A/N: Hey everyone, once again some apologies for taking a little longer than expected to get this chapter out. But this starts to get into some crucial aspects of establishing our girls' relationship, and I ended up re-writing this four times before I finally got a draft that I really liked. I took some creative liberties here with the characters by filling in some details to basic known facts of their pasts. This chapter definately dives into some deeper emotions (finally right?) and has a very mild fluff alert. PLease enjoy and once again thank you for all the reviews and messages :)

Chapter 10: Skeletons

Alex slowly became aware of the warmth that was curled up against her side, and the gentle tickle of Liara's steady breathing as she continued to slumber. On the other side of Liara, she could hear Ashley's soft snores, attesting to the fact that she was the only one who was awake yet. Not willing to disturb her companions and despite her own recent nap, Alex gave into the lassitude that had settled in her body and allowed her mind to drift for the next half hour as she dozed on and off. It wasn't until Liara finally stirred and stretched that all three women began to awaken.

Alex turned her head and cracked her eyes open in time to see Liara open her own eyes. Blue met grey and a soft smile appeared on each of their faces. "Sleep well?" Alex asked, her voice still a bit rough from her own sleep.

"I did. No nightmares?"

"Not even a hint of them," Alex answered, grateful for the uninterrupted sleep. She hadn't realized just how physically wearing on her the nightmares had become.

"Do you dream about what happened to the Protheans?" Ashley asked quietly, having understood for some time now that the message from the beacon had been intense, graphic, and deeply disturbing to the Commander. It had been at the heart of Shepard's single-minded drive to stop Saren and Sovereign, no matter what the cost.

Alex tensed a bit, not sure if she was ready to talk about it just yet. Liara felt it, and Ashley sensed it in the silence. The brunette rolled out of bed and limped around until she was on Alex's side and then motioned for her and Liara to shift over so she could recline next to Alex. Once they were all resettled, Ash rolled onto her side and propped herself up on her elbow so she could look down at Alex.

"I understand not wanting to talk about it Alex. I grew up with a former counselor as a mom and to this day I still fight having to talk it out, even though I know that I'll feel better afterwards. Why do you think her and I were gone for so long that second day? She hadn't just heard you, she'd heard me wake up from my own nightmares and spent over an hour wearing me down enough to finally talk to her about everything," Ashley admitted with a rueful chuckle.

"Funny isn't it?"

"What is?"

"Our whole lives have been about survival. Mine physical, yours has been your career. We've been forced to close ourselves off from everything around us except for that single determination to survive and succeed, knowing that all it could take is one sign of weakness and everything would be over. So much rides on us, but a single word could bring it all tumbling down. Craziest thing to me though, is Chakwas knows that mentally we aren't fit for duty, but didn't insist on counseling because she knew they would ground us both either long-term or permanently. She took a gamble in hoping we could work things out on our own, because she knows what's at stake and what could be lost if we aren't allowed to go back out there and fight."

"That or she was well aware of the fact that my family was coming to visit and knew my mother would handle things."

"She did?"

"She knew that my family was visiting and asked me to send her regards to my mom. In one of my letter's home I'd mentioned Dr. Chakwas' name and it turns out that they both worked at the Alliance's Medical Branch in London for a couple of years before Chakwas was finally granted a post on a ship. Chakwas patched up the broken bodies, mom came in and helped patch up their broken spirits."

"Huh," Alex grunted. After a minute she smirked slightly. "Chakwas is one slick woman. Always thinking two steps ahead."

"If she hadn't gone into Medical, I think she could easily have been in Intel. The woman is observant as all hell," Ashley agreed in wry amusement.

"Did it help talking with your mother Ashley?" Liara asked, steering them back to the conversation at hand.

"It did, and I felt stupid afterwards for resisting so much, because I knew I would help to begin with."

There was a moment of silence and then Alex finally asked in a subdued voice what her nightmares had been about. Ash lay back down on her pillow and stared up at the ceiling for a few seconds. "Take your pick I guess. Eden Prime….Virimire…the Citadel. Mostly about Eden Prime though. I'd been shipped to so many backwater posts over the last few years, and everyone else was so bitter about their assignments I'd never really gotten close to any of my units. But Eden Prime was different. The world was beautiful, the colony was close and I was reunited with most of my platoon from H.E.A.T. They respected my leadership skills and we were all pretty close. "

"Heat?" Liara asked, confused.

