Chapter Ten

With a shaking hand she uncorked the drink, taking a swing straight from the neck of the bottle. The liquor was cheap and therefore did not have a pleasant taste; it burned the inside of her mouth as she swallowed it quickly. She groaned before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Over the past three months Tori Vega found that alcohol was an excellent substitution for pain. She had never really been a big drinker; she could never fully comprehend why people particularly liked what it turned them into. She had witnessed the most conservative of women turn into wildcats and the politest gentlemen that Yorkshire had to offer, turn into bumbling idiots, throwing badly aimed punches for no reason until they were kicked out of the local pub. Then they would all stagger home, destined to feel horribly mortified in the morning over their actions. But after the death of Beck she found that a drink before bed would help her sleep at night. It made you feel momentarily numb, for a short period of time alcohol made you feel almost weightless, problems were a thing of the past, not to be dwelled on. It was just the right amount of time she needed for her lids to feel heavy and for her drift off into a restful slumber.

But as the days passed by, she found herself taking a sip more every night. Every night she would find herself in the same state after rocking Natalie to sleep. She would hum softly to her baby as her eyes fluttered shut, her breathing steadying as fell asleep. But then the trickle and splat of tears on her small cheeks would wake her up and Tori would have to repeat the process over again. Cursing inwardly about how weak she was, she would soothe her now wailing child, her fingers drawing circles over her back as she walked around the small cottage. Natalie was increasing becoming more of a chore for the single mother.

After a day of work she had come home to find that she was walking, her child had taken her first steps. Jane stood awkwardly by the door as Tori had collapsed to the floor, her emotions so mixed that she could not be entirely sure why she was crying; she was happy for her daughter but it was overridden by the feeling of immense sadness. Natalie did not seem to notice her mother's apparent woes, instead he run out the door and pulled at the weeds that grew in their small front garden.

That night Tori had taken two glasses before bed, the memories of Beck harder to suppress than before.

Then yesterday she had began teething, which meant that she wailed constantly for hours. This had driven the widow to the very edge; she was exhausted from all of the work Cat had seemed to pile on to her today. She imagined that it was because Major Shapiro had just left Yorkshire once again to return to the war front, that morning when she had emerged from her room, her hand wrapped securely around his as she they walked together down the path towards the train station, Tori did glance back as she passed them and she could not help but notice the pain in her eyes and the tears that were trailing down her cheeks.

Good, she thought to herself, it was about time the redhead knew what it felt like.

Since the fight that had broken out between the two best friends, neither one of them had tried to mend the bridge that was quickly crumbling into dust. They did not acknowledge each other as they crossed each other on the path, although Sir. Shapiro's eyes had darted between the pair. It seemed as if they were both invisible, breezing past each other without so much as a second glance. Not that Tori cared, she was certain that she had done the right thing. Her relationship with Caterina was doomed to fail from the beginning, they were from different worlds. Caterina from birth was destined to grow into the conceited woman she is today. It was in her blood. But Tori had to admit that she was surprised that she had not dismissed her the moment she had behaved with such insolence, she assumed that it would only be a matter of time. Caterina had an image to upkeep, she was the town sweetheart. She would wait until Beck's death had settled until she would throw out the maid on the street.

Returning back to her cottage, she wove through the woods to lessen her journey, her throat was already pleading for something to drink. She needed to quell the pain that was coursing through her. Then she heard Natalie, even before she had stepped into the cottage she could hear her child's strong lungs working to their full potential, creating such a powerful scream that made Tori's heart sink. Taking slow steps backwards she stepped away from her house and rushed back into the woods. Hiding behind the nearest tree she slid down to the soft earth below, the harsh bark scratching her back slightly as she buckled under her own weight.

The love for a child is like no other, it's innate and instant, you are immediately programmed to love something that was a part of you for nine months, living and growing as each day passes inside of you. But as much as it even pained Tori to even think it, she knew that a small part of her resented her daughter. She made coping that much harder, she could barely look after herself. In that past three months, her nails had been bitten down to the cuticle, she had lost her appetite, only eating one meal a day to keep her going. She was terribly worn-down, her body sore from heart-ache. Each day she had to come home and look after Natalie, who she was reminded with a painful stab to the chest, looked more like Beck as each day passed. She also reminded her of what she used to be like as a child; full of energy and adventurous. She knew it was completely idiotic, but she was jealous of her daughter. Envious of her oblivious nature, she knew nothing of the pain her mother struggled to cope with everyday.

Eventually the girl rose and returned to her cottage where Natalie was still having a tantrum; she opened the door and gave a weak smile to Jane who was trying her best to calm her. Relief washed over Jane's face immediately as she handed the child over to her mother.

