BAU Life
Aaron Hotchner was back.
In a small community like Quantico and the even smaller sub-community of the FBI agents stationed there, when something big happened it didn't take long for word to spread. Almost immediately after he went through the main security gate, the news of his arrival was spreading. It wasn't often that one of their own was as suddenly infamous as Aaron Hotchner. While the details were classified, everyone knew that he had killed a man with his bare hands. That the man was a serial killer who had just killed his wife and was about to kill his son were almost inconsequential details. With that kind of notoriety, everyone had an opinion on just about every aspect of his life. Right now, the biggest bets were on what he would do next. Opinions were split almost exactly down the middle with regards to SSA Hotchner's next move: on the one side were those that were betting that he would be back, no matter what. The other side contended that he wouldn't come back or that he wouldn't last long if he did. Right now those on the former side were winning all of the office betting pools.
Oblivious to the chatter spreading about his arrival, Hotch continued with his normal routine. Cleared from security, he made his way to the parking garage, entered the building, stopped for a cup of coffee at the coffee cart, and then made his way towards the BAU offices. It didn't take long for Hotch to be on the elevator heading to the 6th floor. With a quiet ding, the elevator doors opened and he began his trek through the BAU bullpen and to his office.
Looking up from where he was working, Spencer saw Hotch stepping into the lobby of the BAU section. He looked as though this was any Monday morning and not his first day back after the events of the past few months. His suit and tie were impeccable as always and he carried himself with his usual calm sense of purpose. To anyone looking, Hotch had done the impossible and flown through the stages of grief, going straight from denial and anger to acceptance in just shy of 6 weeks. To Spencer and the team, who knew him and his tells, they recognized that he had not settled into acceptance but moved beyond that to relief. It was as though removing the killer and the ex-wife from his life had released him from bonds that no one had noticed. The man striding through the office looked focused and determined without any undercurrent of panic or fear. He looked strong, self-assured, and as though he was finally meeting all of his own needs and desires. He looked happy and relaxed.
For Spencer, seeing the changes in the man from a mere two months ago was startling. Back then he was a man possessed, focused solely on finding Foyet, saving his family, and slowly being eaten away from the inside out. He was an empty shell of an agent, working long hard hours and pushing everyone else to do the same. Now? Well he was still incredibly focused and determined, he was still dedicated to the job, and he was still wearing his "Hard-Ass-Hotch" expression. Underneath all of that, Spencer could see that there was a happiness that wasn't there before. Heck, he wasn't sure that the way Hotch was walking couldn't be considered skipping for how cheerful he seemed.
Seeing him so relaxed and happy that he was all but skipping was refreshing though. When Spencer had first noticed the changes in the days following Haley's funeral, he had worried that it was an overreaction to grief and more than a touch manic. He thought that Hotch was so relieved to have his son alive that he would turn his not inconsiderable focus on Jack and solely on Jack while letting himself get lost again. As the days passed though, Spencer came to realize that the manic edge he saw was was simply the initial outpouring of emotions which Hotch was not used to expressing. The more time that Spencer spent with the father and son, it became clear that Hotch was giving way to Aaron. Aaron was a man who was learning how to handle emotions and complicated situations. He was a man capable of moving forward and finding peace. Hotch was uptight and enslaved by duty and obligation, Aaron was a man who knew how to find balance without bondage. Aaron was finally free.
Now, Aaron was making his way towards the team, giving Spencer a small smile and placing his hand on Spencer's shoulder as he leaned in to see what everyone was huddled around. When he felt the strong hand, warm on his shoulder, Spencer released the breath he didn't know he had been holding. The warmth spread from his shoulder and into his chest causing his heart to flutter briefly from the innocent gesture. That the hand remained on his shoulder, squeezing gently when the team huddle broke apart to move towards the round table for a briefing gave him all the proof he needed to know that everyone was moving forward.
Battalion Life
Spencer glared at the punch in his hand as though it was the root cause of all his problems. He didn't want to be partying but he was on orders and this event was considered mandatory fun. His time in the military had quickly taught him that mandatory fun was always the first and rarely the second. This was a perfect example of that, participation required and nothing that he would consider fun. As much as he was looking forward to seeing his friends arrive home, that is also how much he did not want to be there. Watching happy reunions while he was off by himself was not something that he relished. If he couldn't have his own happy reunion then he wanted to at least be with his team. He wanted to be there, working the case, finalizing the profile, and stopping the killer but he wasn't there, he was here. And he wasn't happy.
