section of the On the Road cover and figures out what she's looking at.
Then she gets pissed off, anger elbowing aside all of her guilt.
Piper cheated on her, and Alex has still managed to get through the past few months without destruction of property. Because she doesn't handle shit like a little kid with anger issues.
The door opens and Piper walks in. She's in her pajamas and her hair is wet from the shower and she just gives Alex this slanted, disdainful look.
Alex scoops up a pile of paper and tosses it satirically in the air. Dripping sarcasm, she says, "Good you aren't being too dramatic or anything."
"Fuck you," Piper mutters, her back to Alex.
"Are you fucking kidding me? You're suddenly allowed to be like that?" There's a knock at the door. "That's Fisher." Alex opens the door and says shortly, "Hey, we're here, sorry."
Fisher doesn't tell them off for not being in the hallway for check. She just gives Alex an awkward smile that seems caught between admonishment and apology. "You can both start your work hours tomorrow after dinner. Just come to the kitchen when you finish...or by 8, if you're not eating in the dining hall."
Alex nods, but Piper speaks up from behind her, "Can we have different work assignments?"
Alex stiffens, while Fisher's expression turns even more uncomfortable. "Uh. This first week's already set. But work assignments, they're not, um...very...social anyway."
When she's gone, Alex closes the door behind her and turns on Piper, suddenly more than ready for the fight she's been dreading for the last few hours.
"So. Now you can't wipe down cafeteria tables in the same vicinity as me? That's a change."
"You mean a punishment I only got because of you?"
"Jesus, they searched our room, Piper."
"I don't think they were looking in my bookshelf," Piper retorts. "And even if they were, you had to tell them it was mine."
Alex clenches her jaw. "Or they knew it was your fucking bookshelf on your fucking side."
Piper narrows her eyes. "Red told me you said it was mine, asshole."
Panic thrums through Alex, in spite of herself. She'd been ready to come at Piper, shameless, with the reminder that she's done far worse.
But her instincts are still working to keep Piper from thinking badly of her.
A sour sort of triumph flickers across Piper's expression at Alex's silence. "That's what I thought."
"They were yours."
"Bullshit. You bought them, you put them there - "
"Oh my God. I bought and hid everything, that doesn't mean you weren't gonna smoke or drink it later."
"I haven't taken anything from you in months."
"Uh, yeah, and maybe take a second to remember why that is."
Piper flinches at that, and for a second silence swells between them.
"You're loving this, aren't you?" Alex asks, quieter now.
"What part of this do you think I'm loving?" Fury is seething through Piper's voice. "The work hours? Or my dad getting the phone call that I'm, like, doing drugs?!"
"You love acting like I'm the fuck up all of a sudden. Because now you get to be mad at me like nothing else ever happened."
Piper's face is red. "So I made a mistake, and now you get to screw me over anytime you want?"
"A mistake, that's what you're calling it now?"
"Yeah, you know what, I was drunk. And scared."
"You think I wasn't scared? They could have kicked me out, Piper, and that would've been it for any chance I have at a decent future."
"Believe me, I get that, which is why I tried to get there in time to help you. But dragging me down with you wasn't going to make any difference."
"My only chance was showing Red how fucked it was to search our room was in the first place. I told her Jessica knew I'd have shit hidden because everyone does. Including you. I had to make a case."
"Oh, so now you had to do it. You're not even sorry, are you?"
"Why should I be?"
"I apologized to you, Alex, all I did was apologize - "
"It's not the same thing, Piper! Stop trying to equate it. And, anyway, you fucking apologized after two months of lying. And only because Janae caught you doing the same thing again - "
"I wasn't - "
"- so you want an apology, check in with me mid-July and we'll see where I'm at."
Alex's voice is biting and hoarse. Across the room, Piper's wild eyed and tight jawed.
The last time they fought this big and awful, the breakup, it felt like they were both ripping words straight off their hearts, yanking them through muscle and tissue and tears to get out.
This is different. All the shaky, early fissures of heartbreak are gone, leaving anger alone and unadorned. It feels like they're exchanging blows. Like hard, chaotic violence.
The thing is, Alex is sorry. She was sorry the second she did it.
But she can't bring herself to lay down and lose the fight.