"H.E.A.T.," Ash said spelling out the letters. "It stands for Hostile Environment Assault Training. It's a brutal four month training program on Titan that teaches us to aggressive assault training techniques and how to adapt to any given situation. That was where I finally had an instructor recognize me for my skills and not my name. Gunny Chief Ellison was a hard-ass instructor, but he was also fair. Received my first promotion from him, and I think he was behind getting my old platoon assigned to me on Eden Prime. It was nice to finally have some friendly faces around." Ashley's smile began to fade however. "Which just made it all the harder to lose some of them. Some of those people were like family to me by the time of the invasion."

"Niralia Bhatia?" Shepard guessed.

"Amongst others, but she and I were the closest. Neither of us was on duty that day actually. I was supposed to meet her at the spaceport to check out some of the new hard suits that were coming in, and then we were going to head up to the lakes to swim and relax. My LT called me in for a briefing though, and Nira told be she needed to pick up a few things anyway and she'd meet me at the port when I was done. My Lieutenant was just wrapping up the briefing, which was about beefing up security for the scientists that were suddenly digging all over the place, when the first attack came. I grabbed my gear and started recalling my squad. Saren knew right where to hit us though. Bastard dropped his Geth right on our base, and half our people were slaughtered just trying to get to their barracks and their gear. Nira was one of them," Ash said quietly as a tear slipped down the side of her face to soak the pillow below.

"By the time the remaining members of my unit were able to rally at my location, I only had six out of twenty people alive, and four of them were fresh out of basic. Johnson, Gomez and I tried to keep those kids calm and focused on the fight, but they were just too damn scared because we were so overwhelmed. As soon as the first one got his head blown off, the other three broke and ran. They didn't last five seconds out in the open, and the last of us were forced to fall back to where one of the other units were supposed to be fighting. By the time we got there, they were putting out that distress call, and half their unit was dead as well. More Geth were dropped on our location, the LT was killed as one dropped right on his head, and I finally gave the order for all units to fall back and assist with evacuating the colony. Gomez and Johnson followed me towards the spaceport to see if we could secure any of the evacuation shuttles, but I lost them as we started to near the dig site, not realizing that was what the Geth were after."

It was quiet for a minute and then Alex finally spoke up. "I know I was a complete bitch to you back on that planet Ash and I'm sorry because I know it had to have made the pain of losing everyone worse. I was still reeling from the giant fuck-up on Torfan, I'd just lost Jenkins, and I was in the middle of a fight with Geth of all things. I shouldn't have said what I did to you like that," she apologized.

"No you shouldn't have," Ash said without any venom. "But after finding out what'd happened to your own team, I understood you were probably just venting."

"Torfan?" Liara asked.

Neither woman missed Shepard's flinch. Ash was about to answer for Alex, but the blonde stopped her. "No…it's okay. I suppose your mom's right and I need to let this out before it eats me up. Besides, all you really know is the official story Ash, not what lead up to one of the worst losses of Marines in recent history."

Alex took a deep breath and began her story. "You both know that my life has always been a hard one. It's public record that I was one of the Alliance's 'diamonds in the rough'. I wasn't a gifted biotic. I didn't have a degree in anything, and I wasn't following tradition. I was just some kid who grew up on the streets and did whatever I needed to in order to survive. It was brutal and harsh and I learned the hard way that the only one I could trust and rely upon was myself. I barely passed my exams, and I think the only reason they really let me in was because the old man stuck up for me and I could fight like no one else. Those survival instincts were deeply ingrained in me though, and no matter how hard they tried at the Academy, they couldn't break me of that. I learned to work with my teams, but I had earned a reputation for being a lone wolf, and a renegade. The irony was they couldn't dispute my performance, because I always got the job done. I started rising through the ranks quickly, but Command was always on me for not working with my team and as a team. Guess they figured giving me a unit of my own would break me of that habit, because now I had people who were relying on me not to get them killed. Was the first time I was actually scared.

"On the streets, when I ran with my gang, our lives were meaningless unless you were at the top. Turf wars raged every other week, and people died all the time. We were all expendable to those in charge, and to the rest of the world, the dead were just another statistic. I think that was how I always saw myself before I was promoted, and that was why I was never afraid to die. But now I was the one in charge, and I realized these men and women weren't expendable. Time and money had been spent in the effort to train them and now I was in charge of directing them into dangerous situations without getting them killed. At the time, it was my worst nightmare," Alex admitted ruefully.

