The first of October in the year 1916 would forever be remembered as one of the darkest days in Hope Valley's history. It, along with the day of the mine disaster, was forever etched in the memories of dozens of women and children who had to bid farewell to their fathers, sons, husbands, and brothers. Both days felt identical, and the women who had been through the first of the days couldn't believe that it was happening again. Just when they thought they had moved on and found some peace, fate intervened once more. They started to wonder if they were cursed.

For the most part, things were running smoothly. No one had slept the night before so everyone could hear the wagons as the creaked along the road that led into the center of town. All of the men identified for conscription were ordered to be ready to depart at 8 AM on the dot, and no one tried to hide from it. So, the entire town was there: the men, most of them looking frightened; their wives, who were all crying but tried to be strong; and their children, who made the most noise, screaming and wailing and clutching their fathers for dear life.

One army official held a clipboard and was checking everyone's name off a list as they climbed up into one of the wagons. This was the hardest thing to watch for everyone else, since it was the last moment that they had with their families, possibly forever. A few townspeople made a point to shake the hands of those who didn't have families, as they didn't want them to go off to war with the idea that no one was thinking of them.

Amidst it all stood Lee and Rosemary. Rosemary had tried to be chipper, as she always was, for as long as she possibly could. She packed a bag for Lee containing clothes he would never wear ("They give you a uniform, Rosemary, it's the army," he had said), a few bites of his favorite foods, a novel that he loved, and, most importantly, pictures of them together. Pictures from major moments in their life, and pictures that they had taken secretly while on picnics or long walks. Lee didn't care about anything else in the bag, but as he watched her pack, he knew those pictures were coming everywhere with him for as long as he was away.

They stood in the queue together. One by one, men kissed their children goodbye, embraced their wives, shook hands with a fellow townsperson or two, and finally gave their name to the man with the clipboard and climbed into the wagon.

When Lee was fifth in line from the front, Rosemary abruptly turned to him.

"Remember, I packed four pairs of wool socks. You're going to need them, winter will be here soon."

Lee smiled at her lovingly. "I know, sweetheart."

She continued. "And, I packed your copy of The Pickwick Papers. I know you've read it a hundred times but it still makes you laugh, so I thought you might like to have it."

"I know."

"And there are a few pictures too. I know I couldn't pack all of our photos so I had to choose a couple. They're mostly just silly photos, since you always said you like those the best out of all of ours. I also put in one from our wedding, just so you would occasionally think of me." She said that last sentence in her usual sing-song, happy-go-lucky way, but her voice also broke a bit when she said it.

He took her hand in his and kissed it. "I'll be thinking of you every day I'm away."

Rosemary smiled at him and straightened his tie. Her face, as usual, was an outward display of happiness, but her tears gave her away. Lee reached out to brush them off her cheeks, and at his touch, she finally broke down. She collapsed into an embrace with him and sobbed.

They remained in that embrace as one, two, three, and finally four men in front of them went through the process. It was Lee's turn.

He gave his name to the army officer with the clipboard, who didn't even look up, he just checked his name off of his list. He kissed Rosemary, hugged her close, then unlocked his arms from her. She let him go, but held onto his hand for as long as possible as he climbed into the wagon. He once again kissed her hand, then released it. She sobbed, wrapped her arms around herself, and was gently moved out of the way by another townsperson.

She didn't break eye contact with him until the wagons rolled out. Some children chased after their fathers for a short while but were scooped up by their mothers, who tried to comfort them. Everyone watched as the wheels clicked and clattered on the road as they rounded the corner to leave town. And everyone tried very, very hard not to think it was a bad omen that the last sight they saw of the wagons was them rolling past the Hope Valley cemetery.

There had only been four people from Hope Valley that hadn't witnessed the men leaving for the army. Lucas had stayed far away; he had effectively gone into hiding ever since the army officers revealed his medical school past, and moreover, he still wasn't over the shame of being rejected from army service because of an asymptomatic heart murmur that should never have disqualified him. Nathan also wasn't there to witness it, as he had left two days prior on a very early morning stagecoach, his destination unknown to all but Bill. And the final two people were the Thorntons.

