It's around 21:00 when Leo finally gets to go home. Strangely enough, it's the same time Hinoka gets home as well. I eye her, suspiciously, as she walks in, her smile dazzling and lighting up her eyes, and she goes to Azama who is still sitting at the table. Leo also gives her a suspicious look, though his is more calculating, but he shrugs and heads out the door.
"Thanks for having me over, Takumi. Despite everything, it was enjoyable." A small smile appears on his face and a fresh blush dusts his cheeks. "Perhaps one day I can invite you over to my house for dinner…"
"But until that day, you've got a permanent spot reserved for you whenever you want," I purr smoothly. His blush deepens, and I chuckle, also a bit embarrassed. I can't believe I said that. Whatever suave demeanor I had disappears behind teenage awkwardness.
"Well… I'm off." He turns and leaves, but I can tell he's flustered. I hear Camilla calling out to him, something suggestive about having a good time. I hear Leo groan and I shut the door. I don't turn immediately, realizing what's happening.
I think I have a boyfriend?
Granted, I understand it's one of those things where the two involved test the waters, pushing past the boundary of friendship into the field of love that's surrounded by monstrous beasts like jealousy, doubt, and insecurity. It's not like I'm in love with him. It's just… Well, I guess he excites me. And he's someone I can safely experiment with. That's all there is to it…
…or so I tell myself.
Orochi left a long time ago, but Azama stayed to give Hinoka the play by play of what happened tonight. I try to hush him, but Hinoka tells me to not be rude and let her friend tell his story. He sticks his tongue out at me childishly, and continues.
"…and after much baiting of Orochi on my part, we have discovered that little Leo is indeed gay."
"Well, I could have told you that," Hinoka laughs, sipping on sake. I fear a drunken ordeal will happen again. "It's pretty obvious."
"How do you find it so obvious, my dear friend? I know you are gay, but how can you tell? I only had a mild suspicion upon his admittance he wasn't interested in dating. Before then, I hadn't given it a thought."
"He just has a… What's the Nohrian phrase, Azama?"
"He has a certain je ne sais quoi about him. That's what you're looking for."
"Yeah," she agrees. "I can't tell you exactly what it is, but I just know."
I roll my eyes at this display. "I really wish you two would let this go. Leo is mortified. Just let it be."
"I'm just speaking as a fellow gay woman, Takumi. I want Leo to feel safe and supported. I'm glad he's out."
"HE'S NOT OUT!" I screech. "You guys outed him!" I point at Azama.
"It's hardly outing. It's more like 'we know your secret and want you to know that it's okay so don't be shy'." He quips.
"Still… It's not right. Leave him alone."
Hinoka just smiles at me, pityingly. "You're just mad that he isn't in love with you." She jokes.
"That's not it at all! He's my friend and I hate that people are delving into his life when they shouldn't be!"
"Oh, my dear Hinoka, that sounds like the desperation of a lover. Takumi must be the knight in shining armor, and Leo our fair damsel. Hmm. It suits them both."
"Nah, I think they're both princesses," she guffaws. "Takumi could be Rapunzel easily!"
"Ryoma has long hair too!" This makes them laugh harder. "Hinoka, like you're one to talk! You chop your hair off like a boy. You can be the knight!"
"Takumi, we're just playing with you. It's no big deal." Hinoka states. "I don't have any problems and neither do the rest of us. If he's who you want, then alright."
"I.. How does this always happen? No one said I wanted him."
"No, but your face when he left said it all." Azama grins knowingly. "I have sharp eyes my boy."
"I can't see your eyes at all," I growl. "Just drop it. I'm going to shower and then sleep."
Before I can do that, however, Sakura comes down, eyes red and sniffling.
Hinoka picks up on it immediately. "Sakura, what's wrong?!" Azama just sighs contentedly.
"Discord. My favorite kind of discourse." He folds his hands in his lap and observes the scene that takes place. I can't leave because I know my name is about to be dropped.
