Chapter 10

I can taste it, my heart's breakin', please don't say
That you know, when you know

––––––––

Ferid heard his phone ringing. He only groaned and tried to ignore it but someone was still calling him. He slowly opened his eyes and the darkness welcomed him.

"What the hell…"

He tried to find his phone and felt Crowley moving near him in his sleep. When Ferid reached his phone, the light blinded him and he cursed.

It was near 3 a.m.

And Shinya was calling him.

Ferid groaned but decided to answer the phone.

"This better be important you fucking idiot."

The first thing Ferid noticed was that there was a loud music on the other side and he needed to take his phone away from his ear.

"So mean~! Why are you like that?"

"Because it's the middle of the night!"

"Oh? Really? Well, it is!"

Ferid wanted to punch that idiot and probably kill him. Crowley was probably awake too because he shifted near Ferid, wrapping his arms around Ferid's torso.

"Listen you dumbass, I'm hanging up. I don't have time for your stupid jokes."

"Ferid…don't be like that…"

Shinya's voice sounded weird and Ferid frowned a little. He heard music and conversations in the background so that idiot was probably in club. But why? Wasn't he supposed to be spending his evening with Guren?

"Shinya, are you drunk?"

"Well, probably yes because the barman don't want to take my orders anymore. What a douchebag."

Ferid sighed. Why did he have to know him?

"Then call your stupid boyfriend."

Ferid heard Shinya's laugh but is sounded really bitter and pitifully. Not like his usually playful tone.

"Well, sorry to disappoint you but he doesn't give a crap about me. Like everyone."

Ferid started thinking. Something wasn't right.

Then everything came back to him.

Shinya wanted to confess his feelings on Christmas night. He was drunk now. Guren wasn't with him. That means only one thing.

"Did he reject you?"

Ferid asked without thinking and shivered a little when he heard Shinya's fake laugh.

"Oh, Ferid, why are you so smart? But you know, you are right. It's very late and you probably were sleeping peacefully with Crowley. So have fun and see you later. I hope."

Then Shinya hang up and Ferid stared at his phone a little taken aback.

"Who called you?" Crowley asked him, sounding very sleepy and Ferid only sighed.

"Shinya. Who else would be that crazy to call me in the middle of the night?"

Ferid only shook his head but he was still holding his phone.

"What did he want from you?"

"Well, he was drunk and he was in some club."

Crowley sat up and stared at him. His hair was messy and he yawned.

"What was he doing in a club at this hour?"

Ferid sighed once again.

"He's drunk in a club, and today he wanted to confess his feelings."

"Damn, Guren rejected him?"

Crowley was really quick with putting facts together.

"Probably. He was saying weird things so I assume that that idiot said something stupid to him."

Crowley nodded and then he stood up and started dressing up.

"What the hell are you doing, Crowley? It's 3 in the morning, you know that?"

"Yeah, but I think you should go to him."

Ferid bit his lips looking a little bit confused. He wanted to push Crowley back to bed so they could go back to sleep but Crowley was right. Shinya was an idiot but right now, he was probably really desperate and lost. He didn't want Shinya to do something stupid only because he had feelings for the biggest asshole in the world.

"Okay, but you don't have to go with me, you have work today"

"Well, let me give you a ride at least."

Ferid sighed once again and crawled out from the bed and started slowly putting his clothes on.

"Thank you, I'm sorry about him."

"Don't mention it, he's you friend."

Ferid only nodded and started typing a message on his phone. For the first time Crowley didn't hear Ferid denying that Shinya was his friend.

––––––––

When Ferid and Crowley arrived at the place, Ferid only gave Crowley a quick kiss on the lips, wishing him a good day, and started walking towards the club.

He knew this place, of course, and he was wondering how the hell Shinya ended up here? Because really, it wasn't the best place in town. Ferid only went there when he really wanted to forget his problems.

"I'm going to kill that idiot one day," Ferid said to himself while entering the club.

There were only few people here, some totally drunk lying in the corners and Ferid walked towards the bar because he immediately spotted Shinya there. The barman nodded to him and Ferid ignored him. He sat next to Shinya and he sighed when he saw that the man was really drunk and he was barely conscious.

"Hey, Shinya, wake up idiot."