"You know what, Pipes, it was your fucking friends who started this. I'm surprised you didn't get caught with them in the first place."
"I already told you," Piper growls. "I don't hang out with them anymore. Wanna know why?"
"I wanna know why you'd hang out with them in the first place."
Piper's voice stumbles slightly, losing her momentum before she continues as though Alex didn't speak. "Jessica, she - I tore into her for talking shit about you."
"Oh, wow, thanks so much. And how many times did she have to do that before you finally said something?"
Alex's throat tightens as Piper looks away, confirming the truth of it.
It takes a moment for Piper to lift her gaze again, and now there are tears gleaming alongside the anger.
"I asked you if you hate me now, Alex," Piper says quietly. "And you said no, but you're sure as hell treating me like someone you hate."
Alex's defenses deflate slightly, and she sounds more tired than annoyed when she counters, "You're making it sound like some calculated thing. I was making a point, I didn't think Red would do anything about it - "
"Bullshit," Piper snaps. "You realize you did the same thing to me that Jessica did to you." She pauses, her eyes gripping Alex's, unshakable. "Makes it pretty clear that you really don't give a shit about me."
The punch lands, winding her, and Alex swallows hard against a litany of protests, nitpicks of differences between her and Jessica Wedge, but nothing that really undermines the truth of what Piper's saying.
"Fine," Alex's voice is soft, throbbing with a fresh wound. "Maybe I did want to hurt you back."
Piper's face tightens, a portrait of childlike hurt. "Well, there's the difference, Al," she says thickly. "I never wanted to hurt you."
Alex laughs once, a strangled, disbelieving sound. "But you did. And I'm sorry that you got some fucking work hours and maybe your parents are going to ground you for a few weeks. But you do not get to act like we're even now or, or like you don't have any reason to feel guilty anymore. I tattled on you to the headmistress or whatever, fine. I shouldn't have. But you broke my fucking heart, Pipes. And you are right here, all the time, just...reminding me. And you know what, maybe it's hard not to hate you a little bit for that."
They're both quiet for awhile, a silence that feels familiar: cut through with harsh, shaky breaths and devastation that reaches its corners.
"Well, you're getting what you wanted, right?" Piper says finally. Her voice is hard, but Alex can hear the effort she's putting in to keep it that way. "We're not roommates next year. And until then, I'm more than happy to stay the hell away from you." Her voice cracks, but Piper's already turning on her heel, viciously grabbing her pillow before stalking out of the room.
Heat fans out in Alex's stomach, because she knows exactly what Piper's doing. She's going to sleep in the basement, because now she's the wronged party. The one who gets to walk away.
Fine. But Alex refuses to play her part. She's not going to send middle of the night apology texts, or beg Piper to come back. She doesn't want to feel like she's the one who ruined this.
It was already over, even if there was some last shred of hope Alex shouldn't have been holding but was, and now she's crushed it between her palms.
It was already over, even if there was some last shred of hope Alex shouldn't have been holding but was, and now she's crushed it between her palms.
Alex hasn't showered or eaten since soccer practice this afternoon, so she heads to the hall bathroom and stands under the water long after she's clean, letting the hot, steady spray lure her somewhere blank and numb.
Later, Alex crawls into bed, sending pieces of Piper's book scattered all over the floor. The mess will bother Piper more, anyway, and she's not going to be the one to clean it up.
Piper doesn't sleep well in the dorm basement. Her brain keeps her awake, cycling through anxieties: her parents getting a call from Red tomorrow, notifying them of her violation. Alex refusing to apologize. Alex saying she hates her a little. Moving out of the room at the end of this year, not coming back. Work hours. Finals coming up, how hard it will be to focus on studying. Having no real friends anymore.
God, she wants to go home. She's been ready to get away from here for the past two and half months, ever since the break up, but now she's not even allowed to look forward to that, because her parents are going to be furious at her.
It's already a summer vacation without visits with Alex, or weekends at Nicky's lake house. There will be no one for her to run to when the house gets thick with her parents inevitable disappointment.
So the rest of this year is going to suck. And then summer vacation is going to suck. And then she comes back as a senior with nothing to show for the last two years: no roommate, not even a lunch table. Just half-friendships with Polly, on the tennis court or when Jessica isn't around, or Poussey, when everyone else is busy.