"It's n-nothing, H-hic-Hinoka…" Sakura whimpers. "D-don't w-w-w-worry about me." She hiccups softly and Hinoka takes her in her arms.
"Tell me who hurt you." Hinoka just knows.
"No one! I only h-hurt m-m-myself…" Sakura cries into Hinoka's chest, now damp with tears.
"What happened, Sakura?"
I know Sakura won't say anything, so I blab it out for her. "She walked in on me and Leo."
Sakura's crying intensifies, Hinoka gasps, and Azama lets out the loudest laugh I've ever heard come out of him. He looks pleased with himself.
"Oh! Do continue! I must hear what my nephew of sorts gets up to in his bedroom."
My face is red and my palms are sweaty and now I want to be the one sobbing. Why did I say anything?
"What did you do?" Hinoka asks softly. Sakura is still crying, but it's dying down.
"We just…kissed…?"
"You made out." She smirks with this knowing look on her face. "I knew you liked him. And I knew he liked you."
"Stop it, Hinoka. It's not like that."
She drops it and takes Sakura up to her room, talking soothingly to her. Ryoma comes in, hearing the tail end of the conversation.
"Did… Did I hear that correctly?"
"Yes you did, Ryoma! Leo and Takumi are in love and have consummated their teenage romantic angst! Up next on My Favorite Hoshidan Family, it is revealed the youngest daughter has a crush on the Nohrian!" Azama laughs heartily, slapping his knees like Orochi did. "Oh, this is rich."
"Is that what happened?" Ryoma asks, my worried and concerned older brother.
"I don't know about the crush thing per se, but it seems it…" is all I can say. How do I explain to everyone that Leo and I are still friends, just something a bit more? We're not dating; we're experimenting.
I want to curl up and die.
"We're not together!" I yell too loudly. "It's more like… an experiment."
"But Takumi, you're more of a history fan," Azama jokes. "You're not one for science."
"Oh, that's it!" I rush to my room, too angry and too emotional to handle this conversation with a condescending teacher and my over-concerned brother.
I hear Hinoka talking to Sakura quietly in their room, but I'm too upset to care to listen. I slam my door and collapse to the floor, willing myself not to cry, yet doing so anyway.
"Why does everyone get on me for these things? Why can't people just leave him and me alone?" I cry into the floor. I think about how, like Leo said, life would probably be different had historians acknowledged a gay relationship between Eliwood and Hector, if there was such a thing, How people like me and Leo and Hinoka would live much freer lives than the ones we're currently living. Hinoka seems happy, but I know when she was younger she faced mild harassment when she came out. It's why I wanted to keep everything quiet when it came to me. But now… It's as Leo said: these things have a way of coming out.
I fear for him, I admit. His father is awful, after finding out everything about him, or at least a little bit. If the father were to find out… I can't even stomach what would happen to Leo.
I care too much, I think.
After a sufficient crying fit, I turn over, looking at the ceiling as I lie on my back. The carpet feels soft and I'm compelled to sleep.
I fall asleep to Leo's torn face as he left my house.
Waking up for school the next day is interesting, as Hinoka barges in and hit my foot, which is carelessly lying against the door. I wake up to throbbing pain in my toes, and Hinoka laughs as we both come to the realization that I was so mad and upset I fell asleep on the floor. After teasing me relentlessly, Hinoka leaves, reminding me to get ready.
I take a quick shower, regretting it immediately as I realize my long, thick hair will take too long to dry. Oh well. I'll just have to rock the wet hair look.
I dash out, putting on the clothes I grabbed out of the dresser earlier: grey joggers, a white T-shirt with a Hoshidan symbol on it (strength is what it says), and some old running shoes I hadn't worn in a while. Quickly, I throw my hair into a bun, anything to ensure the slick wet hair doesn't touch my back. I rush downstairs, where Ryoma, whom I guess isn't going to work today, is making breakfast. Today it's pancakes, bacon, and eggs, something that we don't always eat. It's refreshing, but I wonder if I have time. I woke up later than normal.
