This Chapter has some pretty big changes. Again nothing deleted, all additions. Just a little more insight.
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Disclaimer: Again I own nothing Twilight! But I do own Jonas and his coven :)
Jonas POV
It has been a week since I told the family what I could of my coven and the prophecy. They took it well considering. Alice was still hurting, though she had known before I told her that Jasper and Bella were meant to be, it still hurt her to hear it out loud. The rest of the family was shocked, but were at the moment just trying to be there for one another.
They were not like the vampires I had been told about growing up. They were compassionate and caring, and truly only wanted the best for each other. The only vampires I had heard of really were the Volturi. They wanted only what made them stronger. They took what they wanted and killed out of spite. They called themselves rulers but they were selfish and power hungry.
This was one of the parts that shocked the family. Carlisle had lived with the Volturi, but he did not think badly of them. The Volturi played their parts well, so that the vampire world would not think badly of them, but they were nonetheless selfish creatures.
Xavier had called the day after my arrival, and told me to stay put. Though for the first time since being given our mission he did not explain why. Just told me that my presence was needed here more than anywhere else. He told me about how things were going with Jasper and Bella, they have not talked yet, she'd had other issues he said. I was interested in how Selena and Bella's talk had gone, so he told me about that before telling me the other happenings in the week.
When they had talked, Bella had told her everything, all about the Cullen's and her experience with them. Selena had played her part well, all through Bella's story, and even offered her some advice that she hoped would lead her to Jasper. He then told me about everything else that had happened. Jacob turning, Laurent, Bella finding out, I was in shock. One week, and so much has happened. I want to go back, but I was told stay.
So I have, and I have watched this family. I have kept my distance as much as possible, for fear of becoming too emotionally involved. When the prophecy is fulfilled I will have to return back to the coven. I am not sure when this time will be, but I feel the time is getting close.
JPOV
I went to the window and pushed it open quietly before whispering out to him.
"Jasper, I know that you are out there. I need to talk to you. Can you come up here? Please?"
I was shocked, all I could think was how the fuck?! But I went, I had been waiting a week to talk to her. I wasn't going to let the fact that she had just completely confused the shit out of me keep me from getting to talk to her.
I got to her window and stopped. She had sat down on her bed, leaving the window open, just waiting on me to come up. I was nervous about entering her bedroom. She was putting off waves of sadness, worry, and fear. Did she fear me still? I did not want to enter if she did. So I called to her from the window.
"Bella? I am here what did you need to speak with me about?" I wanted to calm her, but at the same time I wanted to feel her true emotions. She looked at me from the bed, and motioned for me to come in.
"Are you sure Bella? I don't want you to be afraid…" I trailed off at the end. I am not sure why her being afraid of me hurt me so, but it did. Her emotions changed though with my statement, she still put off sadness, but mixed with it was shock and worry.
"Jasper, I am not afraid of you. Come in, and so we can talk. It feels weird for me to talk to you when I can barely see you. Please come in." Her please did me in, I did not want to hear her beg. I stepped into the room through the window and went to the chair in the corner. I did not want to make her uncomfortable with my presence.
"Jasper, I do not fear you. I am sorry I ran away from you, but I couldn't take it that day. The pain, well I guess you know, it was too much." She paused. "Is the rest of the family back?" She put out worry and anger with the last question. I didn't understand her emotions. But then again I never had.
"No Bella, the others are not here, I am here alone."
"Do you mind if I ask why? Why are you here alone? Where is Alice, and the others that they are not with you?" Her curiosity spiked above all else, while she was asking these questions.
"They are in Denali, all but Edward." I felt a flash of anger when I mentioned Edward, but then it was gone, replaced with the curiosity again.
"But Jasper, what about Alice? Why isn't she with you?" I was not ready to explain that yet, but I knew she wasn't going to let it go until I did. So I quickly told her about my last conversation with Alice, and how she had sent me here to find my path.
"Oh Jasper. I don't even know what to say." I could feel the pain that she felt for me. But it wasn't right, she shouldn't feel pain of any sort. And there it was again, the same pull that I had felt before I kissed her forehead. I wanted to hold her, to tell her not to worry, that there was no need for her to feel pain for me. But I couldn't, so I kept my seat in the rocking chair.