"I cannot get her to settle." She explained, her face red, as if she had just ran a great distance, "I am sorry Tori. Maybe she just needs a mother's touch."

Tori forced her lips to pull upwards, to smile at Jane, "Maybe." She muttered as she set Natalie back down.

Walking over to the mantelpiece she opened the small box that she kept atop it, it held her money. She dreaded opening it, she had no savings left. Pouring out the remaining coins, she counted out the right amount and handed it to Jane. Thanking Tori, she quickly bolted out the door, having no desire to stay at the depressing Oliver household. Natalie face was the colour of Caterina's hair as she continued to screech, her small hands curled into fists as her arms swung angrily.

Tori collapsed onto the table beside the mantelpiece, annoying the child's cries. Placing her head on her folded arms that were on the table, she closed her eyes. She was overwhelmed, so incredibly overwhelmed.

"Stop." She mumbled, she slammed her fist down on the table as she glared at her daughter, "Stop!" she yelled as she stormed into the kitchen. Pulling out the bottle she swallowed a mouthful of the liquor she had stolen from the big house days ago.

"I am miserable too Natalie!" She screamed at her daughter who had stopped crying, her watery eyes gazing at her mother.

The knock at the door made Tori drop her bottle in surprise, her heart lurched as the bottle smashed, the precious red wine spilling on to the stone floor, immediately she thought of blood, Beck's blood, gushing out of his body as he lay dead. Her stomach flipped in disgust as she stepped over the broken glass, not caring that it cut her feet. Swinging the door open she stared into the cold eyes of Mr. Davidson, her landlord, Caterina may have given her the house as a wedding gift but that did not mean it came without conditions.

Forcing past her, he grunted at the broken bottle on the floor, his eyes flicking over to Natalie who was sitting down in her crib, her hands clutching her small rabbit toy.

"Bad time." This was more of a statement than a question as he made himself comfortable by the crackling fire.

"Yes." Tori voice was cold as she grabbed her brush and began to sweep up the broken glass, "I was just about to put Natalie to bed."

"You know why I am here then?" he asked as he opened the small box on top of the mantelpiece, his long, beak-like nose practically poking into it as he peered in, noting her limited funds, "Well this is simply not enough to pay the debt."

Tori's heart began beating rapidly, she turned to her landlord, her hastened footsteps leaving small speckles of blood as she rushed to his side, "I can get you the money I need." She promised him, "I forgot that you were collecting tonight."

With a cruel smile, he tutted at the girl, "Pity, I will miss your pretty face when you are evicted."

Desperately Tori placed her hands around the man's coat, clutching it as she looked directly in his eyes, "Please. I just need more time."

With a look of disgust the man flicked her hands from him, "No. I have been lenient enough with you Victoria and now your time is up. You have to leave, tonight. Pack your bags."

"No please." Tori yelped, her tears making it difficult to speak, "There must be some way I can pay. I will do anything."

That caught the male's attention; his eye raked the girl's form. She would have been more attractive he thought, if she had looked liked the girl he had first met when she had moved in with her husband. The girl standing before her was broken, her lip quivering as she took a step away from him and pressed herself against the wall, her eyes darting to her daughter nervously.

"Well there is one way." he said as he approached, "But this would only pay a month, this would not give you security forever and you tell no one. Do you understand?"

With a shaky breath Tori nodded, "I understand." She whispered.

Immediately he roughly grabbed her and pressed his lips to hers, every nerve in her body was pleading with her to push him from her, to slap him or throw him in the fire and watch his carcass burn. She wished she had not dropped her wine; the drink would have helped her get through this. She tried to scream as he ripped off her dress, but no noise came out, instead she remained silent as she was forced down on to the mattress.

She glanced at her daughter who was staring at the scene and her eyes began to fill with tears, "Don't look." She murmured to her daughter, "Close your eyes."

Somehow Natalie responded to her pleas, she must of understood, heard the desperation in her mother's eyes. Tori kept her eyes trained on Natalie, watching as she rolled around, her face pointed towards the wall, away from her mother. Then she too shut her eyes and she could see Beck, as if he was tattooed on the inside of her lid. Her eyes began to sting once more with salty tears, what had she become in his absence, abandonment had made her into something she never thought she would be. She apologised to Beck, for betraying him in such an awful way, she would never forgive herself for this. For as long as she was alive she would have to live with this moment, this lapse of judgement. She hated herself for being so weak.