He punched Shinya lightly on the arm and Hiiragi groaned. Shinya blinked slowly and when he saw Ferid he smiled.

"My, is that Ferid Bathory? Here, in the worst club, looking for me?"

Ferid rolled his eyes and smelled the glasses to know what Shinya was drinking.

"Yes, one and only. Care to explain why the hell you ended up in the worst place in town, drunk like hell? You know they could have done something to you, idiot."

Ferid spotted few guys looking curiously at them and decided to ignore them. Seriously, Shinya was an idiot.

"I don't care."

Shinya only stared and the glass in front of him, thinking hard.

"Alright." Ferid crossed his arms and looked at him. "Will you tell me at least what happened? It was Guren, right?"

Shinya laughed but once again it was his fake laughter and it sounded very unlike him.

"Gosh, am I so predictable? I think I am."

"Did he reject you?"

"It's complicated."

Ferid sighed and looked at Shinya with sympathy.

"You know, since I'm here, you can tell me everything, if you want of course. I'm not going anywhere."

Shinya was still starring at the glass and then he sighed, and looked at Ferid.

"I guess you're right. You're my best friend after all."

For a moment he was silent, gathering his thoughts, and then he started talking.

"You know, I met Guren during my first year in my University. I was studying pharmacology but it really wasn't my thing. I was going to my lectures, trying to pay attention during them but inside I was dead. Did I tell you that I'm adopted?"

Ferid only shook his head.

"No, but your sister, Shinoa, told me when I've met her."

Shinya smiled sadly.

"I don't remember my true family. I only remember that they literally sold me to Hiiragis. They were in big debts with Hiiragis and Tenri, my adopted father gave them ultimatum. My parents would give me to them, because I was a really promising student, and all of their debts would be forgiven. I only remember my mother crying and telling me that this would be better, and that they can't give me the life I deserve. I never saw them again. I don't know if the adoption process was even legal but you know, it was Hiiragi family. No one has the courage to stand up against them."

Shinya took a sip of his drink and Ferid was listening to him patiently, waiting for the rest of the story.

"And my life with Hiiragi family begun. No one liked me there, Kureto hated everything about me, Sheishiro was trying to make my life harder than it was. Only Shinoa liked me there, but she was small back then so she didn't understand why her big brothers despised me. My mother told me that this life will be better – it was hell. I was living in fear that they will do something to me so I studied. Hiiragis are a well-known brand for medicine so everyone in the family were doctors or were related to this field of science. I didn't have much friends, I only have read a lot of books back then, but I was doing this without my family's knowledge. Sheishiro one day told my father that I'm reading books instead of studying and trust me, I never brought any book anymore to our house because I learned my lesson. So University started and I started living like a marionette. Some lectures were really boring to me so I started writing my own book during them. At first it was only to relax, to forget that my life was just one, big mess. And then I met Guren. It was during chemistry lectures, I was writing my story and, at first, I haven't noticed that someone was looking at me. When we finished Guren walked towards me and took my notes. I said 'Give it back!' but he didn't do it. Instead he started reading them and asked me if I had more of this. Few days later we started talking more and he started reading my story. He was really excited about it and one day he asked me what the hell am I doing and why I'm studying pharmacology if I'm that good at writing. So I told him about my family and he told me that I should follow my dreams and become a writer. At first I started laughing but then I really couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't love my family, I was wasting my time at the university studying something that really wasn't my thing, so I decided that I should try it. I was really terrified because you don't know how scary Tenrii Hiiragi is, but I went to him. I told him that I don't want to study and be his marionette anymore. He looked at me with his scary eyes and he said that, fine, I can do whatever I want. But they wasted a lot of money on my education or, to be precise, on raising me. So he told me that I can go away but I need to pay my debt. And I did."

Shinya took another sip of his drink.

"How much did you pay him?" Ferid asked with concern.

Shinya only laughed bitterly.

"Ferid, I'm still paying him."

Ferid looked at him, taken aback. But now everything was clear to him. Shinya was a well-known writer, yet he was still living in a small apartment with Guren. He didn't have a car, his laptop was old and he wasn't wearing modern clothes.

"So everything you earn from your books goes to this old fucker?"

