AN- Sorry for the longer wait with this one, although I am happy with how it turned out! Thanks again for the reviews and do keep them coming! Remember I appreciate any feedback good or bad, so if you hate something or disagree with something I've done please let me know!

Chapter 10- Change

It was the best shower he'd had in a long long time, beaten only perhaps by the shower he'd had after the final battle. He stood for ages under the hot spray, just letting it run over his body. His muscles were finally beginning to relax as he stood still, with the water streaming over his face. His eyes wandered over his body and he grimaced, he looked dreadfully skinny- worse even than in his childhood when he had been locked in his cupboard for weeks at a time. He was emaciated. No wonder Snape had forced him to eat something every day since he arrived- he was sorely in need of sustenance.

He wondered again why Snape was going to all this effort to look after him. Why did he sit next to him night after night? Surely he had something better to do?

He felt his body stir. Simply picturing Snape sitting by his bed, his penetrating dark eyes on him was enough to make Harry instantly hard. 'Oh you have got to get over this.' He muttered to himself. 'It's never gonna happen, let it go.' He sighed. Jacking off in Snape's shower was really not something he'd ever planned on doing, unless of course Snape was in here with him. That thought completely undid him and he gave into himself and leant against the shower wall as he stroked himself to completion.

By the time he was finished he estimated that he had spent a good half hour in the shower, and so hurriedly dressed in the set of his school robes that he found in the closet in his bedroom.

By the time he re entered the sitting room Snape had a rather irritated look on his face.

'I seriously hope that all your showers will not take that long.' He said in a withering tone.

'No Sir.' Harry said, feeling more than a little flushed.

'Please sit.' Snape gestured to a chair in front of the small fireplace, opposite to the one he was currently occupying.

Harry sat down, keeping his eyes on Snape. 'You said you had questions for me Sir?'

'I do, although you may find answering them difficult. You have questions as well yes?'

'I do, and I'll do my best to answer yours Sir.'

Severus was becoming irritated. Every time Harry called him Sir it reminded him of the time he had cheeked him in class. He preferred not to be reminded of that, especially now that his feelings towards him were so mixed.

'Firstly Potter it is appropriate that while you reside here in my quarters you call me by my first name. It is not necessary for you to call me Sir or Professor while staying here.' He said, a twinge of annoyance creeping into his tone.

Harry frowned. 'Alright. But in that case you must call me by my first name too.'

'If that's what you want.'

'I agree it would be less formal, but I am confused Sir- Severus. I thought you would want me to call you Sir. It shows respect.' Harry didn't really know why he asked that, privately he was thrilled to be able to call him Severus. It was one step closer to the man, which really was all he wanted.

Severus raised his eyebrows. 'Since when have you ever shown me respect Harry?'

'Since the end of the war, when I discovered all you had done for me.' Harry said softly.

There was silence.

'Ask your questions.' Severus said.

Harry just looked at him. He didn't understand why he got so irritated at the mention of his involvement in the outcome of the war. He narrowed his eyes slightly.

'What potions am I on?'

'I have been giving you two different types of calming draught, one designed to aid you to sleep and one for calming your sub conscious mind only, Dreamless Sleep, although you yourself deemed that unnecessary last night so I suppose you could stop taking it regularly now, and two different types of nutrition potion.' Severus listed off.

'Was that what St Mungo's prescribed for me?' Harry asked carefully. 'Or did you add to it?'

'Well if you remember correctly those potions are from my own personal stock-'

'I remember the note Severus.' Harry interrupted.

'If you'll let me finish I was saying that they are my own potions, not the ones St Mungo's gave you as mine are of a much higher quality. I added the nutrition ones as it seemed as though you were not in a position to eat enough to regain your strength. You obviously have barely eaten anything in the last few months. Rather than bully you into eating I thought it would be preferable to simply give you more potions.' Severus said glaring at Harry.

'I appreciate that. Thank you.' Harry murmured

'You're welcome.' Severus snapped.

'What will happen to me now?' He asked after a moment.