"A few weeks before Torfan, our unit along with two others, were running training exercises nearby when the uprising at Mars Theta Penal One hit. Command asked us to go in and conduct a locate and capture of the inmates that had managed to escape to the mountain range east of the facility. About two dozen of those bastards had holed up in a small series of caves and they'd managed to get their hands on a good sized load of weapons and a few explosives. The locals had already fully mapped the caves so we knew every exit and entrance. We were also informed that many of the caves weren't stable any more. Unstable environment and the prisoners had the tactical advantage from inside- it would have been suicide to try and breech, and I suggested we just wait them out. They may have had some decent defenses, but their supplies were finite. With no food or water it probably wouldn't have been more than a week before they would finally be forced to give up or die of dehydration and starvation. Unfortunately, I was the newest C.O. of all the unit Commanders and my idea was disregarded by the more experienced Commanders," she said bitterly.

"As they began to lay out their plans, I realized they were going to get people killed. I voiced my objections, but they decided to go ahead with the breech anyway. Pissed off, I took matters into my own hands. The breech wasn't going to happen until early morning, so I waited until after dark and slipped away from our camp. I stripped off all my weapons except from my combat knife and a single implosion grenade, and then snuck into one of the entrances. I took down three of their sentries silently before I finally found them all holed up in the deepest cave, arguing over what to do next. Needless to say they were a little surprised to see me," she smirked.

"I bet. Was a little insane of you to go in there all by yourself though Shep," Ash said with a raised eyebrow.

"I wouldn't argue that," Alex chuckled quietly. "So I waltzed right in there, explained the facts to them, and told them there was no way of escaping. I also made it clear that I wasn't about to risk my men getting killed by some stupid cave-in while trying to extract a bunch of scumbags that were holed up like the rats they were. I showed them the grenade and made damn sure they understood exactly what it would do if I set it off right then and there. We stared each other down, and they realized that if I was crazy enough to walk in there virtually unarmed, I was probably crazy enough to blow us all to hell. They threw down their arms right then and there, but wanted a few reasonable requests. Seems the Warden was engaging in some illegal operations and inmates were disappearing, but in reality being reported as killed during a fight or dying from some illness. It was the whole reason behind the uprising, and they were all willing to accept the consequences of their actions so long as I promised that I would see to it a full scale investigation was launched immediately and that the Warden wouldn't touch them.

I guaranteed their safety out of the caves if they agreed to cooperate with my orders, and that I see to it that my Superiors looked into the matter immediately. I assured them that I would pay a personal visit to the Warden to let him know that no one had better 'disappear' while he awaited his own investigation and they agreed to everything. I let them pass around the bottle of rum one of the locals had given me earlier in the day and then walked them all out of the cave hands on their heads. The other CO's were of course furious, and when one of them started to get rough with a prisoner that wasn't doing anything wrong, I knocked him on his ass for it. I was given a commendation for finding a peaceful resolution to the situation, and then dressed down for over two hours about striking a fellow officer and not going along with the plan. They knew the plan was shit, they knew it would have resulted in unnecessary deaths on both sides, but they are so stuck on their idea of working as a team, they couldn't let my actions slide and I got a mark in my file."

Liara and Ashley murmured in quiet disapproval over that action, but let Alex continue her story. "A few weeks later we found ourselves at Torfan with one of the other units from Mars. I was still furious over what had happened, and to make matters worse I was stuck working with Jervis, the asshole I'd punched. We argued over strategy, when he came up with another shit plan and finally he pulled rank. It was a bait and trap strategy and my unit was to be the bait. I argued that my men were too vulnerable, but then I let him get to me by questioning my ability to lead and their ability to fight. Bastard hadn't even done a recon, and his team was almost completely wiped out just trying to get into position. I lost a quarter of my team before I realized there was no back-up. By then it was too late to do anything else, and the slavers were preparing to leave with their haul of the colonists they'd captured. With Jervis dead, I knew I alone would take the blame if we lost those colonists and I wasn't about to lose this mission. So I ordered an all out assault knowing that we had almost no defensible ground to fall back on. All that mattered was that I could get to the ship and blow one of it's engines and ground it."