Just thinking about it makes Piper feel very, very tired.
She thinks herself in circles, outrunning tears until five in the morning when she's too exhausted to not be crying.
After an hour of that, she wants her bed more than she wants to prove a point to Alex, so she walks up the stairs and through the eerie, dark silence of the dorm hallway to slip quietly into their room. Five minutes later, Piper falls asleep facing the wall.
When Alex wakes up Sunday morning, she's surprised to see Piper curled up on the other bed. Alex was still awake around 3 am; Piper must have snuck back in early this morning.
Something about that, her deciding to come back, puts a knot in Alex's throat.
She leaves for breakfast before Piper wakes up. Janae and Poussey are there - Nicky's been sleeping in on weekends lately. Alex knows she's going to have to tell her friends what she did; going through the line for food, she decides this is probably the best time to do it. She's pretty sure Nicky will absolve her, say Piper got what was coming to her, and Alex doesn't want to hear that right now.
"How you doing?" Poussey prompts when Alex sits down.
She gives a listless shrug. "I dunno. Did I tell you I'm banned from soccer for a week?"
Janae's jaw drops, looking as though she can't imagine a worst punishment. "The fuck?"
"Isn't it the tournament this week?"
"Yeah. Game on Wednesday. And then Friday, if we win. So I could miss two Regional games and if somehow we're still in it, I bet Mendoza benches me anyway."
"That's fucked up," Janae says feelingly. "Jessica and them gonna miss, what? Two tennis practices? Not even on season?"
"I know." Alex exhales, then adds, "Piper's gonna miss those, too."
Poussey frowns. "Why, what'd she do?"
"Nothing." It comes out like an admission, heavy and quiet. "When Red and Fisher were in our room yesterday...I showed them weed in Piper's bookshelf. Told them it was hers."
"Oh." Poussey and Janae exchange quick, surprised looks.
"I didn't really plan it, I just...I thought I was going to get expelled."
Her friends listen as Alex gives them a more honest summary of everything she'd said to Red, how the only defense she could think of led her to sacrificing Piper's reputation along with her own.
They're quiet for awhile when she finishes, expressions uneasy but not judgmental. Finally, Poussey asks, "She know? That you told?"
"Yup," Alex says dully. "She's...pretty mad. Thinks I was punishing her or something."
"Were you?" Poussey's scrutinizing her intently.
Alex lets out a hollow, breath of a laugh. "I...was in panic mode, it's not like I even had time to think, 'well at least I finally have a chance to get back at Piper'." She runs a hand through her hair, frustrated. "God, I don't know. I didn't even hesitate."
"I get it," Janae says suddenly, the first time she's spoken in awhile.
Alex looks at her. "You do?"
"You been pretty mad for awhile, Al," she observes, steady and serious. "'S like it was just looking for a way to get out."
"Yeah, well." Alex looks away, feeling the heat rise to her face. "I don't feel good about it."
Poussey lightens her tone. "It's just a violation, right? This close to the end of the year, it's not like she has to be careful for long."
"Right."
Text Message, Sunday, 11:03 am
MOM
[Hey kiddo you up?]
ALEX
[Yeah.]
[Did the school call?]
[I'm really sorry.]
MOM
[Ok if I give u a call?]
ALEX
[Yes.]
Alex answers the phone, dread trickling through her as she steps out of the dorm building and onto the lawn. "Hey, Mom."
"Hey, babe," Diane's voice is gentle, and for a fleeting instant Alex wishes she would just be angry. She closes her eyes with the thought that Piper's parents will definitely be angry, probably angry in a way her mother's never once been with her. "You okay?"
"Uh." Alex forces a laugh. "Been better?"
"You wanna tell me what happened?"
Alex wanders around to the side of the building, where there's an old, unused bike rack. She half sits against the metal, kicking her Converse in the dirt as she slowly starts talking. "Um. You remember that girl Jessica I told you about?"
"Your old roommate, right?"
"Yeah...well, she and her friends got caught smoking pot. And she hates me, so she said she bought it from me. Which isn't true. But I guess Red believed her, and they searched my room. I had stuff in there, like...like everybody does."
