Bella POV

I curled into a ball underneath my blankets; resigned.

I closed my eyes and it wasn't long before I began drifting back to that place, back to where the pain would begin, but a sound that didn't belong, interrupted. My eyes snapped open.

"Dad, I'm fine," I mumbled.

The knock came again… That's when I realized that the sound wasn't coming from my door.

My spine stiffened with fear as I realized that the sound was coming from my window, my body tensed to fight even though the effort might very well be wasted. Then I realized that there was only one monster in town that would bother knocking and I let out a hysterical chuckle.

I rolled over to confirm my suspicions and there was Jasper, clinging to the sill, his face outside the glass pane looking sheepish.

I stared at him blankly for a second while I debated whether or not to let him in. On the one hand, I didn't want to talk about what had happened. It was time to stop beating that particular dead horse. Not to mention, Jasper could hurt me. But on the other hand, anyone could hurt me. Jasper could protect me. And if I sent him away tonight would I ever see him again?

In the end, my choice was made based on that selfish, desperate desire to keep him here. I looked back to Jasper who was waiting patiently for me to make up my mind.

So I nodded.

He pressed a pale hand against the glass and the window slid open under his touch.

I sat up and watched Jasper silently enter my room and couldn't help but notice there was a change in his movement. Every movement was slow and deliberate and it took me a moment to realize why. He was trying not to scare me, trying to keep me from feeling threatened by him. I thought that was a little ironic, although I would never say that out loud, because everyone had always impressed upon me the importance of giving Jasper a little space for my own well being because he was a threat to me.

I watched as he leaned against the far wall and slid to the ground. He sat there with his knees pulled up almost to his chin and stared at me thoughtfully. Part of me was surprised that he didn't just sit in the rocking chair, another part was slightly relieved… it would have been too strong a reminder of the memories I tried to avoid.

"Bella," He said softly; a greeting.

"Hey," I said back.

I stared into his eyes, partly because I could stare into them, and noticed the light gold of his irises… He'd been hunting recently.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jasper asked.

I knew at once what he meant by it and I couldn't stop the grimace from flitting across my face.

"No."

He nodded and I was thankful that he let it go at that. Everyone else who had asked that question usually followed my "no" with a "Bella, you need to talk to somebody…" and I was surprised that Jasper didn't push. Surprised but thankful.

Of course, now that I think about it, what do I really know about Jasper anyways?

Nothing, not really.

Jasper had always kept his distance from me, not without good reason, so apart from our time in Phoenix, I hadn't had anything more than visual contact with him… Usually, when I attended the Cullen house, my attentions were monopolized by Alice and Edward. On the rare occasion he made an appearance, I'd smile my hello and he would nod his hello and then he'd disappear again.

All I knew of Jasper was that he wasn't made by Carlisle. He came from a different family than the Cullens and I could venture a guess that he hunted humans once upon a time. I knew he was quiet, at least he had always been so in my presence, but that might just be because he was trying not to eat me. I know he was kind to me during that fiasco with James; we stood in the foyer of his house and he told me I was worth protecting, he sat next to me on the ugly hotel couch and projected calm at me every time I panicked even though my proximity was hurting him.

But he was Edward's brother. He had sort of been required to be nice to me. And that stuff with James… It was Jasper's job to protect me. Did that include telling me what I needed to hear to get me through the incident, regardless of whether or not it was true?

If he was only here because he still felt guilty, there was a chance he was asking me to talk out of courtesy. I didn't want to talk about it. Maybe he didn't want to hear about it.

"I'd listen." He told me as if I had spoken my thoughts out loud. "If you need to talk Bella, I'll listen to whatever you've got to say."

"Jasper, I talked to the cops and I talked to a shrink and I even talked to a rape crisis councilor. Talking isn't helping me. I don't want to talk about it anymore." I want to forget.

"Okay." He said, nodding, but I could see the concern in his eyes.

I wouldn't lie to him and tell him I was fine. I wasn't fine and he knew it. But I could be worse and I knew that, without a doubt.

I wondered how long he'd stay. I was sure he was still here because, despite what I told him, he still felt responsible. I was selfish enough to want him to stay, but not so selfish that I wanted him to stay due to some assumed responsibility. He wasn't responsible. He had a right to leave. He had a right to be happy.

"Why are you still here?" I asked, a little afraid of the answer and where it would lead.

But he didn't give me a straight answer instead he presented me with a new question. "Did you want me to leave?"

"No." I told him honestly.

"That's why I am still here."

His answer baffled me a little. Why should he care so much?

"Why do you care?" I flinched when I realized how harsh the question sounded, but it didn't seem to phase him.

"Why wouldn't I care?"

That was going to get annoying fast.

"Do you always answer a question with a question?"

"So how are you liking the weather?"

I hurled a pillow at him and his hands snatched out of the air before it could hit his face. When he lowered it to his lap his lips twitched upwards a bit.

Holy crow. Jasper was making a joke. I had to ask the question again, what did I really know about Jasper Hale?

Then a thought hit me without warning; there was one fact that I was absolutely sure of and that was that Jasper Hale had a wife.

"Jasper…"

He tilted his head to the side.

"Does Alice… I mean, does she know…"

Jasper POV

Alice.

Of course Bella would have to bring up the one topic I didn't want to discuss. And that question, Does she know, was like a loaded gun. Does Alice know what? Or, more to the point, what does Alice know?

