I don't own GA

People cry, not because they're weak. It's because they've been strong for too long.

The Third Meeting: No Longer Able to Hold Back

Mikan

After finding out that your parents didn't give a damn about you because you were adopted wasn't the most painful thing. But it hurt. It broke me into pieces to know that my whole existence had been a lie and that I really didn't have a home. That I never really had people who genuinely cared about me. However, that was until he came into my life. Dealing with the fact that I had no loving parents became a dull pain in the chest because he was there for me when I needed it the most. He offered me his shoulder to cry on and his broad back to carry the fallen pieces of me back in the hospital.

And to see him wait for me on that usual bench in the park on Christmas tore my heart into pieces.

I was in a semi-coma state before I left him. I knew that he was there right next to my hospital bed, everyday and every chance he could get. It made my chest hurt to think that I was the one who put him through that kind of pain. Then, one day when my real parents came, my eyes had enough strength to open themselves and get a glimpse of them. And a sight of a weeping brunette sprung tears in my eyes. Her brown eyes were bloodshot like she had been crying for days, and it took me a moment to realize that she was trying hard not to grip my hand that was between hers.

For the first time, I was glad to have a mother.

She was sobbing uncontrollably, sitting on the provided chair next to the bed, and her shoulders were shaking. Hands then gently touched the woman's shoulders and my eyes landed on a stranger, a man whose tears were flowing freely on his face. He was tall and his blond hair was sticking on his forehead like he ran a couple of miles to get there. He was trembling like a child soaked to the bones, and my own tears had escaped from me.

For the first time, I was glad to have a father.

They were my real parents, and those raw emotions were not hidden from them. I only saw anger and disappointment in my foster parents' eyes, and none of them were able to move me. And this couple right in front of me were openly mourning. Mourning for the years that they hadn't seen me. Mourning for the fact that their daughter was on a hospital bed.

"Oh my god, my child," the brunette sobbed out, voice was broken.

"She's awake," the man pointed out, unbelief was in his tone as if the sight of my eyes open was too good to be true.

I heard some shuffling and I noticed, for the first time, that my other parents were there in the room. Serina was crying, too, and Narumi looked like he was struggling to sort out his emotions to no avail because he started sobbing when I blinked away my tears.

"She's finally awake," Narumi murmured, and no matter how much i tried to deny it, I truly hated the thought of hurting those people around me.

"I'm taking her back," the woman who was holding my hand declared. There was firmness in her voice that time around and the stillness in the room that followed halted my crying. My parents were about to open their mouths to say something back, but the man behind the brunette spoke first.

"She's our daughter. We've lost her for two years. We looked all over for her and no one even managed to say anything about her, about her condition or about her accident."

Narumi was the one who replied this time and said, "I'm sorry. We know how hard it is for you but... we never knew that she's your daughter until recently."

"What do you mean?" the woman next to me asked, confusion filling her face.

Serina finally found her voice and she was the one who narrated the story behind my adoption. The tale that I had been wanting to find out the day they told me that I wasn't their daughter.

"Her memories are altered because of the car accident. When she was twelve, we found her in the hands of my mother's friend and she asked us if we could take care of her. The moment she called us "mom" and "dad" was when we figured that she had an amnesia of some sort, a side effect of the accident. She thought we were her parents, and she didn't remember having the accident at all, or the time she spent in the hospital because of it. We didn't want to hurt her so we didn't reveal anything to her."

Narumi took the opportunity to resume the story. "That is, at least when she starts remembering something. We didn't want to force her because the doctors said that maybe it could further damage something, especially since her case is special. We continued to take care of her but..." he paused and looked at me regretfully, and I already knew what he was gonna say. "But we failed in being her parents."

My lips were dry, but I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell them that they hadn't failed to give me a shelter to live in, instead of finding myself in a cardboard box in an alley or something. I wanted to tell them that they gave me food and clothes and school, things that were essential for me to keep going in life. But I was unable to. Because at the same time, I knew what I wanted the most.

I desired the real comfort and love from a real family. I wished to be with my real parents.