Jack hadn't returned home since their argument, and Elizabeth was frantically searching for him. She was so angry with herself for how she had acted. Yes, he had insulted her, but it wasn't him talking, and she knew that. He was going through something horrible right now, something that was inside his head. His physical injuries were gone but the scars on his soul were much slower to heal. She wasn't a doctor and she didn't know if this was due to the injury, or if it was due to the stress of what he had been through, or what. She didn't know anything. All she knew was that he was in no condition to be alone, no matter what he said or did. He needed her, and she had failed him.

Her panic was increasing though as she was running out of places to look. He hadn't been home. He wasn't in the RCMP office, or anywhere else in town. He wasn't at the school. He wasn't with Bill. Bill was now helping her look, but they had run into each other after hours of searching and neither had found him. They had even thought to check the old mine, and he wasn't there either.

She was directionless at this point. She had checked everywhere she could think of. And as she walked along the road back into town, she had her hands on her hips and she took deep breaths, trying desperately to keep her anxiety under control. She just wanted to see him, to know that he was alright, and to tell him that she loved him and that they would get through this together.

But the road into town went by the cemetery. The women of town had watched their husbands leave town past this very spot hours before. And now, as Elizabeth quickly walked back to town, she looked over at the graves. She stopped to look a little harder at one of them.

JACK THORNTON

She thought about the man who was actually buried in that grave. Joshua Miller. She felt such a tremendous amount of both guilt and gratitude towards him. He had saved two people, one of whom had been her husband. He had sacrificed himself, and yet he didn't even have the dignity of his own name on his grave. She felt angry with herself for how she handled her fight with Jack, but she was even angrier about her callous treatment of the man she thought had been Joshua Miller. She kept saying to herself that she would visit him in Silverton, but she never went, because she was selfish and didn't want to see the man who was alive while her husband was dead. It was an awful way to look at it, completely disrespectful to her husband's sacrifice. And now it felt even worse knowing that she could have fixed the whole situation years ago, had she just been a little stronger.

She shivered. The sun was high in the sky but it was still a very cold day. She felt her panic returning when she thought how Jack must have spent a freezing night outside after their argument. Under normal circumstances this wouldn't bother her, as Jack knew everything there was to know about wilderness survival, but he wasn't in his right mind. He could die of exposure. And she hadn't gotten him back just to lose him like that.

She started walking into town again, hell bent on finding him.

What Elizabeth had forgotten however was perhaps the most obvious place that Jack would go: the plot of land he had purchased for them before he had left. It had been the first place he thought of. Or rather, the *first* place he thought of was the sawmill, because he needed materials. The sawmill was deserted, which he didn't think twice about. He was oblivious to it but it was empty because the workers were departing and the new ones hadn't started yet. So, it was just a pure stroke of luck that he could simply walk in, take what he needed, load it onto a cart, and leave without anyone seeing him.

He now worked obsessively. In a matter of hours, the foundation was in place. Now, he was taking measurements and writing them into the notebook that he had used years ago for drawing. He knew all of the dimensions, and where all of the rooms were going to be that he had planned out two years ago. He had found his rough blueprints mixed in with Elizabeth's files, which despite his depression made him smile a bit, and he wondered if she had plans to build the house without him. He hoped that even if he had never returned, she would build it. She would build the house, and fill it with her family.

'Her family.' He thought. It made him stop working. He collapsed onto the ground, breathing hard. He covered his face with his hands and laid down on his back.

He couldn't believe what he had done. She had suggested that he see a doctor, a doctor that she was friends with, and he jumped to the most obscene and insulting conclusion possible. He accused her of unfaithfulness. And when she reacted as any woman would and tried to slap some sense into him, for a fraction of a second, he had wanted to hit her back. To think of it now absolutely terrified him. What had he become?

