this is a long one. i hope it doesn't bore. the idea of the story about the wreath of flowers comes from a fanfic i had read once. where i read it i can't remember but i loved it and adopted it as canon. i hope you like it. reviews welcome.

~oOo~

Aegnor scratched Mithroch under the chin and gave him a piece of the fruit in his hand.

"Mará seldo," he cooed as the grey stallion huffed and searched for more treats. "Mará."

Aegnor gave his mount one more pat and a scratch between the ears before he turned back towards camp. They had made good time on the return to Ladros and if it had just been he and his brother they would have more than likely continued on if not already have arrived. But it was not just he and his brother and so they made the decision to stop at dusk, just north of the Tarn Aeluin, and resume in the morn.

Aegnor passed the small shelter they had erected for their companion. It was not much but it would afford her some form of privacy. Aegnor and his brother would lay in the open under the stars, as was their way. Angrod had already made a small pallet from a blanket and a riding cloak to lay upon and was leaning back against his saddle as he rummaged through his pack for a piece of dried meat and some bread. Aegnor had noticed that the tent seemed empty and glanced around for the third of their party. He found her a short distance away walking in the tall grass. Every so often she would stop and stoop down to inspect something before continuing on. She had remained silent throughout most of their travel and Aegnor wondered if she were perhaps somewhat forlorn at leaving her aunt.

"She is a quiet one," Angrod remarked when he saw where his brother's attention was.

"I imagine leaving one's home after some many years could give one many things to think about," Aegnor responded.

"Hmm, I suppose, or perhaps she is just shy," his brother mused, "still, we should not allow her to wander too far and we should also see if she needs to eat …"

Aegnor looked at his brother and noticed how he made no move to get up.

"And by 'we' you mean me I take it?"

"Oh, well, you are already up," Angrod blinked innocently, "and I was going to look for some wine in the packs so …"

"Lazy little orc." Aegnor snapped playfully as he tossed left over piece of fruit he had in his hands at his brother and then turning to beat a hasty retreat.

"Orc?! Fa!" his brother called, angrily picking out the small chunks of food from his hair.

Aegnor looked around and found the sitting girl a few feet from the line of trees that would open to a trail that he knew would lead to Tarn Aeluin. She was busy with something in her hands and Aegnor hesitated to disturb her.

Aegnor was fascinated with how much she had changed from when he had last laid eyes on her. While she was still small it was easy to see that womanhood was upon her, her body filling out to form all of the soft curves and lines that his brother and cousins had always been so keen on observing when they were younger. Her hair was dark and hung long and lose and well past her waist. She was practically sitting in it and Aegnor was of a mind to sweep it up, finding it a crime that something so lovely should be allowed to lie in the dirt to become tangled with leaves and twigs. He thought it created a pleasant contrast against the fairness of her skin.

Aegnor frowned. What kind of buffoon stands in the shadows of the oncoming dark staring at the fairness of a young woman's skin? He was suddenly very grateful that Angrod was not with him at the moment. With a small shake of his head he chided himself for his lack of focus and softly cleared his throat.

The dark head before him turned to reveal two bright eyes and Aegnor found himself distracted once again. Her eyes had always been a source of fascination to him. One could have considered them blue or grey, but not some unremarkable grey like a piece of rock or stone. They were the grey of the last ashes of a fire or the grey of the ocean the instant before the dawn touches the water, hinting at little flecks of light within that resemble burnt umber and pale green. It seemed as if they pulled at him. Given the chance, he was not sure if he could ever tire of looking at them.

But that would remain to be seen for they were quickly cast down and hidden by dark lashes as the young lady pulled herself up from the ground.

"My lord," she greeted politely with a deep curtsy.

"My lady," he responded with a small bow and amused smile. Such propriety. "Forgive me my lady, I do not mean to disturb you. I just wanted to see if you were in need of anything? Something to eat perhaps?"

"No my lord," she said, eyes still downcast, "I thank you for your concern but it is not necessary. I am well." She curtsied once more and then turned and sat back down upon the ground.

Aegnor hesitated a moment, wondering if he should request that she move somewhere closer to the encampment when he became curious about what was in her hands.