"They usually search kids rooms?"
"No. I've literally never heard of it happening."
"Well, then. That doesn't seem fair."
"I know. Red even basically admitted that when she was punishing me but, like...too late for her to pretend she didn't find anything."
"So what's that mean for you? Said one of the violations is carrying over to next year...?"
"Two violations in a year means expulsion, so...basically I have no room to screw up next year."
"Got it." Her mom is quiet for a moment, then Alex hears her draw a breath. "Listen, Al, I...I know you got into that school all on your own. You worked hard for that scholarship and it's not something I've ever been able to help you out with - "
"Mom," Alex protests softly, a sinking feeling in her chest. Ever since she started at Litch, it's like her mother feels like she has fewer rights to Alex. She was never big on discipline in the first place - she worked too much to really enforce most punishments - but it's different now. She's hesitant to give any sort of admonishment or even advice that has anything to do with Alex's life here. It makes Alex sad, and guilty, like boarding school means she emancipated herself without intending to.
"- but you're so close, kid. Next year you start applying to schools, and I've looked into it...Litchfield kids get into good ones. With your grades, and that school on your application, you're gonna get some scholarship offers. And...I really want that for you, Alex. I know how teenagers are, I know it's normal in high school to be breaking rules, kinda figuring out your limits, but...I'd hate to see you lose this chance. You're so smart, and you've worked so hard - "
"It's okay, Mom," Alex cut her off, her voice pulled tight. "I know I can't risk getting in trouble again, no matter how careful I am. Total girl scout from now on, I swear."
"That's good to hear." Diane pauses, her voice softening before she adds, "I'm sorry, babe. I know this wasn't fair, and you're having a rough year anyway."
"This one was kind of on me, though," she admits softly. "I did have all that shit and...I didn't really help my case with Red."
"Still. Must've made for another shitty day."
"Yeah, kinda." Alex's voice breaks, and she squeezes her eyes shut, frustrated with herself.
"Hey..."
"Sorry, it's...I'm fine."
"Listen, Al, you made a mistake. But it's not a mistake that's gonna ruin anything for you. And nothing's gonna get fixed by you beating yourself up over it."
"I know," Alex assures her. Privately, she doesn't think guilt has to be productive. Just deserved.
"We can talk more about this when you're home. You just focus on your exams and everything, yeah? Then you and your friends can have a fun summer."
"Yeah. you're right."
"You know how much I love you?"
"Yes. I love you, too. And I'm sorry.'
"Don't apologize to me, Al."
"I want to. Because I am."
"It's all okay, baby. Talk soon?"
"Yeah, definitely. Bye, Mom."
Piper's waiting all day for an angry phone call from home, her anxiety compounding the longer it doesn't come. By the end of the day, she's so nauseated with nerves that only the required work hours get Piper to the dining hall for dinner.
She goes through the line, thinking she'll go to one of the few outdoor tables and quickly eat alone before coming back inside, when Polly comes up to her. "Pipe, hey! God, I'm glad to see you. You wanna maybe sit? Like...over there?" She nods to an empty table nearby. Off Piper's questioning look, she clarifies, "I kinda had a a whole thing with Jess...lemme get food, and I'll fill you in."
A few minutes later, they're eating by themselves while Polly insists she's finally done with being part of Jessica's crowd. "I told her off for what she did to Alex. That was so fucked up. She could've gotten her expelled."
Piper nods vaguely but doesn't reply. Polly waits a beat, seeming to expect Piper to join in insulting Jessica. Finally, she continues, "I should have bailed a long time ago. I already knew she does shitty things to people."
"She's not the only one," Piper mutters.
"What's that mean?"
"I...will actually be joining you guys for work hours." Off Polly's look, Piper explains, "Red searched our room yesterday and - "
"Seriously? I didn't think they actually do that."
"Apparently so. Anyway, Alex told them some of the weed they found was mine."
"What? Why would she do that?"
Piper's eyes flick across the dining hall, where Alex is sitting with the others. "I guess because she really doesn't like me much anymore."
Polly is all too willing to join Piper in denouncing Alex's actions. Piper gives her everything that makes it sound worse - that Alex actually pulled it out to show Red, that she's the one who hid it there in the first place - all the while knowing Polly is clueless about the motive.
