A/N Thank you all for your super reviews – I heart you all! Just a note about this chapter: it seems every one is more drastic than the last but this really is an extreme one, so fasten your seatbelts. I also wanted to tell you:

I've pretty much ignored Tina's existence throughout the story so lets just pretend she never existed (wink). Also, about Greg. I respect him greatly as a character. I think he is a super guy, not the naïve clownish kid he's often portrayed as. However, that doesn't mean I can resist using him for comic relief. He has an innocence that is plenty fun to play with.

I know some of you were concerned that Sara has been a bit weak and... I agree with you. My justification? She's seems to be a character who bottles up emotions and so, I like to think that the story shows what might happen to her if the whole can of worms was thrown open.

Merry Christmas to all of you – I hope it's magical! ENJOY!

C: 10

"I don't see any reason why this relationship shouldn't be a success," Grissom's voice floated through the crack in his office door. Greg, who had been walking past, stopped dead and put his ear to the door.

Catherine spoke next, "Well, there's no doubt that it's definitely… love. And it did start as a friendship."

Greg's eyes widened in shock. Could it be true? Catherine and Grissom. He leaned against the door, desperate to hear more. He knew that Nick had his eye on Sara, especially after the speech he'd given when she was attacked but Greg had never suspected this.

"Well then dear, lets just keep this amorous secret to ourselves for now – for everyone's sake," Grissom's voice came. Greg's mind immediately pounced on his supervisor's choice of words: dear?

"Yeah, we don't need Ecklie on our case now," Catherine agreed. Grissom nodded in agreement.

"Where's Nick?" Grissom asked, picking up a file from his desk.

"In the layout room. We'll finish this later?" Catherine asked, turning to the door. Greg jumped and hurried down the corridor. He didn't want to be discovered eaves dropping on the boss.

"Yeah," Grissom nodded. Catherine turned and walked from the room. Grissom took a sip of his coffee and set the mug down on his desk. He headed for the door but stopped when a woman stepped into his path.

"Dr. Grissom?" she held out her hand, "I'm here about one of your employees…Sara Sidle."

xxx

Sara pulled into her parking spot and switched off the car. She couldn't stay at home. Her mind was reeling from the news about her mother's release. The only thing that was going to clear her head was work. It had been okay while Nick was with her. He was a good distraction, especially when he arrived with the famous 'it'. But when he'd left, she found herself alone in the silence of her apartment. Alone with her thoughts. She'd always loved to sit and just think – to reason things out – but this was different. This was mind-boggling. Her mind was going to drive her mad with questions and fears she could not answer and so, an hour after Nick had left, she'd thrown on a pair of jeans and a knitted white polo neck and made a dash for the lab.

Sara knew Grissom wouldn't be happy to see her there, nor Nick – Heaven help her if she encountered Ecklie- but they would have to understand. Her body was aching with weakness and a splitting headache was slowly burning its way through her forehead but she didn't care. She couldn't just sit at home pretending to rest. She wasn't going to get any. Her mind was just going to drive her crazy if she didn't focus it on something else.

Sara grabbed her blue Forensics jacket from the passenger seat and pulled it on then got out of the SUV and headed for the lab entrance.

xxx

"I'm sorry. That's not my choice," Grissom shook his head. He stared across his desk at the woman, still wondering how she'd found him.

"It's Christmas Eve. Please, Dr Grissom." She rose from her seat, imploring him with her eyes. Grissom shook his head. Sara would kill him if he assented. The woman sighed in defeat and began pacing around his office. She paused, frowning at his foetal pig, then continued walking, eyeing out the specimens. Moments later, she disappeared behind his shelf of beetles.

Grissom sighed. He felt torn. Part of him wanted to help, but the other part wanted to shout at the woman – to throw her out of his office – and demand over and over again why she'd done what she did to Sara. Instead, all he did was sit and shake his head. A hoarse cough sounded from down the corridor and Grissom sat up straight. Sara didn't always listen to him, particularly when it came to her health, but he'd never expected her to come to the lab in her condition.

"Grissom?" Sara strode into his office. Her hair was untidy, with pieces out of place, and her skin was pasty.

"Sara?!"