"May I ask what you are making?"

"Oh," she glanced up surprised and quickly looked down again, "it is nothing really my lord, just a childhood fancy. Something to remind me of … well, just something to remind me."

One did not require the keen hearing of the elder to hear the tinge of sadness in her voice. Even though she was returning to the place of her birth, it was not her home.

Aegnor stepped around and knelt down in front of her and watched nimble fingers delicately weave an assortment of flowers in to what appeared to be a wreath.

"That is lovely. Did your aunt show you how to make it?"

"Yes my lord," she said without looking up, "although it is something that is not made till festival and is worn by the wise women of our people. It is a tradition really. You see the flowers are not selected simply be random, there is a reason these specific flowers are chosen. There is purpose that goes back –"

She stopped suddenly and looked up at Aegnor, as if surprised by her own outburst, and then looked down once more.

"Forgive me," she laughed softly and shook her head, "I forget myself sometimes."

"No, please, continue. I would like to hear."

"Truly, you do not have to –"

"My lady, please," he sat completely upon the ground, his legs crisscrossed beneath him, "I would very much like to hear."

She looked up at him and he felt that strange tug once more. No, her eyes were not merely blue or grey, they were a sea. And one day, some poor unfortunate boy would drown in their depths. Aegnor pitied whoever the fortunate young man would be.

She considered him for only a moment before she looked back down and resumed her work.

"Very well my lord. Every year my people celebrate the coming of spring with a festival. It signifies the coming of summer and rebirth and every festival the wise women of all of the neighboring clans will come together and bless the unions of all couples who seek it. It is also during this festival, one wise woman is selected and crowned to be the voice for all women in council and will carry this tradition on throughout the year till the next year's festival. It is a great honor to be chosen of course and after the selection everyone will continue to celebrate till the feast and then return to their homes."

"Yes," said Aegnor, "I know of this festival. Your people have observed this for many years. I regret that I have not attended one although Finrod wishes us to go."

"And you would be welcome," she said with a smile as she selected another flower and began to deftly weave it in with the others. "But what many do not know is that the festival is not meant to commemorate rebirth but to memorialize death."

Aegnor looked up from her hands to her face but Andreth's focus remained on her work.

"You see, long ago, long before your people came here, long before even light had come to the land, the Enemy was here. Men, women and children were snatched up in the dark and tribes were attacked and their seemed to be no reprieve from the darkness. Till one day, beasts came down from the mountain that claimed to speak for the great lords that lived there and promised wealth and protection to those would pay honor to them. And the tribes agreed because the race of Man was young then and easily fooled. And so each year they would come down from the mountains to take their … offering. The price to be paid for their protection was that each village would select a daughter as a bride. In the beginning it was considered a great honor because only the most beautiful maidens were chosen to go. And so a festival was held and a maid chosen, adorned in white and with a crown of flowers and carried off with great fanfare, only to be never seen nor heard from again.

It was only a matter of time for some of the more wise to open their eyes in the dark and see and many villages began to refuse to give a maiden to their lords. Fathers and mothers began hiding their daughters but to no avail. A deal had been struck and if the dark lords did not receive their due then entire villages paid the price.

It was the women of the villages came together and devised their own plan, they found a way to refuse. They could not give the girl a weapon for it would be found and the village and everyone in it burned. It had to be subtle, something that would not be noticed. The festivals would still be held and a maiden chosen and crowned with flowers," she held up the wreath between them as she spoke, pointing out the various blooms.

"Morning glory, Nightshade, Oleander, Blood root, Fox glove, Belladonna. All beautiful. All poisonous. The maiden would then climb upon her horse or carriage and during her travel to the mountains, she would eat bits and pieces. By the time she would reach her destination, the crown had done its work and denied the beasts of their prize."

Aegnor looked at her as she admired her work.

"I did not know that the source of your festival was from such dark times. I have never heard this before."

Andreth laughed as she set the wreath back onto her lap and selected another flower.

"No I suppose you would not, for the men do not talk of it. It is the women who mark and remember such things, tales that are told down from one generation to the next, acknowledging their sacrifice."

