Broken

Sebastian's POV

My life was back the way it was before I met her. I believe I was never destined to be with someone; my life with Jane was certainly the best years of my immortal life, but somehow it wasn't meant to last. The moment I saw Jane lying on the ground in the Romanian forest I knew I couldn't be with her.

How could I?

My carelessness and her affection for me led to her demise. If we weren't together, if we hadn't fallen deeply in love, she wouldn't have been distracted by my failing senses. If I had just left her alone and didn't follow the desires of my heart and loins, we wouldn't be in this mess.

What if.

I punched my fist on the side of the tower, causing the brick to loosen. I swore and began climbing. Every step I took sent a current of pain through my body. I missed her sorely, and it was only a few weeks. How could I continue like this for the rest of my life?

I now knew how Marcus felt when he learned of Didyme's death. I couldn't see how a man could continue living like this; I was sure I'd go mad by the next century.

It's better for you and Jane to be like this instead of risking her getting hurt or killed next time, I reminded myself for the billionth time.

I had convinced myself that keeping my distance from her was better for the both of us. First, we didn't have to deal with seeing each other every day, which would make it easier for us to move on. Second, once we were past all the pain and heartbreak (that's saying something, because we didn't have any hearts to break in the first place), we could go back to a professional relationship.

That's complete bull.

I opened the door to the tower and slumped in my favorite armchair. My mother glanced at me before sighing. "Sebastian, you can't keep this up forever. Think of how she's feeling. I'm not surprised she isn't outside this door this very minute!"

Athenodora put a hand on her cousin's arm. "Hush, Sulpicia. Sebastian is doing what he knows best. We have to trust his judgment."

I closed my eyes, but I could still see her face. Jane. Jane. Her very name echoed in my brain, and I groaned irritably.

"Sebastian," my mother started.

"Please, Mother, not now," I told her. "I don't want to see her anymore. You know what happened in Romania. I don't want it to happen again."

"We can tell your father to keep you from the battle," my mother insisted, but I knew that was highly unlikely.

"I want her to hate me. I want her to forget about me and the things we shared," I murmured, and as soon as the words were out, it felt final. I would never hold her close, nor would I share intimate nights with her ever again. It made me feel hollow, empty, and broken, but my mind was made up.

"But why?" my mother asked. "Why fall in love only to throw it all away?"

"I don't want her to be concerned for me when we're in battle! Don't you see, Mother? If she didn't feel anything for me, she would have kept her focus and continued on. I shouldn't have fallen in love with her in the first place," I lamented.

"I think the two of you would have fallen in love with each other sooner or later," Athenodora cut in. "Whatever you have in mind, Sebastian, I hope you won't regret it."

I'm regretting it already, I thought sadly. But if my pain means that you'll be kept safe, then so be it.

I was going mad.

It's been six months, three weeks, two days, seven hours, nine minutes, and ten seconds since I last saw her, and all I've been doing was to stare outside and watch the people on the streets below. My mother and Athenodora have sent me outside to buy a few items just to break the monotony of my new lifestyle, but I was always careful to stay out of Jane's path.

So far I've been lucky, but I knew she was still looking out for me.

God how I miss her.

Every day passes that I wish I could see her, feel her arms wrapped around my neck, and inhale the fresh floral shampoo that she uses. But I can't. She has to move on, and I know that she can't do it if I'm hovering over her like a ghost from her past.

Part of me knew that this wasn't fair to Jane, but I knew that if I confronted her my determination would crumble.

"She won't forget you, Seb," Felix had reminded me whenever he visited. "All she does when she sees me is to ask how you are. She forgives you for what happened."

"The question is, can I forgive myself?" I muttered. "She almost died because of me. Jane has to move on. I'd rather see her with another man than face a life without her."

Even my father was showing signs of impatience, but I didn't care. Whenever he visited my mother he shot dark looks at me, as if telling me to pull myself together and see her.

When I finally showed him my thoughts, he understood, although rather reluctantly. I suspect the reason why he didn't push the matter further was because Jane seemed determined to keep herself busy, which meant that she was still serving her purpose. The executions, treaties, and other council meetings went on without a hitch, and I was glad I wasn't summoned to the throne room during those six months.

However, six months without my presence seemed to be too long, because my father summoned me during an important execution.

"She's going to be there." It wasn't a question – who else was responsible for the torture inflicted on vampires who displeased the Volturi?

Nevertheless I dressed appropriately and headed to the throne room. As I entered, I saw a group of nomadic vampires huddled in the center of the room. Alec was exercising his ability – they were all staring blankly at my father, Caius, and Marcus. A few had even fallen to their knees.