I decided to try and get her mind off of my conversation with Alice. "Bella, if it was not me that you feared, though I wouldn't blame you if you did, what is it that you were afraid of when I came to the window?" She thought for a second before answering.
"I was afraid that you wouldn't want to talk to me after the way that I left. Wait. What do you mean you wouldn't blame me? Jasper, why would I be afraid of you? I…"
"Bella, I attacked you." I interrupted. "On your birthday, I attacked you. I caused Edward to leave you. I would understand if you didn't want to be around me because you were afraid that I would try to attack you again." I hung my head, expecting her to tell me to go, expecting the blame that I knew I deserved. But what she said and did was not at all what I expected.
She walked towards me until she stood right in front of me and she took my hand.
"Jasper what are you feeling from me right now? Do you feel fear? You shouldn't because I am not afraid of you. Nor do I blame you for Edward leaving. He made his choices, his choices." Her eyes narrowed on the last part, but then she smiled at me. "I would like to be your friend Jasper, if you will let me."
She looked straight into my eyes as she said the last part, and I was lost in her chocolate brown eyes. The compassion and acceptance that I felt coming from her was second only to what I have felt coming from Esme. It was at this moment that I realized where my path was going to take me, only it had already brought me here. Bella, she was my path now.
I felt the urge to kiss her, but held it back, not thinking that she was not ready for that. She wanted to be my friend. I could, I would do that. I just hoped that one day… no I can't think like that now, be her friend. I slowly turned my head, breaking the connection of our eyes, and heard Bella suck in a breath of air. She had been unknowingly holding her breath.
"Bella are you ok?"
"Yeah, I think I just forgot to breathe for a moment there." She blushed and looked away, embarrassed at being so caught up in our stare. She looked so beautiful when she did that, how come I had never noticed it before? I didn't want her feeling uncomfortable, so asked her a few of the questions that had been bothering me.
"Bella, how did you know I was outside?" She blushed again and looked down. Though I could feel her embarrassment, that blush…
"Jasper, there is a lot I need to tell you about the past week, starting with things that happened right after I left your house."
BPOV
Jasper let me tell my whole story. He did his best to keep quiet, though he let out a few gasps, and holy shits, and even shook his head when I told him about my telling Angela. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I even told him about how I was getting over Edward and how Angela's words helped me start doing that. I didn't however tell him that I was angry with him, I had just admitted it to myself, telling someone else, well I just wasn't ready for that yet.
He stayed calm until I got to the part about Laurent and the wolves. He started to growl, but quickly stopped himself, seeing that it scared me a little. He murmured a quiet sorry, and motioned for me to continue. I managed to get through the explanation of what happened in the meadow and everything yesterday, without him growling again. Though I could tell he didn't like all that I was telling him.
When I finally got through with it all ending with how I was worried about Jake and the others, because of the attack today, he seemed lost in thought. I looked around while trying to let him think and realized that somehow in my story we had walked over to the bed. He was sitting next to me on the bed, and I still had hold of his hand.
I slowly let go of his hand, dragging him out of his thoughts.
"Jasper what is it?"
"Bella, I think I know why Jacob has not contacted you yet. I met Sam tonight." Oh shit, please, please don't let anything of happened to Jake.
"Jasper, tell me everything is Jacob ok? Are the others ok?" Oh please let them be ok.
"They are all ok Bella. Don't worry. I just talked with Sam. I was following Victoria's scent when I got to the treaty line. I am going to try to come to a compromise with them at least until she is caught." I had gasped a little when he mentioned Victoria, but his last part threw me. Why would he try to compromise? I didn't understand. I thought with all the hatred they had for the Cullen's, that it would be reciprocated.
"Why would you be trying to compromise with them? I don't understand." I was getting frustrated. Everything was getting to be too much. I heard the thunder crash outside the house, and saw the lightning flash across the sky. Another storm? I do not understand the weather here lately.
