So I've been feeling really… down lately, and so this might not be the best.

I tried though. If only that was enough.

Updated: 05/19/2014

…

I look at my desk, frowning about what covers it.

It's only been about a week since I quit babysitting for the Morgan's and stopped seeing Ethan, but the man is persistent.

So far I have received two bouquets of flowers, a fancy wristwatch, an autographed book by my favorite author [which I don't remember telling him about], and a hand-written love letter among a few dozen text messages.

This is ridiculous.

Why can't he move on from me?

[Better question: why can't I move on from him?]

I take a deep breath, trying to figure out what to do.

My grandma keeps asking questions, wondering who keeps sending me things. I've avoided answering as much as possible, but I know she won't stop until I answer her. As I head to the kitchen, I see her sitting there, a cup of tea in front of her.

"Benny. Come sit for a minute."

"Grandma…"

"Sit." I sigh and sit down, feeling her eye me before she begins to speak. "Who are the gifts from?"

"Nobody important," I mutter, feeling my face heat up. She shakes her head and leans closer.

"Benny. We've lived together a long time. I can tell when you're lying."

"Grandma…" My argument is growing weaker already – soon she'll know the truth.

"Tell me. I won't be mad. In fact, maybe I can help." I sigh, knowing I'm going to regret this, but I also know I can't hold it in anymore.

"Mr. Morgan was gay. I ended up sleeping with him. And then I realized I couldn't do that to him, even though he told his wife about us… I told him I'm couldn't. And now he's trying to win me back but… I don't want to do that to his family. I can't. But he's… determined." I guess she's letting this all settle before she takes a deep breath.

"Benny. Did he… force himself on you?"

"No. He told me if I didn't want to, to say no. He asked me before he did anything. I gave him permission to do everything. I never said no."

"Okay… How much of an age difference is there?"

"3 years."

"Okay…" I just sat there, waiting for her to yell at me. "Do you like him?"

"Wh-what?"

"Mr. Morgan. Do you like him?"

"Yes. I tried not to, but damn that guy is charming." She laughed at that and nodded. "I don't want to ruin his family."

"By the sound of it, it was ruined way before you came into the picture."

"You think so?"

"Yep. And also, I already knew."

"How?"

"Ethan came to me. Told me he was crazy about you and wanted to let you know that he cares about you, and that his wife and he are in the process of a divorce, and that it had nothing to do with you. They just weren't in love anymore. That happens to people." I sigh and shake my head.

"Grandma-"

"I'm not saying run into his arms and have wild sex with him." I flush and she laughs at me. "I'm just saying, give him time to make sure you are what he wants." I nod and smile at her. "So where ya going?"

"I have a date with Rory. I'll see you later." She nods and I leave, feeling a lot calmer now. I look at my phone before I go outside, sending a text message to him for the first time in about a week.

'I need time. Plz.'

'I understand. I'll b waiting.'

I smile, pocket my phone, and go outside to see Rory waiting for me.

…

As Rory and I grow closer, I feel like I'm growing farther away from him. He still sends me gifts, still texts me, but I feel as if something is missing.

Like him for instance. I hate to admit it, but I'm missing him.

I try not to, but I keep thinking about him.

I shake my head and look at Rory, who's smiling at me. We're at my house, watching movies. We've yet to have our first kiss, but every time he looks at me his eyes trail to my lips – I'm waiting to see if he'll make the first move.

He smiles at me when he sees me staring at him. I smile back until he leans a little closer, eyes plotting.

"If you're going to kiss me, then do it already." He laughs at me and presses his lips against mine.

And I feel nothing.

You've got to be kidding me!

I kiss him back though, because sure, he's not a bad kisser, and he's kinda my boyfriend I guess, but this is crazy.

Stupid pedo Mr. Morgan making me only want him.

Stupid me for falling for him.

Stupid stupid stupid.

Rory pulls away, not having noticed my internal debate luckily and smiles at me.

"So… we've been…'seeing' each other for a while."

"Yes we have." Man, I actually liked him, and now that I know I feel NOTHING with his kisses, what the hell is gonna happen now?

"I was wondering," he said, bringing a hand to mine, wrapping our fingers together, "If you'll be my boyfriend. Like exclusively." I look him, completely off guard. I had no idea he was getting to that.

Man, I suck at the dating game.

Then again, I've never dated before, so of course I'd suck at it. Slept with people, sure, but dating, no I can't do that.

Damn you damn you damn you!

"Benny?" I blink, realizing I was ranting to myself and smile at him.

"Yeah. Sure. I mean, yes." He smiles and kisses me again.

Damn you damn you damn you.

When we're done kissing, and we did a lot of kissing, he smiles at me and rubs his nose along mine.

Okay, that was kind of cute. I laugh and he smiles at me.

"I have to leave."

"I know."

"But," he says, toying with my fingers, "I wanted to ask you something else?"

"Well, as your b-boyfriend, you can ask me anything I suppose." He laughs and nods, eyes plotting again.

"Go to my prom with me? We're allowed to have people outside of our school and same-sex couples are okay to come too, only because there's a shit-ton of gay people in my school."

"You being one of them."

"Yeah." We laugh and I find myself nodding.

"Sure. I'd love to." He kisses me again before he gets up.

"I'll text you the details. I'll see you soon my Love." I blush at the nickname and smile as I walk him to the door.

"Bye."

"Bye." He kisses me again and again, seeming to not ever get enough in the first place, before he walks out to his car. I watch him drive off, about to go inside when I see something that I just think is odd.

The house next to mine, which has been 'for sale' for as long as I can remember, has a big 'SOLD' sticker on the sign now.

Huh, looks like I'll be getting new neighbors soon.

…

So, I think ya'll can see where I'm going with this.

I'm so transparent sometimes.

Anyways, thanks for reading!

See ya'll next time

-JustMe133