9) Theory
When Monday morning came, Jacob wasn't at school.
I pulled in the parking lot, my eyes scanning almost frantically for the small red car that I have seen last week, but it was nowhere to be found. My fingers were shaking as they opened the car, and I fought back a lump in my throat as I slowly walked inside the school, my head slightly bowed, my hair masking my face. The hum of voices from the other students that were all around me were mute to my ears as I made my way to my first class of the day.
My mind blotted out the words of the lecture Mr. Hanson gave out to the class.
"Emily Dickenson wrote her poetry in four to eight syllables and in dashes. This is also known as slant line. An example of this is…" His voice droned on and on, and when it came to my ears, it drifted pass.
My eyes flickered to the empty seat that was in the back row of the class, and my heart almost wrenched at the thought of the person who usually sat there.
The bell suddenly rang, cutting the teacher off in mid sentence as the class erupted into noise. All of us collected our belongings as we made our way to the door for our next class. I trailed behind them, again with my eyes lowered to the ground.
I looked up to see Seth Clearwater coming up beside me.
"Amber!" He exclaimed, his smile evident on his lips. I looked up to see his face, and I noticed that his eyes held a flicker of worry. I forced a smile back at him.
"Hey, Seth. I haven't seen you in a while." I replied, trying to place some enthusiasm in my voice. We slowly walked down the hallway among the other herds of students who made their way into different classrooms.
"You know, I haven't seen you in a while either," Seth mused. He smirked down at me. "Ever since Jake met you, it's like he's keeping you all to himself." He chuckled lightly, but his eyes still held concern as they continued to stare at me. "How are you?" He asked.
"Oh, I'm fine," I spoke almost quickly. Since he was already worried about me, I didn't really want him to get mixed in with my strange problem. We stopped in front of my classroom, where it was home of my second period Biology class.
"Well…if you have something going on, well…" Seth shrugged. "You know where to find me." He smiled at me again.
Emotion surged through me as I looked up into his trusting eyes. "Ummm…thanks, Seth." I murmured. I nodded goodbye to him before I stepped into Room 109.
I never had many friends up until now, but I could honestly say that Seth was the most kind, generous person that I ever met, and that I couldn't have been any luckier. I slowly sat myself in my assigned seat. He was one of the only people that I could truly be myself around, either to joke with or just talk. It wasn't just Seth, now that I put more thought into it as class started. I had almost warmed myself up to Embry and Quil when we had class together.
Yes, I got along easy with these boys, I came to realize. We were friends now. But none of them made me feel the same way when I was with…
A gnawing pain came into my chest, and I took a deep breath as I focused on the lesson the teacher was giving us; the population of zebra mussels.
An idea suddenly came to me, erasing the pain in my chest in an instant. All I had to do as of this moment was to wait….
The lunch bell finally rang, ending my fourth period class. I quickly grabbed my backpack before I stood from my chair, my eyes scanning for the tall, lean figure of my best friend.
I strode over to him as he stood with the backpack in his hand. He looked up and when he saw me, his eyes lighted in a friendly way. "Hey," He greeted me as I approached him.
"Hi Seth," I spoke back, suddenly feeling uneasy at what I was about to do. I silently took in a deep breath as I looked up at him. "Hey-can we eat together? Since I met…Jake, I feel as if I'm neglecting you." I forced a smile up at him as I gave him my bad attempt at a joke.
Seth smiled back at me with his friendly grin as we walked out the classroom and towards the cafeteria. We managed to find an empty table in the outskirts of the large room, and we both sat across from each other.
I fiddled with my orange, gathering up the courage of what I was about to do. I bravely looked up at Seth before I spoke. "Ummmm…can I ask you a question?" I asked softly.
Seth looked up from his food to meet my eyes. "Yeah, Amber, of course you can. You're my friend." His eyes looked worried. "What is it?"
I took in a deep breath as my fingers twisted around the orange as they peeled away its skin. "It's…well, it's about Jacob." I admitted, my eyes focused on the fruit. I heard Seth shift in his chair and figured that he felt uncomfortable. I forced myself to let out the question that I held in my head.
"Did Jacob…ever…go out with anyone?" I almost blurted out, shutting my eyes closed.
Silence spread around the table, but it was broken by a low chuckle. I slowly looked up to see Seth with an almost sheepish look on his face. He brushed a large hand through his black hair as he looked back at me.
"Well…he never actually went out with someone, but he did like her…" His voice trailed off as he stared at something over my head. I noticed the worried expression of his face.