"Griss, I need a case. Anything – please! If there isn't one, I'll help the other guys," She begged.

Grissom frowned, "You're supposed to be resting."

"Grissom, I know you spoke to the San Francisco DA. That means you know I can't sit idle right now," Sara said. He noticed her wringing her hands – something she only did when she was wired - and sighed, torn yet again between what he wanted to do and what he knew he should.

"Sara?" The woman emerged from behind the shelf.

Sara's blood ran cold. She froze, what colour was left draining from her face, and her eyes widened in disbelief. She turned around and gasped in shock. In an instant, dread was written across her face. The woman took a step forward and she found herself stepping back until her back hit a wall.

Grissom's heart squeezed painfully in his chest at her reaction. He instantly wanted to kick himself for ever allowing Sara to enter his office while the woman was there. She looked bewildered and scared, like a small child – a far cry from the stoically composed Sara Sidle he knew. The woman took a step closer, reaching out towards her and she pressed herself further into the wall. Her eyes glazed over and she stared in shock at the woman in front of her. Grissom panicked and rose from his seat.

"Sara," he said calmly. "Sara, it's okay."

But she wasn't listening. Her eyes became glassy and her face expressionless. Her breathing became faster. Grissom took a tentative step towards her: he didn't want her to pass out. Not again. But Sara turned her head away from the woman to him. Her eyes were pained and hard. He knew that look: she was disappointed with him. She felt betrayed.

"Sara," the woman cooed. Sara's eyes snapped away from Grissom to the woman and she smiled, "Don't worry. It's mom. I know it's been a long time, but I've missed you so much."

Sara shook her head. This was just too much. Too soon. She pushed herself off the wall and bolted.

xxx

"You guys are not going to believe this!" Greg rounded the corner into the layout room and skidded to a halt in front of Warrick and Nick.

"Whoa there! What's up?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, where's the fire?" Warrick added.

Greg shook off the comment. "What's the department policy about relationships?"

Nick's smile dropped into a frown, "Why?" He asked flatly.

"It looks like there's a blossoming relationship on our team," Greg said.

"Who?" Warrick interrupted before Nick could interrupt.

"Grissom and Catherine. I just overheard them talking about it," Greg said proudly. "They said it's definitely love and that they're going to keep it a secret."

Relief flowed through Nick. His and Sara's secret was still safe. Beside him, Warrick frowned deeply.

"Are you sure, Greg? I really doubt that," he said. Nick looked over at his friend. Underneath his frown he looked….worried. Worried and disappointed. Was it possible that Warrick was attracted to Catherine? The two had always had great chemistry, but he hadn't noticed anything different between them lately. Granted, they had been working many cases together, but there was nothing unusual about that. Still, Nick reminded himself, I've been a little caught up with someone else lately.

Quick footsteps suddenly sounded down the corridor, drawing closer to the layout room. The three CSIs turned to see Sara fleeing down the corridor. Her blue jacket was only half on and flying out behind her as she raced past the room, obviously upset.

"Was that…?" Greg asked, his voice trailing off.

"Sara!" Nick shot from his chair and followed her.

"Isn't Sara supposed to be resting at home?" Warrick asked, frowning.

Greg nodded and shrugged, "Well, there's our next department romance. He's head over heels for her."

"Oh yeah," Warrick nodded in agreement. He looked out the window and saw Grissom hurrying down the corridor after Nick and Sara. "I wonder what's up."

xxx

Sara burst through the lab's front doors, glad to be out. It was dark –almost midnight – and snowing heavily outside. The streets were quieter than usual because most people were celebrating Christmas with their families but Sara hardly noticed. Her muscles ached, her throat and lungs were burning, her mind was clouded with panic and dizzy nausea swirled around her head. But she wasn't going to stop. She had to get the Hell away. Even if she'd wanted to, she doubted her feet would've stopped.

"Sara!" a voice behind her yelled.

She ran faster. Tears streamed unchecked. Her mother's face flashed in her mind. She saw her father's pasty drunk face, her mother's red panic, the knife, the blood. The smell of it was all around her. She felt every injury she'd ever gotten as a result of their fights: the broken arm, the numerous fractures, phantom cuts and bruises, and worst – the heartache of guilt, of believing that it was all her fault. It was overwhelming her, smothering her. She'd never wanted to go back there but seeing her mother again had opened Pandora's box. Now she had to escape it.