'It appears to me that what happens to you now is entirely of your own choosing. You are to remain here until you are deemed well enough to return to your normal life, after that, what you make of yourself is up to you.'

'That's not quite what I meant. What do I have to do in order to be considered fit to return to my normal life? And since when has my life ever been normal?' Harry asked.

Severus sighed. 'Self pity won't get you anywhere Harry. You must attend counselling sessions at St Mungo's with a mental healer; they will decide when you are ready. I don't believe it will be that long; your breakdown seems to have been caused by exhaustion and stress more than anything else. A few weeks of complete rest will most likely make all the difference.'

Harry nodded. 'When do I get to stop taking the potions?'

'The dreamless sleep you can take as you like, although prolonged use is not wise if you ever want to dream again. The calming draughts we can now lessen the dose and in about a week cease them altogether. The nutrition potions you will continue to take until I deem your weight and appearance healthy. If you eat properly it will speed that up considerably.' Severus said.

'Okay.' Harry said warily. He found the whole idea of his eating habits being monitored somewhat off putting. No one had ever cared in the past about what he ate; in fact the Dursleys had always given him as little as possible. He was now determined to eat everything put in front of him, if only to keep Snape happy and off his back.

'Do you have any other questions for me?' Severus asked.

'Am I allowed to go outside these quarters? Can I still attend classes?' Harry asked. 'I really don't want to fall behind. The whole point of doing this year after everything that happened was to graduate. I don't want to have to redo the year because I had a mental breakdown!' He added feeling slightly panicky.

'You are not a prisoner Harry.' Severus said evenly. 'You may leave these quarters at any time you wish; however I think it would be wise to use discretion. Your class mates have not been told what happened exactly only that you have been removed from classes for personal reasons and will return as soon as you are able. Only a select few know that you are staying here. You may have people visit, although as I said previously I would prefer if these visits were quiet. As for classes, it's not recommended that you return just yet. I wouldn't worry overly though; you will pass your NEWT's with ease.'

'I don't want to just pass them.' Harry said tightly. 'I actually want to do well in them, and for the first time I shouldn't have anything else distracting me.'

'In that case I can tutor you for a short time every evening.'

'Uh, are you sure that's really a good idea?' Harry asked, having visions of Snape towering over him and making snide comments. 'I know I frustrate you, and you are doing so much for me already…'

'I promise I won't throw cockroaches at you.' Severus said with a smirk.

Harry sighed. 'I am very sorry about what happened with the occlumency classes. I don't know what else I can say.'

'Lets leave the past where it is shall we? We both made mistakes there, lets not repeat them.'

Harry nodded. 'Alright.' He paused for a moment.

'Anything else?' Severus asked

Harry desperately wanted to ask why he was bothering to go through all this inconvenience for him, and why he was being so nice, but he didn't think it would go over so well. 'No I don't think so.'

Severus nodded and stood up, smoothing his robes with his hands.

'What did you want to ask me?' Harry said, uncomfortable.

'There is time for that later.' Severus said quickly. 'I must go now, as its well past breakfast and my first class is waiting for me, probably hoping I don't show up.' He smirked.

'What am I supposed to do all day?' Harry asked, confused.

'Rest, relax, read, study if you must.' Severus said. 'All your things are in your room. Mr Weasley brought them down for you. Make yourself at home but please keep out of my room and don't leave the balcony if you go outside.'

'Oh. Ok, thank you.' He didn't know what else to say.

'Don't forget to rest Harry.' Severus said and then swept quickly out of the room.

Harry just sat still for a moment. He really didn't know what to do next, although he was a pro at doing nothing (having been forced to for many sessions at the Dursley's when they locked him in his room) but for some reason here it was different.

He looked around him and for the first time actually took in his surroundings. The sitting room was fairly small but quite comfortable. There was a black leather couch and two arm chairs situated around the fire place where a small fire was burning merrily. The opposite wall was one long, large, book case, and the walls on either end of the fireplace were also shelved and filled with books. Harry stood and wandered over to the external double doors. He pushed them open and stepped through onto the balcony (he half expected that the wards wouldn't allow him out.)