"Grim tales."

"But not forever," she reassured as she wove. "Eventually the light came into the land and the Enemy was thrust into the shadows. It was so once and will be again. Evil things cannot tolerate the light."

"You are young to be so wise," Aegnor smiled.

"I am not sure if I would call it wisdom as much as hope, although a small hope."

Aegnor watched her work for a moment before speaking.

"My lady, I apologize but I feel that we should back closer to the camp …"

"No, no, I understand," she sighed as she looked to the horizon, "it will be dark soon. Pity. I was hoping to see the Aeluin."

"Oh? You wish to see it?" he asked as he offered is hand and helped her up.

"Oh yes," she said, "very much. I have been told and read so much about it. It is said to be hallowed ground and the waters a pure blue and clear as glass but can reflect like mirrors."

Aegnor smiled at her eagerness but could not help but notice that she still kept her eyes downcast as she spoke. He wondered what had happened to the bold little girl who met his stare unflinching.

"Perhaps I could take you, but not now. We must return or my brother will fret like the iaurbinn he is."

"Is he very old?"

Aegnor blinked and looked over at her as they walked.

"You speak Sindarin?"

"Of course. It would be foolish not to. How else is one to learn of others?"

Aegnor smiled and spoke in Sindarin.

"And what would you wish to learn of us?"

"Much my lord," she answered fluently, "too much for you to be bothered with."

Aegnor laughed and shook his head.

"Ask," he said, "it is no bother. Please."

"Well," she paused for a moment as she glanced hesitantly up at him, "your people were awoken yes? How were they awoken? And by whom? Was it your god? And do you even have a god? And how did your grandfather become king? There are several different races of the elder yes? Do each have a king? And does one king supersede the other? And how is that decided? And how do your people keep record of your history? Is it done orally or do you have scribes? And it is possible to see these records of so? Also –"

Aegnor's eyes never left her face as she spoke.

~oOo~

The roar of a motorcycle engine pulled Aegnor from his thoughts. He looked up from the coffee he had been absently stirring to see his cousin park in front of the café where he waited.

How typical, he thought caustically, how cliché.

Aegnor silently chided himself for being so acerbic. After all, Carnistir was here to help him, was he not? Of course, given the nature of his cousin that could be up for debate. Still, it could be argued that there was a hint of a smirk when Carnistir walked in. Clad in a leather jacket with a white t-shirt beneath, jeans and work boots that were loose and unlaced, he was the picture of disinterested anarchy.

He sat down across from Aegnor and smiled as he leaned back in his chair. The waiter came forward with an expresso ready and Carnistir thanked him as he dropped a large bill and told him to keep the change. Subtlety was never one of his strong points.

"So you have found her eh? Your little mortal girl? That is her is it not?"

Aegnor's eyes widened in spite of himself. Carnistir spoke in Quenya. Some things never change. Aegnor took a deep breath, focused on calm, and answered in Quenya right back.

"Why yes Carnistir, it is a surprise to see you as well, after all this time. I had no idea you had left the Halls either. The Valar be praised you are alive and well and that we were so fortunate to find each other."

"Oh please," Carnistir sniffed, "do not go into the long lost cousin routine. We have never liked each other and there is no reason to pretend that we do now. As for praising the Valar, well, let us just avoid that topic shall we? My hypocrisy only goes so far."

"Your hypocrisy only goes so far? It knows no limits!" Aegnor snapped. "Much like you. You bonded with her? This mortal girl? Did you tell her Carnistir? Does she truly know what you have done?"

"Do not dare sit there and try to pass judgment on me lest you turn that self-righteousness on yourself. My choices are exactly that, mine! Much like how your lack of choice is yours."

"Oh yes, and you have made some many wise choices in the past that to question this would be ludicrous!"

"Enough!" Carnistir hissed, slamming his hand down on the table causing the few patrons within to glance their way. Aegnor however never moved. Carnistir took a deep breath and regained some semblance of control.

"I did not come here to tear open old wounds. Whether you wish to believe me or not, I can help. I leave it to you."