"Bella, if you can calm down I will tell you. Can I help you calm down?" I nodded and felt it as the calm rushed through me. It did make me feel better.
Jasper told me about the past few days, hearing about the attacks from people in town, and then listening to Charlie about my own experience. I listened as he ran through the events leading up to his talk with Sam, and the compromise he had offered. What surprised me the most was that his decision was based on trust for me.
"You are willing to work with them because I trust them? Jasper I…" I didn't even know what to say, that meant more to me than anything else he could ever do. He actually trusted me. Without thinking, I reached over and hugged him. He stiffened for a brief second before returning the hug.
It felt good to be in Jasper's arms if only for a second. I had never been allowed to really get close to him before, and what I knew wasn't much. But I was getting to really see him, to learn about him, and I liked it. I pulled back from the hug and got lost in his eyes again.
I leaned in at the same moment he did. It was like electricity pulsing between us, pulling us closer together. I closed my eyes just as our lips touched. He was gentle, but kissing me with a passion like none I had ever felt before. I felt his tongue on my lips and opened them allowing him entrance. I couldn't get enough. I wrapped my fingers in his hair and pulled him closer to me.
I was so lost in the kiss and him, that I barely heard the crash. But he did and pulled back to see what it was. I looked over and saw my alarm clock in the floor on the other side of the room. I was gasping for breath, as I looked back at Jasper. I wasn't sure what had just happened, but I wasn't complaining. I heard Charlie coming to see what the noise was.
I quickly told Jasper to hide. I was not ready for him to leave yet. The door opened and Charlie poked his head in.
"Bells, you ok? What was that noise?" He sounded groggy. The alarm clock crashing must have woken him up.
"I accidently knocked the alarm clock off Dad. Don't worry about it. Sorry I woke you."
"It's ok Bells. Sleep well." With that he closed the door and went back to his room. Jasper was back on the bed before I could blink, and I just looked at him. He looked in pain, I just wasn't sure why. So I just sat and waited for him to say something. After a few minutes he finally spoke.
"I'm sorry Bella. I… I shouldn't have kissed you. I don't know what came over me." I couldn't believe what he was saying. The single best kiss I had ever received in my life, and he was apologizing?!
"What the fuck are you talking about Jasper?" I whisper yelled. "Do you regret kissing me? Because I don't, I kissed you back!" I was getting pissed. This was the same kind of shit that Edward used to pull on me.
"What is sad is that I actually thought you were different. You trusted my opinion of the wolves, without question. But here you are treating me the same way Edward did." I thought the storm had passed, but it was thundering and lightning again. At least it matched my mood.
"Bella, it is not that I regret it, just that it shouldn't have happened." He was not helping himself. How many times had I heard that shit before?
"Shouldn't have happened Jasper? Why shouldn't it have happened? Because I am a fragile little human girl? Is that what it is? You think I am too breakable as well? You think you are too good for me too? What is it with you vampires? Humans are good enough for you to play with their emotions, but not good enough to be kissed or loved?" Damnit he was pissing me off! Fuck all these vampires and their bullshit.
"Bella… Wait a minute what the fuck would give you the idea that you are not good enough?" I looked at him and realized he was truly confused and slightly pissed, he didn't know. I had not told him the things Edward had said when he left. Edward must not have either. Damn.
"I assume then that Edward did not tell you what he said to me before he left? His true feelings for me?"
"What the fuck are you talking about Bella?" He growled out. But I was still too pissed to be even remotely scared. "Edward loves you that is why he is not with the family. He was moping around the house and couldn't take everyone else's sad thoughts of leaving you, so he left to mope on his own."
"He still loves me? Bullshit!" After the things he said to me in the forest there was no way I was going to believe those lies. I felt a wave of calm rush through me.
"Don't Jasper, don't mess with my emotions because you don't like the way I am feeling." I was angry, and I wanted to feel this anger. I needed to feel this anger, because though Jasper was taking the brunt of it, the anger was not for him.
"Bella, your anger is coming off in waves, and it is not helping my demeanor a bit. May I please calm you down so we can talk?"
