In Paridisum

Silent Dagger: And so, L gets a chapter entirely in his point of view! You know we all love you, L! GASP Guess what readers? This chapter will mark 1/3 of In Paridisum as completed!

A special thanks to: Nusku, lunabasketcase, Pareidolia, Lillithrose, Rim Greaper, killerbanana101, Kuroi Kitty, killerbunny20, whitelilly (lol, sure let's get married!), sommar, and Kamichiro Eris for your wonderful reviews and support.

Oh, by the way…Writing Light/Misa really was just so…WEIRD! Just remember, it meant nothing (to Light anyway). He still doesn't care about Misa in the least, his heart is focused on L and only L…still…that just really did feel…wrong. However, it was necessary for the story, you must understand. Light can't afford to lose Misa, and he's such a manipulative bastard that he just went a long way to keep her completely devoted.

Also! Kamichiro Eris mentioned the chapter titles! First of all I'm glad you like them, K.E., but I wanted to add that they are song titles. I am going to put the complete list with the artist at the end of the story because I didn't feel like listing it each chapter so yeah...that's where the names came from :)

Chapter Ten: Stranger Than Kindness

Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…

"I'm NOT Kira, Ryuuzaki!"

"Stop accusing me of being, Kira!"

"Ryuuzaki…I swear if you're about to spit out another of your random 'you're Kira' theories, I may have to slap you…"

Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…

"Well that's Kira's problem then. I, for one, do rest and I enjoy it."

"You know, if you spent half as much time looking into the actual evidence instead of constantly claiming I'm Kira, you may just catch him."

Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…

"What is with you?! Will you leave me in peace for two minutes?!"

"I .Am. Not. Kira."

Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…Kira…

"Don't call me 'Light-kun' right now, L…call me…Kira."

His obsidian eyes were focused on the ceiling. He could not see. He did not wish to see. All he could do was listen to his thoughts, his thoughts that were focused solely on one thing: Kira. Memories rushing to him unexpectedly, taunting him, oh how close he had been, and yet so very far.

Calling out Kira and trapping him, learning where he lived, drawing closer and closer, tightening the noose with every turn. Closer and closer, Kira was just beyond his grasp. Watching him, without fully knowing it at that point, watching him in his room, acting completely normal, thwarting the world's greatest detective as he continued passing judgment on criminals right under his nose.

He had put his life on the line, attending the university, admitting to the boy that he was the one who was openly challenging Kira, the one who was challenging the boy. The tennis match, one trying to learn from the other without making it obvious and the discussion that had followed. Then he had admitted that he thought the boy was Kira, and he just laughed and shook it off. But he had been right. Kira was a wonderful actor. Very talented, if he wasn't a homicidal killer with a god-complex, he really would have been a good investigator.

"If you're truly L than you are a man I greatly admire."

"..I figured if I could think like you, I'd catch some sort of clue."

"I'm flattered," he muttered into the empty room, and his memories were the only thing present to answer him.

"Well you should be. It's not every day I tell myself not to think like myself. I happen to like the way I think."

His eyes closed slowly. He did not know what day it was, or how long it had been since Light had been on top of him. He had reacted to the boy then and as he had figured, Light had been turned on by it. So be it, it wasn't all bad for him either. And then Misa had come and there was no question about what he was doing with her in the other room, which made L rethink everything about what Light had said. No, about what Kira had said. Had L really started to believe him when he said he loved him? When he easily took Misa and screwed her in the next room without a thought. Didn't he constantly tell her how much he loved her even though it was clearly a lie? So perhaps he was just doing the same to L. He wouldn't put it past Kira. Still, he had seemed so animated the moment L gave him some sort of response. But it had been proven before…Light Yagami was a wonderful actor…and that was all.

"All right you stubborn bastard, you're right, you've got my confession, but in the end I have won."

"Stop resisting me, L! You will bow before me! I will have you squirm from my very touch. You will be drawn to my voice; you will love me and be devoted to me, me, your God, the one who conquered you."

"Idiot," L whispered. "You already had me, you just didn't know it…I did love you, I loved you so much."

His first friend, someone who understood him, could keep up with his train of thought. Light Yagami had represented everything that L stood for: intellect, clarity, determination…and so much more. He remembered the glances, feeling those chocolate orbs resting on him occasionally as they worked endlessly, reading though an infinite amount of data and still learning nothing.

