Series 5 + 8 years.

Amr = 8

Artie = 5

Chapter 9: Message on a Mirror

After their lesson, Amr went onto his sword training by himself – quite offended when Merlin suggested someone ought to escort him – whilst he took his two youngest students back to Gwen.

"Oh, Merlin," said their maid Hannah as he entered the King's chambers. "A parcel has arrived for you. I said you weren't to be disturbed so it was left with me."

"For me?" he asked baffled, looking at the small square package wrapped in brown paper. "I never get sent parcels."

"Ah, that's sad," said Elaine, releasing herself from Gwen's hug. "I'll get you a present, Merlin. We'll all make you one, won't we?"

"Sure," said Artie with a grin, but Merlin was now distracted and very suspicious of what he was holding. He could sense magic in it and was trying to work out if it was dangerous or not.

"Merlin?" Gwen asked, when he hadn't responded to the children.

"Oh yes, sorry. Ah, thank you Elaine … Artie."

"Well? Open it," said the boy. "I want to see what's in it."

"Later perhaps … I'll just go back to my chambers." He gave Gwen and the children a small smile and left, still fingering the package nervously.

Once back in his room he pushed out all of his magical senses before he opened it. It wasn't dangerous, he decided, and the magic contained within it was very weak. His name was written roughly on one side, as if the person was in a hurry, so he wasn't sure if he recognised the hand. Slowly and carefully he unwrapped it to reveal a small, plain, square mirror. He frowned, trying to work out who could have sent it to him and why.

Running out of time, he left it on his desk and moved onto his next duties; collecting lunch for Arthur, a meeting of the Round Table, a short consultation with Alice, the daily magic lesson with Elaine. Once she had gone back to Gwen he picked up the mirror again and tried to figure the puzzle out.

A few basic 'reveal' spells proved ineffective, so he selected a reference book from a nearby pile and turned to 'M'. The very first entry told him that the most common mirror enchantment would be revealed simply by steaming it up with one's breath.

"Well, that's a bit … boring," he said to himself with a grin but, now a lot less concerned about it being dangerous, he lifted the glass to his face and breathed on it. As it misted, words appeared on the surface as if they had been drawn by an invisible finger. It read.

M. Meet me. Sun Inn. Sun down. M

A sudden panic overcame him and it felt very hard to breath.

"No ... I can't." He looked down to find his hands were shaking, the mirror still gripped tightly within it. The words had faded now and he fought with a sudden urge to smash it. What else did he have to do today? His eyes moved quickly to the window to find the afternoon sun low in the sky. "I can't, I can't," he muttered over and over again, his foot was now tapping wildly and his body trembling violently. He wanted to stay here - he should stay here but, deep down, he knew he would be going. He had to know - he had to understand.

The decision eventually made, he left a couple of quick, deliberately vague messages to excuse himself from his evening duties, and headed off into the market place just as the sun was setting. The Inn was situated immediately outside the castle gate and, after struggling to move either backwards or forwards on the threshold for a few minutes, he eventually walked in … fell in actually, as a large man behind him was obviously very impatient for his evening drink.

He nervously looked around the half empty bar, but everyone here appeared to be the usual drinkers engrossed in their tankards and conversation, so he went up to speak to the relatively new barman.

"I had a message to meet someone here?" he asked nervously.

"Oh, it's you is it?" said the man with a sudden sly grin. "Alright for some, that's all I can say. She's waiting for you on the top floor … the west room?" The second grin was even more suggestive and Merlin gritted his teeth and refused to react to the teasing. Instead he calmly nodded his thanks and made his way up the stairs. The door in question was slightly ajar but he knocked on it anyway.

"Come in, Merlin." He walked in, his heart racing with a mixture of so many emotions he wasn't sure he could even name them.

"Hello, Morgana." She was looking at him, studying him closely, and he returned the gaze with as much confidence as he could muster. She was looking better than when he'd last seen her but still … still nothing like the wild beauty he'd encountered at Fyrien. He swallowed hard at the thought.

"You're looking well, Merlin. You've hardly changed at all."

"And you?" She shrugged and didn't answer. She was wearing a plain, course dress in green - a far duller shade than the ones she had worn when she was Uther's ward. Her hair was now brushed straight and the sides tied back with a ribbon but it was a plain style compared to what she had used to wear. Despite that, she still managed to look stunning and Merlin was angry at himself for even thinking it. Neither of them had spoken for several minutes.

"How is she?" Morgana asked eventually.

"Beautiful." A hint of a genuine smile tugged at her lips. He hadn't seen that on her in … twelve years? He was stunned by that thought. There was another very long and uncomfortable pause.