"I really shouldn't tell you this…" He murmured, his eyes looking back at me.
I quickly shook my head as I leaned across the table, the orange grasped tightly in my hands. "I'm sorry-it's just before Jacob…left-" I almost forced out the word, "he mentioned this girl he met before he even saw me. He didn't really tell me her name, though," I added, hoping not to look like I was prying. My eyes bore into Seth's face as his eyebrows furrowed. We held onto each others gazes for a moment before his shoulders relaxed.
"Ok." He spoke in a low voice, as if he didn't want anyone to hear him. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table top as he answered my question. "He did hang out with this one girl almost all the time, about two years ago I think. Bella-that's her name, Bella-, would always come on over and they would hang out and stuff. Apparently they played with each other a lot when they were little kids. She started hanging out at his place, and they've been closer ever since.
"So, over the times that they were together Jake started to…you know, really like her."
As I took in the words Seth had just spoken to me, an odd sensation seeped into my chest, writhing and hollow at the same time, while my eyes narrowed involuntarily. My hands, holding the orange on the table, gripped it harder in their own will.
Seth looked down at my hands when I didn't say anything. "Amber…you're getting juice all over your hands," He spoke worriedly, an uneasy look on his face. Snapping out of the haze that settled in my head I quickly grabbed a napkin from my bag and hurriedly wiped my hands free of orange juice.
With a stab of astonishment, I suddenly realized that the strange sensation was…jealousy.
"I'm sorry," I replied, shaking my head. I shut my eyes for a moment, forcing myself to focus on the conversation before looking up at Seth again. "So, what happened to…Bella? Is she still seeing him?" I asked.
Seth paused before shaking his head. "No…not really. Ever since her boyfriend moved back, she's stopped seeing him."
I blinked in surprise at the turn of subject. "Boyfriend?" I repeated. "Bella has a boyfriend? What about Jake?" I almost demanded.
"Well, she met him a while before she actually was reunited with Jacob." Seth answered me. "I don't really know how they met, but he disappeared for a while, but then he came back. When I…" He paused for a moment, and it looked like he was considering what his answer was. "…met them, there was something about the way they were together. He looked like he'd protect her, no matter what happened, and Bella…well, she loves him." He shrugged, a wry smile appearing on his lips.
I frowned slightly, tilting my head to the side as I fired another question. "What happened to Jake, though…?" I asked.
Seth's expression changed from ruefulness to a somber look in an instant. His dark eyes shifted to the table as he answered my question. "…Yeah, Jake took it pretty hard." He spoke low now, his eyes glued to the dark brown patterns stretched on the table. "He cared about Bella that much, he tried to convince her to choose him instead of him. She loved him, too, in a way…but it looked like she loved him more…" He finished.
A sudden flash of Jacob, whose face was full of pain about to crumble, brought a stinging to my eyes.
The bell cut in shrilly, making me jump in alarm. At the same time Seth and I jumped out our seats and grabbed our things while hordes of teenagers thundered by us. I paused to secretly wipe my eyes before walking beside Seth in the crowded hallway.
"Thanks," I murmured, averting my face, afraid of Seth seeing my expression. I felt a huge hand come on the top of my head, ruffling my hair gently.
"Anytime, kid." I looked up to see an impish smirk on his face, and I couldn't help but grin back at him as I shoved against his arm.
I stopped by the door to my computer class, but then stopped as a thought came to me. I whirled around to find Seth a few inches from me.
"Hey! Seth!" I called out. He turned to face me, a questioning look on his face. I paused before I asked. "Jake also told me of this story- of the cold ones. I'm curious. What are the protectors?" I called over the roar of classmates as they passed by me.
Seth blinked before smiling and calling out his answer.
I blinked as I took in what he said before slowly walking into the computer lab. All noises that were around me were suddenly muffled, and I sank into my assigned chair as my fingers absently typed in my account in the log-in box that was presented on the computer screen.
Grasping the mouse with an almost trembling hand I clicked on the Internet Explorer icon, the screen of MSN immediately present. My fingers flew over the keyboard before pressing Enter, and soon a whole list of results came into view. My eyes strayed over them before finding one that looked useful.
I clicked on the link and suddenly found what I was looking for.
The site for Quileute legends popped up on screen in an instant, and I immediately minimized it as the teacher began speaking to get her class' attention. My foot bobbed up and down in growing impatience as she presented a PowerPoint on what we would be working on today, and the lecture seemed to take forever. Finally, after the last slide was played, I grabbed the mouse and moved the screen up to secretly get a better look as the other students went to work.