And saying something to the people who stood as my mother and father would be unfair. They could treat it as an indication of my unwillingness to go to my biological parents, or they could use it as a sign that I couldn't let go of them. And yes, there was a slight hesitation on my part about the thought of leaving Narumi and Serina. However, we all knew what was the best option for us. And living with them wasn't the one.

With my resolve in mind, I willed myself to open my lips and speak. I knew that the words that I would utter the next second would break the couple's hearts but I couldn't let myself to contemplate about the situation if I really wanted to have peace. If I wanted my parents to have peace.

"I want to go with my parents. My real parents." There was a finality to those words, and when I took in the defeated looks on Narumi and Serina, my heart would've had shattered right there, but the brightened smiles on my real parents' part lifted my spirits. I had to make a choice one way or the other, and if I was going to do that, then I had to pick the one that would be the best for all of us.

Serina was still crying, her blond hair was swept up in a ponytail and her cheeks were stained with tears, and she said, "If that's what you want, Mikan."

And they let me go.

I told them that I wanted to leave at that moment because saying goodbye to the people who raised me was enough to crack my damaged heart. I didn't think that I would be able to handle another wave of goodbyes with my friends, with Hotaru or with him.

I learned about my real parents then. I learned that my mom was Yuka and my father was Izumi and that they were both successful. They felt disappointed in themselves because no matter how much wealthy they were, they weren't able to find me. My foster parents were the ones who called them and told them about my situation. I learned then, that maybe they were ready to let me go that time because otherwise, they wouldn't find my real parents for me.

I was the one who retrieved my adoption letters from the city hall, and my parents told me that it was up to me whatever I wanted to do with it. It took me half a year to choose, and that meant the dissolving of the adoption. I knew somewhere at the back of my mind that I wouldn't be able to become Mikan Yukihara, the real me, if a part of me was still attached to the life thrusted upon me by some cruel fate. But I was merely fooling myself when I thought it was because of my adopted parents.

"Sakura."

The way he called me playfully by my last name was etched in my memory, and I didn't want to let it go. I didn't want to dissolve the only bridge that I could find to come back to him. But I knew that I had to. I had to leave everything behind in order to get back the life that was truly meant for me. The years that my parents spent looking for me and mourning for the child that they lost were enough to drive me into pushing the final snap. The day that I dissolved the adoption papers with Serina's and Narumi's consultation was also the day I became my former self.

The only difference was that my memories hadn't came back to me after a year and a half later.

I was crossing the street from the bakery that was close to my old school, and a car who passed by had suddenly almost knocked me over to the pavement. A bodyguard of mine, thanks to my parents who were overly protective of me, had almost smashed the car window of the reckless driver. But I was in no thoughts of getting myself together, because the fear of seeing myself getting ran over had shaken me to the bones. And one by one, images started flashing before my eyes.

I saw myself hitting the windshield of a car and the speed further rolled me over, until my body stopped with a splat. I saw myself in my own pool of blood and my hand gripping a bouquet of flowers, thinking "I have to get this to mommy." I saw myself blinking away the blinding white behind my eyelids before completely waking up with no memories intact. I barely knew what I was doing when I climbed out of my hospital bed for the first time and walked to the hallways of the disinfectant scent-filled hospital. I remembered about the man with a white coat saying how "Mikan needs a surgery" while talking to a woman behind the desk. I saw myself going up the stairs because of curiosity and finding myself on top of the rooftop of the building. I vaguely registered my hair swaying with the wind, as my hazel eyes landed on a boy.

He was my age but was a few inches taller than me, and his jet-black hair fascinated me as it moved back and forth with the breeze. I was snapped out of my trance when he moved though, because no matter how clueless I was at that moment, I somehow got the gist of what the boy was going to do. Seeing him step to the ledge got my legs moving and it was stupid of me to do something after sneaking out of my room, but I managed to throw myself to the boy, hugging his slightly bigger frame and we both fell backwards. He was yelling and I smacked his cheeks together non-too-gently. He was startled and too stunned to continue his complaints and I remembered telling him, "If I made it through my surgery, then I'll be your friend so you won't be lonely."