Ryoma says I need to sit down and at least eat one egg, stating he's staying home to comfort Sakura, who felt too tired and sad to handle the day today. I nod, and then I hear Hinoka yell out from outside that the bus is here. I grab a plastic bag and stuff it with a pancake and some bacon and I head out. I see the doors begin to shut. I slip through them, narrowly avoiding severe injury, and the driver gives me a worried look. I shrug and head to my usual seat.
Hinata and Oboro are waiting as always, and their faces light up when they see me.
"Dude, that was so awesome! You just went WHAM right through those doors." Hinata goes to high five me.
"You could have been really hurt," Oboro reprimands. "But I'm glad you're okay. It was kind of cool."
"Kind of? It was amazing! I never saw such prowess of speed. Takumi here is the man."
I roll my eyes at my friends' dumb antics. "It wasn't anything I haven't done before." This wasn't the first time I almost missed the bus, but it was the first time I almost got crushed.
"Nah man, you definitely never risked death before." Oboro slaps his arm and he says a hurt "hey!" in response. I just sigh and lean against the seat, a little crowded since all three of us are sharing it, Oboro against the window and Hinata squished between us. I fold the pancake and stick the bacon in the middle and take a bite. As I chew, I think about how I'll handle the day, secretly seeing Leo in a way I never thought I would see him.
"Man, that girl still really has a hold on you, huh?" Hinata jibes. "She must be something."
"There isn't a girl. I'm just tired. My aunt and my sister's friend stopped by for dinner and it was a mess." I respond automatically. I hate lying, but I can't tell them I'm in… Well, that I'm doing some things with my former nemesis.
"You mean Orochi and Azama? That's nothing new. You should be used to it by now." Oboro says, bored. "Speaking of him, I wonder what grade we got on our projects."
"We probably failed, but Takumi here had to have gotten a perfect score. Leo too, I bet." Hinata praises. "Takumi is always top notch."
"You guys flatter me too much," I admonish. "It's weird."
"We just care!" Oboro says, a little offended. "I mean, sometimes you just seem so sad. We just want you to know you're loved."
"In a non-gay way of course," Hinata pipes up, nervous. "Not that it matters, I guess." He winks, insinuating that there is still some girl in my life.
"Hinata, there really is no girl." I beat my head against the seat. "This is exactly the kind of conversation I had last night with Orochi and Azama. It's tiresome. I wish everyone would drop it."
Thankfully, Hinata and Oboro do, and we discuss things like the upcoming football game this week and the homecoming dance that neither of us had any inclination to attend, but we would if we were asked. I don't have much hope (I doubt Leo would want to be so public), but I think Hinata has a chance at least, and Oboro really is pretty in her own way. She's just intimidating.
But as I'm thinking of my friends possibly being asked out, one of our classmates, Kaden, approaches us. "Hey guys, um, I know we don't talk very much, but I'd like to speak to Oboro, if you don't mind." He flicks a piece of his silky orange hair out of his eyes, and he looks to the side, a little embarrassed if his red cheeks are any indication.
Hinata looks perplexed and I just think how serendipitous this whole situation is. What I think will happen is actually happening.
"Uhhh, you want us to go away?" asks Hinata, thoroughly confused.
"C'mon, dimwit, let's leave them." I grab Hinata and go to sit next to my sister's normal group. Subaki and Hana are there, and I force them to let me sit on the edge, and Hinata manages to squeeze between Subaki and Hana, the former not looking too pleased about that. I watch Kaden carefully, and I see a flustered Oboro, red-faced and nervous. Kaden just asked her out, I bet.
"What's that about?" Hana asks. "Kaden doesn't really socialize with you guys, does he?"
"I bet you twenty gold he just asked Oboro out." I say smugly. Hinata agrees, as does Hana, who knows she'll only lose.
Kaden looks pleased as Oboro nods, and he bids her farewell. He winks at us and I take that as a sign to go back to her. I get up and Hinata pulls away too. Subaki sighs in relief, and Hana just giggles.
I sit next to Oboro this time, ribbing her and joking. "So Kaden is your new main squeeze isn't he?"
