September and October had flown past with a speed Severus had never experienced and it was surprising to him that the end of November was upon them, the beginning of the Christmas season coming quickly.
Hermione and himself had slipped into an odd sort of friendship, she would join him every evening after dinner for a few hours and they would either settle into a comfortable silence and read, talk about their days, or on his favorite days, Hermione would curl into his side and ask him to tell her a story.
Today was an odd day, it was a Saturday which she normally spent with her friends but instead she was in his chambers, sat on his couch and fiddling with a spelled vial that changed color with mood. She would make herself happy, or request he did and then smile at the vial when it the little bubbles within turned a bright pink, she would think of something that mad her sad and watch it turn deep green.
Then she would insist he hold it and take it from him the moment it turned clear. She'd pestered him the first few times but he'd not given her an answer. He couldn't tell her he was feeling loving, it wouldn't be right, not when she obviously did not feel the same.
She put the vial back in its place and curled up beside him, her eyes rested on the hourglass and he could tell she wanted to ask, had since the first time she'd laid eyes on it. Luckily, she hadn't quite worked out yet how and it gave him some time.
He'd considered telling her, opening up and giving her the entire story but deep down, he knew that she would be with him just to keep him from dying.
He wanted her to be with him because she wanted to.
Her tongue flicked out to wet her lips and his eyes lingered there for what had to be just a bit too long.
"Severus, tell me a story?" She looked up at him from under his arm with wide eyes and he smirked, it was different than those he showed others, she noticed.
It was her smirk, her special smirk that he gave only her.
"There once was a wizard by the name of Alistair Stairing." Hermione chuckled.
"What a terrible name, poor wizard." He rolled his eyes and shushed her to continue.
"When he was just a young man he made some terrible decisions, decisions that lead to an early death for Alistair. Alistair, after his death, awoke in a great field, filled with more flowers than he had ever seen. Off on the horizon there was a tree, a tree on which the sun and moon shown at the same time."
"How beautiful." He smirked again, she would think it was beautiful, he remembered very clearly thinking it was unnerving.
Perhaps if she saw it in person she would find it disturbing.
"At the tree there was a man, he sat beneath the tree and waited patiently for Alistair, when he arrived he found it was his father there, his father was very displeased with him. He scolded him for a moment before a soft smile took his face and his eyes sparkled with mischief. 'It is true you are dead,' his father said, 'but, you are being given a second chance. You have one year to redeem yourself, find your true love and win her heart. If you succeed you will not die, if you fail, you will die on the spot.' Alistair was disturbed by this." Severus paused, he was changing the story just enough to make himself comfortable but he wanted desperately to gauge her reaction, she watched him with bated breath and he chuckled, a sound that rumbled from low in his chest.
"Poor man, it must be incredibly hard to find your true love. It can't have been hard to make her love him though, if she was his real true love." She mused, her eyes narrowed on her fingers in her lap.
She really didn't want him to see her as a silly romantic but it was easy for her to fall victim to her own romanticism. It was what had gotten her with Ron after all, a mistake she hoped never to repeat.
They just weren't…compatible.
"He thought so too, but when he returned he found her very easily, the task was winning her however, with only year to make her see that they were meant for one another he'd almost given up at the ten-month mark. He was ready to die, to let her be with the man she was engaged to and simply fall away, he loved her so much he would give her up if that would make her happy." Severus gulped, he was taking liberties with this story but gods he hoped it didn't go this way for him. Merlin, it would destroy him.
"Oh no! He should have just told her, I'm sure she was just worried to throw her chips in with him."
"You think so, do you?" He smirked down at her, a glint in his eyes that caught her off guard, still she gave a little nod.
"Sometimes you think someone doesn't love you and really they do, sometimes you think they do and they really do not."
"And what if he didn't want to make her feel obligated to be with him?" Severus questioned, his finger poked her in the rib and she laughed lightly, her eyes sparkled.
"Then he shouldn't tell her the entire story, perhaps only confess to her his feelings, show her how much she meant to him." Hermione watched him with a little smile on her face.
He wondered if it could be that simple. He didn't think so.
"Well, in this story he did not tell her, she found him afterward, dead on the ground with a shattered watch in his hand. Stricken with grief she left her fiancé and threw herself into her work."
"She lived her entire life alone because he was too much of a coward to confess his love?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.
"That is the irony isn't it?" He was watching her closely, waiting for her reaction. He was using this as a gauge on his decision, though he had much more than two months and she was not even involved anymore. He needed to know how she responded to the story.
Because the truth was, when it came to his feelings, when it came to matters of the heart, he could be quite the coward.
He didn't want to be, but he also never wanted to be as broken as he'd been when Lily had turned her back on him. Not ever again.
Hermione scoffed. "That isn't irony Sev, that is cowardice, if you love someone, truly love them then you will at least tell them. Especially when you have something like an expiration date. I would want every moment I could get with the man I loved." Her eyes sparkled up at him still as she snuggled in his side.
He wanted to believe it was because she felt the same for him, but he'd seen, with his own two eyes that the vial had not changed to that heart lifting clear.
Hermione brushed a few strands of black hair back from his face and let her hand caress his cheek as it fell away.
"Severus, if you love someone you should never just let them go, you should always fight for what you want, love is worth the battle, always." She gave him a smile and turned to stare out the window for a moment.
"Even if they're someone who could never want you?" He watched the side of her head, his eyes flicked to her chest that rose and fell. He wanted to know what she was thinking, but had promised himself he wouldn't breach her thoughts unless invited.
"How will you ever know if you don't try?" She gave him a meaningful look before she cast a Tempus and glanced at the time.
"I have to meet with Harry and Ginny now, we're going Christmas shopping." She slipped from beneath his arm and he immediately felt her loss. He'd grown so accustomed to their time together. He wanted her there forever.
"Be safe, Hermione." She gave him a little peck on the cheek and he fought the urge to turn his head, to catch her lips. He really didn't want to scare her off though.
"Think about what I said?" She smiled as she backed away from him. He sighed and shook his head but smirked her smirk.
"I always do." She grinned at that and nodded.
"Good, I know what I'm talking about." He chuckled and shook his head at this.
"Insufferable know-it-all."
Her laughter trailed her out the door and he massaged the bridge of his nose, yes, he certainly had a lot to think about.
He glanced to the mood vial and accio'd it to him quickly. She was going present shopping, he only had one person to give a gift and he'd just decided what she would be getting.
He easily popped a button from the sleeve of his frockcoat and with a flick of his wand it was transfigured into a chain, the vial, with a few small changes easily slid onto it and the two looked natural together.
He stared down at the clear bubbles and shook his head.
It would make her easier to read if she wore it too.