Ch 11
Sometimes I wonder exactly how I would die. I never thought I would be so close to death, lying in Duke's arms in an unfamiliar place. I had good reason to think I was going to die, because in the rare bouts of consciousness my whole body was in searing pain, or dangerously numb. Duke was caressing my face in his hands as he pressed his body tighter to mine to keep me from freezing. True, I was running an insanely high fever, but my insides were ice. Amazingly, I had not vomited yet, but I felt my stomach churn and I knew this time was going to be different. I somehow managed to fight my way out of Duke's arms with one hand clamped over my mouth, and bolted to the bathroom. I felt his breathing on the back of my neck and he held my hair back from my face as I was violently sick for a minute.
"That's it!" he stormed at me while I stood up, head spinning, to rinse my mouth out. "We're going to the doctor. I can't stand seeing you like this and not helping."
"You are helping," I rasped at him. "So much."
"Oh, yeah," he scoffed, glaring at me. "I hold your hair back while you hurl. I should get a gold medal."
"You help." I repeated again with ringing finality. "Now get me back to bed, please." He gently swung me into his arms, not rocking as to not upset my angry stomach. My head gently drooped onto his shoulder, and he seemed to gently weigh his options before planting a kiss on my forehead.
"It's okay," I mumbled to his chest, "you can kiss me. Whatever I have, you've already been exposed." I tilted my face up to his, and he kissed my full on the lips with a passion I'm sure he had been saving. I kissed him back, and he pressed his lips harder to mine, his hands locking in my hair. My hands wound in his hair too, and I crushed myself to his chest. We gently flopped back onto the bed, so he rolled me on top of him so his weight wouldn't hurt me. I decided we shouldn't push it, but at that moment his lips parted. I clamped my mouth shut. His eyes were worried as he looked up at me and I whispered, "We shouldn't push it today." He seemed to agree, so he pulled the blankets over my shivering body. Just before I drifted to sleep, I felt his lips on mine. I kissed him back.
The next few hours were agony. My entire body shivered violently, the movement shaking my stomach until I had to run to the bathroom again. I refused any offer of doctors or medicine, knowing the consequence. Duke's lips were constantly on mine, clearly taking advantage of his immunity. Like right now, as I lay in bed trying no to hurl on Duke, his tongue tracing the shape of my lips. We hadn't talked much in the last few days, besides him muttering about stubborn girlfriends and my refusing of medical attention. My shivers racking my body again, I wrapped my legs around his waist, trying to get closer. I pried my face from his and buried it in his shoulder.
Suddenly, all the nausea disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"Duke," I rasped from the hard planes of his chest.
"Mmmmhmmm?" he mumbled distractedly.
"I don't feel like I'm gonna hurl anymore!"
This caught his attention.
"Really?" he queried, looking me over, and suddenly I was self-conscious for the first time in a very long time. Damn, I wished I had showered. "How do you feel now?" he asked at different intervals as he pressed repeatedly on different parts of my stomach.
"Fine." I answered each time. My head still pounded, but I no longer felt the urge to vomit. I was still shivering violently, and the cold seemed to intensify as the nausea disappeared.
"Are you sure you are absolutely fine?"
"Yes." I sighed again.
"Good." He grinned. Then, still taking immense care, he pounced on me. We rolled around on the bed for a minute, laughing and fighting for the spot on top of the pile. After much flailing and stolen kisses, my head started to pound again. I moaned, playing up the drama a little. He froze, motionless, and I didn't want him to stop, despite the vicious clanging of my heart in my ears. He stared to put me down, and I clung to him, my legs tightening the grip around his middle.
"Fine," he sighed. "Calm." My body relaxed as I realized I could stay wrapped around him. We started making out again, and I was fine with that. Somewhere in there (my eyes weren't exactly glued to the clockâthere was an object of greater interest), Duke pried my fingers from their chokehold on his shirt and I drifted off to sleep.
The sun was burning brightly against the drawn curtains of the room, and the rays of intense gold hurt my eyes. I stretched my hand out, groping through the sheets, and I found them empty. This disappointed me. Somehow, I could feel I was alone. I opened my eyes and swung my legs out of bed. Besides being cold, I was surprised my how amazing I felt. Once again, I was greeted by a note on the coffee table.
Hey. Went to run some errands. Be back soon. If you have any problems, just call me at 555-0157. I Love you.
-Duke
I yawned and stretched, standing up. I was a little wobbly and freezing, but other than that, my spirits were high. I hummed while I made some hot chocolate, bustling around and straitening the mess we left last night. It made me blush. The couch cushions were rumpled, considering all the rolling we'd done. The sheets were a tangled mess, and things were strewn on the floor where Duke had chased me and caught me from behind and swung me around. I surveyed the damage, sipping my hot chocolate thoughtfully. I missed Duke. How pathetic, I thought to myself, missing him after fifteen minutes. While my brain thought this was pathetic, my insides were hurting. I longed for his arms around my waist, his mouth to my ear as he whispered to me, his lips moving with mine, our hearts beating in perfect synchronization. I wanted him to hold me, kiss me, feel his presence, and feel inside my every poor that he loved me like he said he did.
And yes, that was very pathetic.
I stared at the paper, rubbing my finger against where he had written "I love you". It's all there in black and white. Why was I thinking this all of a sudden? My mind pictured last night, when we had gotten so close to. . .
And I know why I'm thinking this subconsciously. It was inevitable that I would ponder over this, what last night could've been. Then I realized something.
I didn't want that. At least, not now.
Later, eventually, I would wish. . .but not now. I would never condemn myself like that, or he with the guilt of damning me to what no one dreamed of.
This was how I spent my hours alone, wondering. I paced and slept, eating occasionally. Then I couldn't take it anymore. My self-control was disappearing, and I was doing something about it. I sprinted to the phone and dialed the number on the card very carefully.
Suddenly, I was aware of someone's presence behind me, their eyes boring into my back. I whirled around and saw two lanky, catlike figures standing in the shadows. The female grinned graciously at me, but her eyes flashed dangerously above her sugary smile. Her partner, a male, stepped forward and spoke, his tone icy. He said it with mock happiness. He said it as if I had a choice.
"Now, why don't you be a good girl and hang up the phone?"