He remembered looking back when the boy was engrossed in something, realizing slowly with the passage of time that he was not only feeling friendship towards Light. It took him longer to realize it, because L had never fallen in love before, he had no desire to do so because in his opinion, people who were in love tended to act as if they had lost their minds. But there it was, his heart had started making itself be heard, fighting endlessly with L's brilliant mind.

He could be Kira…

Yeah, but that's just a suspicion.

And a high one…

For once in your life will you just let yourself be happy?

Looks like his heart had triumphed then. Though he didn't show these emotions, they were there constantly, nagging him, driving him slowly insane. All he wanted was to take Light into his arms and kiss him fiercely, passionately and confess it all. He wasn't sure how Light would respond to that, but if he read those little glances correctly, he was guessing that maybe he would not be disappointed.

All those times together, living together, becoming one as they had to learn to adapt to each other because of the chain. Sharing everything, being at each other's side 24/7. Even though it had been because L suspected Light, in the end, he didn't think either of them minded the chain all that much. Those secret glances, the times L actually sat in the bed and almost reached out with a hand to tuck a stray hair from Light's flawless, godlike face.

And it had all been meaningless…

All those feelings, allowing them to enter him, to invade his mind, to think constantly of all the things they could do when they were alone, all the hope that one day they could be more than friends, that they could love each other. None of that mattered anymore because Light had never loved him. He still didn't love him and L was left as an empty shell because he had been stupid enough to give his heart away. He gave it, silently, to the one person who could truly care for it, and what had that person done? He had unknowingly taken that heart and then he proceeded to tear it in two and stomp on the remains.

He grabbed the notebook and then he screamed.

And after that fateful night, Light had disappeared from his side and was replaced by Kira. Kira had come to him during a rainstorm; had blatantly lied in his face and thought L hadn't known. He knew he was going to die that day, that was how it was supposed to happen, but Kira suddenly found a twisted attraction to him and decided to keep him around…

As a pet.

A slave.

And he tried to pretend that he was a merciful God by feeding the animal. By saying he loved him and that everything he had done to him was Kira. Funny, Light was Kira. If he was trying to say that Kira was like a separate personality than L would not believe it for a second. Light may try to hide behind Kira, but he could never escape him. Even if he decided to be nice one day there was always a huge chance that his sadistic side would come through as well.

And yet…why, why was his heart so very persistent? Light had made a good point. L had loved him before even though he believed him to be Kira. Was it so impossible for L to love Kira? Well, aside from the fact that it was just so horribly wrong and twisted. They were enemies; they had been enemies the moment L had arrived in Japan. No, the moment Kira had picked up the Death Note they were doomed to be adversaries.

"Or natural lovers."

"No," L said aloud.

"L…what's it going to take for you to stop hating me?"

"Everything…"

A pause.

"Nothing…"

Because though L would love to hate Light, truly loath him with every part of his being, he couldn't bring himself to do it. There was just no way of doing it. He wanted to oh so much, he tried to force himself to, but the emotion wouldn't come. He was neutral. He didn't love Light either. He couldn't love him if he wanted to and after coming to realize that Light was undoubtedly lying about his so called 'love for him', he knew that he didn't want to love him. Love was a weakness. If he fell in love with Kira, Kira could easily break him.

L was not made to be broken. L was a winner. He was the world's top detective for a reason. He had worked hard to get that title and he would be damned before he let a criminal strip him of everything he worked for. Years and years of sacrifice, a life dedicated to justice, ignoring the path of the normal boy. Shunning the cliques, the need to be involved, being a loner, even among the others at the orphanage. Becoming brilliant, honing his mind. Everything that he had sacrificed, it hadn't seemed like a sacrifice until he met Light. Then, and only then, did L wish that he wasn't…L. He wished he was just another brilliant mind among the mass, that he would be drawn to Light anyway and there would be nothing between them.

Ryuuzaki…Ryuuga…L…

"But never me," he whispered. "Never just Lawliet…"

L sighed deeply and let his gaze finally wander from the ceiling, taking in the room. Not too much in here. The bed (his new home) a dresser, a closet and a small window, oh if only he could just break the restraints and fly through that window to freedom. Woe be to Kira if he ever escaped. L would give him up in a heartbeat.