Shinya nodded and Ferid couldn't believe that he hasn't noticed that earlier.

"How much do you need to pay him?"

"I think I will be paying him till my death," Shinya said with bitterness in his voice.

"Fuck, Shinya, why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

But Shinya only stared at the glass in his hand and sighed.

"Because it's not your problem Ferid, I'm only paying for my freedom. Besides, I'm okay now. I still have money left to live and to eat. I'm not paying for my whole apartment… I mean, now I have to, but maybe I will find something only for myself. It was only hard at the begging but now I'm used to it. Just, you know, I don't have enough money to go on vacation."

"You idiot." Ferid sighed.

"So, back to my story, I was free. It was hard at the begging. I literally had nothing to eat, tried to find any job in town. Guren helped me back then. He thought that Hiiragis only took my money from me, not that I was supposed to pay them. He still doesn't know, you're the first person that I have told about it. I started spending more time with Guren and we became really good friends. But as you know, I fell for him. He was the one that showed me the way to be myself, gave me courage to oppose my family. Back then I knew that he had a girlfriend. She was studying in another country, but I saw that he really loved her. I was okay with that as long as we were together. Besides, I thought that my feelings were only a stupid crush. He was my savior so of course I fell for him. But I didn't know who his girlfriend was. I didn't tell you but I had another sister."

Ferid groaned because he suspected what Shinya was about to tell him.

"Don't tell me…"

"Her name was Mahiru, but just like me, she didn't like what her family was doing. But unlike me, she wasn't adopted so she didn't have a big debt like me. She escaped and I knew that she was living in another country. She started earning money, I don't know how, and father didn't pay attention to her anymore. So, Guren one day told me that his girlfriend is coming back and I agreed to go to the airport with him to meet her because he really wanted me to meet her. Imagine my face when I saw Mahiru at the airport."

Shinya laughed once again and Ferid sighed. He couldn't believe that Shinya's life was such a mess.

"Guren of course didn't know that Mahiru was my adopted sister because she never told him that she was from Hiiragiis. She changed her surname. I never told Guren that I knew her earlier, she didn't tell him either. But there was one thing I was sure when it came to her, she only cared about money so I didn't know what she was doing with Guren. Maybe it was love, I thought back then, but now I know that she didn't love him. She was with him because he was handsome and funny, but like I said, Guren was still a student, he didn't have much money and she only cared about them. "

"So that bitch probably wasn't studying abroad but earning money with some other guy, I assume?" Ferid said what he was thinking and Shinya only nodded.

"I was blind like Guren, thinking that maybe she changed, that maybe she truly loved him. Sometimes she was really jealous of my relationship with Guren because he was so excited about my writing and the fact, that I had my first editor and I was finally working on my book. But she meant the world to him. He really loved her. They bought a small apartment together. Mahiru was good to him, but after a year I've noticed that every time someone called her, she always went to the next room, she never picked up a phone in front of us. So one day I eavesdropped on her. Like you said, she had a lover in another country. A very rich one at that, I was shocked. I started arguing with her, telling her that she's hurting Guren, that he's serious about her and that she is only playing with his feelings. She was really angry and she told me that 'If you go to Guren I will tell him that you're lying because you're in love with him.'. That's right, she was the first one that noticed I had feelings for Guren. I didn't know what to do because, deep down, I knew that Guren might believe her because he loved her. So I stayed silent, but I told her that if I see her talking to that guy again I will tell Guren that she's from Hiiragis."

"So, did you tell him?"

"No, I didn't have to. Mahiru left Guren few days later. I don't know why, probably for that guy, but Guren was devastated. I told him the truth, that she was my adopted sister, that she was cheating on him with some other guy. I didn't tell him that she did it for money, I thought that it was enough. He was depressed, he needed me. Guren didn't want to go to the lectures so I was dragging him there with Goshi when I wasn't working on my novel. It took us months to get him back on track. He was angry at me for not telling him earlier about my relationship with Mahiru, but he understood why I didn't do it. "

Some guy came up to them and tried to talk to them and invite them to dance but Ferid only sent him a death glare and told him to go away. Shinya was finally opening to him for the first time.