Oboro peeps out a tiny "yes" and Hinata, flabbergasted, hoots and hollers, Oboro telling him to shut up, and I guffaw at how ludicrous this situation is. Oboro? Getting asked out? When she liked me for so long? Well, I'm glad to see she's moving on.
"I can't believe this. We were just discussing the dance and here he comes, waltzing in, and he asks me out. Incredible," she states, no irony in her voice. "I'm flattered, and I did say yes, but… Wow… He is really cute too…"
"Yeah, if you think so," Hinata says, not really amused. "It's surprising though. I always thought…"
"Please. Don't think. You'll only hurt yourself," Oboro jokes.
Hinata mocks offense, and I sit there, wondering if one day Leo will "officially" ask me out. What would it be like going to a dance together? To be open about our feelings for each other?
Feelings? Where did that come from? I don't have feelings. Not for him at least.
As I sit there in denial, the bus is pulling into the school. We pass by the front gate and I see Leo's sister's car in the line, waiting to drop off her brother and sister. I can't see them through the tinted windows, but I'm sure Camilla is annoying him and Elise is being her perky self.
The bus parks and we head out, Oboro still going on about how cute Kaden is and how excited she'll actually be going to the homecoming dance this year, instead of skipping it with me and Hinata and binging on popcorn as we watch movies at her house. It is different, something I don't know if I'm happy about, and I come to the realization we're all growing up, and maybe growing apart.
It's then that I realize I can't keep this a secret forever. They have to know about me eventually. And while I won't out Leo, they'll eventually have to know he and I are a thing.
We're in the cafeteria now, and I see Leo sitting, going over homework as he inputs calculations on a fancy calculator. His intense focus is captivating and it's only when I blink that I realize Oboro has stopped talking and she and Hinata are both staring at me.
"Dude… What's with the face?" Hinata follows my plane of vision and spots Leo. I hear his gasp and I snap out of it and realize that…
"Leo is the girl, huh?!" Hinata exclaims. I feel my blood freeze and I put my hand over his mouth.
"Hinata… Please don't speak loudly of this. Let's go somewhere quiet…"
"Wait does that mean…?" Oboro begins a question I won't ever answer without Leo's permission. I put my other hand over her mouth and I switch my hands to grab them by their shirts and we aim for the library.
I toss them to one of the tables in the corner, remote, and finally whisper my confession. "I'm gay."
They sit in shocked silence, staring at me, not sure how to react I assume. Oboro finally pipes up.
"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" she asks.
"It's… It's something I still am having trouble coming to terms with. I wanted to, but I wasn't sure how you'd both react."
"Dude, we already said we're cool with it," Hinata says, a little green. "I mean, just don't…"
"Hinata," I say in a warning tone. "Gay people are no different than straight. If I were a girl, and just your friend, like Oboro here for instance, I could say, 'We can be friends, as long as you don't hit on me.' Do you understand what I mean?"
He nods. "I never thought of it that way… I never saw Oboro in that way…"
"And I don't see you in that way either." I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. "Now that it's out of the way…"
"So Leo?" Hinata wiggles his eyebrows at me, already over what we just discussed. "So he's your crush?"
I don't want to answer because I don't know how. I can't just kowtow to my friends' antics.
"Look, I'm fond of him. I like being his friend. If anything, I'm just in awe right now. It isn't a crush. And no, before you ask, he isn't gay. Trust me; I just know."
They take that explanation and Oboro's stomach interrupts with its loud grumbling. I decide we're done and we go back to the cafeteria.
I sit next to Leo, who startles a bit at my sudden appearance. But he just smiles, acknowledges my presence, and continues his work. He's double checking his homework I see, and so far, it looks perfect, as expected from him.
Oboro goes to get breakfast, but Hinata sits in front of me, an all-knowing look on his face. Leo looks up and notices.
"Are you alright, Hinata?" Leo looks a little put off. Hinata just nods his head.