Tiny lights began to flash in front of her eyes as she rounded the corner into a park. Her entire body was drained, weakened, and the cold air caught in her throat, dry and stinging, making her lungs want to explode. Her ears began to ring and a flash of hot pain sped across her head. Suddenly, her foot caught on a concealed rock and she crashed to the ground.

Sara lay gasping in the snow. Her body shook with pain and exhaustion. Her mind was too distressed to rationalize her way to composure. Slowly, she curled up into a ball, letting the aching of her limbs and mind overwhelm, then consume, her. A choking cough rose in her, grating her throat. When it subsided, she shivered. Her tears were warm on her cheeks but the cold snow was soaking her clothes. She sniffed miserably. This was nothing like her. She wasn't one to run away from her problems. Shame settled in her heart as she realised what she'd done. Not even when she was young had she openly fled a problem. Never before.

Suddenly, a hand settled on her shoulder. Sara started and pulled away.

"Sara?" It was Nick. He sounded both hurt and concerned. He was kneeling in the snow beside her and leaned to brush a tear from her cheek. His eyes bespoke worry, desperation and intense love. That was it. She fell forward into his arms, pushing both of them backwards onto the snow. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

"Shh, it's okay," he soothed.

"I can't do it Nick. I can't face her now," she cried.

"Who?"

"My mother. I walked into Grissom's office 'cause I wanted an assignment to get my mind off her and she was there. Just standing there. I panicked."

"And you ran?" Nick asked gently. Sara nodded and he understood. So that was why she'd been running away. He gave her a squeeze and ran his hand up and down her back to soothe her. His touch sent a shiver through her that turned into warmth. When she finally calmed down, she sniffed and moved in his arms.

"Pathetic, huh?" she asked, looking up at him.

"What?"

"Me." Sara cast her eyes down in shame.

"Why?" Nick frowned.

"I ran away. Like a kid."

Nick shook his head, "You're not pathetic Sara. You're stronger than you think. You're just having a bad time lately. Everybody breaks down sometimes, no matter how strong they are."

"I tried so hard to stand there but my feet just wouldn't," Sara said softly, staring ahead of her. "The last time a saw her, she was on the other side of a glass panel and refusing to sign my adoption papers."

"It's easier to get over something when it's not right there in front of you. If you haven't seen your mother since then, then I think you took it pretty well, considering," Nick said hopefully.

"Ha. Ha. That's sweet Nicky, but it's nonsense," Sara chuckled wryly.

"No! I'm serious!" Nick said, giving her a squeeze.

"Hmmm, I'll believe you," Sara said softly.

"C'mon, let's get you home," Nick suggested, "It's Christmas Eve and you're lying soaking wet in a park."

Sara chuckled and sat up from his chest. "Thanks for coming after me."

Nick brushed a wet strand of hair behind her ear and smiled. "Anytime, angel."

They decided to head back to the lab so Sara could get her house keys out of her locker and pick up her car. When they arrived, Grissom was outside the front door, pacing.

"Sara!" He cried, rushing towards them. "Where on earth did you go?" He was obviously concerned and feeling guilty for allowing her mother in.

Sara ignored his question and clenched her jaw. She narrowed her eyes, "What were you doing with her?"

"She came looking for you." Grissom said plainly: he didn't know what else to say to her.

"So you just welcomed her in?"

"She desperately wants to see you. You know you can't pretend she doesn't exist," Grissom countered. Sara shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. She'd come to the lab to get away from all this and it angered her that her personal problems had managed to pervade the one place that she could find a sort of peace. Grissom put a tentative hand on her arm. "Look Sara, I know it hurts. You shouldn't have to deal with this now. I'm sorry, but you do."

"He's right," Nick intoned. Sara cast a shocked look in his direction but he continued. "Sara, when you pulled me outta that glass box and told me about Kelly, I either wanted to never see her, or to kill her. I didn't want to visit her but when I did, I felt better. If you don't speak to her, you'll spend the rest of your life wondering - and I know you don't want that on your shoulders."