I chose my words carefully. "Alice knows I came to Forks to see you, if that's what you're asking."

Bella's eyes became distant for a few seconds then her face darkened. "And did she know about this? What would happen to me?"

"I don't know." I watched as her eyes iced over and heard her grind her teeth together. "She never said anything about any of this. When we left, Edward gave her strict orders not to look for you."

As I spoke Edward's name, the numbness clamped down over her emotions like a vice. I flinched.

I wondered if she was doing that, numbing herself to the pain, on purpose or subconsciously. It would make sense if it was subconscious. Humans were fragile creatures and Bella had been forced to endure more than most. She was forced into a world she didn't belong in, hunted by vampires, bitten and scarred by vampires, abandoned by those she loved only to be brutalized weeks after… There had to be a limit to what she could handle. Her mind and body might be working out of instinct, shielding Bella from as much of the pain as possible, keeping her sane.

For a moment, I toyed with the idea of it being a conscious decision. Edward never could read her mind and she was well aware of my power. We never bothered to question her on how she kept him out… But then I disregarded the idea. She didn't know he had an ability when she met him and she had kept him out from day one. She didn't know how her mental block worked anymore than the rest of us.

I briefly wondered what she would be like as a vampire. This thing that kept her mind a sanctuary… What would happen if it were enhanced? Then I realized it didn't matter. There was a time when I would have had Bella turned into one of us, no questions asked. It would have kept us safe, it would have kept her safe. But now that I know her and after all that's happened to her… It wouldn't be fair to force her to spend eternity with these memories. I thought of Rosalie…

God damn it.

Rosalie.

Duh.

I frowned angrily at my own stupidity. I should have called Rose right away.

"I'm sorry!" Bella blurted out.

I looked up at her and realized she was still watching me.

"I'm sorry, please don't leave…" she pleaded quieter.

I almost asked her what she was talking about but I realized she had misinterpreted the expression on my face.

Nice job, Dumb-ass.

"Bella," I said in what I hoped was a soothing voice, "I am not going to leave as long as you need me here. You have nothing to apologize for. Sweetheart, you've done nothing wrong."

She was quiet and her expression guarded as she looked at me.

"Jasper?" She whispered.

"Mmm?"

"Can I have my pillow back?"

I smiled and lopped it over to her.

After the pillow was in its rightful place Bella mumbled, "I'm tired."

I glanced at the clock on her bedside table.

"Do you always go to bed this early?"

"I have since… I get nightmares. Going to bed earlier… I get more rest."

Not enough, I wanted to say, but I held my tongue. The girl looked like she hadn't slept in years.

"I could help with that."

She bit her bottom lip with her indecision.

"Your emotions, they are so strong right now. If I were to be any use, I'd need to be touching you in someway."

Her teeth tightened on her lip.

"Bella, please! If you make yourself bleed…" I tore my gaze from her lips to the floorboards. "No one is here to stop me this time."

Then her voice had me looking back at her.

"Touch me how?"

I was shocked that she was considering the idea and pleased that I might be allowed to help. I thought about it for a second, but the plan had already been in place when I made the offer.

"I could sit next to the bed. I could hold your hand."

She seemed to be debating the issue in her head, so I waited her out. After a few seconds she nodded.

I moved toward her slowly -- she never moved her eyes from mine -- and sat down on the floor next to her bed. She snuggled deeper into her quilt and I held out a hand. She eyed it warily.

"Trust me." I told her, realizing as I did so that she probably shouldn't even if she did.

But then she reached over and her skin connected with mine.

It was strange to be sitting here holding her hand. Not strange in a bad way, it was just different. The warmth of her soft skin seemed to sink into the bones of my hand. The bones of her hands were so fragile, I felt them as she flexed her fingers around mine, it was like she was made of nothing more than glass. The part of me I didn't like to think about, couldn't help but acknowledge how easy it would be…

I directed my thoughts elsewhere. I would make myself be worthy of her trust.

"Won't your arm get tired?" Bella whispered.

I smiled, glad for the distraction. "Vampire, remember?"

"Right," she said.

For the first time since my return, I could have sworn I detected the hint of a blush on her cheeks.

She stared at me for the longest time and I worried that she was too afraid of me to close her eyes. I was about to ask if she would prefer it if I left when her lids finally sagged, hiding the tired brown of her eyes. Another few minutes and her breathing evened out. It didn't last. I noticed immediately when her heart rate picked up, when the flood gates to her emotions opened wide. I closed my eyes and concentrated on letting a mixture of fatigue and peace flow into her. Even with the physical contact I could feel her real emotions fighting against me. This was going to be a long night.

Author's Note:

Firstly I'd like to say sorry for the long wait. I really have to be in the mood to work on this story otherwise it comes out sounding like complete BS

Secondly, I'd like to say I realize Bella is exihibiting an extraordinary amount of trust in Jasper for a rape victim. You can question it all you like, but if you've never read a story of mine before I will tell you right now I have a reason for everything (hint hint) and I don't like to leave loose ends.

Thirdly, If you would like to keep track of my progress on this and my other fics, I have created a blog where I will be posting:

- teasers, updates, upcoming projects

- fanfic recommendations/reviews

- fanfic related news that i think might be of interests

So Follow me at http://equivampsnotebook(dot)blogspot(dot)com

There is also a link on my page if you are to lazy to type that into the address bar.