Harry felt confused. He knew that these quarters were in the dungeons, but yet here he was standing on a balcony? It didn't make sense. But then again a lot of things at Hogwarts didn't make sense, and he made a mental note to ask Severus about it. The view was quite spectacular, rolling hills and valleys were spread out before him to admire, and there was a cool breeze on his face. It made him feel alive.

When Severus returned later that evening he found Harry asleep in his room, his bed covered with his text books. He smiled to himself and gently moved the books off the bed, and pulled a blanket over him. As he left the room he wondered just when had he become so pathetic, and why he was letting it continue.

The next day when Harry woke up Snape had already gone, leaving him note reminding him to eat properly and saying they would talk when he got home. Harry sighed. It seemed to him that at most Severus would see him as a child, and at least a nuisance. He was determined to be awake that evening and to have an organised productive day, as productive as he could have anyway.

By the time the evening had come he felt fairly good. He had eaten everything the house elves had sent to him, he had rested like a good boy, and he had studied everything except Defence, which to be honest he felt no interest in currently (he was also fairly sure he would pass that NEWT with flying colours in his sleep). All in all a very successful day for someone who was possibly insane.

When Severus came home, Harry was sitting in one of the arm chairs by the fire and was reading his potions text.

'Well I never thought I'd see the day where you were engrossed in a potions text.' Severus said.

Harry thought to himself that it wasn't the first time he'd been engrossed in a potions text; having spent all of his sixth year with his nose in Snape's copy of Advanced Potion-Making. Wisely he kept his mouth shut and didn't comment, instead putting the book down and turning in his chair to look at Severus. 'You wanted to talk to me?' He asked.

'Yes. I have a few questions for you, although they may not be to your liking. I hope you can answer them honestly.'

'If I can't answer them honestly I won't answer them at all.' Harry said bluntly.

'I expect you to answer them' Severus said flatly.

Harry sighed. 'Go ahead.'

'Why didn't you seek help when you realised that you were seeing things no one else was?' Severus asked.

'I'm not sure to be honest. I guess I felt as though it should have all been over. The war was over, Voldemort was gone, there wasn't supposed to be anything left to be afraid of. I was supposed to get to start living my life. I guess I hoped that if I ignored it, it would just go away.'

'A typical Gryffindor response to a problem.' Severus said.

'Please don't bring my choice of house into this.' Harry said impatiently.

'We don't get a choice in our house Harry, it is chosen for us based on personality traits.'

Harry paused. 'When I put the sorting hat on my head, it wondered where to put me. It was going to put me in Slytherin. I asked it not to, and it put me in Gryffindor.'

Severus went very still for a moment. 'Why exactly did you ask it not to?' He said in an ice cold voice.

'All I knew of Slytherin was that it was the house that Voldemort had been in. Also on the train Malfoy insulted Ron's family for their lack of money, and I didn't want to be in the same house as someone who would insult people like that, especially for those reasons.' Harry shrugged. 'They were superficial reasons but that's how I felt at the time. I was only eleven after all, and I knew nothing of the wizarding world. I'm sorry if that upsets you or makes you angry. Perhaps things would have been very different if I'd been put in Slytherin. Perhaps you wouldn't have hated me as much.'

Severus looked at Harry, 'I think I would have hated you more. You would have been far harder to keep alive had you been placed in Slytherin, and being in my house would have meant even more exposure to you, and what little I already had I could barely cope with.'

'But you don't hate me now?'

'I think you know the answer to that.'

Harry nodded. 'I do. But I don't really understand why. Or how.'

'That is a conversation for another time.' Severus said firmly.

'Alright. Do you have anything else you wanted to ask me?' Harry asked.

Severus paused for a moment. 'You may find this difficult to answer, but I'd like to know what your hallucinations were of?'

Harry closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. 'Why do you want to know?' He murmured.

'Call it curiosity.' Severus said.