"Yeah, just teasing Takumi," is all Hinata says. Leo looks at him then to me, and he narrows his eyes, trying to solve the conundrum. I shrug it off and Oboro comes back.
"So how are you doing, Leo? Working on homework?" She asks, almost too politely.
"I'm just double-checking. I finished last night. I don't like procrastinating." He puts his work away, done apparently. "I also don't like secrets. Is something the matter? You're all acting odd."
"Nothing's up man!" Hinata says, trying to put up a front. It fails. Leo sighs.
"And I thought Odin was a bad liar," he mutters. "Takumi, what's going on?" he asks as he turns to me.
I bite my lip. How do I admit to my sort-of-boyfriend that I just came out to my friends when this whole time I promised I would stay secret? I just blurt it out. "I…came out to them."
"Oh." A look enters his eyes, dark and foreboding, but he replaces it with mild surprise. "You're…gay?" He asks, a much better liar than Hinata.
"Yeah," I say, trying not to make it obvious I'm playing along. "I finally feel comfortable enough to tell my friends." I shoot a look at Hinata and Oboro. "Don't tell anyone else though. This is between the four of us."
"Yeah, man, yeah!" Hinata stutters. Oboro nods, almost too fast, as she eats her breakfast, another breakfast pizza.
"We wouldn't ever betray you," she says after she swallows.
"Good."
There's an awkward silence as Oboro chews and Hinata won't look at me. I can feel Leo staring as I'm looking down at the tile that makes up the cafeteria floor. Finally, Hinata clears his throat.
"So, like, is there anyone you want to go to the dance with?" he asks, a little afraid.
I shake my head. "You know I don't do dances, and besides, I just came out to you guys. I'm not coming out to the entire school."
"Yeah, that's true…" I can tell he just wants to make conversation and learn to accept this quickly. It's a shock, and we're young, but it has to be done eventually. Or so I guess.
"What about you, Leo?" He turns to Leo, hoping to lighten the mood.
"Much like Takumi here, I'm not too fond of dances, but for different reasons." He looks to me and smirks. "While he is socially volatile and likely to upset his date, I on the other hand have been to many dances in my life because of my father. You find them boring quickly. And a high school dance? Truly insufferable." He flicks a hair out of his face, but it just goes back. "It may sound privileged of me, but that's how I was raised."
Oboro looks curious. "I know you're rich, but, like, I didn't realize you were rich enough that you went to balls."
"Well, I guess you can call them that." He doesn't see how arrogant he looks. "My father used to enjoy having associates from work and other well off families over, simply to show off, and naturally, due to that affinity for showing off, he ensured all of his children were trained in the ways of dance and other sorts of fine things, if you will." Hinata and Oboro just look dumbfounded. They're still not used to his formal way of speech, or at least the speech he uses when he's putting on airs. I know him well enough now that I can tell he's trying to make himself look more impressive, not showcase the insecure gay boy that he is. "I never enjoyed them though. I…" and here he falters. "My brother was better than me, and naturally my sisters were more elegant and graceful. I always felt gangly and clumsy. I much prefer reading to dancing."
"I'm sure you're fine, if you're trained," Oboro goes to soothe. "I mean, I don't think any of us can dance."
"I know traditional dances…" I mutter.
"Really?" Leo seems surprised. "I wouldn't expect that from you." They can't see it, but I can tell Leo is genuinely interested, and there's a look in his eyes I've yet to make an acquaintance with. It's almost lustful, with a hint of curiosity.
I feel myself fall into those deep brown eyes.
My face reddens, and before anyone can tease me, I shout out, "Ugh, Leo, don't get so sentimental on me!"
Everyone laughs, used to my rejection of affection, despite the fact it's something I crave, though I'd never admit it. The bell rings, and we part ways with Hinata and Oboro, and head to the Literature class where I'm sure Orochi is ready to take us through the ringer again.
Orochi, upon us entering the classroom, simply smiles, acting like she's none the wiser. She wiggles her eyebrows at me as she looks at Leo, hoping to insinuate something, the second time this morning this has happened to me. I scoff and turn to find my seat, Leo following. He's red faced again, bothered by Orochi knowing.