I made my way to the front, and from the corner of my eye I saw Jane move slightly, like she wanted to approach me. I ignored her and assumed my place near Marcus. For some reason, my gaze landed on the other side of the throne room. A nomadic vampire was bent over, as if trying to blend in with the shadows. His furious gaze rested on Jane, who was watching the other nomads with a cruel smile on her lips.

He revealed his fangs while his fingers arched into sharp claws and launched himself at Jane.

A feral snarl erupted from my throat and I rushed at him. I then used my ability to fling him against one of the marble columns, causing it to crack. I skidded to a stop in front of Jane and crouched, still snarling.

"Attack her again and I'll tear you apart myself," I raged at him. The vampire made an attempt to stand up, but he suddenly became rigid and began moving about, as if he suddenly became blind.

Alec.

I heard my father clap his hands slowly, apparently pleased. "Such a touching display of love and passion," he said, and the other guards murmured their assent. "My dear boy, if you wish to execute that vagrant, by all means do so. He'll die sooner or later anyway."

I straightened up, but my hands were still shaking. I balled them into fists to keep my anger in check, but I failed.

"If I am to execute him, Father, I want him to feel pain," I replied, glancing at Alec. He promptly retracted his power, which caused the nomad to make a run for it.

He barely made it five steps when I lashed out using my ability. He ran two or three more steps before realizing that his heart was dangling in mid-air at the center of the throne room. He turned around and his eyes only registered shock.

Caius leaned forward, not wanting to miss the bloody spectacle. My father was laughing uproariously as I slowly walked towards the vampire, who by now had fallen to his knees.

"Forgive me," he sputtered. "I didn't know."

"Now you do," I said shortly. I concentrated a little harder and the nomad exploded.

My father's gleeful laugh echoed throughout the throne room. I still stood there, but my anger had been spent.

"A show worthy of my son!" he cried, spreading his arms wide. "Sebastian, there are more vampires here should you feel to vent your anger out some more."

"No, Father," I said, walking back to my place. Jane's gaze followed, but I didn't look at her again. Now she knew that I still cared for her, and I mentally kicked myself for acting so rashly. But I knew that I wouldn't have stood still as the nomad attacked her.

Damn.

My father continued with the proceedings while two minor guards cleaned the mess. One by one the vampires were put on trial, found guilty, and executed. Jane certainly thrived in inflicting pain, and I knew why vampires were deathly afraid of her. But part of me knew that she was more than a small torture machine; she was the girl I loved.

What happened to your "she should forget about me" mantra, Sebastian? I asked myself. Did that fly away the moment you saw the nomad attack her?

No. Jane and I won't be together anymore, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't protect her, I countered silently.

When the executions were over my father, Caius, and Marcus dismissed us. They exited the throne room first, followed by the other guards. My father was probably on his way to see my mother to tell her what happened in the throne room.

I saw Jane say something to Alec, who left without her. I knew she was going to talk to me, and I put on my most serious face when she walked up to me.

"Hello, Sebastian. Long time no see," she said, smiling.

"Really? I didn't notice," I told her, my voice icy.

Forgive me, Jane, but this is the way it has to be from now on.

"You've been certainly busy, Seb. Can I come see you sometime? I've missed you so –"

"Look, the reason why I saved you from that nomad in the first place was because I didn't want my father to lose one of his most prized guards," I interrupted her rudely.

"What's wrong with you, Sebastian?" she asked, frowning. "Why are you so cold? I have done nothing wrong and you treat me like I'm nothing to you!"

"Good Lord, Jane, don't you see? I don't love you anymore! The incident in Romania showed me you're not the one I should spend the rest of my life with! I need a woman who can take care of herself, who isn't distracted, and who certainly isn't-"

SLAP.

Jane had struck me full across the face, and I felt the sting on my cheek. I clamped my mouth shut and nodded, while staring off into space.

"How dare you," she hissed. "How dare you toy with me like this! I did nothing but love you with all my heart, and you throw it back in my face! I certainly don't deserve someone like you; I deserve someone who treats me better. You may be the son of Lord Aro, but to me, you are nothing. Nothing."

"Finally, one thing we can agree upon," I shot back. "You're nothing to me, Jane."

Her eyes widened, and I knew I had wounded her deeply. There was no turning back, and this seemed final.

"I never want to see you again, Sebastian," she declared, before walking out.

"Good luck with that. I live here too, in case you've forgotten," I called back. As the metal doors clanged shut with a bang, I slammed my fist against the wall.

Good bye, Jane, I thought morosely. Hello, wretched life of loneliness.