"Fine Jasper, but you had better have a good fucking explanation for feeding me these lies. Other than trying to get me to regret our kiss." I could see him calming as the waves of calm spread through me. I didn't realize how much my emotions affected him.
"Bella, what I told you were not lies. When Edward got to Denali after he left, he was hurting, there was so much pain. I know, I felt it. After what happened at your birthday, he wanted to protect you, so he decided that it was best if we all left, take the threat away. But he never stopped loving you."
"I…he… but…why…" I sputtered. I couldn't get a grasp on my emotions, much less my words. Jasper sent me another wave of calm, and I finally managed to get my thoughts into words.
"He was in pain?" I hissed out. "He doesn't know what pain is yet. He may have fooled you all, but he told me the truth."
"What do you mean Bella? What are you talking about?" I took a deep breath and managed to tell Jasper about the three days before Edward left, and then what was said in the forest. It hurt, but also made me angrier to think of the words that he said. Jasper didn't fare much better, by the time I had finished he was growling again.
"That mother fucker told you that, and then comes to the house in Denali and mopes about leaving you?! Fuck!" I looked at Jasper actually a little scared. The only time I had ever seen him this pissed I was in a daze of pain, as he killed James.
"Bella, I am so sorry. I never… Well none of us ever imagined that he could or would do something like that. I… Bella, I need to explain my feelings from earlier. Will you let me?" I just looked at him and nodded. I didn't know what else to say. He was still keeping me calm and though I knew I needed it at this moment, it still irked me.
"Bella, when I said that I shouldn't have kissed you, I meant because we have just agreed to become friends. I see now why what I said hurt and angered you so much, but I didn't mean it like that. I just didn't want to scare you off, by moving too quickly for you, or making it seem like that is all I wanted from you.
There are some pretty weird things going on around us Bella. I don't know if you have felt it or not, but ever since the day you came to the house I have felt this strange pull towards you. And then tonight. I can't even explain everything that I am feeling and have felt. I know that you said that you were over Edward, but I don't want to push you. I want to be your friend first, and then if things go further… well, for now I want to be your friend. Is that ok?" He looked at me, his golden eyes searching, though I am sure he could already feel that that was ok with me.
I was just happy that he wasn't rejecting me. He just wanted to take things slow, be my friend first.
"Jasper, I am sorry for my outburst earlier. I just… Well, I felt like I was back in the forest being told I wasn't good enough. I would like to be your friend." I wanted to hug him again as a friend would, but wasn't sure of how he would react, so I kept my distance. I got up and got my alarm clock, setting it back on my nightstand and plugging it into the wall.
It reset itself, though I gasped when I realized what time it was. One am. Shit I have got to get in the bed. I do still have school tomorrow. But there was something I needed to ask first.
"Jasper, I have school tomorrow, so I have to get in the bed. But… will you stay? You can stay in the rocking chair if you want, but I would feel better if you would stay." I looked at him pleadingly, I knew even if he did leave he wouldn't be far, but I wanted him here with me. Even though I knew I shouldn't, I felt more than just friendship for Jasper.
"I will stay if that is what you want Bella. I will stay until you leave for school tomorrow. I don't plan on letting you far out of my sight until we catch Victoria." I smiled, that was ok with me, I didn't want him going too far. I got in the bed while he walked back to the corner and sat in the chair.
I closed my eyes, thinking about Jasper, his wonderful smile. The way he got mad when I told him about what Edward had said, though yes it was a little scary, it made me feel good. His trust, his trust meant the world to me. I didn't know yet if I was ready for another relationship, but I knew that from this moment on he would be here if I needed him. I wasn't even sure how I knew that, but I did. As I was drifting off to sleep I heard Jasper singing quietly in the corner. The words that I heard were beautiful… And I'd give up forever to touch you And all I can taste is this moment And I don't want the world to see me And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming And I don't want the world to see me I don't want the world to see me I just want you to know who I am
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I fell into a peaceful sleep, thinking about Jasper and the beautiful sound of his voice as he sung to me.
If you are interested, the song is Iris by Goo Goo Dolls.
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