"The rest of the story you know. Guren graduated, found a job at school, I started writing more, published my first novel. I was still in love with him. I realized that it is love and decided that I will wait patiently to confess because I knew that he was still not over Mahiru. I wanted to confess yesterday but things got a little more complicated and, once again, it was Mahiru's fault."

"Don't tell me that bitch is back?"

Shinya nodded and Ferid wanted to punch Guren.

"Seriously? She needs more money or what? A good fuck from Guren?"

Shinya laughed bitterly.

"Gosh, Ferid, you're really exceptional. I don't know if they are back together. When I wanted to tell him my feelings, Guren told me that he wanted to tell me something. I was excited, thinking that maybe he wanted to confess too. But he told me that she wrote to him about a meeting. He went there and met with her. You know, I'm not angry about the fact that he wanted to meet with her, I understand, he still loves her, but why didn't he tell me that she's back?"

"No Shinya, stop this now. You have to be angry about that. Because, fuck, you have spent so many years with him, taking care of him, being friends and what did he do? He betrayed you. He was and he still is an asshole. The biggest in the world probably. He has feelings for her? What is he? An idiot? That bitch cheated on him with some guy who had more money, and he went to her like a dog to his owner? Gosh, Shinya, I'm sorry to tell you this because I know that you love him but seriously, open your eyes. He's not worth it."

Shinya stared at Ferid taken aback. Maybe Ferid was right? Maybe it's time to move on.

"I know Ferid, but still…it hurts."

He squeezed his hand on the glass and closed his eyes. Then he felt a hand on his back and opened them again.

"Of course it hurts because you love him and he betrayed your feelings. It will be bad for the next few days, maybe months, but you're strong Shinya, you will get over him."

Shinya once again stared at Ferid and truly smiled for the first time. He had tears in the corner of his eyes.

"Thank you Ferid, you're really my friend."

Ferid rolled his eyes.

"Well, yeah, I'm your best friend."

Shinya opened his eyes wider.

"What?" asked Ferid, looking at him curiously.

"You didn't deny that I'm your friend."

Ferid sighed and got up, blushing a little.

"Don't you dare to say anything more or I will change my mind. Now get up, we're going home."

Shinya bit his lip, looking at the floor.

"But Guren…"

"Not yours, mine. You will be sleeping at my place, no refuses. Let's go, we need to find a cab."

He helped Shinya to stand up as he was still drunk like hell and had problems with walking.

"Ferid?"

"Yeah, idiot?"

"Thank you, and I'm sorry that I ruined your date with Crowley."

"Don't mention it."

––––––––

Shinya felt something fluffy on his face and he almost sneezed because of that. When he slowly opened his eyes he saw one big, sandy, tail.

"What the…"

"Mika, leave him alone or he will puke on you."

Shinya heard Ferid's voice and he tried to get up but he immediately felt a big headache. He also realized that he was on the couch and it wasn't his apartment. He remembered the night before and that Ferid took him to his place.

He also saw a cat with a sandy fur, looking at him with big, blue eyes.

"How do you feel? Oh, wait. Stupid question, you probably feel like dying."

Ferid came up to him from the kitchen and gave him a glass of water and a pill.

"Take this, aspirin for headache and if you want to puke please do it in the toilet. I will kill you if you stain my couch."

Shinya slowly took the glass and the pill from Ferid's hands. He really felt like shit.

"I've never in my life had a hungover like that."

"Well, I never saw you drunk like that. Especially while you seemed fine in the club but then in the cab you were drunk again, singing like an idiot and trying to hug me. Did I tell you that I hate it?"

"But you're probably hugging with Crowley."

"And are you Crowley?"

Shinya laughed but then regretted it immediately because it was too loud. The cat, Mika was it, meowed at him and Shinya patted him behind his eyes.

"Don't fall for his charms. He's nice now but he will scratch you the next minute."

Ferid sat on the couch too and Mika immediately sat on his legs, purring and trying to catch his attention.

"Beautiful cat," Shinya said, smiling a little bit.

"Yeah, let's change subject. I need your keys."

Shinya stared at Ferid a little bit confused.

"My keys?"

"Yes, to your apartment. If you will be staying here you need some clothes and your laptop."

Ferid looked at him bored, while he was scratching his cat.