She begins the class once the final bell rings and I tune most of it out, too preoccupied with my own thoughts, like how I kissed Leo last night and how I'm excited to do it again. My mind goes on a small fantasy where we're both out finally, and we go to the football games, only to hide under the bleachers to make out. Or going to the dance together, and becoming Homecoming King and subsequently Homecoming Queen (King? Again? It would be a first.) The social stigma that it contains though… Well, it's a nice thought.
I catch Orochi staring at me as she lectures, and for once she doesn't call me out on not paying attention, not that it's a frequent occurrence. She continues with her thoughts and then the bell rings and we all exit. Leo tries to ask why I didn't pay attention (damn his intuitive know-all) but I brush him off and tell him I'll see him in History.
I can't tell him that I'm already in too deep.
School is out, and History was a catastrophe. We made perfect scores on our project (we knew that) but after Azama handed out graded projects, he went into his lecture and somehow tied in gay rights and the like into it. I saw Leo clutch his fists under his desk as he tried not to get embarrassed and I eventually had to step in and demand why Azama thought this was appropriate when nothing in the lesson called for it. He claimed that history can tie into almost anything and went on, staring (can he even stare?) pointedly at Leo. Leo eventually had to excuse himself, stating he was feeling ill, and scampered out the door. Azama just chuckled and then switched topics.
It was after ten minutes when I finally asked Azama if I could go ahead and check on Leo. He seemed to have forgotten that his "favorite Nohrian" had left and he agreed, writing me a pass, something he would have done for Leo, but Leo was too desperate to get out to receive one. I walk nonchalantly out the door, but once I'm out of sight I sprint to the nearest bathroom, hoping Leo was there.
He had been, and he was really upset, to the point of tears. I heard him sniffle in one of the stalls and I knocked.
"Leo?"
"Takumi… Thank you." He exits, and the red puffy eyes tell me all I need to know. I go in to hug him, and though at first I feel him want to pull away, he accepts it, and then starts sobbing. I'm thankful no one else is in here. This was definitely a situation that could be misinterpreted.
But that was the cataclysm our History class had turned into, and Leo and I are definitely glad to be out.
His eyes are still red and puffy, there's snot dribbling out that he's desperately trying to wipe away with a tissue from his bag, and he's shaking. I pat his back, hoping to comfort him. Hinata and Oboro catch up and notice how upset Leo is. I shake my head at them and they nod in understanding.
I know I'll be late to the bus, maybe miss it altogether, but there is no way I am letting Leo walk to his car by himself. He needs the solidarity.
I see Camilla, her passenger side window rolled down, and she waves, ready to make a comment, but then she sees Leo and she bolts out of the car. For someone picking up their kid brother, she looks like she's ready for a date, wearing a skin tight lavender mini-dress and black heels. Her hair is up and I see diamond and gold earrings that match the necklace lining her throat and the bracelet on her left hand.
"What happened?!" She exclaimed. "Who hurt you Leo? Tell me and they're gone."
The way Camilla said it tells me she would go through with whatever plan she had in mind, but I shake my head. "Unless you want to murder our history teacher, I don't think there's much you can do."
"What did he say?" she asked, darkly.
I look to Leo, who just shakes his head. "It's nothing, Sister. It's nothing."
"It's something," she emphasizes. "Did he…?"
"He wanted to," is all Leo says. "He implied a lot of it." He must have told Camilla what happened last night.
"Where's his classroom?" Leo shakes his head sharply, but I'm ready to see Azama pay and I tell her his room number. She nods and power walks into the school. Leo looks horrified.
"No… Takumi! Why would you tell her?!"
"He deserves it. He hurt you." Elise walks out, looking confused. "Why did Camilla just walk into our school?"
"She's going to have a…chat with our history teacher. Don't worry about it." I dismiss.
"Oh." Elise doesn't look satisfied with that answer, but she enters the car anyway. Cars are honking behind, wanting to pass Camilla's car. I give them a rude gesture.