After a moment of silence, Sara sighed. "Where is she?"

Grissom gave her a smile of reassurance, "In my office."

xxx

Sara stepped into the office. Her mother was sitting in a chair in front of the desk. Her back was to the door. Sara took a deep breath and sat down in Grissom's chair. She remained silent, carefully noting the changes in her mother's appearance. She was shorter than Sara remembered her, and a little broader too. Her skin had lost some of its former smoothness and wrinkles had crept in around her mouth and eyes. Her hair had always been brown like Sara's and long, but her chin-length cut now showed streaks of grey. Most haunting though, were her eyes. Hazel, and piercing, they spoke of the trials she had endured, the years of constant condemnation she had lived in marriage, the abuse and degradation. But her eyes also showed sadness, regret and longing. And it was that that began to gnaw at Sara's resolve.

"Sara?" Laura questioned softly. Sara locked her jaw, forcing herself to show no reaction, and continued to watch her mother. "Honey, you're so grown-up," Laura continued, reaching across the table for Sara's hand. "And so beautiful." Sara immediately pulled her hand back into her lap. Laura bowed her head in defeat. "Sara, I know you're angry. But I had no choice. If I hadn't done it, he would have killed me – maybe even you. You know how much he'd drink, especially that night."

"Why didn't you tell somebody?" Sara fought to keep her voice cold.

"You know it wouldn't have changed anything."

Sara shook her head sadly, not taking her eyes off her. Silence descended on them as she took time to think over what her mother had said. Her eyes rose to her mother's face again, seeking the exception. There had always been one when she was growing up – always a 'but'. Her mother looked sad now – remorseful – but Sara had learnt that nothing came without a price. This couldn't just be a happily-ever-after reunion. Her mother wanted something from her – surely she did?

Laura frowned. Her daughter was scrutinising her, obviously suspicious. Her stomach tightened as a wave of regret passed over her. She wondered if perhaps finding Sara had been a bad idea. But she had wanted to see her so badly, longed to find her and see that she was okay. She'd waited over 20 years to get back to her daughter and now all she really wanted was to be a part of her life. She realised that she'd made huge mistakes when Sara was young. She'd put her own struggle against her husband in front of her daughter – and Sara had been hurt in the worst ways because of it. She had no idea how the years had altered her child, but she hoped that something of the intelligent, bright-eyed, compassionate girl had remained. As she looked on her daughter now, she wondered if that was possible. Sara's eyes were dark – darker than they were when she was young – and jaded. In them, Laura saw for the first time a deep strength, an intensity of character that she hadn't noticed before. To her surprise, though, Sara did not look on her with the anger she had expected, but rather with a profound sadness. She let her eyes wonder over the rest of her daughter. She was pale – almost unnaturally so – and…wet?

"Sara, you're soaking wet. What happened?" she asked, frowning with concern.

"I'm fine," Sara replied flatly. She paused briefly, then asked, "Why wouldn't you sign the papers?"

"Papers?"

"Please don't tell me you forgot," Sara said, her voice tinged with scorn.

"The adoption papers?" Laura sighed. "You were all I had left. I didn't want to lose you. My only child. I wanted to be your mother – not some stranger."

"So you left me in foster care – with no mother at all?" Sara shot back, her eyes suddenly blazing.

Laura shook her head, "I had no idea." She cast her eyes downwards. "I was selfish. I'm sorry, but I did what I thought was best. I know you're hurting – that you're mad Honey, but please, it's Christmas Eve. You're obviously not feeling well. I don't expect you to love me. I just want to have you in my life." Her voice broke towards the end, forcing her to take huge gulps of air so she could finish and tears of sorrow trickled slowly from her eyes.

"I…" Sara opened her mouth to argue but closed it. Nick's words echoed in her head. She'd held onto unrelenting bitterness towards her mother for so long but now she was here in front of her, begging to be allowed to love her. Her heart ached at the sight of her sitting like this, obviously desperate. It had been easy to hate her when she wasn't there, but now she was before her, offering what Sara had yearned for since her father's death: the unconditional love of a parent. But could she forgive her? Sara forced herself to look at her mother again, to face the woman who had haunted her for the past 25 years. She felt a drop on her hand and suddenly realised that tears were flowing from her own eyes, too. And that decided it.