"But…I don't want to be a problem for you."

"Stop it, you can stay here for a few days. The couch is comfortable besides, I can spend some nights at Crowley's place so it's not a problem. You will have a certainty that you won't see Guren."

Shinya bit his lips. Everything was back again, the pain due to Guren's betrayal and the fact that they probably won't see each other again. He squeezed the glass in his hands and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Fine. They're in my jacket."

Ferid nodded and stood up.

"I will go now then. And you go to sleep or watch some TV. But I think sleeping will be better. Make yourself comfortable."

"Thank you…"

––––––––

Ferid was slowly walking towards Shinya's apartment. He was still a little bit sleepy because Shinya was really irritating on their way back home, and he had problems with putting him on the couch but still, he needed to do this.

He couldn't believe what he heard yesterday. Why didn't he noticed it earlier? Shinya was an idiot sometimes, but his life really was just one, big mess.

Some of the facts were really similar to his own and he couldn't believe how similar he was to Shinya. They both had fucked up lives, maybe Ferid's wasn't as bad but still, it was just like one, big joke made by the universe that Shinya was his friend.

He came out of the elevator and walked towards the door. He put the key in the keyhole but realized that the door was open. He cursed because that only meant one thing.

Guren was inside.

He won't hold back.

He opened the door and went inside. He saw that the apartment wasn't as tidy as the last time he was there. Typical behavior for the person after a break up.

"Shinya, is that you?!"

There he was.

Guren fucking Ichinose.

The biggest idiot in the world.

"Ferid, what are you-"

He didn't finish because Ferid went to Guren and punched him in the face.

Ferid never felt better in his life. Finally he did what he wanted to do for all these years. Yes, he did it because of what Guren did to Shinya, but it was also for his own sake. Because Guren ignored him, because he didn't even give him a chance to become his friend. He deserved it.

Guren touched his face. There was blood coming from his nose and he will probably have a big bruise under his eye. Ferid didn't care that this guy was a teacher. Now he wanted to give him a lesson.

"Well, I saw that coming," Guren only whispered, and Ferid laughed.

"You better be happy that I didn't kill you because you're a fucking asshole, Ichinose! How could you do that to Shinya?!"

Guren's face immediately changed from hurt to concern.

"How's he? Is he okay? He didn't do anything stupid?"

Ferid laughed once again and stared at him with pity. Seriously, what did Shinya see in him? Or more like, what did he saw in him few years earlier?

"Now you're worried?! You should have thought about it before you literally broke his heart! Seriously."

"He didn't give me a chance to explain myself! Please, tell him to call me at least."

"You think he will call you after everything? You better pray that he will want to see you in his next life, you idiot. One fucking message from your ex and you go to her like a dog."

Guren's eyes changed once again and he stared at Ferid with anger. He came to him, looking at Ferid with contempt.

"You are the last person who has a right to say it. You forgot about high school?"

Ferid's eyes widened. How could he say that to him?! He grabbed Guren's shirt and stared at him with anger. Right now Ferid was really fighting with himself to not punch Guren once again, or even start a regular fight.

"Listen, Ichinose. Shinya is staying at my place for few days and when he comes back here, you better be somewhere else."

"I got the message, I'm moving to Goshi tomorrow so Shinya can return here soon. "

Ferid released Guren and took a few steps back. He went to Shinya's room and took few of his clothes, underwear and, of course, Shinya's laptop. Guren was still in the living room and he heard his voice.

"Remember Ferid that this is my and Shinya's business so I would like you to stay away from it."

Ferid closed the door to Shinya's room and stared at Guren with hate.

"You forget one thing Guren, Shinya is my friend so it is my business that my friend is hurt."

"Don't be ridiculous Ferid, you only care about yourself!"

And then, without listening to Guren's complaints, he left the apartment.

He was walking fast, holding Shinya's bag, but inside he was shaking. When he entered the elevator he closed his eyes for a moment and took a few deep breaths to calm himself.

That idiot didn't have the right to make him angry. What was his problem? Ferid wasn't like Guren, he wasn't going to 'that person' like a dog just like Guren did with his ex-girlfriend.

He couldn't.

He left the elevator and then his phone rung.

He saw Crowley's photo and smiled a bit.