But Piper relaxes in the face of Polly's secondhand indignation. She prefers the story the way Polly hears it, where Piper doesn't have to remember that she did give Alex plenty of reason to hate her.
Maybe Alex is right, that she's using this as an excuse to finally shrug off the guilt that's been weighing her down since that day in the cabin. But Piper doesn't think that's so wrong.
She screwed up, badly, but it's already cost her enough. She lost Alex and all her closest friends. Everything good about her life here, it's gone.
She's sick of hating herself on top of all that.
Piper wonders idly if , the dining hall manager, realizes how many fucked up dynamics there are in her work crew of punished students.
Polly and Jessica aren't speaking, and Jessica's clearly given the rest of their friends orders to ignore her as well. Jessica and Alex hate each other, and today Alex has more reason for that than ever. And Alex and Piper...
Well. They're not really speaking, either - although that's nothing unusual. The last month has been nothing but small, pained greetings going in and out of the room, and before that there had been all silence for awhile.
It doesn't make any sense, then, why this feels so much like another breakup, when there was almost nothing left for them to lose.
Piper pairs up with Polly, wiping down tables with a wet towel while she holds a metal container at the edge for all the crumbs and bits of trash. "So, you got into it with Jessica, and now none of the others will talk to you either?"
"Apparently not."
"Even Madison? She's your roommate."
"And the furthest up Jess's ass." Polly rolls her eyes. "Whatever." Then she grins. "Look at us, Pipe. Both ousted from our lunch tables this semester. We're like the island of misfit toys."
Piper laughs a little. She's suddenly, acutely grateful for Polly. "You're gonna be around this summer, right? I mean, like...visiting Danny?"
Polly looks up and grins broadly. "Yeah, for sure. Even without him, you should come stay for a week or something...my grandparents have a beach house, it's only like an hour away from my place."
"That'd be awesome."
"Yeah? We'll plan it, then, when school's out." Polly sighs. "Once I'm done being grounded. My parents freaked out on the phone to me for like an hour earlier. They, like, used the landline for the first time in years just so they could do it at the same time." She raises her eyebrows at Piper. "What'd your parents say?"
"Nothing yet," Piper says, trying to keep the level of worry out of her voice. Polly sounds so flippant and exasperated talking about her parents. "Which can't be good."
"Letting you stew, huh? That's the worst."
"Yeah...I guess that's what they're going for."
PIper's distracted, suddenly, by the sound of Jessica's voice nearby.
"Here's what I don't get - how come we get the same punishment for using as she gets from dealing?"
Glancing back, Piper immediately realizes why she heard that. Alex is rolling two large trash cans, now emptied with fresh bags, back through the dining hall, and Jessica had obviously raised her voice to make sure Alex overheard it.
Piper waits for a second, expecting a retaliation; Alex used to always have the perfect snarky remark back to Jessica, and surely she must really want to let her have it for almost getting her expelled.
But Alex just keeps walking, her head down, not so much as a glare or eyeroll in Jessica's direction.
Piper frowns, her chest squeezing around worry, just for a second.
Then she shakes it off, turning back to Polly, pretending Alex isn't even here.
Text Message, Monday, 8:51 am
PIPER
[Hey have you heard from Mom or Dad the last few days?]
CAL
[Yeah Mom texted yesterday why]
PIPER
[No reason I just hadn't talked to them in awhile]
CAL
[Is that supposed to be a bad thing?]
PIPER
[Guess not.]
Coach Mendoza makes Alex show up at the beginning of soccer practice Monday and announce to the team that she got herself banned for the next week of Regionals.
It's sufficiently humiliating. The freshmen girl who will have to take her spot in goal looks sufficiently terrified, but most of the team just looks pissed. They give her these condescending, disdainful looks like most of them haven't been buying from her for years.
She feels like a banished prisoner on the long walk from the practice fields to the dorm. Piper's not in the room, but Alex grabs her stuff and clears out anyway, heading to the library for the rest of the night.
She can't think of anything to do right now besides work, so once Alex finishes her homework for the night, she gets a head start on final papers that will be due in the next few weeks. Nicky texts her repeatedly asking why she isn't at dinner, but she doesn't leave the library until it's time to report for her her work hours.