As if on cue, he heard the front door of the apartment open. Light was home. No doubt he had been busy with the investigation. How dare he, really? Fooling all of those around him, even his own father, leading them in endless circles trying to capture Kira when Kira was among them. L didn't think the team would ever figure it out either, hell, even he had started to doubt it. Of course the others, who had advocated Light's innocence from the start, would not come to the truth.

He heard Light in the kitchen, opening up the refrigerator. Well good, he was a bit hungry. Though to his mild surprise, Light did not come to the room. He heard him turn on the TV instead. No doubt he was looking for the news in hopes of hearing more support for him. Arrogant bastard…

L closed his eyes again and contemplated whether he should just let exhaustion take over and go to sleep. He had been refusing sleep even though there was not much else he could do being tied up to a bed. Still, it was getting harder and harder to ignore sleep. He sighed deeply and opened his heavy eyes. Where had he gone wrong? Where had his superior skills been? Why hadn't he refused Light the Death Note? He should have never let the boy lay a finger on it. Maybe it was because he had started feeling strongly towards Light that had dulled his senses.

He heard footsteps and realized that the TV had been shut off. His eyes narrowed. All this thinking about Light suddenly made L not want to see his face. No such luck, the key jingled in the lock and then the door opened. Light stepped in with a plate of strawberries and a bowl. L watched him, his mind overtaking his heart for the moment. It was an act, just an act.

Light smiled warmly at him and once more pulled the chair over to the bedside. L could see that in the bowl was melted chocolate, so that was why he hadn't come right away, he was melting the stuff and watching TV to pass the waiting time. Considerate, yes, but L would not fall for it.

"I thought you might like a treat," he said.

"I'm not a pet," L snapped.

Light frowned a bit. "You're moody in the very least," he replied.

He dipped a strawberry in chocolate and offered it to L. "I'm not eating them, so I'm hoping you will," Light said with another smile.

L sighed and opened his mouth. It would not do to scorn food; he needed to eat after all. Light grinned as he ate the strawberry and L could not help but narrow his eyes. The master was so proud of the pet. When Light held another strawberry, L turned his head away.

"What is it?" Light asked.

L didn't answer him.

"Are you sulking?"

L still didn't answer him.

"Don't be a brat, Ryuuzaki."

"Don't call me Ryuuzaki," L said waspishly.

Light sighed and set the tray of sweets on the floor. He reached over and grabbed L's chin and forced the detective to look at him. L's face may have been turned towards him, but he kept his eyes resolutely pointed at the ceiling.

"Oy, you're starting to annoy me, L," Light said softly.

"And that would bother me because?" L asked.

"Because I'm trying to be nice to you," Light snapped.

"Like you were being nice to Amane when you slept with her?" L asked, finally looking at him with his piercing black eyes.

Light paused on that one. Then his face brightened a grin appeared on his face. "L…are you jealous?" he asked.

L looked at him with quite the nasty expression on his face. Light had seen the expression a few times in the time he had known L. It was usually a look reserved for Matsuda or Misa when they had said something especially stupid.

"I hope you are not serious," L said in a deadly serious voice.

"And what would you do if I was?" Light asked, keeping that smile on his face.

"I would think that you spending too much time with Amane," L said.

Light chuckled lightly and ran a hand slowly down L's chest. "And not enough time with you?" he asked.

"You're pushing your luck," L snapped.

Light sighed and looked at L silently for a minute and then a playful glint appeared in his eyes. L frowned. Apparently, Light was feeling very mischievous today and L definitely wasn't in the mood for that at the present time. Light leaned in a bit, a grin on his face.

"I'm tired of your bad mood, L," he said. "So let's remedy it, shall we?"

L blinked. How Light thought he would improve his mood was beyond him. However, the method Light decided on became very apparent in the next minute. He suddenly grabbed L's sides and began to tickle him. L hissed in annoyance and tried to crawl away from the merciless fingers, but being tied up, he really couldn't go far.

"S-stop it, Kira!" he snapped.

"No," Light replied.

L had never been tickled before, not even as a child, so there was no way to even prepare himself for what it felt like. Too soon the corner of his mouth twitched and a chuckle escaped him. Damn you Kira. He didn't care if Light was just playing; this was sadistic in his mind. He growled and tried to control himself, but it was impossible. Light started to laugh as well and for a moment L was thrust back into that time when he and Light really had been friends. No, no he could not think this way!