"Hello?"

"Oh, Ferid, how are you? Is Shinya okay?"

Walking to the bus station Ferid smiled once again.

"Crowley, first you're asking about me and then about Shinya? So who is more important to you?~"

He heard Crowley's laugh on the other side.

"Don't be stupid, I was only concerned about your friend."

"He has got the worst hangover ever and he will be staying at my place for a few days."

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea, he needs you. Listen, I can't meet with you today, I have a lot of work."

"Oh…fine, I will spend some time with that idiot then."

"Ferid, are you okay? You sound weird."

Ferid went inside the bus and sat in the back. Crowley was really good at reading his mood. He stared through the window imagining Crowley's concerned face.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just, I saw Guren and I had a little chat with him."

"I hope you didn't kill him? Because, you know, being a cop and having a killer boyfriend isn't the best way to live."

Ferid laughed once again. Crowley really knew how to cheer him up.

"No, I didn't kill him. I'm a good boy~. I only told him what I was thinking. Besides, I'm not your boyfriend dear."

"Dear lord, so he's dead now."

Ferid laughed even louder and some people stared at him. Crowley was really exceptional.

Too bad that he wasn't meant for Ferid.

––––––––

Few days spent with Shinya was a new experience for Ferid. He was used to living alone, so having another person staying with him in the apartment was weird.

Shinya wasn't a messy person. When he was starting to feel sad again he was usually writing or watching something on his laptop. One day, when Ferid was at work, he cleaned the whole place and Ferid joked that he should hire him as his maid.

Shinya was still sad but he was trying his best to forget about Guren.

He didn't call Guren and Ferid didn't tell Shinya that he saw Guren. Ferid thought that it would be better. He didn't tell Shinya that he punched Guren either. That was his little secret.

"What are you thinking about?"

Ferid looked at Crowley who was cleaning after their dinner. Today he was eating at Crowley's place and Shinya was alone in his apartment.

He wondered how Crowley will react when he will break up with him. Will he be like Shinya? Drunk in some crappy club? Will he cry?

Ferid hoped that he won't. Crowley agreed that what they were doing wasn't love, relationship or anything like that.

He was a nice guy and because of that Ferid felt that they should end this. Ferid didn't want an established-relationship and they were together for too long. Crowley was too attached to him.

"Nothing, just how tired I am after work. Will you help me to relax?~"He asked looking at him seductively. He fluttered his long eyelashes at him.

Crowley came to him and sat next to him. He touched his cheek with his warm hand and looked in his eyes.

"Do you have some special request in your mind?"

"I want you to surprise me~."

Crowley smiled to him. His smile was really beautiful and Ferid wanted to memorize it. Or better not because their break up would be too painful.

"All right then."

Crowley leaned to him and kissed him on the lips. He pushed him gently to the sofa, still kissing him passionately and Ferid wrapped his arm around his neck, playing with his braid.

Crowley's mouth was on Ferid's neck, kissing him there slowly, probably leaving new marks. His hands were touching Ferid's torso under his sweater and Ferid only moaned when he felt that Crowley was playing with his nipples.

"Are you feeling better?"

Crowley asked him, his voice sexy and hoarse and Ferid only licked his lips, smiling at him playfully.

"Yes, continue this please."

Crowley smiled to him and kissed him once again on the lips.

Crowley was too good for him.

––––––––

Shinya looked at the white note in his hands. He wrote to Ferid his thanks and put the paper on the table. Mika meowed to him, starring at him curiously.

"Don't look at me like that, you have your food."

Shinya looked around. He took his belongings and sighed. Ferid was really his best friend. He took him under the roof, he even watched some movies with him, trying to cheer him. But Shinya couldn't live here forever.

He packed his things and decided that he should leave now.

His apartment should be empty by now. He hoped.

Shinya closed the door with spare key from Ferid and started walking towards bus station.

That few days really helped him. Ferid helped him to forget for a moment about Guren's betrayal, about how messy his life was. He was really grateful for that.

Being with Ferid thought him one thing. He should take care of himself more or rather start thinking more about himself. Being a little bit selfish wasn't a bad thing. He needed to learn how to live without relying on someone. He needed to be independent.