"I tried to see you before," she said eventually, "but it seems that my dear brother has found himself a pet sorcerer?"

At first he assumed she was teasing him, just as she'd done at Fyrien when she mocked him as Arthur's puppy but … her amusement did not seem to be aimed at him and he realised with disbelief that she still hadn't worked it out, despite Arthur having now exposed his abilities to most of the court.

"Arthur is not following Uther's stance and has openly allowed magic to be practised in Camelot," he explained.

"I see little sign of that out here," she said. A hint of her old haughty tone returning, "but … obviously he has someone powerful on his side to be able to cast such strong enchantments around the palace, because I couldn't get inside to deliver the message or send it to you via magic, I had to use … more conventional means."

"Why?" he asked.

"Why, what?"

"Why did you send me that message? Why did you want to see me at all? Why did you ..." She tipped her head, obviously amused at his embarrassment. "Why did you leave Elaine with me?"

"Because you're her father, Merlin, I would have thought you'd have worked that one out by now." The old teasing tone was back but he ignored it, shaking his head.

"But, you hate me. You hated me then and in the years before. You must have hated me even more once you realised that Morgause was dead ..." She snarled then and turned her back on him, and he sensed a very slight pull of magic. She hadn't wanted to be reminded of that, but he pushed on with his question anyway. "So, why did you give her up to someone you hated?" Initially she didn't answer him, although she did look much calmer when she eventually turned back to face him. After a very long pause, she sat down on a chair near the window and pointed to another by the door, indicating that he followed suit. He assumed that the distance suited her as much as it did him.

"Arthur's knights were after us so we ran," she began. "Our soldiers were killed and then … there was just me left so … I kept running. That night I was attacked by bandits ..." Her voice was flat and unemotional and Merlin felt his stomach tighten as he saw a blank look form behind her eyes.

"Morgana, they didn't …?"

"Don't try to pretend you care, Merlin," she snarled. He opened his mouth to try and explain his feelings at this point, but knew he didn't even understand them himself and so quickly closed it again. "I had gained a little control of my magic it seemed," she continued. "And, anyway, I never had any problem defending myself when angry so … I did eventually manage to escape." Merlin winced at the word 'eventually' but kept quiet, knowing that she would not appreciate his sympathy. "I got better at using what little magic I had to hide or escape and, eventually, I stumbled across some poor village and the people were happy to take me in when they saw the state I was in. Then I found out about Elaine." There was another long pause where Merlin wondered if he should say anything or just let her continue her tale.

"Luckily they didn't kick me out, assuming it had happened when I was attacked." She gave a small sound of disgust in her throat, but Merlin had no idea who or what that was aimed at. "An old lady took me in - the local physician … if you can call her that. I asked for something to get rid of the baby but she said it was too late." She looked up at Merlin and smirked at the obvious disgust she saw on his face. "What? You think I would have chosen to keep her? If Morgause had been with me she'd have given me the right medicine the day after and then …" She shrugged and again Merlin resisted the temptation to say anything and let her continue with her story. "Well, it was a pretty horrible experience and, as I got bigger my magic just disappeared completely." Her expression changed again, suddenly child-like and curious. "I didn't know that could happen, did you?"

"No, I've never heard of it," he replied, genuinely surprised.

"Perhaps it was just me then. Anyway, it didn't return even after she was born and by then … well … I'd just lost the will to live. I hated it there, with the women all cooing over how cute she was and trying to give me all this advice about why she was crying so much and why I should hold her when … I just couldn't so, I left." She frowned. "I really don't know why I took Elaine with me. I had planned to just leave her there … seeing they all thought she was so wonderful but … I suppose, despite everything, I must have felt some bond ... who knows? I just kept walking, she just kept crying and I … well, I'll be honest and say I remember little about that time – not really caring if either of us lived or died.

"Then, I suddenly came to, huddled under the eaves of a cottage roof and I looked up and saw … Camelot. I didn't know where I was before that moment and absolutely no idea why I would have returned here. Then I looked down at her. She was so tiny and pale - my milk had run out by then - and she looked up at me with these eyes … such big blue eyes." Morgana looked up at Merlin and he nodded, remembering how the baby Elaine had appeared to have looked right into his soul that day when he'd first held her. "I had thought … I was just going to stay there and let us both die, but it was then that I saw something of you in her, and I suddenly knew what I should do. I still didn't care about me, but I had just realised that I didn't want her life to end and I knew … as much as I hated you, that you wouldn't hate her - even if you realised she was mine - even if she grew up to inherit my magic. I knew that you would protect her from Arthur if he ever found out the truth and something told me that you were her only chance of life. I suppose, at that moment, everything else that had happened between us was forgotten.

