Chapter 10: COUNTING DOWN

Three days to go.

Tavros sneezed before sniffling and continuing his cold trek back home from the library, walking briskly in a vain attempt to keep his blood flowing to his toes. He watched as the mist from his breath curled out through the gaps of the scarf wrapped as snuggly to his face as possible. Maybe Eridan was on to something when it came to scarf fetishes, but then again, Eridan wore his scarves during the summer and when he went swimming so maybe he wasn't on to something there but It kept Tavros warm so he was willing to suck it up and try to get used to the itchy wool.

Tavros couldn't help looking back on the month.

The days where getting shorter, the sun was almost non-existent half the time and the weather was getting exponantially colder.

He hated the cold, hated how it seeped into his bones and made him shake uncontrollably until his jaw hurt from chattering, Hated that whenever he woke up on a bare bed mattress that felt more like stone after throwing off his blankets from thrashing from horrorterrors halfway through the night he felt more like an icicle than a troll. Hated how the cold froze the water on this planet and then melted later in his socks after he trailed the sludge home and didn't notice it clinging to his shoes. Hated the way the cold crept up on him even with the barricade of shirts and sweaters he curled around himself up in each night tighter than his pupation cacoon.

Winter sucked on this planet.

And the winter wasn't the only thing that made him want to scream in frustration either. School was a new nightmare at the moment. Oh, he normally enjoyed the human education system, but the tests and overdue homework deadlines were starting to drag him down. Not to mention how he'd been pushed around more than once in the corridors and even called 'Fag' by a couple of adolescent humans. He didn't have the slightest of a clue as to what that meant or why he was now the subject of their tormenting, but he sure as hell knew that the only thing keeping him from landing a solid punch in the jaw to the next asshole to push him over in the corridor was Karkat's order to stay low. Although he didn't really want to hurt someone that badly just because he couldn't stand a couple or foreign curses being sent his way that didn't mean he couldn't get pissed off about it.

And although the weather was irritating and school work was tedious and tiring he found solace from the fact that his friends were there to help him work past all the shit that had been going on lately.

But avoiding Gamzee was another matter altogether.

It hurt whenever he saw Gamzee, killed him inside when he had to go out of his way to avoid and ignore Gamzee. He wanted to know why.

Just WHY.

Why wasn't Gamzee eating? Why did Gamzee go out of his way to make sure he didn't have to talk to anyone except Karkat? Why was he so hesitant to approach anyone?

Tavros wanted to drop this game, wanted Gamzee to talk to him, wanted to hold Gamzee and help with his troubles. Just WANTED Gamzee.

Gamzee looked oh so tired...

But if this was what Gamzee wanted then Tavros would stay away. He hadn't been sure he COULD stay away from him but he did. He'd already breached on the hope that when Gamzee had said they weren't meant to be matesprites that he might be able to sidle back into the morail quadrant or even manage to spark Kismesissitude with Gamzee, He didn't care what quadrant or even if he wasn't even in a quadrant, anything other than this constant ignorance to his existence. But he hadn't been able to get a growl past his lips before absconding like the coward he was.

Even though he was sure Gamzee hated him. He just couldn't bring himself to hate Gamzee back, but god he just wanted to be WITH Gamzee, around him, joking with him…best bro's like always…

But no matter what he tried Gamzee stayed true to his word and wouldn't even speak to him, wouldn't acknowledge his existence. Questions he tried to block out but wouldn't stop, accusations at himself that this was his own fault.

So Tavros kept his distance and watched, trying to decipher why Gamzee was pushing him even further away and absconding from the room whenever he entered.

Vriska at least, stayed by his side those first few days after… no he didn't want to revisit that memory, wiping the back of his hand over his eye quickly to clear his suddenly fuzzy vision as he rounded the last corner onto their all but deserted street he trudged up the slippery street and managed not to fall, making it to the apartment block stairs and struggling with the front door till he managed to move his frozen fingers enough to turn the lock.

Not bothering to wipe his feet on the 'go away. No we DON'T welcome retailers here, fuck off' doormat (complementary of Karkat) in the hallway, despite Kanaya's and Roses disapproving screeching from the 'cuddle pile' when he trailed sludge halfway through the lounge-respit block, he trudging over to the kitchen flinging his bag somewhere into a corner to pick up later.

Opening the frozen storage unit only to baulk at the fully stocked unit after realising that nothing appealed to him and he was getting nauseas at the thought of even eating, but fuck he hadn't been eating properly as it was and he HAD to force himself to eat sometimes, least he pass out from exhaustion. Ducking out from behind the fridge when he heard the front door open sending a gust of frosty smelling air through the front room, much to the indignant screeching of Kanaya and Rose at another pair of sludgy boots being trailed in, he peeked around the side of the fridge before closing it and quickly absconding around the corner to the elevator as Gamzee and Karkat walked into the room.

He always silently hoped that Gamzee saw him flit around the corner but at the same time hoped that Gamzee was unaware of his presence every time he snuck out of a room before Gamzee entered, it hurt when Gamzee didn't even turn his head in acknowledgement or greet him with even a smile when like before as he walked past. Whenever they did run into each other on the increasingly rare occasions it was like this, like Tavros wasn't even there. He'd come to terms already that Gamzee had been serious about not wanting to see him at all.

Didn't make it the least bit painful as he felt the tug in his chest that drew him towards Gamzee, but at the same time told him to stay away.