He still has his novel, friends, even if they're Guren's friends too, and he started thinking about getting some part-time job. Maybe at a café, he didn't know.

He was feeling alive once again in the bus, but everything changed when he opened the door to his apartment.

Because it was empty.

Guren wasn't here.

Shinya closed the door and threw his bag on the floor.

Silence. He wasn't used to that. He started walking towards Guren's bedroom and saw a note on the coffee table in their living room.

Please call me. Guren

He stared at Guren's handwriting and then he slowly opened the door to his bedroom.

He didn't know what he expected. Guren inside?

What he saw was more painful. The room was tidy, the bed clean, the wardrobe almost empty. Guren's laptop disappeared.

Then everything came to him again. Guren wasn't here, he won't be here again, they won't be living together.

He left him.

Betrayed him.

Shinya hugged himself because he started shaking.

Why it had to be like this? Why did Guren do that to him. He has done everything to be his best friend, yet he didn't tell him that Mahiru was back.

He sobbed and his legs gave away. Sitting on the floor he started crying because he was alone once again.

––––––––

When Ferid saw that Shinya left him he only sighed. That was few days ago.

After that he was usually writing to Shinya messages to check if he was okay. Shinya was responding to him that he was fine, and that he was looking for a job.

But Ferid knew that Shinya wasn't okay. He was a terrible liar.

So he was visiting him frequently.

That was really not like Ferid but he couldn't leave him like that.

Helping Shinya made him realize that he should end things with Crowley soon because he was scared that Crowley would react like Shinya.

They had their agreement, of course, but still he didn't know what Crowley was thinking. What if it was too late?

Each time Ferid told himself that it's time to cut ties with Crowley, he couldn't do it.

Crowley was a nice guy, he was really kind to him.

Every time he almost spit it out, Crowley did something nice to him.

Ferid felt like he was inside a trap and he really didn't know what to do. Shinya told him once that he should start dating Crowley properly. That they should become a couple.

But Ferid couldn't do this. He didn't love Crowley, he didn't love anyone and he didn't want to.

Feelings only made things more complicated and he saw what feelings have done to Shinya. He didn't want to be like him.

Lying in his bed with Crowley, who was hugging him while sleeping, Ferid was thinking what he should do. How to tell him that he didn't love him and they should end this quickly for Crowley's sake?

Crowley shifted near him and opened his eyes slowly.

"Is it morning?"

"No, it's night. Are you blind?"

Ferid told him sarcastically and Crowley laughed. Ferid really liked the sound of his laughter.

"Gosh, Ferid, you're unbelievable. I think I will go back to sleep."

"Don't even think about it. I need to go to work soon and, as I recall, you have duty soon."

Crowley groaned and tried to hid his face in the nook of Ferid's neck.

"I hate you."

Ferid looked at him curiously.

"I'm sorry, what did you say? You hate me yet you lay here with me, snuggling like some kind of a dog and you're telling me that you hate me? I feel offended."

Crowley laughed again and then he hugged him tighter.

"I was kidding, I love you."

Wait.

What?

Did he mishear?

Did he confess?

"Wh-what did you say?"

Ferid sat immediately, starring at Crowley with wide eyes, and Crowley then realized what he has said. The man looked a little panicked and Ferid was still looking at him with his eyes wide open. Crowley really said 'I love you'.

"Shit…I just…I didn't me-…No, fuck it."

Crowley ran a hand through his messy hair and laughed bitterly. It wasn't the sound that Ferid liked.

"Yeah, I said it and I am not sorry about it."

Ferid bit his lip. There he had it. He should have ended things earlier, before this. He should have known this was coming. After all, they were acting like a couple, there was no lie about it. Ferid knew that, yet he allowed Crowley to continue.

It was Ferid's fault.

"We had agreement. No feelings, Crowley."

Ferid's voice was a bit shaky but he tried to act with more confidence.

"Yeah, but it was weeks ago, Ferid. Things changed."

Ferid shook his head.

"They didn't change for me."

Lies.

Crowley stared at him. He couldn't believe what he was hearing and he shook his head.

"Ferid, please, don't lie to me. Don't tell me that you don't have feelings for me after everything we've done together?"