Aegnor's eyes narrowed as he scrutinized his cousin. The Carnistir he knew would have thrown the table across the room in a rage shouting. Aegnor had prepared himself for that. He had expected that. But he did not expect this. Instead of the reactions that Aegnor remembered so vividly, Carnistir had calmed himself, dropping his voice and speaking with what seemed to be sincerity.

Aegnor had been so prepared to believe that his cousin had not changed at all that it never occurred to him that, after all the ages, perhaps Carnistir had and instead it was he who had not changed.

It was a disconcerting thought.

"You should not have entered my mind uninvited last night," he said. He cringed internally at his petulance.

If Carnistir noticed he gave no sign.

"Forgive me. That was wrong. Now, I will ask again. Is it her?"

"I do not know. I cannot say for certain."

"But you believe there is a chance."

"Perhaps. But it could just be a child's dream, or a fool holding on to the past."

Carnistir smirked at the obvious connotation and the obscure apology.

"Well, never let it be said that I would not agree with you being a fool," Carnistir said dryly, "but as for the dreams, even a child's dream could be significant. Does she have them?"

"What?"

"Dreams, does she have any. Does she talk in her sleep? Speak of strange memories or recollections of things she could not know."

"I do not know what she says in her sleep."

Carnistir rolled his eyes.

"I take it from your tone that you have not been intimate in any way then. Really Aegnor, am I going to have to sit down with you and have 'the talk'? What about dreams? Has she said anything about that?"

"She has made mention of a dream yes," he responded, ignoring Carnistir's dig. "But it was vague."

"But still a memory …"

"Yes," he said reluctantly, "I believe it is. She said that she has had them since she was a child and … I was in them."

"She told you this?"

"Not exactly …"

"Then how do you know?"

Aegnor grimaced, his mouth becoming a thin tight line. He did not wish to admit how he knew.

"I … saw it," he admitted with a resigned sigh, "in her mind."

Carnistir blinked in genuine surprise, staring at Aegnor for only a moment before he barked out a laugh.

"Why Aegnor," he exclaimed with mock indignation, "you entered her mind uninvited?!"

Aegnor could feel his face start to burn with embarrassment. He supposed he deserved it.

"I did no such thing," he huffed. "Her thoughts are strong at times. They come through sporadically at times."

Like when he walked in on her in his bedroom and she thought … well … now was not the time to think about what she had thought.

Carnistir brought his laughter down to a low chuckle as he wiped at his eyes. Aegnor thought he was being a little over dramatic.

"Ah, I see. And ah, what did you … see?"

Aegnor pursed his lips in disapproval at what Carnistir was trying to imply. He would not be bated.

"She dreamed of our time at Tarn Aeluin … and of my death."

Carnistir had stopped laughing now and looked at Aegnor in all seriousness.

"What else?"

"She will say things, things that, in passing, casually. Things that Andreth had said before to me. Snippets of conversations. At first I thought it was simply a coincidence, that this was just a girl who resembled someone from long ago. But they began to happen so frequently. I thought perhaps I was simply projecting something on her that I wished with all of my heart. But when she spoke of the dreams, dreams she had had since childhood, and when she saw the artifacts, a collection of items I had collected that dated back to the first age, she recognized them! She knew what they were! She did not say as much out loud but she knew. I am certain of it. Or at least I think that I am for I do not know how much of this is real or just my desperation at wanting her to be who I want her to be. Andreth is gone. Dead. Her spirit passed on to where ever it is that spirits of Man go. It cannot be her! And yet …"

Aegnor collapsed against the back of his chair. He felt drained from the emotions of his confession. It was a weight that should have been lifted and yet for some reason now felt even heavier than before. Carnsitir leaned back in his chair as well, studying Aegnor.

"Curious that the link is so strong considering you never bound yourself to her, to Andreth. Especially after all this time. Your love for her and hers for you must have been strong indeed. I wonder how many times you have crossed the other's path without knowing."

"What are you talking about?"

Carnistir looked at Aegnor as if he were an idiot.

"You have heard of reincarnation, yes?"

"Reincarnation?"