"Arthur's sorcerer obviously hadn't started work there yet because it was easy enough to get into Camelot just like I always had. There were locks on that little passageway, but my magic had started to return enough for me to release them. After that it was simple. How many times have I walked those corridors? How many times had I found myself in Gaius' chambers looking for a new potion for my nightmares? So, I put her down and left." She stopped, just looking down at her lap and Merlin waited for a moment wondering if she was going to continue.

It had been the very fact that Merlin had suspected Morgana of sneaked into Camelot to leave Elaine, that had made him decide to put up magical barriers around the Palace in the first place. Arthur, of course, had thought it a wonderful idea to improve his security and so had not questioned why Merlin had suddenly suggested it five years ago.

"Then you found Alvarr's group?" Merlin asked when she stayed quiet for quite a few minutes. She looked up at him suddenly surprised. "No, they found me a good distance from Camelot. I'd just wandered off again, apparently." She shrugged. "I remember coming out of the passageway, I remember walking through the market and I remember looking back once at Camelot's turrets and then … my world went black." She looked up at him. "You know about them?"

"Yes, I went to their camp once."

"Why?"

"We'd heard of Alvarr's group and Arthur sent me to try to convince him to stop his hate campaign."

"Sent his servant to do his dirty work for him," she scoffed.

"I hardly think he would have survived the encounter."

"But you did?"

"What threat am I to anyone?" he asked a little too innocently and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Yes, you pulled that trick on me often enough. Anyway, they helped me … a little. Slowly I started to get better."

"But you're not better, are you, Morgana? Not really?"

"And still you sound as if you actually care."

"I told you before. I've tried to hate you, Morgana, really I have but ... I can't. Even after what you did to me. It doesn't seem to be in my make-up."

"Well, lucky you," she replied sarcastically and they exchanged a glare that seemed quite reminiscent of times gone past, and then both nearly smiled as they recognised it.

"So, why are you here if you're supposed to be with them?" he asked, after another awkward pause.

"I don't stay there all the time. Sometimes I can't stay still … sometimes I just have to walk. Alvarr understands and he never stops me. He knows I'll always return."

"Of course, I should arrest you. Take you back to the Palace with me," said Merlin, his tone a little brighter. Morgana raised his eyebrows at him and her smile became a little more genuine.

"But, you're not going to, are you, Merlin? I mean ... I'm assuming they all think that Elaine is the result of some fling you had with a serving girl?"

"Yes."

"And we both want them to keep believing that, don't we? For her sake." He sighed.

"Yes, Arthur can never know the full truth of it."

"Good, I'm glad that's settled." She got up briskly and walked towards the door. Merlin stood and rested a gentle hand on her arm. He noticed her flinch very slightly, but she worked hard not to show it.

"Morgana … I really am sorry … about everything you've been through." He felt that strange pull again; his magic responding to hers, and wondered if she could feel it too. Apparently so, because she leaned towards him very slightly and then frowned as if not quite understanding the move.

"You are so soft and emotional, Merlin, it's a wonder you've stayed alive as long as you have." Despite the words, her tone was soft, teasing almost, and he smiled back – thinking of how often Arthur accused him of being a girl. Her magic hummed to him again and he decided that this meeting needed to end now - quickly, before their magic created any more problems.

xoxOxox

A/N Most of you worked it out – I assumed you would. When I started planning this chapter, I contemplated delaying or changing the pov to keep the question in the air a little longer but I think this was the right time for the 'reader reveal' although …the real fun is going to be if/when the other characters find out.

Morgana was obviously suffering from post-natal depression but, I find it hard to imagine even her S1 self being especially maternal. Mordred yes but ... I struggle to see her like that with a baby.

I expect you're confused by the few vague references to the Castle of Fyrien, when Merlin has said so little about his experiences there so far? I'm afraid I am going to continue to be mean and leave the full story of what really happened until later.

E/N As I've said before, 'King Arthur's Chronicles' is now published and chapter 5 explains what really happened at Fryien (spoilers!). Chapters 1 - 4 are still the only ones that don't give anything away at this point in KAW.

1) During this edit I deleted my comment about possibly publishing a series of M-rated one shots and also the credit for their inspiration. SpanglePony wanted to know how Arthur came to grant the druids their place in the Valley of the Kings and so I wrote the first two chapters of KAC to answer that question.

2) Jessie made a number of Merlin/Elaine comments in her review but I should acknowledge the fact that I have explained most of her concerns 'after the fact,' in particular the Gaius issue which I had not thought to mention when I originally published this. Again, Merlin confiding to Gaius ultimately became a KAC chapter in it's own right.

(21/8/11)