Sara put a trembling hand across the table, onto her mother's rough fingers. Laura looked up at her with hope in her eyes.

"I can't guarantee anything," Sara said softly. For a moment, Laura's eyes narrowed in uncertainty, but soon the meaning of the words reached her and an elated smile crossed her face. Suddenly, the tension in the room dissipated and she rose from her chair. She went around the desk, to Sara, who also stood up, and carefully reached out for her. At first, Sara seemed reluctant, but she soon relaxed into her mother's embrace. Tears streamed down her face and a huge weight lifted from her shoulders. When the two broke apart a few minutes later, both felt enormous relief.

"So… you're a CSI now?" Laura asked.

"Yeah."

"Boyfriend?"

"Uh huh," Sara nodded.

"I'd like to meet him."

"Sure," Sara nodded knowingly. She knew what her mother was doing: checking up to see if Nick was good enough. She knew the question that would follow.

"So what's he like?"

"His name is Nick. He's compassionate, devoted, romantic – and probably the reason I came to talk to you," Sara said.

"Wow, then I really would like to meet him."

"Where are you staying?" Sara asked.

"Nowhere. I have to get back to San Francisco. I violated my parole to come out here."

Sara raised an eyebrow but said nothing, "So you're leaving?"

"Yes, for a while. I have to get back before my parole officer finds out." She winked.

"I see," Sara nodded.

"Well," Laura said, "I guess I'd better get going. I have to check in tomorrow morning – in Frisco."

"Already?"

Laura nodded. She wrapped her arms around Sara, pulling her to her. "Thank you for letting me back into you life. I really want to know you and I'm going to miss you so much."

"But you'll keep in touch?" Sara asked, surprisingly reluctant to lose her so soon.

"Of course. I'll get your number from that nice receptionist - Judy, is it?"

Sara nodded and squeezed her mother, "I'll see you soon, mom."

As she watched her mother leave, Sara felt totally drained. The adrenaline was fast fading, leaving her weary and worn-out. Once Laura was out of sight, she flopped back into Grissom's chair and sighed. Her body and mind were aching and all she wanted was sleep. She leaned back in the chair, surprised at how comfortable it was and closed her eyes. That was how Nick and Grissom found her ten minutes later.

They stopped at the doorway to Grissom's office and Nick leaned against the doorframe as he watched her sleep.

"I think you'd better take her home," Grissom whispered.

"Yeah. Things will be better for her now that she's fixed it with her mother," Nick agreed. "I had no idea of what Sara's life was like. She's always so busy and so cheerful. She shows nothing of her past."

Grissom cocked his head to the side, "Did you ever listen to that song, Hotel California?" he asked. Nick shook his head.

"How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat. Some dance to remember; some dance to forget," Grissom quoted. "I guess Sara's constant working was a way for her to forget her past."

Nick nodded, used to his insight, which was usually correct. It was typical Grissom.

"Hey! What are you staring at?" Warrick asked as he and Greg walked up. He craned his head to see into the office and saw Sara. "O-ho. I see."

"What is she doing here?" Greg asked.

"Uh…" Nick opened his mouth but was luckily interrupted by a new voice.

"Grissom!" It was Catherine. She frowned when she saw them all standing outside the office and leaned to follow their eyes. "Poor thing," she said upon seeing Sara. "She must be exhausted."

"You have no idea," Nick muttered.

"So who was that woman she was talking to? It looked pretty tense?" Catherine turned to Grissom.

"Just a friend from San Francisco," Grissom answered smoothly.

"Oh," Catherine said. She glanced at her watch and smiled. "Hey guys?" they turned and looked at her, "Merry Christmas. It's past twelve."

Suddenly an idea hit Nick. He cast a glance at Sara, who was still fast asleep then turned to the others, "So what are you all doing after shift today?"

A/N almost there! Almost finished! Just one or two more chapters (most likely one) and I'll be finished. Thanks so much for reading and… please drop a review. I'd love to know your thoughts and mail you a bag of virtual MnM's for your efforts :)