"Takumi! Don't make a scene."
"They can eat it is all I'm saying." I sigh. "I guess we should move her car…"
"Don't. Camilla is possessive of her things. Just don't." Cars attempt to pass by in the narrow drive way, and they start to leave, giving us all dirty looks. I just shrug at one that returns my rude gesture.
"Really, Takumi, that's unnecessary. We don't need to provoke a fight."
"Oh, they're not going to do that." I look to the front door and see Camilla walk out, looking victorious.
"He won't say anything ever again, baby Brother," she coos, stroking Leo's hair. Camilla is a little off-putting to say the least.
"Camilla…?"
"Oh, I didn't kill him. But he won't say much." She winks, and enters her car, ignoring the rude honks she's getting.
Leo sighs, and looks at me. "Thank you for your support."
"Of course, I mean… You're my…friend after all."
He chuckles quietly. "I'm not sure we are 'friends' but we're something." His lips curve into a tiny smile and I feel his hand squeeze mine. He lets go and gets in the car and they drive off, Camilla cutting several cars off.
My hand misses his warmth, but then I enter a cold sweat because I see my bus driving off.
Was it worth it? Of course.
I ended up having to take the city bus to get home, which was a long wait. Hinoka called me anxiously, as did Sakura, wondering where I went. I told them there was a situation I needed to solve and it unfortunately made me late. When asked if it had to do with Leo, I digressed, asking what was for dinner.
I know it'll be brought up later, but I'm not getting into it now.
When I enter the house, I see Ryoma heating up the leftovers from breakfast. I'm not really in the mood for heavy Nohrian style foods, so I end up munching on some chips as I do my homework upstairs. Ryoma hates it when I eat upstairs, but I do it anyway.
Someone knocks, and I bid them to enter. It's Kamui.
"Hey, Brother, what's up?" He asks, jovial as usual.
"Just homework. You need something?"
"Well, I know you didn't tell Hinoka or Sakura, but I'm curious too as to why you were late. And I was hoping you'd tell your big brother, in case it was something only a guy would understand."
I rest my head on my desk, a little aggravated. "It's nothing really. A friend was in a predicament and I had to help. That's all."
"Hmm, okay." He doesn't believe me. "But if you ever need to talk to someone, you know I'm here."
"Yeah, yeah, I know Kamui. Thanks though."
"Of course." He smiles politely and then leaves, shutting the door. I finish up my homework and decide to take a quick bath. I grab some clothes and proceed to do so.
I look in the mirror and stare at my body. I wonder if Leo would like it, but then I hide my face in my hands, not wanting to think of embarrassing thoughts like that. But still… Would he like it?
I mean, it's nothing bad, I guess. Light hair here and there, muscle definition in the stomach, arms, and legs, no acne or blemishes. I can consider myself a good looking guy, right?
But I'm not so sure, because I'm definitely not my brother. I feel squishy and pudgy next to him.
I turn on the water and let it fill the tub. I'm feeling down, especially after today, and I steal one of Sakura's bath bombs. I grab one meant for sleep and I watch it fizz in the water, almost hypnotizing. I get in, and lay there for a while, not wanting to wash, but just wanting to absorb the water so it can cleanse my body of the issues I've had today.
First, I had to come out. Second, I ended up fantasizing about Leo and got caught by my Lit teacher. Third, my teacher and family friend Azama basically outed Leo and I had to comfort him. Finally, I had to watch Leo's sister threaten to tear my history teacher apart and deal with angry drivers. I don't care that I was late getting home. That was easy to deal with. But all these issues… The pressure by society to stay enclosed in myself, the stress of seeing my friend upset, how nasty people can be sometimes…
It's enough to tear my hair out.
I drain the water once I clean my body and rinse, and I dress in athletic shorts and a T-shirt. I go into my room, climb up the loft bed ladder, and I fling myself onto the mattress. I feel like instantly I have fallen asleep, and I hope that for once, tonight, I don't have any nightmares.