It was like an out-of-body experience hearing him say something like that to me. I even shook my head just to be sure I was fully awake and not having some kind of weird dream where Berwald said sexual things to me while carrying me like his bride to the showers… nothing changed. This was really happening. It took me until we were actually in the bathroom to find my voice and speak up, though it was slightly high in pitch and more than a little bit shaky.

"Y-you felt nasty too?" I said with an awkward laugh as he set me down. "But you didn't have makeup on and you weren't crying…"

He paused, his arms still around me, and looked at me in disbelief. I shrunk back a little involuntarily from his incomprehensive scowl. He was making me feel really self-conscious…

"Wh-what?" I muttered, feeling my face heating up.

He looked down at me, muttered something in Swedish, and pushed some of my hair back behind my ear, before kissing me on the forehead and then breaking the embrace, going into the shower to turn it on. I wondered if he realized he'd spoken in Swedish, because if he had intended to tell me something, I had no clue what he was trying to say to me. Curious now, I followed him into the shower, watching as he struggled to figure out the controls and what they did. I came up next to him, seeing that he was trying to find how to turn it on, and hit the switch that I had seen the nuns hit.

He gave me a small but grateful grin, twisting the red-knobbed switch to make the water hotter and balancing it with the colder water until it felt really nice on my hand. I would have probably just left it there for awhile if Berwald hadn't told me I was soaking the stupid dress standing like a tard in the shower the way I was. Okay, so he didn't say it exactly like that, but it was similar. Either way, I got out and spared the dress a watery death.

Now came the awkward part. Ever since he had come here, I'd had a hard time taking off my clothes in front of him, and it seemed to be getting worse with the passing days. With a nervous shiver, I turned my back on him, like I had the first day and started trying to pull off the dress without having it touch my face, which was kind of a difficult task. Just when I almost smudged it, I felt it be swiftly pulled off of me, missing my face by less than a millimeter. I sighed with relief when it was off, turning to thank Berwald and totally forgetting I was in my underwear.

Which turned out not to matter so much, because so was he.

I couldn't help the involuntary "eep!" noise that came from my throat when I found my face directly in his bare chest, the smooth skin tight over hard muscle that I kind of wanted to touch. Flustered, I looked up to find his face, surprised to find that his was also red from embarrassment. Just as I began to wonder if either of us had the courage to go any further than staring at each other in our undies, my question was answered and he took my hand, pulling me into the steamy room full of streaming water.

"B-but my underwear…" I protested under my breath. "I don't want wet underwear…"

Quickly, but obviously in a way that was carefully designed not to scare me, he pulled off mine and his, and dragged me all the way in, grabbing a washcloth off a nearby rack. The first thing he did was press me against a wall, which made me whimper and close my eyes, but all he was doing was wiping off the makeup and snot that had smeared my face earlier. My heart was racing, my breath coming unevenly due to the close contact of our… nakedness. It made me redden even more to find that he seemed about as unaffected by the fact we were pressed together like this as if he weren't really gay. And even if he WEREN'T, wouldn't he still have some sort of reaction? Like a negative one?

But no, not even after he successfully got all the crud off of my face did he react. He just smiled, probably glad to see my real face again after so much time. After about another half a minute of just staring at me with no reaction, he leaned over and pressed his lips against mine, weakening the discomfort that had started to grow in me. Knowing I could never twine my arms around his neck due to our severe height difference, I just put them around his waist, gasping with surprise when I felt the scars that I had so badly wanted to touch under my fingers.

They were weirdly soft instead of hard, contrary to how they looked, and smooth until they overlapped. I let my fingers trace the patterns of them, following them wherever they went, moving with the graceful flow that both pained and intrigued me… until I heard a moan that I assumed was from pain. I dropped my hands immediately and looked up at Berwald's eyes, just to be sure I hadn't hurt him. Apparently not… his normally calm, icy blue eyes looked almost like fire now with the way they burned with excitement, looking down at me. I wondered suddenly if my eyes looked the same as his… I felt a small panic start inside me.

"B-Berwald…" I whimpered.

He didn't exactly ignore me, but kissed me on the neck instead of the mouth, giving me a chance to talk.

"I-I…" Why wouldn't the words come out? Why couldn't I just tell him that I didn't want to DO this? "I'm…" I had to do this. "Scared…"

Just like I had flipped a switch in his brain, he stopped kissing me altogether, the weird fire that had been in his eyes gone.

My lip quivered, but I forced the words out anyway. "Please… s-stop. I can't do this yet…" Fear was leading me, which made me a coward, I knew, but I just didn't have the courage to let him go any further. I had to stop him before it was too late to ever go back. "My sister already doesn't like us, if she caught us doing this, she'd NEVER forgive me…"

I waited anxiously for a moment, letting him have time to react. Suddenly, it was like nothing had ever happened between us and he hugged me, muttering into my ear, "I'm s'rry…"

"Me too…" I said, putting my arms around him again, just to feel the scars, which reminded me of what I had been wanting to ask him. "Hey, Berwald, can I ask you something?"

He stiffened a little from the shock of my rapid subject change, but nodded.