"My mom died. And I hurt everyone I love," he told me. He let it all out and he sobbed on my shoulder. It didn't take a long time for the doctor to find my room empty, because some nurses found us on the rooftop. I had to tear myself from the boy, refusing to leave him, but the smile that he gave me reassured me that everything was going to be fine.

But I didn't expect to find that boy again and fall in love with him.

That day I regained most of my memories, from my childhood and up to the days I spent in the hospital, was also the day I said my goodbyes. I contacted him for one last time, promising myself that this would be the last time that I would see him—the last time that I would observe him from afar.

And the day when I said my goodbye to him was also the day I told myself to let his heart go. To stop my heart from beating for him.

I meant to contact Hotaru, too, and I inserted a letter to her locker, careful to choose a weekend to drop by. I knew that the school was open and I wrote to her to assure her that everything was fine, that I was living well. It was true to some extent but I didn't dare mention that I missed her or any of my friends that I was leaving behind. I didn't dare mention that I hated how they were going to graduate without me. But I shouldn't complain, because it was my decision.

It didn't stop my heart from aching, though.

I thought that was the end of it, and yet even if eleven years had passed, my constant dreams were full of them—of him. Even if I wanted to help out my dad by attending some arranged dates with other guys, I couldn't bring myself to actually fall in love. My dad didn't push me and both of my parents told me not to do anything that I didn't want to do. They even allowed me to go to an art school, even though they should've had been concerned about the heir of the company. They weren't getting young and I could tell that my dad was contemplating about to whom he would hand in the company over.

They had been the greatest parents and they showered me with true affections and caring over the past years. I would sometimes joked that I wasn't a baby anymore and that I shouldn't be pampered anymore, but my mom would just pinch my cheeks, give me a smile, and tell me, "You'll always be our baby." It was heartwarming, and for the first time, I appreciated the fact that I was a daughter of someone. And I wanted to help them.

All of the thoughts about moving on and getting to help my parents were somehow pulled away from me, like how I thought the ground would somehow collapse beneath me.

Because the moment I saw him, Natsume, I knew that my heart started beating again.

And I was Mikan Sakura again. The Mikan who had fell in love with the boy that she saved seventeen years ago. The Mikan who got to know him fourteen years ago. The Mikan who left him eleven years ago.

He was standing there in front of the piece that I painted from a while back. It all stated everything there; that I was watching him, that I still cared all the same, and that I loved him.

I still love him.

"How did you know?" I heard him ask, and it took me a great effort to speak.

"Know what...?"

"That I was waiting."

He turned to me, and my breath was taken away from me. The eleven years had done a great deal to him, and probably to me too, but the Natsume in front of me was no longer the one that I met in high school. He was not that lanky, class-ditcher anymore.

He was a man now. A man who was more capable of rendering me breathless and my heart drumming against my chest, and bringing tears upon my eyes.

I didn't know what prompted me to be honest with him. "Because I was watching. Even if I knew that I shouldn't, I wanted to see you before I left."

And before I knew it, I was enveloped in his hug. He was clutching to me but he was gentle about it, as his arm wounded up around my waist and with his other hand on my hair. I couldn't help but wrap my own arms around him as I felt that warm liquid droplets on my skin.

He was crying.

And it tore me apart. I didn't know that I caused him this much pain. I didn't know that he wouldn't be able to move on, like how I couldn't. My name that was mumbled against my hair warmed my heart; it had been a while since I got to hear my name from his lips.

"I've always waited for you. I've always..." I heard myself sucked in breath, and he stilled for a moment.

"I've always loved you."

And I knew by then that I was defeated.

I could no longer deny myself the desire to be in these arms forever.

I could no longer hold myself back; I wanted to tell him those three words, too.

A/N: Sorry for the late update D: Don't worry, this story is far too deep to be dropped hahaha I hope you enjoy Mikan's POV and that this has somehow answered most of your questions. The story hasn't ended yet, though :P Stay tuned because it's gonna all about our favorite couple next time!
-CrimsonHazelEyes