Sejeaddy scuttled down the hallway, slumping against the walls like a ping pong ball in a Jello maze. The mini had not yet mastered using his eight spider legs, two Reaper legs, and two wings, especially since his spinoff origins doomed him to walking like a lost top. He sniffed the air, ignoring the smell of bacon. There was an even sweeter smell issuing from one of the reTARDISes—a smell of paradox and seafood.
Jill Harkness glanced over the notes on the floor. "Drose, you really think this will work?"
"It would help if we could find out what her lust object is. Then we could definitely bait the hook so sweet she wouldn't even notice."
"I was actually more concerned with the second part of the plan. If there's any genetic scanners, our plans are dead in the water."
"I have some material, but not enough to fool a scanner yet. But I managed to swipe Icey's blouse the other day—we can estimate her size from that."
"Right, so let's go check out the wardrobe room. Do you think Ekculls would like to help us?"
"She's busy with a fanfic. " Drose gestured to a scrawny girl in a leather jacket perched underneath the coral branches. "Besides, I don't really want to share with her."
"Right."
Ekculls ignored them, nibbling an eraser as she scribbled on a sheet of notebook paper. And Rose, full of the pwer of the Time Vortex, stared at the fishy lady of (Italy? Rome?) and dissolved her into ashes.
The Doctor adjusted his leather jacket. "What's this crack thing she spoke of?"
"It does not matter." Rose kissed him. "We will save the universe together, as we have always done."
Something scuttled across the floor. Ekculls glanced up and screamed.
Sejeaddy waved a friendly wing in her direction, flipping the paper away. He smelled the richness of temporal paradox, flavored with out of character moments and a side of fish lady.
"Out, out, get out of here!" she yelled, tossing a pen at the mini.
The pen fell to the ground. Sejeaddy ignored it, staring at the ghostly figures floating above the paper. In one quick bite, he swallowed the paradox, paper, pen and all.
"My story," Ekculls wailed. "Drose, Jill! There's a monster in my room."
Sejeaddy nipped Ekculls' ankle before running out of the room.
"I know a lot of you are interested in writing multi-Doctor crossovers. Well, today we have a special treat for you." Grace offered her cheesiest game-show-host smile. "It's twice the fun with the Fifth and Tenth Doctors."
They stepped in from opposite corners of the room. "Don't go calling me a fan this time. These are fans," he gestured to the crowd. "I'm you."
"Right, okay."
Evelyn nudged Sara. "Are you okay?"
"Slap me if I start drooling," Sara waved her off. "I'm fine, absolutely fine."
"How does this work—isn't it some sort of paradox?"
"This bubble universe doesn't have an established chronology, so we don't have to worry about time differentials or such." Ten explained.
"And what about Jenny? Bet that was an awkward wedding."
"Excuse me?" Five adjusted his hat. "Jenny?"
"Didn't you read your packet?" Grace muttered.
"There was nothing about a Jenny in there!"
"She's my—well, our—actually, mostly mine, but in a sense, our—er, daughter." Ten coughed.
"And your girlfriend!" Jill chirped.
"No, she's David Tennant's girlfriend," Ten's words had the ice-edge to them that would have warned a smarter fan to back down.
"Listen, Peter Davidson's daughter played David Tennant's opposite-sex clone and then married David Tennant and they had a daughter." Grace tried to explain.
"Or the Doctor's daughter who played the Doctor's daughter married the Doctor and had the Doctor's daughter!" Someone else chanted.
Ten shook his head. "How many times do I have to tell you, that man is not me! In your universe, I'm fictional. In my universe, you might be fictional!"
"You think there's a show about me? What sort of ratings might it get?"
"Don't be silly, who'd watch it?"
"Does Lauren exist in yours then?"
"Who?"
"The Catherine Tate show. What sort of wally are you?"
"I'm not sure what that means, but I'm sure it's rude!"
Grace rubbed her forehead. "Why do these things always go so dreadfully wrong?"
Grace pressed an icepack to her forehead. "Should we put some sort of pacifying agent in the classrooms?"
"I just watched Serenity—no way," Esther shook her head. "Those things are bad news. I'll see what Mr. Newman can do about it."
Roheryn adjusted the television settings. "Let's sit back for now. Curse of the Black Spot is on tonight. Pirates and swordplay and such!"
"Sounds like a breather episode. I could definitely use one," Esther sank into a beanbag chair. "Has anybody seen Sejeaddy recently? I thought I'd see if Sarah Jane could use her in class."
"He hasn't been stumbling around the TARDIS?"
"He's a spinoff-crossover mini, he's lucky to be alive at all," Esther huffed.
"Oh, I'm not dissing him. I'd rather trip over him then Galadrile. No burns, you know." Roheryn answered.
Something scuttled into the room. "Oh, Sejeaddy, you got back just in time for Curse of the Black Spot!" Esther scooped him up. "Where have you been all day?"
"Yum-me!"
"What was that?"
"Yum-me!"
"You just talked!" Sejeaddy just said his first word!" Esther squeed. "Wait a minute…what was yummy?"
"Yum-me!" Sejeaddy repeated.
Esther pulled out her sonic pen and scanned the mini. "Just student-generated paradox and out of character moments—that shouldn't be happening here. Mr. Newman, tighten anti-fic protocols for the entire campus."
"Of course.
Esther settled back on her chair. "Can you say 'Doctor?'"
"Doctor." Sejeaddy repeated.
"This should be amusing," Roheryn grinned.
"Well, that was…different," Grace admitted.
"I liked it. Another one like the last two would have overloaded the HONF tanks. And next week, it's 'The Doctor's Wife!' I'm stoked about that one," Esther announced. "It sounds like so much fun!"
"It was okay, but not that good. Gaiman's should be better." Roheryn agreed. "I've read some of his stuff."
"Maybe I will too. Get some idea of what he writes." Esther jumped from the couch and wandered into the library. "Goodness, there aren't any Vashti Nerada here, are there?"