"What REALLY happened to you to make you come here? I heard some nuns talking about your parents beating you and doing horrible things to you and your grandparents… but I wanted to hear it from you."

His tense state didn't relax after my question, but he didn't move or say he wouldn't answer. With a sigh that I felt more than heard, he said, "It's a l'ng st'ry… let's g't dress'd."

With one more sad glance at the shower from both of us, we turned off the water and got out, while we got dry and he started to tell me the story. The whole time he was speaking he didn't look at me, always finding some reason not to meet my eyes while we both put clothes on and went to sit on the couches in the bathroom, our hair still dripping wet. His story started off the same as the nuns had, with him going through it his whole life, until he was spared by his grandparents, who were killed by the parents. But there were huge parts of the story that I hadn't heard, ones that brought tears to my eyes. Yes, he had been abused physically and sexually, but all that had messed with his mentality.

Numerous times, he told me, he'd tried to kill himself, just to be rid of the horrible burden he carried with him. The most horrible times were in elementary school, when the counselors talked to all the students about abuse and that if something like that was happening, you were supposed to tell a teacher. He attempted to explain to me how trapped he'd felt between actually doing that and the fear of his parents killing him if he tried. So he'd kept it in, every year falling deeper and deeper into depression, until finally, in junior high, he'd actually almost hung himself, but that was when his grandma had gotten involved. She had saved him from destroying himself… I suddenly felt the strong urge to pray for her soul up in Heaven.

Even after his grandma had helped, though, he still had wanted to die, so he kept trying to, but every single time something stopped him. Then, when his mom got pregnant with another baby, he decided to keep himself alive, just for his little sibling, so that he or she wouldn't have to go through everything he was. But it was never born. The second his mom had found out she was pregnant again, she went and got an abortion. Never had he ever wanted to kill someone before then, he explained, fists clenching in fury. The rest of the story was pretty predictable… it went on the same until his parents murdered the only people Berwald had had left in the world and he had ended up here.

"Th'n I met y'u…" he whispered. " And ev'rything made s'nse ag'n."

This was the most I had ever heard him say the whole time I had met him… and it was absolutely the worst story I had ever heard. I was a sucker for sad stories, so it took all the strength I had not to burst into tears. "Thank you…" I breathed.

His brow furrowed in confusion as he stared dismally at me, the reliving of his memories a painful thing. "For wh't?"

"For answering my prayers." I leaned over and kissed him, my heart leaping happily when he kissed me back.

"I should have known I would find you making out with him in the bathroom," hissed a shrill voice from the doorway.

I stood up off the couch, trying not redden as I crossed my arms and glared at Asa. "Well maybe if you would have just gone away, you wouldn't have FOUND me making out with him, which wasn't even what we were doing. We were kissing."

She rolled her eyes impatiently, readjusting the sleeping child in her arms. "Look, Tino, I'm sorry I acted that way, okay? I just… I haven't seen you in so long. I guess lots of things have changed since we were both little kids, huh? We need to get to know each other again and the only way for that to happen is if you come home with me."

After hearing Berwald's story, there was no way I could leave him now. I was the only thing holding him together right now. "Fine. I'll go with you. But the compromise is that Berwald comes too."

For a second, she looked at me like she thought I was kidding around with her, even smiled. But then she realized I was serious and suddenly, she looked more like a mother than a big sister. "Tino… I know you've never seen where I live, but there's literally only one room left, and that's for you. Plus I don't have the money to pay for three children! And even if I did, I'd have to talk to Eric about it…"

My eyes widened.

"Look, Tino, the answer is no. Please just get your stuff in the car… and stop looking at me like that!"

"Asa…" I said calmly as she turned away. "I want you to meet Berwald."

She froze where she stood, only moving her head to look at me. Berwald, sensing that I wanted him to, came and stood next to me, looking wary and shy, and undeniably terrifying. The second she saw him, her mouth fell open and her face was the picture of surprise. Just as she was about to say something, Emmi's eyes popped open and she looked over her shoulder at me and Berwald, giving us that cute baby smile and sliding out of her mother's arms. As fast as she could, she toddled over to Berwald, holding onto his leg and giggling.

"Big bruver, Mama!" she squealed with delight, running around the Swede's legs and climbing all over him.

With keen eyes Asa studied the scene in front of her, watching her daughter as she played on Berwald like a jungle gym. She turned to me, watching as I laughed while Emmi giggled, trying to get her "big bruver" to smile. It finally worked and a way less frightening expression crossed his face as he looked lovingly at the hyper figure in front of him. Just as I felt her resolve was weakening, she spoke, pulling the three of us out of our moment.

"Tino… let's go." With that, she picked up Emmi, who started wailing, and left, grabbing my arm and dragging me out. "Goodbye, Berwald… it was nice meeting you."

I tried desperately not to turn around and see the face that he was making, but it was like an involuntary movement. I looked and I knew that face would haunt me until I got to see him again. As I was pulled away, I tried to erase the memory of the tears in his eyes, the pain in his expression.

"I love you," I said, so softly that I knew he couldn't possibly hear.

Okay, so my last review joke thingy made even LESS people review... so I'll just ask nicely. Pretty please review? My day sucked and it would make me feel better!