AN: I think I'm driving everyone around me crazy. I've been going on rants about TBBT and Sheldon and Penny. But I've decided I'm completely obsessed and now I'm really trying to get this out the way I want it. I don't even care that Sheldon is slipping so far OOC (but that is the point of my story anyway, right) the show is doing it why can't I as I believe other authors have said.
Side note: Listen to this song after you read this chapter- really listen to the words. "Over and Over" by Three Days Grace. You won't regret it.
Here we go… and as always I own nothing but the story line.
PPOV:
The week went by relatively uneventful. Sheldon stayed with me day and night only leaving me long enough to tend to a few of his own duties at home and work and come right back. The gang, minus Leonard, came in daily to check on me and Raj and I seemed to talk all day through text message- here or not. He never came to the hospital drunk so I could only speak to him through written word. I didn't mind. His text messages made me smile. He was proving to be a wonderful friend to both me and Sheldon and helped anywhere he could with a smile on his face. He never questioned, at least to me, anything Sheldon asked of him.
I was really shocked when Stuart came by the hospital on Wednesday to see me. I think he mainly wanted to make sure that his best client got his weekly comic books but he never regarded Sheldon for more than a minute. It was touching to know so many people cared for me.
Thursday brought another challenge that I was not ready for though Sheldon seemed unsurprised by the events. I started my period a few days early. I was devastated and cried for close to an hour. Debbie, my day nurse, sat with me and told me not to worry, that sometimes traumatic events can change the menstrual cycle. Sheldon pretended to work while we spoke but I couldn't hear and clicking on his keyboard and I could tell by his eyes he was not reading. He was listening and learning. He might be many things that he doesn't want people to see but a master of emotions and how to deal with this is not one. Though it was sweet to see him try.
Thursday was also the day that they finally took the bandages off of my legs and I was able to see the bruising, the incisions, and the very large, painful hematoma on my left thigh. The site of my mangled legs had me once again sobbing uncontrollably. Sheldon sat next to me on my bed, his hand on mind and his body facing my legs and studied the wounds. Once we were alone again he stood and looked at a very large midnight black bruise on my left calf and gently ran his fingers over it. He told me that I should be proud of the scars. I scoffed and told him I could never wear shorts again. My legs were ruined. He reprimanded me and told me that I was lucky to be alive after everything that had happened, in the accident and in the hospital, and I shouldn't be thinking of such trivial things. He was right.
If he wasn't repulsed by my legs then I wouldn't be. I would learn to appreciate my scars. Would I hide them? Only time would tell. I took pictures with my phone of every bruise and cut. I wanted to remember them. Not everyone had Sheldon's memory.
I spent a lot of time sleeping. Each time I started to drift off to sleep my mind would replay two recent events. The first, the accident. Every time my eyes closed I saw my car lose control and crash into the tree. My body would jerk, instinctively bracing for another impact, causing pain to rip through my legs. Once the pain eased I would close my eyes and force myself to think of Tuesday night when I felt Sheldon's soft lips on mine. I would smile uncontrollably and finally drift off to sleep. While I was sleeping, I found out, Sheldon had told my nurse about my alleged PTSD and the doctor added Ambein to my nightly pills. I didn't want to tell him that as long as I thought about his lips pressed against mine and what that could mean for us in the future that I would sleep soundly without nightmares.
Friday I was told that I would have another therapy session as long as the CT scan did not reveal any blood clots that the blood thinners were trying to prevent. Everything apparently looked fine and two hours later I was out of bed and sitting in the oversized recliner that my guests liked to rest in. It felt amazing to be out of the bed but the effort that it took to get me up and moving left me feeling exhaustion I had never known before. Howard and Bernadette came by and we talked for close to an hour until I could barely keep my eyes open. Sheldon silently asked them to let me rest and turned out the lights to the room as he closed the door behind them. I fell asleep shortly after.
The weekend was uneventful but I found out Sunday that my breathing had improved and the rehabilitation hospital was ready to take me. I was going to be transferred there, which was nice because it was a block away from the university and that meant Sheldon could go to work if he needed to, and I would work on strengthening my legs. I was worried about how much pain I would be in but decided early on that it would be worth it to walk again. Sheldon reminded me over and over again by saying "No pain, No gain" and that if I was strong enough to kick that guy in the balls therapy would be no big deal. I believed him.
Monday came and I was getting ready to transfer to the rehabilitation hospital. Rodney was working and he offered to get me cleaned up again. He recommended a shampooing in the bathroom this time rather than in the bed, mostly because I was so sick of sitting in the bed. I agreed without thinking of the consequences.