And more to the point, why would it be so bad if she had moved on? If she had found happiness with some other man? It wasn't unfaithful to try to find love again after your spouse died. He had written her a letter about this, he remembered writing it. It had been an awful thing to write, but he knew it contained things that she needed to see in case he ever were to not come back. He had wanted her to be happy, and to have a family. He wouldn't lie, he didn't enjoy thinking of her with someone else, but it was even worse to think about her growing old and dying alone without any joy in her life. Some people were perfectly content to be by themselves, and for a while before meeting her Jack had thought he was one of them. God forbid if anything ever happened to her, he didn't think he'd ever remarry, he hadn't even intended to get married once until he met her. But Elizabeth? She should be surrounded by loved ones, always. He hadn't wanted to be the reason that she wasn't.

This wasn't him. He knew it as well as she did. He knew the same Jack that she knew, and he was not a violent man. On the contrary, he was a peaceful man. A gentle man. A man who loved his wife, and now his child, more than life itself. A man who would do anything to ensure their safety and happiness. And what was more, he was an intelligent and level-headed man, a man of law and order. He didn't let his emotions get the better of him. But it was as if he had woken up a completely different person. A person with no control over his own emotions or faculties, who would swing from happy to distraught to angry to empty in mere minutes. A person who stared off into space in silence for hours at a time because he was trying to make sense of the tempest going on inside his head.

For the first time in his life, Jack wondered if Elizabeth had been better off without him. He wondered if it would have been better for him to have either truly died in the rockslide, or to have never regained his memory. He would have just remained a ghost living in the forested hills, while she would have found love with her friend and they would have formed a family together. Elizabeth would have a husband who loved and protected her. Little Jack would have a father, and he might even be joined by some little half brothers or sisters. When he compared it to what they had now, it sounded so much better for everyone involved.

He snapped out of his thoughts as he heard shoes crunching on the dried grass nearby. He sat up and looked. And there, standing in front of him, was Jesse.

He seemed to have grown an inch or two. He looked stronger than Jack remembered, more like a man and less like a boy. His hair was cut ruthlessly short. And Jack instantly noticed that he was wearing an army uniform.

Jesse stared at him for a second, his face blank, but then he smiled. "I thought you might be here."

Jack stared back at him. "What?"

"Bill told me you were missing. And I immediately thought of this place."

Jack looked at him for another moment, then got up to his feet. "Jesse." He walked quickly over to Jesse, who grinned back at him, and the two embraced in a tight, powerful hug. They remained locked like that for a few moments.

Without releasing the hug, Jesse said, "Not dead then. Didn't believe it when I first heard it. I thought they must have all gone crazy."

At the sound of that, Jack released him. "Them crazy. No, you've got that wrong." Jack then turned his gaze to the ground.

Jesse smiled again. "Elizabeth told me all about that."

Jack looked up. "She told you all about what? You've been to see her? And the uniform, you're in the army, so why are you here at all?"

"Let's take those one at a time. We'll start with the easiest: yes, in the army. Have been for a year. I'm here because I'm on leave, though I won't be here past today. I head to Saskatoon tomorrow."

"What's in Saskatoon?"

Jesse held up his left hand, where Jack saw a flash of gold. "My wife."

Jack looked at him incredulously. "Clara?"

Jesse nodded, grinning. "Right before I left for basic training."

Jack went to him and pulled him into another tight hug. "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you too. You're lucky she waited this long!"

Jesse laughed. "She said the same thing." And that made Jack laugh as well.

After they released the second hug, Jesse's face then turned serious again. "So, we covered the army, and why I'm here. I believe you asked if I had seen Elizabeth, and yes, I have. And she told me all about you coming back, and what it's been like. She also said there was some unpleasantness a little while ago."

Jack turned away at the sound of that. He couldn't even imagine what she had said.

He paused, then said very quietly, "I hope she knows I'd never hurt her."

When Jack glanced up at Jesse again, he saw something there that he hadn't seen in anyone since he had come back. Jesse's face was filled with compassion, which lots of people had, but it also had something else. It had understanding.

"She knows that. We all know that. And we know this isn't your fault."