Alex stared off into the distance as memories of that horrible day came back to her. "It was like being back on the streets in the middle of a raging turf war again. Shots and screams and blood everywhere. I took several hits to my armor by the time I got to the ship and set the charges. I was pumped so full of adrenaline, stims and Omni-gel I didn't even realize two bullets had made it through my plating. Once the ship was grounded, the slavers poured out, pissed as hell. My men didn't stand a chance, but I ordered us to hold our ground. We managed to whittle their numbers down to about a dozen before they finally threw down their weapons and surrendered. I was so far into the battle-rush that I did what came instinctively - what I had learned the hard way on the streets. I shot every one of those bastards before they could change their minds when they realized there was barely a half dozen of my Marines left and every single one of us was injured. I was patched up, sent in for the formal Inquiry into my actions, and once I was cleared of any dereliction of duty, I was given a token pat on the head for saving the colonists and then reassigned to the Normandy."

Ashley spoke up, her voice thoughtful. "Looking back, do you think that their Inquiry was also them feeling you out as a possible candidate for becoming a Spectre?"

Alex was silent for a minute as she thought about that. "Huh….never would have really thought of it in that light, but…you might be right Ash. I'd been through Inquiries before, but that had by far, been the most intensive. They seemed determined to make me start questioning my actions, but the more they pushed the more I stood by what I did and for some reason I got the sense this satisfied them more than it really should have."

"It is widely known that Spectres work almost exclusively on their own. By your own admission, you have always been more comfortable working alone and relying upon no one but yourself. From what I have heard, your military relies heavily on strength in numbers and there would probably be few candidates who would excel working as a lone operative. Fewer still who could have the wide range of skills you possessed along with Command experience. You were the ideal candidate for becoming he first Human Spectre," Liara reasoned.

"But they took a huge risk putting you back out in the field like that so quickly," Ashley remarked. " After what happened on Eden Prime with that damned beacon.." she paused and shook her head. "Anyone else probably would have lost it completely and we would all be dead."

"This whole situation has been one giant cluster fuck. Rogue Spectres, Reapers, genetic experiments, good people dying…God Liara, I don't even know how you managed to deal with going up against your mother like that and not losing it," Alex said, reminded once more that she and Ash weren't the only one's nursing open emotional wounds. She heard the young Asari's breathing catch in the slightest of chokes and wrapped her arm around slender blue shoulders more tightly.

"My mother and I did not see eye to eye on a great many things as I grew older. I thought it was because I was a Pureblood and she was ashamed of what I represented- choices in her life that she regretted. She had been well on her way to becoming a popular Matriarch and Priestess in our society when she had me. I was always well aware of the fact that my existence cost her some standing amongst our people. I knew she loved me, but the rift between us seemed to grow larger every year. My mother humored my choice in career, even if she did not agree with it. We did not speak for years at a time after I left, but she never once spoke harshly against my choice. At least I know she was proud of the stand I made and of me…before…"she broke off her voice finally catching as tears streaked down her face.

"It's okay Li," Alex whispered pulling the smaller woman tightly against her as Liara had done for her the night before. Ash reached across them both, adding her own comfort as Liara finally allowed herself to grieve for the loss of her mother.

It was brief, and not nearly as intense as Shepard's was, but then Liara had seemed to already make her peace with her mother's death, and there was the fact that they had apparently not had a very close relationship to begin with. When she finally relaxed back into her own pillow, Alex and Ash helped to dry her eyes, and Alex leaned forward to press a gentle kiss against Liara's forehead.

"Guess we all have our own demons to deal with," she remarked sadly.

"Ghosts that will probably haunt us until the day we die," Ashley agreed somberly.

"Pasts that will forever guide who were are and how we will always react to a situation no matter how much we might want to change," Liara said with a flash of sudden insight.

Alex caught the look and sighed heavily, knowing exactly what Liara was referring to. It was time to bite the bullet and bring up the matter of what they were going to do about their evolving feelings for one another. "And therein lies the challenge of what to do about us. I know how much I care for both of you, and yes, if Tali were still here, she'd be included in that statement as well. But I've never allowed myself to be this close to anyone…ever, and quite frankly my instincts are screaming at me to get out and run. On top of that, my training is right there with it, reminding me that I could be jeopardizing two careers if I take things any further with you Ash."

She watched as Ashley opened her mouth to argue, but laid a finger against soft full lips to still her words. "I know you said you were willing to risk it for this Ash, but you have no idea how hard it is for me to just go along with that…especially now when you are so close to fulfilling a life-long career goal that you have worked harder than anyone else to achieve."

"I don't understand," Liara broke in quietly. "Are you saying it is against your military protocols to be romantically involved with one another?"