The worst part about the situation was that he had broken his promise. When he had approached Gideon and Hotch with the crazy idea of joining the military, he had promised that he would never let it interfere with a case. He snorted, that promise only lasted about 3 years. Now, he was obligated to execute these orders while the UNSUB was still running around killing people. Not being able to be with the team wasn't stopping him from trying to help. He had spent all morning sending his thoughts and ideas to the team via text.
After setting the punch down, he reached for his phone. Looking down at this phone he frowned because all he was getting back were curt messages that essentially said 'stop texting us about the case. Go play Navy.' With a huff, he shoved his phone into one of his pockets. Feeling a touch of self pity at being rebuffed, he decided that he could be a bit selfish, at least for the rest of the day. If they didn't want his help, he wouldn't give it. Instead he would focus on the party at hand and worry about the case once he was assured that his shipmates were home and safe.
Thankfully, Spencer didn't have long to wait to get that assurance. A few minutes after he put his phone away, he saw that the base personnel were moving everyone to a staging area in preparation for the aircraft arrival. Joining the family members and other attendees a safe distance away from the tarmac, he waited patiently for the chance to see his Battalion again.
As he looked around, he realized he was the only one waiting patiently. The children were bouncing around excitedly, feeding off the energy and anticipation of the adults. The adults were more focused on the aircraft taxiing towards them but most couldn't help but fidget with excitement. The planes slowed down as they moved closer to the decorated hangar. By now almost everyone was waving flags and signs for their loved ones, hoping to be seen and reunited as quickly as possible. Spencer smiled as he read the poster boards and banners. He recognized a lot of the names and was rather impressed with some of the creativity in artwork and messages. Surprisingly, despite seeing so much in the course of his work, he was blushing to read some of the racier posters!
The overall feeling of happiness and anticipation wasn't doing much to prevent Spencer from dwelling on unhappy thoughts despite his desire to do so. Seeing the families together to welcome their loved ones hurt. He couldn't help but think, if he had not been shot, who would have been waiting for him when he returned from deployment? Would he have had anyone? His mother would never be able to handle the travel and even if she did, there was no guarantee that she would have a good enough day to understand what was happening. Would his BAU team have come for him? He wasn't sure that anything Garcia would put on a poster would be appropriate with children in the area, but would she probably would not be there anyway. They were his friends, certainly, but cases always take priority. If this was his homecoming, they wouldn't have been able to attend. They were several states away and working feverishly to find the UNSUB. Even Garcia, who stayed at Quantico to work her magic, would be too busy to attend. Standing in the very crowded staging area with these thoughts, Spencer felt very alone.
He didn't want to be alone. Despite being somewhat of an introvert, he still craved family, friends, and above all, a partner. He wanted someone to be waiting here for him when he did deploy. If he was going to be honest, it wasn't just anyone but a particular someone. His feelings for this someone had started a long time ago and were exceedingly complicated. It was only recently that he had begun to realize that they could possibly be returned. Reciprocated feelings might make some of the complications easier to handle but he had no definitive proof of mutual attraction. Oh yes, Spencer had caught him looking at him, touching him more often than necessary, and extending the physical contact when it was made but that wasn't proof! Spencer needed proof before he could say or do anything. He was also well aware that being attracted to Aaron, to Hotch, to his boss was much more complicated than just fearing rejection and that is why he was keeping his mouth shut, signs or no signs. He needed Aaron to make the first move.
Despite the complications, he still wanted Aaron to be the one sending him off with a kiss and waiting with open arms when he returned. Spencer wanted this, he wanted to try. He wanted to see where a relationship with Aaron would take them. He didn't care about the difficulties or perception, he just wanted to be with Aaron. Was it too soon though? It felt too soon to broach the subject with him. No matter how happy and carefree he had been since returning to work a few weeks ago, it was still only a few short months since he had buried his ex-wife and the mother of his son. Jack, oh shit, Jack. That was another complication. While he had gotten on well enough with the young boy during various team picnics and events, stepping in as his father's boyfriend was a completely different matter. Would Jack feel like he was trying to take Haley's place? Was he trying to take Haley's place? Would Aaron even want him around Jack? What about the 'Reid Effect'? Was it going to...