By the time finals roll around, it's officially the longest stretch at Litchfield that Piper hasn't heard from her parents. She studies obsessively, like maybe if she can ace every class it will make up for getting in trouble.
The last week at Litch, she finally texts her mom to ask the plan for Danny's graduation on Sunday. The reply comes after an hour, and it's just curt instructions of where and when to meet them at Overbrook.
The stress and intensity of exams at least have Piper looking forward to the semester's end, but she has no idea what's waiting for her at home. She's rarely been the target of her parents' anger, but she's seen it with Cal and even Danny enough to know this tactic is unprecedented.
On Friday night, Piper hangs out in Polly's room while she gets ready until Polly has to head for the bus taking the Litchfield girls to Overbrook for the spring formal. Then she heads back to her own room to pack, figuring the campus must be completely empty.
She pulls up short in the doorway, taken aback by Alex's presence. She's on her knees on her bed, peeling her posters from the wall.
Glancing back, Alex immediately frowns in confusion. "What are you doing here?"
Piper doesn't look at her. "It's my room, remember." There's a hard, possessive edge to her voice.
"I meant why aren't you at the dance?"
"Polly's going with Danny. It's his last one so they're making it a serious date." She cuts her eyes at Alex. "And since I literally have no other friends there was no point in gong."
"Is that supposed to be my fault?" Alex mutters, turning back to the wall.
"Just answering the question." Piper hesitates for a second before closing the door behind her and walking to her own side of the room.
She and Alex have managed to avoid each other for the last month of school. It's been strange, but she also feels more in control than she has since they broke up. Piper's better at anger than longing. Or shame.
But something about the image of Alex taking down the posters that have been on their walls since Piper got here makes her stay put. Alex will probably go home tomorrow, so this is the last night the room will be theirs.
It feels like they're both supposed to be here.
She drags a suitcase out of the closet and starts folding clothes to put in there, leaving only her school uniforms hanging. After a few minutes of thick, precarious silence, Alex asks, "Do you care if I put on music?"
"Go ahead."
It seems to take her awhile to choose something, and then some song Piper's never heard starts playing through Alex's laptop.
"Why aren't you at formal?" Piper asks after a moment.
"Just didn't feel like it. Doubt it'd be much fun sober."
Another four songs play before Alex breaks the silence again. "Hey, is it cool if I leave the minifridge in here and come get it next semester when I know my room assignment?"
Fisher had told them both, separately, that Piper is staying in their room next year, while Alex will get moved. "Yeah, fine."
"Thanks." Alex pauses, but before the quiet can settle again, she says, "You're lucky you're the one staying. You might not even get a new roommate...no one transfers senior year, I'm probably gonna get stuck in a different building with the juniors."
"Well, you're the one who asked to move."
"No, I didn't."
Piper tenses, pausing in her task but keeping her back to Alex. "What are you talking about? "
"When Red was going through my shit she found that photo booth strip we took at the bowling alley last summer."
"So...she knew we used to be - "
"Yep. She's just enforcing to no sex rule."
Piper's quiet for awhile, processing that. She decides it doesn't make a difference. "But you were going to ask for it, anyway."
"I don't know."
She finally whirls around, finding Alex sitting on the bed, no longer working, just looking at her. Piper narrows her eyes. "You told me you were going to Fisher."
"I know. But I kept putting it off - "
"Stop," Piper's voice is firm, but there's already the slightest fracture at the edge. She swallows hard. "You don't get to do that, you can't start taking shit back - "
"What, like there's nothing you want to take back?" Alex snaps.
They stare at each other across a silence loaded with so many feelings, but nothing so big as the exhaustion. Piper gets that feeling again, like she's losing something she didn't think she had anymore.
Piper ends it, blinking rapidly as she turns back to her closet. She comes across a few stray pieces of paper, remnants of her destroyed book that somehow survived Piper's eventual cleaning. The sight of them makes it easier to steady her hands and finish packing.
After almost an hour, Piper's pretty much packed everything and is sitting in front of her bookshelf, figuring out which ones she might want for the summer, when Alex speaks again, her voice uncharacteristically tentative. "Hey, I...was gonna maybe go down to the basement. Watch a movie or something, since no one's around to fight for the TV. If you wanted to come."