"Succumb to my fingers!" Light exclaimed.

"K-knock it off!" L shouted.

"Submit!"

"I will not!"

"I can keep going, L," Light chuckled.

As if to prove his point, Light did keep going. L wasn't really laughing that much because he was just getting pissed off about the whole situation. Finally, Light sighed and suddenly lunged forward and bit down on L's nipple unexpectedly. L let out a surprised gasp and immediately stopped struggling. Light grinned and released the tender nipple and leaned in to kiss L quickly on the lips.

"That was fun," Light said.

"For you maybe," L replied with a frown.

Light didn't say anything and L looked into those eyes of his. Eyes that judged criminals while constantly spewing sweet-nothings. Why was he feeling like this? He was annoyed, but at the same time…did he dare let his heart admit that it had been…fun? No, he couldn't! Where was his cold logic going? It was Kira, Kira was smiling at him, his face close. Closer than L would ever let anyone get before, was four months really long enough to change him so much?

"L," Light whispered.

L raised his eyebrow slightly to show he had his attention. Light didn't say anything; instead, he reached tentatively towards one of the restraints holding L's hand. He hesitated. Was he really about to let him go? What would L do if he did? Punch him in the face? He would love to do that, but he had to resist the urge. Kira wanted him as a pet, well, L still had some cards to play.

"It's all right," L said, his voice equally soft.

Light looked at him for a long moment, as if trying to discern whether he should believe L or not. He smiled and L saw a flash of light as the key reached the handcuff and his left wrist came loose. Without hesitating, Light reached across L and undid the other hand. Then he moved to his feet and finally, finally…L could move again. He sat up and rubbed at his sore wrists and flinched a bit when Light grabbed hold of his ankles, but the boy was merely massaging him.

"Yagami-kun," L said. "I'm still hungry."

Play the cards right.

"I still want to feed you," Light replied.

L sighed and nodded his assent and as Light reached down for the strawberries, L sat into his favorite position, perched upon the bed. Light dipped another strawberry into the chocolate and held it towards L's mouth. L opened his mouth and ate the sweet fruit. Light stared at him again and L stared back, fighting his heart because he would never listen to his heart again.

The younger boy leaned in and kissed him deeply and once again L responded to him. Light's arms began to caress his body. L longed to wrap his pale fingers about Kira's throat and choke the life out of him, but he needed him alive after all, so instead, his arms wound about Light, holding him close, slowly tracing shapes into Light's back. Light smiled against L's lips. He probably thought he was winning, however, L was not so easily beaten.

He also really needed to learn that Light was willing to do anything when it came to this sort of thing. Before L knew what was happening, Light plunged his hand down to L's groin, causing L to gasp, his eyes widening a bit and his back arching slightly. Light chuckled and leaned in closer still, tracing his ear with his tongue before leaving a trail of hot kisses down L's throat. He paused and bit down on the tender flesh again before letting his tongue taste the skin.

L could enjoy it, there was no one saying he couldn't. He slid his hands under Light's shirt and felt his bare skin and it was like a jolt was sent straight to his heart. Light-kun…he had Light-kun. He suddenly captured Light's lips in a harsh kiss and Light returned it with as much passion. They were holding on to each other tightly, crushed against each other. Light had been on top, but he suddenly shifted so that they were side-by-side, facing each other and L moaned as Light slid his leg between his and slowly moved it up L's thigh, putting pressure on his growing erection.

However, it appeared as though Kira liked to be on top, for after only a few minutes of laying like this, in which their lips hardly disconnected from each other, he rolled back on top of L. L was flat on his back and Light spread his legs and rested between them. His hands took hold of L's and held them above his head and he just looked down at him, his eyes half-closed. L looked right back at his enemy. He hated him, but he loved him. He was indifferent towards him, but overly concerned.

Light closed the distance between them and kissed L so gently that it was like a true lover's kiss. And yet it wasn't, because Kira was just acting. Kira couldn't love anyone because he was a 'God' and he had to be disconnected from everyone. L couldn't love anyone because he needed a clear head and he needed to be able to convict anyone, no matter what his heart felt towards that person.

"I love you, L," Light whispered in his ear.