"Metempsychosis, transmigration, past lives, reincarnation," Carnistir said impatiently, "it is a quite common theme in many religions. Do I really have to give you a lesson?"

"I know what reincarnation is," Aegnor said through gritted teeth, "what does it have to do with me."

"It has nothing to do with you, well, not entirely anyway, but it has everything to do with her." Carnistir leaned forward. "She is your Andreth and yet not. She is a modern woman of this century of course, born in this century, growing and maturing in this century. But within her, deep inside her very being, her very core, lies the memories, life and soul of your Andreth."

"You are saying that within Andrea are Andreth's memories," Aegnor said skeptically. "That she can remember things that happened ages ago, but not to her."

"No you git … well, maybe. She is sort of a …vessel if you will. She is Andreth and yet she is also …what did you call her?"

"Andrea."

"Yes Andrea. Ha! Even the names are similar. There are many different theories on the matter of course. Philosophical and religious beliefs regarding the existence or non-existence of an unchanging 'self' have a direct bearing on how reincarnation is viewed within a given tradition. Some holding that there was no existence and that the self is annihilated upon death. Others believed in a form of cyclic existence, where a being is born, lives, dies and then is reborn, but in the context of a type of determinism or fatalism in which karma played no role. Some postulate an eternally existent self or soul that survives death and reincarnates as another living being, based on karmic inheritance.

But the Buddhist concept of reincarnation differs from others in that there is no eternal soul, spirit or self but only a stream of consciousness that links life with life. Literally becoming again, or rebirth or re-becoming. A fixed entity that is reborn."

As Carnistir spoke, his voice became more and more pitched and his eyes locked on to Aegnor and burned with intensity. Aegnor shook his head.

"You speak of myth and fantasy Carnistir."

"Not all Men's souls are relegated to one life and one death. It is not so difficult to believe that a creative and powerful spirit who was inhibited in certain endeavors in her earthly life would find a way to express that creativity several ages later, in another body. It has been done, and done often."

"You know this to be true? You have proof?"

"Of course I do," Carnistir said imperiously, "I live it, have lived it for ages now."

Carnistir sat back in his chair and sipped at his drink, eyes watching Aegnor over the rim of his cup. Aegnor waited patiently, refusing to be baited by his cousin's theatrics. But then Carnistir surprised Aegnor yet again by looking away suddenly, going inward to some memory and when he spoke, his voice taking on a gentle whimsical quality that went against everything Aegnor knew of Carnistir's character.

"You were already gone when I met her. I forget that, that you were gone. So many gone, they tend to run together and I cannot differentiate anymore. So much death. It was what I expected to find, when word came to me at Himlad. Word that orcs and Enemy filth dared tread foot in Thargelion, attacking the small tribes of Men that populated the lands around the rivers. I had never given them much thought, they were only squatters really, at least as far as I was concerned. Unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I was so wrong."

Carnistir chuckled and shook his head at the memory before turning his gaze once more to Aegnor.

"I had gone there fully expecting to find every life from that little band of trespassers taken. I fully expected to find nothing but death. But when I got there, when I finally got there, I did not find the ground littered with the bodies of slain men and feasting orcs. Instead I found a tribe of warriors braced for a doomed last stand, prepared to fight to their last breath. Valiant and unafraid and lead by a fierce warrior queen."

Aegnor noticed how the light in Carnistir's eyes seem to brighten as he spoke.

"She stood on the ramparts covered in the blood and gore of her enemies and surrounded by fire. She stood fearless above the fray and shouted her defiance to the wind. She was bold and fearless, terrifying and powerful. She was beautiful. She was also infuriatingly stubborn and strong-willed, refusing to bend in any way other than that which she wanted to go. Pig headed woman. I believe I fell in love with her the moment I saw her."

"And so you bound yourself to her."

"I gave myself willing, readily to her and she to me. I have no regrets save one. Had I not done what I had done then I would not have been able to find her again. At least not as easily."

Aegnor had been about to ask him what his one regret was when what Carnistir had said after caught his attention.

"What do you mean find her again?"