Piper's quiet, wanting, for a second, to say yes.
There is no one else in the dorms. If they were still together, she could have curled into Alex on the couch. Held her hand. Kissed her during the boring parts.
But that's all over. And Piper thinks maybe the finality she keeps getting pounded with is the realization that there truly is no route to get them back to that place.
And to handle that, Piper needs the shield of her anger.
So she curls her fingers around the edge of the bookshelf, thinking about Alex pulling the weed out of it and naming her for it, before she can say in a clear voice, "No, I'm good."
Piper's sick to her stomach when she finally sees her parents on Sunday. They both hug her and ask about her grades, but it's more perfunctory than usual, and even her dad doesn't linger on her for much conversation. She's glad her grandmother is with them, and doesn't seem to have been informed of her wrongdoing.
She sits between Cal and Polly during graduation, but she's so disconcerted by her father avoiding eye contact that she barely pays attention. Danny's leaving immediately for a grad week with his friends, so there's no way to avoid the car ride home with her parents.
They go by Litchfield to pick up Piper's bags, so she gets the image of the blank, nondescript side of Alex's room, everything familiar and comforting stripped away, to carry in the mostly silent ride home.
When they get into the house, her eyes go instinctively to the hook near the door where her keys usually hang while she's at school. There's nothing there.
Her dad follows her gaze and says calmly, "You won't be needing your car for awhile." Piper looks up at him, bracing herself at the same moment her shoulders sag with a strange relief at this finally being acknowledged. "Being able to come and go as you please isn't a privilege you deserve right now."
Cal spins around, his eyes wide with interest and surprise. "Whoa, what?"
"Calvin, mind your business," their mom says stiffly, nudging him along with a cool glance back at her daughter.
"I...okay," Piper nods. "That's fine - "
"Damn right it's fine."
"- can we just go ahead and get this part over with?"
"What part is that?"
"The talking or, or the yelling."
Her father raises his eyebrows, miming surprise. "You're almost seventeen years old, Piper, and you're telling me you need a lecture to explain why you shouldn't be doing drugs at school?"
Her voice shrinking, Piper stammers, "N-no, I know I shouldn't - "
"At this point, you know the difference between right and wrong. I don't have to tell you. If you're choosing wrong in spite of that, there's nothing your mother and I can say that's going to affect you. Apparently all we can do is enforce consequences and hope those make an impact."
Then he's gone, apparently done with her. Piper stays where she is, feeling impossibly small, when Cal comes slinking into the hallway. "Dude, what'd you do?" He lowers his voice. "Did they find out about you and Alex?"
"No, and you can fucking keep your mouth shut about it," she says roughly, shoving past him to head upstairs to her bedroom to shut herself in for a long summer.
The first day of summer vacation, Alex borrows the car during her mother's shift at Friendly's so she can drive around and inquire about jobs.
The bowling alley's always been chill, easy part-time work, good for three or four shifts a week. But Alex needs more hours, preferably somewhere with available shifts almost every day. She'd finally gotten around to considering the loss of income from her illegal dorm room business. She's going to need to save a lot more than usual this summer if she wants to pay her cell phone bill for the school year and have any chance of joining her friends at a movie or restaurant during weekends at Litch.
She gets a job on the early shift at IHOP, which lets her keep working evenings at the alley, too. Her mom looks disappointed for her, doesn't like the idea of Alex running from one shift to the other the way she does, but Alex starts to prefer the days that are completely consumed by work. There's not much for her to do, sitting at home by herself.
The group message stays active, most days, but when Poussey, Nicky, and Janae start planning a trip to Nicky's lake house, Alex declines. She tells them she can't miss work, that the jobs are too new to take much time off. It's probably true, but she doesn't even think about it before saying she can't go. It's not so appealing, anymore. She'd probably spend the whole week thinking about who isn't there.
A/N: I never break hiatuses with pleasant chapters, and this one in particular is a bummer in a way that isn't even that exciting. But hang in there, it's a largely transitional chapter to set up the dynamics going into senior year, which is, of course, the home stretch.