His mind kept going come up with questions and fears and he couldn't stop it. He was spiraling, he could recognize it. He needed to stop himself before he went too far down the rabbit hole of what ifs and maybes and whys. Right now he was only answering his questions with more questions. He needed to stop, to breathe, to let it go, and to focus on something else, something productive, something unrelated...something like the fact that the planes were fully stopped and unloading the passengers now. Spencer forced himself to put all thoughts of Aaron and Jack, relationships, and loneliness to the back of his mind. His friends were home and that needed to be his focus now. He closed his eyes and began to breathe deeply. In and out, in and out, over and over. Once he felt his heart rate slow down to within a normal range, he tried to focus on topics completely unrelated to his previous train of thought: random bits of Navy trivia, the current weather, and basically anything but his...well, his Aaron. What seemed like an eternity later, he finally felt focused enough to open his eyes and pay attention to the party at hand.
He had been so caught up in his thoughts that he completely missed the Battalion forming up in front of the waiting crowd. He even missed the brief welcome home and thank you speeches. He now found himself watching as the CO dismissed the Battalion to return to their families. At the word, the entire battalion scattered and the families took that as a sign to rush towards their loved ones. Despite his dark thoughts of earlier, he couldn't help but smile as he watched all of the happy reunions. There was hugging, kissing, jumping up and down, and it was beautiful. In his line of work, he rarely got to see such unfiltered joy. Sure, there were the good cases, the saved lives, and happy reunions, but those always took place amidst so much other death, pain, and darkness that even the brief moments of joy were tempered by reality. To be here, to witness the happiness without the darkness at the edges was borderline overwhelming for him.
Even though he was enjoying the scene before him, Spencer knew that he wasn't fully part of the homecoming. He turned around and headed back towards the hangar to see if he could assist in any of the last minute tasks involved with the arrival. As the 'rear echelon embark officer', fancy title to mean little more than he was left behind to handle any details of the travel arrangements, it was his duty to handle paperwork and ensure that all i's were dotted and t's were crossed right now. As he was nearing the door to the office at the back of the hangar, he felt someone jump on his back.
"LIEUTENANT REID! YOU CAME!" the familiar voice of his friend, Adam, shouted into his ear.
"Get off me you jerk!" Spencer said laughing. "And stop yelling in my ear. I'm not wearing the proper protective gear for such loud noises!"
Spencer turned around and hugged his friend tightly. "Welcome home. Why aren't you off with your family? Isn't this when you should be getting mobbed by your parents and siblings? Your girlfriend?"
Adam's smile faltered slightly as Spencer spoke. "My parents and siblings couldn't make it. Dad had to work, Mom didn't want to travel alone and everyone else was busy with their own families. As for the girlfriend? Well...let's just say that I got a 'Dear Adam letter' about 2 months into deployment. It's ok though, I expected it which is why I didn't say anything when we talked. So, you, my dear friend, are my welcome home party whether you knew it or not."
"I was not prepared for this. I don't know how to be a welcome home party!" Spencer was frantically running through the list of things that he felt he should have prepared. None of them seemed appropriate for their friendship, either too much or too little. "Why didn't you warn me?"
"Dude! Slow down, I can see the wheels turning in that big old brain of yours. Relax. No pressure. I'm home and there was someone that seemed happy to see me, that's good enough." Adam put his hands on Spencer's shoulders to stop him, at least physically, from his guilt trip. "Just take me out for a drink, Sailor." Adam winked at him causing both of them to laugh and break the tension.
"As you wish," Spencer said. "Though I am a bit worried. Last time I went out for a drink with you I woke up alone in a strange hotel room with a tattoo." He turned to glare at his friend. "No more tattoos. I mean it!"
"Are you still holding that against me? Really? What's one little tattoo between friends? Now come on, chop, chop! I am back, fresh from the desert and my thirst needs to be quenched. I need a drink!" He turned to glare back at Spencer, "Seriously, deployments are totally dry. I never considered myself a heavy drinker until I realized that once we got to the sandbox that I would not be having any alcohol until we returned." He paused for a moment, "At least I'll be a cheap date tonight!"
"You are crazy, Adam. Utterly crazy. Come on, where are your bags?" He started walking towards the pile of bags that Adam had obviously dropped in his run up to tackle Spencer. "All this? Right. You want to crash at my place for the weekend? The team is out on a case and I don't have any more drills this weekend."
"Sounds like a plan. Now, where can we pick up a bottle of tequila on the way back? We will need something for when the bar closes tonight..."