Rodney thought it would be best to put me in a transport wheel chair and because I didn't have the strength to move myself he offered to pick me up and move me. I agreed, foolishly. He tucked his arms under my body and lifted me up and I was able to keep my legs stretched out so I didn't feel too much pain but once he set me down gravity took over. My legs dropped and I screamed. Loud. Rodney was instantly at my ankles and picking up my legs to straighten them out. I was lucky to have people that understood my needs and since Sheldon had gone home to get cleaned up Rodney was it. I sighed with tears in my eyes in relief. He suggested that I stay in this chair and stretch my legs out on a stool in the bathroom so he could wash my hair comfortably. As long as I ended up with clean hair and no pain I didn't really care.
Bonnie, my day nurse, came in and helped Rodney move me into the bathroom. Once my hair was clean Rodney helped my get back into the chair next to my bed and I waited to be moved. I felt surprisingly upbeat about the idea of beginning a new chapter of my life. They told me that my transport would be here around 1:00 so I channel surfed the limited channels on the hospital TV. Sheldon came back close to eleven and I filled him in on the day's events, sparing the details about the pain in the transport chair. I didn't want to overly worry him.
"I must say, Penny, you look like a new person. And not just because you are freshly washed and dressed. You look like you could take on the world." He said, his eyes seemed in awe. That could have just been my mind screwing with me.
"I feel great. You know I have been taking less medication lately. I can't help but think that maybe I might get this over with faster than they think." I stopped and considered my words. "I know I can do this." I concluded.
"Oh, of course you can. It's just a matter of will power." Sheldon stated. We continued on with menial small talk, avoiding a conversation we knew we should have but decided to skate around.
"Oh, I looked it up on my phone and the rehabilitation hospital in just around the corner from CalTech. You can go back to work and check on me if you want to!" I exclaimed happily.
"That is assuming that I think that this new place can assist you in the way you need to be." He countered.
"Sheldon, I am being moved to a rehab place. They will be able to cater to my needs. You don't need to worry. I promise that it will be ok. Although, I have to say this new side of you is really sweet. I don't expect you to stay with me there as well." I didn't expect him to stay with me day and night here either but it was nice.
"We will see how it goes." Was all he said and he turned back to his science magazine he brought in with him.
"Sheldon?" His eyes traveled up my face as he waited for me to continue. "Why have you stayed here?" I asked him again, hoping for more clarification.
"Someone has to make sure you are taken care of. And personally, I do not believe any of our other friends could do so with the exception of Raj. However, because of his social restraints when it comes to women, he would not be a valid choice. Leonard would try to turn the situation around to be about himself while demanding attention from you that you need to exert on yourself and your recovery and Howard would likely get punched in the face again. Not to mention both have partners they need to be with."
"I would have been fine alone at night. Everyone has been visiting me throughout the day. You could have left and slept in your bed where you are more comfortable."
"I could have. But I didn't want to. I wanted to make sure you were ok. And after that incident on Monday I was less inclined to leave you alone."
"But you have been so much more than watchful. You've been supportive and caring. I know the you we know isn't the you you know but you didn't have to choose to show me that side of you. You didn't have to kiss me." I whispered the last words, regretting them instantly. I felt my face burn at the thought of his lips again.
"When it comes to you, I did have to and I do." He put his magazine down and moved down the long couch to sit right next to my chair. "I'm not familiar with emotions, that part of me is the truth. I'm not comfortable dealing with them. I recognize them, sure, but I avoid them. But when it comes to you it is something I want to learn. It's a new kind of science, a new theory that needs explanation and I've only just now found the missing pieces of the formula to start to putting it together." He looked down at his hands in his lap and began to fidget. "Also, I have been wrecked with guilt since that day." My eyes widened.
"Why in the world would you feel guilty?"
"Because I pushed you away. I was trying to regain the upper ground, trying to figure out my next move which was more complicating than coming up with the transitional quadrilateral to triangular tessellation to solve the balanced center combat-area problem in three person chess." I shook my head.
"You've lost me." He seemed shocked as though I should already know this.
"Three person chess. It's really quite fascinating. I've created new pieces, some advanced rules, and a larger board, obviously, to bring more of a challenge to the game. I've heard you are quite the chess player yourself as you beat Leonard after just teaching you. Perhaps once you are home we can rustle up a third body and I can introduce you to the game. I think you will find it much more entertaining." He beamed.
"That sounds fun, sweetie. But you didn't answer my question fully. You think you pushed me away and you feel guilty for the crash?" I wasn't going to let this one go. Even if we had to talk about this the whole way to the rehabilitation hospital in the ambulance I was going to make sure he didn't feel any guilt.
"Well, yes. As I said, I made you leave so I could work through the events and figure out what to do which resulted in you leaving the building, getting into your car, and crashing into that tree."
"No, stop right there!" I pointed a finger at him, his eyes widened and his body stilled. "I chose to go out for a drive. I didn't have to. I could have gone back across the hall to my apartment but I didn't. It was MY choice to get in the car and I'll be damned if you feel guilty about my stupid decision!" I felt like a parent lecturing a child. It's funny how often I've felt that way around him.