I slyly moved the arrow to the link that read "Quileute Protectors" and clicked on it, making the screen change. At the top, an image of four legged animals came across my view.
My fingers started trembling as my mind took in the image of the painted wolves that were displayed.
"Decided to not work today?" My teacher's voice sounded from my left, and I immediately shut the screen. "Sorry…" I muttered, forcing myself to focus on my assignment.
The image of the werewolves burned in my mind almost mockingly as I worked…
The rest of the week was hell.
Each morning, when I pulled up to the parking lot, although I promised myself to not get my hopes up too high, my heart would always sink down to my stomach when my eyes couldn't find his car. Each attempt seemed fruitless. And each time I tried to find him the first thing I arrived rekindled the flame within me- the flame that burned with the desire to know the truth.
It seemed pointless, always seeking for clues in order to solve a silly fairytale, but after what had happened in the past weekend, I was determined to know the whole reality behind it.
It gave me shivers every time I looked back on the memory- standing just a few inches from the pale, handsome man, mesmerized just by his voice, almost falling into his welcoming trap…
An icy feeling came over me, but when the giant werewolf flew into the memory, the coldness melted away completely.
The fire inside me didn't just crave for the truth. It also yearned for the human behind the wolf. It wanted to feel his hands while savoring the warmth, and to feel more of him. It wanted to comfort him and erase the pain that was held in him in that time span of where he first met her…Bella.
I shook my head as the jealousy mingled against the fire and immediately squashed it down.
"I haven't seen Jack in a while," Aaron almost purred beside me. I looked up from the wire twisted around my pen and gave him a sideways glance. "It's Jake," I sighed.
Aaron shrugged in his black trench coat. "Well, he hasn't been around lately, hasn't he? I wonder why?" Under his black bangs I could almost see the gleeful look on his pasty face. "I mean, he's only ever gone out with only one girl, and after that he just left. Maybe it's the same with you." He smirked at his own wire. "He should just live single, shouldn't he?" He suddenly cackled at his joke.
I suddenly fought the urge to thwack him with the wedge that was just beside my hand.
Thankfully the bell rang, and standing straight up out of my seat I grabbed my art and tools and marched straight for the shelf. Jamming my art and tools in my cubby I turned and angrily stormed off out the art room and out into the hallway, not looking back at my art partner.
I slammed my locker closed as Seth came up from behind me. "Hey. Are you OK?" He asked, a worried expression crossing his face. I took in a deep breath as I tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear. "I'm fine," I replied, forcing myself to calm down. "Aaron just annoyed me is all," I admitted.
Seth nodded, understanding replacing his worry. "I see," He leaned against one of the lockers as I shifted my backpack onto my shoulder. "So, what're you doing after school?" He asked curiously.
I considered before I answered him. "I'm going down to First Beach- I don't really have any homework," I replied as we started walking down the hall.
Almost every afternoon after school of this week I would go down to the beach by myself for about one to two hours, my eyes scanning the oceanic landscape as my mind struggled to figure out where Jacob was and how to confront him when I finally crossed him.
Seth's chuckle brought me out of my thoughts. "First Beach is growing on you, isn't it?" He asked. I laughed alongside with him. "Yeah, I guess so,"
As we went out the door, Seth agreed to tag along with me, so I drove both of us towards the direction of the beach. Along the way we chatted among ourselves, and the playful aura from Seth brought my mind away from my turmoil and into the present. The laughs I shared with him were genuine.
I parked my car into the lot, and the engine was cut off as Seth and I climbed out, the wind instantly blowing at our hair. I brushed it out of my eyes as I surveyed the white shore ahead, the call of seagulls ringing from above me.
They suddenly fell on a group of boys huddled by the hill, and my heart thumped unevenly as I focused on the boy who stood a little ways at the left.
He wasn't wearing a shirt, his upper muscular body bare against the cold wind, but he was wearing ragged, oil-smeared jeans, which hung securely and gracefully at his waist. My eyes slowly moved up from his body to his face, which was masked by his shaggy black hair. It seemed to grow longer-it met at the nape of his neck as it blew in the wind. His huge hands hung at his sides, his thumbs locked in the belt loops of his jeans.
He turned his head, and his eyes froze as black met hazel.
Jacob held my gaze as we stared at each other across the beach…