"For Ashley and I, yes. Regulations do not allow for officers to fraternize or have a relationship with an enlisted soldier. Officers can date other officer and enlisted with enlisted, so long as you are of the same rank, or are in no way under the senior officer's chain of command. The only exceptions are for a married couple serving together, and one of them receives a promotion. As long as the Senior Officer in such an arrangement never shows any favoritism they are allowed to remain posted together. Ash and I would not only be breaking the regs of fraternizing between enlisted and officer, but I am her CO."

"I understand now," Liara said, realizing why both women had kept their emotional distance from each other despite the obvious attraction between each of them.

"But my biggest concern has always been my ability to retain control. Every time I lose control, people die, and I don't want to lose either of you any time soon. Those regs are there for a good reason, and once we get back out there, I need to be the Commander. I can't have my judgment clouded by emotional attachments. Too much is at stake right now," Alex admitted finally.

"You fear that this could lead to some kind of permanent emotional commitment that may effect your ability to lead us once we are back on duty," Liara assessed.

Alex winced, hearing it stated so bluntly. "Look I'm not saying that I'm just looking for…a one night stand or something. You mean far too much to me for it to be like that. But I don't want anyone hurt by taking this too far without knowing what we are getting into."

"Alex? No matter what happens between up personally, I wouldn't want to serve under any other Commanding Officer. When we get back on that ship, I know things will have to go back to the way they were and I would never ask anything more of you because I understand the need to keep your head in the game. All I want, is a chance to enjoy something special here and now with you and Liara while we still can," Ash confessed.

They exchanged a long searching look before Alex nodded, reassured by what she saw and then turned her head towards Liara. "Li?" she asked gently. "I know it's got to be hard for you to understand all of this, but-,"

Now it was her words being still by a slightly calloused fingertip. "Alexis, these past months have been some of the most incredible of my life. All those decades working mostly by myself, digging around in ancient ruins…I would have never guessed that my knowledge would some day lead me into the middle of galactic espionage and a battle that could mean either the savior or destruction of all life in our galaxy. I was exposed to cultures and races I had only read about, felt the exhilaration of a battle won, and experienced emotions I had never felt before. What I began to feel for you, and Ashley…and Tali," she said, admitting that too she also cared deeply for their Quarian friend. "These feelings were new, and confusing, and a little frightening because they were so intense. I knew there would be challenges, but I want to explore these emotions, and no goal is worth reaching for if there aren't obstacles to overcome along the way."

Alex was silent for a moment as she digested that and then looked between Liara and Ashley. "Then if we decide to…explore deeper levels of our friendship, for now, no one is expecting anything more?" There were head shakes and Alex pressed further. "Once we are back on duty, things will go back to the way they were and no one is going to try to pull any emotional strings to undermine my orders or decisions?"

"Only if you promise not to try and keep us out of harms way simply because you care for us more than others Alex," Ash tossed back at her with equal seriousness.

An unspoken name passed between them and Alex flinched slightly. "He may have been an officer and you just an enlisted grunt, but I had a stronger biotic on the team and you were by far a better fighter. I will never say any of my men were expendable, but I had others that could fill the gap his death created. I have taken you on every mission I've been on, Chief, and that's not about to change."

"Aye aye, Skipper," Ash said with a reassured smile.

"Alex?"

"Yeah?" Alex turned her head towards the young Asari, their faces only inches apart.

"You have nothing to fear from either of us. We all know what is at stake, and we all know that nothing can distract us from succeeding in our need to stop this threat. But the Goddess's have chosen to bless us with this chance to be reminded of what we are fighting to protect, and I for one would like to embrace this opportunity…however brief it may be."

With that, she leaned in and placed a light kiss on Shepard's lips. Ashley, who had propped herself up on her arm once more, watched with a warm smile on her face as the two kissed tenderly…almost timidly. Ash ran her fingers along the base of Alex's skull, enjoying the shiver she felt as the other two women embraced each other tighter, the kiss finally deepening. When they broke for air, Ashley leaned in and exchanged slow kisses with each of them before she lay back down and snuggled up against Alex, content to simply enjoy the rush of emotions and sensations through her body.

Oh she wanted more, and she could tell they did also. But Alex had been right- all of their wounds were still too raw right now, and they needed some time. Besides, her family would be back in the morning and they still had another three more days. Ash didn't feel like starting something that they couldn't enjoy uninterrupted over the next few days. She could however, fantasize about how exactly she wanted to spend the rest of their leave. It made for some very pleasant dreams later that night as they all slept wrapped around each other once more.