L couldn't say anything. He wanted to say "I know" or "I love you too" but he couldn't because he couldn't let Kira use that against him. He would not be broken, he would not rely on this man's touch, and he just could not leave the world to Kira's control. He had to stop him.

"I know it's impossible for you to believe me," Light said. "Even so, I'm glad I took you away from your death."

"But I may as well have died," L pointed out.

Light shook his head firmly. "No," he said, pausing to kiss him again. "I can't live without you. I would be nothing without you."

L sighed and turned his head away from him. "You should have never told me you were Kira."

"You would have figured it out sooner or later," Light said. "And if I didn't, you would have been killed."

"This is like death," L said.

Light looked at him and L was quite sure he saw real hurt in those brown eyes. Could you really act that well? Was it humanly possible? "It must have been at first, but I'm trying to be kind to you now," Light pointed out.

"This isn't kindness," L said.

"Would you rather me treat you like I did before?" Light asked coldly.

"I'd rather not be treated at all," L said, his voice equally cold. "I'd rather just be free from this room."

"You know I can't let you go," Light replied.

"I know."

"Because I love you and I don't want to be separated from you…ever," Light added.

L opened his mouth to say something, but Light did not hear him out, instead he kissed him again, letting his tongue explore L's sweet mouth once more. L returned the kiss again, but it lacked the passion it did before. On the outside he seemed like his normal, stoic self, on the inside, he was screaming.

I hate you, Kira! I hate you for doing this to me! Death would have been so much more merciful!

"L…"

L looked at him only because the tone that Light spoke his name. He sounded surprised and concerned and L couldn't understand why, until he felt something warm and wet course down his cheek. He blinked, was he…crying? L did not cry. And to his further surprise, Light retreated a bit and pulled L upright and hugged him close, burying his face in L's neck.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry, L."

L just looked straight ahead, his eyes still opened wide and tears still slowly falling down his face. What was Kira's true power? L never cried. He sulked and he got upset sometimes, but never cried, he had no reason to…but that was also before he had met Light. It was so unfair. Everything was so unfair! Why couldn't one thing his life just work out? No, the person he loved happened to be a murderer, someone L was doomed to send to his death if he ever got the chance.

He felt something wet on the side of his neck and realized that Light's shoulders were shaking. Looks like he wasn't the only one crying, and, as if his arms moved on their own, they unconsciously wrapped around Light, returning the embrace.

I love you, but it will never work, Light-kun…it will never work.

"I love you," L whispered, but he whispered it in English and Light paused, but shook his head, unable to catch the foreign words.

Light gave a great shuddering breath and then pulled away from L's hold and shifted so that he was sitting a bit away from L and he just looked at him. He had dried his tears and his face was controlled, impassive, just as L knew his own face was composed and he was dry-eyed by now. What they had shared, he would always remember it, but he also knew it would never happen again for they had each just showed the other a moment of weakness, and it was too dangerous to do that.

"I'm sorry to do this," Light said.

He reached over and grabbed one of the handcuffs and hooked it around L's wrist. L just looked at it and waited for Light to finish it up, but he didn't. He grabbed the plate of strawberries and placed it on L's lap.

"I have things to do," he said briskly, standing up and straightening his shirt and smoothing his hair. "I'll be back later."

"Right," L said, his voice uncaring.

Light looked at him and they both knew that though they had been close to moving past their differences, it was just too risky. They would never be so loving with each other again. That was passing through both their thoughts. They couldn't afford it, one moment of weakness and the other would win.

Light nodded a bit and then strode out of the room and locked it once more. L could hear him leave the apartment. No doubt he was just going to take a walk to clear his head. Kira could not be a merciful God, to do so would be to lose those supporters. Everyone had to be judged and those who stood in his way, such as L, had to be taken care of. L sighed and looked at the strawberries laid out before him and shrugged a bit. It really wouldn't do to scorn food. He began to methodically pick the strawberries and dip them into the chocolate, eating them and focusing solely on the act of eating so that those tears wouldn't threaten to surface again.

Silent Dagger: I know, they were so close to be all cute together! I feel really bad for them (even though I'm the one doing it to them). They really do just want to love each other, but come on now…it's rather impossible, don't you think? Maybe though…miracles do happen ;)

The next chapter is going to take place some time after this, about a month or so and, well, I don't want to spoil anything but be prepared for…cuteness lol