'At first it was just a shadow, it kept appearing in the back ground of things, then it grew worse and would hover over people as they spoke to me. Then I started seeing glowing red eyes in the shadow, not always but sometimes, and by the time I lost it and actually started to believe what I saw, the shadow had grown into Voldemort's face. That night when I screamed at you- I thought you were him, you had his face, and then when I ran and ended up in the bathroom, when I looked in the mirror I saw his face instead of my own. That's why I smashed it, I thought I was turning into him, and so I tried to cut his face out of me.' Harry said in a rush.

There was silence for a moment.

'Are you afraid it will come back?' Severus asked.

'Yes.' Harry said, looking at him. During their conversation he had moved to sit in the armchair next to Harry, he was leaning forwards now, very close to him. 'Are you afraid?' Harry asked.

'I've been afraid for most of my life, but I'm not any longer.' Severus said slowly. 'Eventually you won't be either. Things change.'

'Nothing changes.' Harry said shaking his head. 'I think in some way I'll always be afraid. Things may change around me but I'll still be the same inside.'

'That's not true. Harry listen to me, change can be so constant that you don't even feel the difference from one day to the next. You don't notice your life getting better or worse until one day it just is. Or it can happen in an instant, just blow you away and turn you to something different. That's what happened to me. It happened twice in my life, and I know it's happened to you at least once. Change is what is, but it happens to us all.' Severus paused. 'Don't resist or resent it Harry. You don't want to end up a sad bitter old man like the one you see when you look at me.' He said leaning back in his chair.

Harry leaned forward and gently placed his hand over Severus's. 'That's not what I see when I look at you. All I see is you. I don't need or want to see anything else.' He said squeezing his hand gently. As he lifted it away Severus's fingers rose slightly in response. Harry felt a warm fluttering inside him. He mentally shook himself.

'I have one more question.' Severus said.

'Yes?'

'Why did you resist staying with me?'

'How did you know I resisted it?' Harry asked.

'Well for one thing it was written all over you when I collected you from St Mungo's. Also Mr Weasley and Ms Granger seemed to think you would be happy with this arrangement until you had woken up and they had spoken to you, then they rapidly changed their minds, and started campaigning for you to go anywhere else. I assumed you had asked them to ensure that you were not placed in my care.' Severus said.

Harry sighed. 'That's true. But not for the reasons you might think.'

'Do enlighten me.'

'It's a combination of reasons really. I felt embarrassed mostly. I didn't remember much of the night I broke down but I remembered screaming at you and I remembered that you were the one who found me. I suppose I didn't particularly want to face you.' Harry said.

'How very cowardly of you.' Severus said.

'Yes it was.' Harry agreed. 'But that was only part of it. I thought you had dealt with me enough. You deserved to get to live your life without my safety being a constant burden on you.'

'Don't you think that should be my choice to make?'

'Perhaps. It's confusing though.'

'What's confusing?' Severus asked

'Its confusing to go from hating someone with every fibre of your being to realising that they are the complete opposite of what you thought and that you owe them your life several times over.' Harry said, leaving out the fact that he also had strong feelings for him. 'I respect you immensely, but you intimidated me and made me feel uncomfortable.' He added.

Severus nodded. 'Yes I do understand the confusion one feels when someone you hated previously changes before your very eyes. Do not forget though that I was also the reason that your life needed saving so many times.' He paused. 'Do I still intimidate you?'

Harry thought about it for a moment then realised something. 'No you don't. Not at all.' It was almost as if they were equals now, as if this talk had cleared everything bad between them. He doubted that was actually true but in this moment it felt like it. 'Sorry to disappoint you.' He added.

'I'm not disappointed Harry' Severus said shaking his head and smiling slightly. 'Not really.'

'Anymore questions?' Harry asked lightly.

'Just one.'

Harry raised his eyebrows in question.

'I have homework for you from your Professors in every subject. Which would you like to start with?'

Harry laughed. 'Let's start with Potions shall we? We'll soon discover then if you can still intimidate me!'

'I'm sure I can.' Severus said with a faint smile before conjuring a small desk and chair for Harry to work at.

AN- Hope you all enjoyed it!