"Hayley, the woman you saw last night. She is Haleth reborn."

The look on Aegnor's face must have been quite the show for Carnistir threw his head back and laughed at his cousin once again.

"By the void your face!" he laughed. "It does not take much does it?"

"How do you know this? How do you know this is true?"

"Because we are bound you git! We share a bond that cannot be sundered, not even in death. She has been reborn several times since my return. As a queen, a warrior, a spy, freedom fighter, or a soldier. Always she is reborn and always I find her. She pulls at me, consumes me, we are drawn to each other with the need to fill the space the other has left. And when one has found the other it is as if the world has finally come on line and life has fallen in place. Of course, that has not always been the case," Carnistir smiled, "she almost had me beheaded once."

"So that is it. You just show up and she remembers."

"Don't be so daft. Of course it is not that easy. These things do require some finesse."

"But how can you be so sure?"

"I suppose it is easier for me that it would be for you. The bond between Haleth and I never fails."

"But I am not bound to Andreth."

"No you were not. But your love must have been true, strong enough to pull at the two of you to bring you together perhaps. It is not just a coincidence that you found this girl, out of millions of girls, this girl who looks just like your Andreth. Has the same memories as your Andreth. Who dreams about you as Andreth. Why do you still resist? You have found her Aikanáro! Why do you deny it?"

"I do not know what I have found!" Aegnor shouted in frustration and then collapsed back into his seat. "I do not know." The hopelessness in his voice sounded bitter to his ears.

"It is hard at first, I know. The pain of memory and sorrow of the past is difficult to navigate. But this is no random act. There is a reason why you have finally found each other. Who knows how many times you have passed each other in the night. Do not let this chance slip through your fingers for who knows when the opportunity will come again."

"And what do you do when they … are gone? What then?"

"I wait."

Perhaps it was the tone of his cousin's own voice or perhaps it was the forlorn way Carnistir looked at him, but Aegnor was suddenly reminded of something he wished to ask.

"Earlier, as you spoke, you said that you had only one regret. What was it?"

It was Carnistir's turn to be surprised and Aegnor could not help but be struck by the sadness that had overcome his cousin's eyes.

"That I was not there when Haleth died."

Carnistir shook his head, his laughter now bitter.

"It was foolish really. Stubborn woman, could not see. She thought I sought to control her. To rule her. And she was right of course. As if she would ever be ruled. I knew this and still I tried. And she left. She took her people, faithful to a fault and left. And I let her go."

"Why?"

"Because one cannot control fire, only put it out. And I could never do such a thing to her. I should have followed. I should have stopped her. But I did not. It was pride that drover her of and cowardice that kept me away! I should have been with her at the end," Carnistir spat bitterly, "I should have been there."

"It is natural to try and avoid pain."

"You would say that," he snarled, "you who avoided what could have been the greatest moments of your existence but instead chose self-preservation to avoid pain!"

"You have no idea what I chose," Aegnor hissed back. "I did what was right for her at the time, what was right for both of us. It was a time of war and one cannot take a bride! I had a duty to fulfill! To my family, to our people –"

"Oh yes and just look what your precious devotion to family and duty got you then! At fiery death and countless ages in wandering the Halls! So tell me what is it getting you now Aikanáro? All that high-minded duty and honor?! Not so magnanimous now are you! Even now, when faced with a second chance to know what it is to have true purpose, you are actually trying to make the same mistakes all over again! Pathetic. I for one will not feel guilt over the choices I have made, I promise you that!"

"You have never felt guilt over choices you have made! None of you family ever has! And I am well versed in just how devoted you are in keeping your promises!"

Carnistir stood up, slamming his fists down on the table once more and Aegnor rose just as quickly to meet him. The café had gone quiet during their altercation, the space being so small it was kind of hard to miss. Aegnor thought they must have looked quite frightening.

"I came here to help but I can see now that you do not need it. Therefore I will not waste my time any longer. Good luck with your endeavors, whatever they may be."

And with that, Aegnor watched Carnistir, his cousin, the only other elder he had come in contact with in countless years, turn and leave.

mara seldo - good boy

iaurbinn - old man