Ferid couldn't even look at him. His eyes were stinging but he couldn't find the strength to look at Crowley.

"Ferid, look at me!"

Ferid slowly looked at Crowley. He was wearing his grey t-shirt, looking sad at him. Ferid felt as if somebody punched him in the gut but he only cleared his throat.

"I don't have feelings for you."

More lies.

Crowley once again ran his hand through his hair and laughed.

"I thought that you will change, Ferid, that you will finally grow up, but guess I only wasted my time."

His words hurt Ferid, but he had it coming. He deserved it.

"I told you my rules, it's your fault that you fell for me."

"No Ferid, I was only human. It's normal for humans to fall in love, especially with someone who they enjoy spending time with."

Crowley was quickly putting his pants on without even looking at Ferid.

"I should have left you earlier," Ferid said with fake scorn.

Crowley laughed once again because of this ridiculous situation and looked at Ferid. His eyes were burning holes in Ferid and he was really fighting with his body not to start shaking.

"So you were planning on leaving me? Since when? Every time we met you were thinking that we should break up? Every time we were fucking or kissing?"

Crowley's voice was shaking with anger and Ferid looked at him with cold eyes.

"Yes, I knew that we were together for too long. I felt that you might start having feelings for me."

"So this is it. Your ideal end. Because it is over, unless you will grow up, Ferid."

Ferid laughed ironically.

"Grow up? Me? It's you who fell for me like a teenager."

Crowley started putting his shoes on.

"No Ferid, it's you who is a fucking kid. People have feelings. You were hurt by someone and instead of trying to heal, you're only making it worse!"

Crowley's words really hurt but Ferid couldn't show weakness in front of him.

"You don't understand."

He only whispered and Crowley stared at him in disbelief.

"THEN GO ON! EXPLAIN IT TO ME! You told me a short story about not having a chance to confess your feelings to Guren and I get it, you were hurt, but we both know that there was something more, someone else who has hurt you. Who was it Ferid? Who did that to you?"

Ferid was silent and Crowley was waiting for his answer. He never saw Crowley so angry so he turned his eyes away. He wished it would be that easy but it wasn't.

"Please don't tell me it was Guren. Or maybe it was Guren and I'm only imagining things. But if it was him, they you are really overreacting Ferid."

Crowley's words hurt him. He didn't know everything. He didn't have the right to say that.

"Get out!" Ferid only said, his words hurting his throat. He was shaking and he touched his arm.

"Fine! It's over, unless you will grow up and face your past. But I guess it's too much for you. Then have fun with living alone for the rest of your life."

When Ferid looked at Crowley again his vision was blurred.

What he saw wasn't Crowley at the doorstep.

It was a man with the dark hair and in a suit.

Standing at the doorstep with a suitcase.

When will you be back?

Ferid didn't know when he got up from the bed, probably during his fight with Crowley.

Crowley slammed the door with anger. Ferid was still starring at them with wide eyes, wearing only a gray, loose t-shirt. Everything came back to him. The loneliness, the feeling of waiting for someone who will never come back, the pain.

His legs gave away.

He fucked up once again.

Crowley loved him but he couldn't open up his heart. He didn't want to be betrayed once again.

Sitting on the floor, looking at the door, he wasn't crying.

He had problems with breathing. It was over. They won't eat together anymore. They won't kiss anymore. He won't wake up in Crowley's arms anymore. He won't hear Crowley's laugh anymore.

Ferid didn't cry.

He didn't feel anything.

He was empty inside.

––––––––

Please don't kill me? xDD
Lots of you probably saw it coming but maybe not everyone thought that it will look like this. I wanted Crowley's confession to be sincere, to be something unexpected yet so natural, so that's why he said his confession without thinking.
And of course Ferid panicked because he realized that it was too late.
But apart from all this drama, I really like this chapter, especially the scenes between Shinya and Ferid because finally these two idiots are closer and Ferid acknowledged that Shinya is his best friend.
Ferid did one step forward but two steps back in the end of this chapter. But give him some time, he need to accept this situation. But oh well Crowley, you should talk with him earlier!
Okay I will stop babbling. This chapter is earlier because I passed all my exams and I can do nothing for the next two weeks *O*
As always I'm waiting for your opinions and see you next Thursday!