Jesse looked away from Jack and surveyed the materials that Jack had scattered about. He took note of the foundation of the building that Jack had managed to build in record time. And he walked around a bit, just taking everything in. At the rate he was going, Jack was going to be done this house in two weeks. That wasn't a good thing; he was going to work himself into the ground. But Jesse understood it. He understood the compulsion to keep your mind and body as occupied as possible. He understood it all too well.

He then continued with, "Have you ever heard of shellshock, Jack?"

Jack shook his head. "No."

Jesse was looking off into the horizon. "It's pretty much exactly what it sounds like. It's when a person who has been in the war comes back and they're not themselves. They're much more afraid. They shake, even at times when there's absolutely no danger, because of their memories. They hear the bombs in their head. Everywhere they go, everywhere they look, they can't forget about the noise. They can't forget the horror."

Jack stared at him. He hadn't been to war, he hadn't heard bombs. He hadn't been afraid for his life in that sense. But there were things in his memory that wouldn't leave him either. Or rather, they were flashes of memories that he hadn't quite been able to get organized. It was part of the reason it bothered him so much, because it was so convoluted and scrambled. He was afraid of something he couldn't quite see clearly.

Jesse looked back at Jack. "Now, I know it's not quite the same thing with you. But I have seen a lot of men go through it, and I gotta tell you, from what Elizabeth told me, it sounds almost identical."

Jesse turned and took a step towards Jack. "She said you have nightmares all the time. That you stare off into space. Your emotions can swing wildly. Sometimes you seem perfectly normal, but other times you're a completely different person. Nothing makes sense in your head, it's all a tangled mess. You don't eat. You don't sleep much, because of the nightmares."

Jack was silent, but a lump was forming in his throat.

"And, you're worried about completely losing control. You're worried about getting violent with someone you love. It's why you're here: because you're trying to stay away. You don't want to hurt anyone, so you just completely withdraw."

Jack wanted to say something in response, but there just weren't any words. He didn't know how it was possible, but Jesse understood. He knew everything that Jack was going through. Jack hadn't had to say a word, and yet someone had complete empathy for him. And it gave him the greatest feeling of relief. He had wanted to talk about it with someone. He had even thought he might try at dinner the other night, the dinner that turned into a disastrous fight. He hadn't just because it still didn't completely make sense to him. But here Jesse was describing exactly what he was going through.

He felt tears come into his eyes and fall down his face. He didn't sob though. It wasn't a wild, uncontrolled sort of crying like he had experienced following his nightmares. These were tears of, not quite joy, because nothing about this gave him any joy, but, maybe the word was 'gratitude.' Gratitude that someone understood.

His eyes were shut and he was still crying when he felt Jesse's hands come to rest on his shoulders. When he opened his eyes, Jesse was at arm's length, looking back at him with nothing but the kindest expression Jack had ever seen.

"Can I give you some advice, Jack?" Jesse said quietly and gently. "I know you think this is going to help, closing yourself off, but it won't. It's going to make it worse."

Jack bit his lower lip, which was trembling.

"But I'll tell you what I've seen help a lot of people: being with their families, and telling them everything they can. Even if it's rambling and doesn't make any sense, it's still therapeutic. And just knowing that there's someone who loves you listening gives a lot of comfort."

Jesse wasn't done. "And I'll tell you something else. Something that you once told me, here, in this very spot. That is something is meant to be, you'll find your way back to each other. You told me that about Clara and I, and look at us. So now, look at you and Elizabeth. You have literally come back the dead. How can you deny that you two are meant to be after that?"

Jack still couldn't respond. He was just crying like a baby in front of Jesse. But Jesse didn't look bothered by it at all.

"So don't give up, Jack. You'll get through this."

Jesse pulled him into a hug. "Everything will be alright." He whispered. "It'll all be alright in the end. I can't tell you it's easy, but you will come back from this."

Jack sobbed once. "How do you know? How do you know it'll be alright in the end?"

Jesse smiled, although as the two were still embracing, Jack couldn't see it. "Because I've been there myself. I know exactly how you feel."