"But had I not asked you to leave you likely would not have driven at all that day-"
"It doesn't matter. It was my choice after you asked me to leave the apartment! Everything that happened that day was on me. Not you!" I don't think I could live with knowing that he was here because he felt guilty. If he left me now I would understand that that was the reason for all of this. I would understand because it's him.
"So you are refusing to accept my guilt and trying to absolve me of it?" He asked.
"Yes! Sheldon, this wasn't your fault. It could have happened any time. It just happened to be right after there was an incident in your apartment. I don't blame you. I could never blame you." I reached out and put my hand on his. He looked up at me, his eyes hopeful.
"Then I just need to forgive myself."
"Please, don't do this to yourself." I felt tears sting my eyes and as one slipped he finger was instantly at my cheek wiping it away.
"I've wanted to kiss you for years." He admitted. My breath caught and my body tingled at his admission. "I'm still so torn between the life I've built and the life that has been thrust upon me this past week. I don't know which I need to pursue. But I know which one I want to pursue. That is why I have been here." I couldn't speak. My mind was reeling. I knew he cared about me, at fleeting thoughts about the possibility of him loving me, but this pretty much just summed it up right there. Holy crap on a cracker.
"What about your work?" I was feeling overwhelmed and slightly confused. How did I really feel about him? I had always found this mystery to be alluring and he is handsome in a nerdy way. But what did that mean for right now?
"I've turned in two papers this week, both of sufficient quality. My work is not suffering. However, if you would wish that I pursue the life I've built and return fully to my work I will oblige you."
"Stop being so damn polite!" I shouted at him. I was immediately embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I just don't want to be the reason your life is turned upside down against your will as well."
"Penny, it's been that way since the day you moved in. I thought I had already explained this to you. Although, with the events of recent your memory is likely impaired and you wouldn't recall such conversations."
"I remember them. I just- I don't know Sheldon." I really was being ripped apart in two directions from the inside out. Part of me wanted to see where this could go and the other part of me screamed to run away.
"What I want." He smirked. "I still want a Noble Prize, I want to see you walking on your own and back to your usual annoying self," another smirk "I want to go back to somewhat of a routine, though now that the cat's out of the bag so to speak, I guess a lot less structured, and I…" He trailed off, his eyes darting back and forth nervously. "I do not want to hide myself from you anymore. I want you to know the real me because you are the only one who seems capable of doing so. You said you wished I could see myself through your eyes. I want you to show me what you meant by that. And, I would really like to kiss you again." He concluded. I could only nod. I wanted the same things for both of us. He looked nervous again and moved to the edge of the couch and began to lean in closer to me. I tried to move so most of my weight was on my right hip and I was facing him better but I couldn't. It hurt and it apparently showed. "Are you ok?" He whispered, his breath blowing hair on my face.
"Can you help me real quick?" I felt stupid for interrupting the moment but now I was really uncomfortable and I had to move. I took his right hand and put it behind my left hip. My legs were already turned slightly to the right so I was hoping with the extra help it would be easier. He seemed to understand what I was doing and pulled the same time I lifted and I was able to move the way I needed. I sighed contently and noticed that the position had us closer.
His mind, still focused on the previous task, controlled his hands and his right moved to my face and brushed a few strains of hair out of the way. It was an incredibly sweet gesture and I couldn't hold back the smile. I felt myself drawing nearer to him and he to me.
Our lips met again and this time I felt passion behind the kiss rather than simplicity. It was still simple but we lingered on each other. I felt my face flush and a nervous feeling in my stomach that was very welcoming. His hand, still at the side of my face, moved to cup my jaw. I tentatively moved against his lips, testing the waters to see just how serious he was and he responded back by mirroring my actions with more urgency as his hand tried to pull me closer to him. I pulled back, ending the kiss with regret almost instantly.
I took a moment to observe him. His eyes were glazed and he seemed to be miles away in thought. I wanted to ask him where he was. His hand fell from my face and he smiled at me shyly.
"Thank you." He whispered and sat back on the couch. I laughed uneasily at his response. "For not being fooled by me and allowing me opportunities others wouldn't." He touched my cheek again and kissed the side of my mouth and let go, turning back into his science magazine. I looked at him for a moment in shock.
What the frak? There was a knock at the door and I noticed two paramedics with a stretcher ready to take me to my new, temporary home. He nodded to them, stood up, and looked down at me. My eyes burned with a message that hopefully told him we would be talking about this again later. He smiled and nodded again and gathered my things for me.
AN: Sorry to leave you like that but I really wanted to get something out before the holidays. It will probably be after the New Year that I am able to put another chapter out. Then hopefully it will be with much more frequency. Happy Holidays everyone!