He left as soon as he got what he wanted from the young maid, leaving her to curl up in the fetal position, her head leaning against the cold stone wall. She was shaking uncontrollably, her legs had failed her, she could not bring herself to stand up. She felt violated and lonelier than ever. Rising from bed she stared around at what she had tried to save, she had sold herself for a cottage that she loathed.

She did not want this to be her life, not making enough money to pay for food for Natalie and herself, for her to be cared for while she works, to pay for her house and necessities. She did not even know who she was anymore, she had not glanced in a mirror for months because she was scared of the reflection that she would see staring back at her, she was a monster.

Grabbing her clothes she glanced down at the ribbed fabric, Beck had bought her this dress. This was the very dress she had said her vows in. It was once her best dress. Finally finding the strength she stepped over to the chest of drawers and began to dress herself, several times she had to steady herself, she was pathetically weak with remorse for her actions.

She wanted Beck, so much that it caused her stomach to ache with such a ferocity that she had to take a seat. gazing around she thought of staying in this cottage forever and it made her want to cry more, why had she giving away her dignity to save this house, so she could spend another day wishing for another life?

Grabbing a page and a pen she began to ferociously write a letter of apology, of guilt, every single emotion she had felt from the moment that she had heard she lost him. Then she addressed it to the only person she wanted to read it.

Then she picked up her Natalie who had finally fallen asleep, kissing her soft hair, she grabbed the small blanket and she walked out of her house and started up the path towards Blackwater. Darkness had swept over the landscape but that did not matter to Tori Oliver, she had walked up this path so many times that it was impossible for her to be led astray.

Kissing her daughter once more she tapped lightly on the back door of the Manor, she waited outside as the back light was switched on and finally Mrs. Grey opened the door slightly.

"Tori?" she asked, her eyes squinted as she stared at the girl, "What is it?"

"I was wondering if you could watch Natalie for an hour." she asked as she held her out, "She is sleeping so she will be no problem."

Mrs. Grey, taking pity on the poor girl, took her daughter into her beefy arms, "Only because it is you."

Tori smiled as she handed her daughter over to the friendly cook, "Thank you so much. I shan't be too long."

With that the cook watched as she rushed back into the night, her figure dissolving into the blackened garden. Bolting the door shut, Mrs. Gray carried little Natalie Oliver up several flights of stairs to the servants rooms. Knocking on one of the younger girl's bedroom door, she opened it quickly, still dressed in her unifrom, she glanced perplexedly at the cook.

"What?" she asked as she rubbed her tried eyes, "I was just about to put the lights out."

"I am putting Natalie in the empty bed beside you, it's only for an hour." she explained as she lay the small child on her back and unwrapped the blanket from her.

As she pulled the blanket up a piece of folded paper floated to the floor. Both of the staff members stared at the page, until Betty, the young maid, picked it up and glanced at the front.

"It's addressed to Lady Shapiro." she told the cook as she rushed to the door.

"Where are you running off to?" the cook hissed as she followed her.

"To give her the letter." she answered as she rolled her eyes as if it was the most obvious response in the world.

In a matter of minutes Betty was gently rapping on the library door, Lady Shapiro's eyes shot up and she smiled warmly at her.

"Beg your pardon Ma'am." Betty said timidly as she walked over to her, "This letter was addressed to you."

Quickly Caterina rose and accepted the letter unfolded it quickly, she unfolded it with haste. The maid watched as her Ladyship's eyes flew over the letter, her smile fading as she read on.

Then her screams filled the manor, heart-wrenching screams that woke the entire manor. Causing chaos as they all rushed to their Ladyship's aid, demanding what they could do to help. But no one could help, Caterina already knew it was too late. She could feel it, as if a someone had stuck their hand down her throat and pulled out all of her vital organs.

Because in the little cottage, at the very end of the lane. Behind the closed doors, lay a woman who she loved dearly. Despite the argument, the love she had for Tori would never fade. She was and always would be her best friend. But she knew, that she had already went through it.

She lay in her tiny kitchen, with a shard of glass in her hand that glowed red in the moonlight as blood poured from her wrists. She smiled as she lost consciousness, feeling the happiest she has been in months because she knew that this was the end of all of her troubles, that Natalie would be better without her because she could not be the mother she deserved and she knew in her heart there was someone else who could love her more. She would finally be with him, it was the only way.

In death, she would be reunited with Beck Oliver.

Yeah I know... I upped the rating because of this chapter.

Not Cabbie centric at all but it's a war story, it's not meant to be all rainbows and dances :'(

Dark, really really sickeningly dark! But I did warn you all that Tori would have a sad story ahead of her. :'( Poor, poor Tori.

She just could not cope with her grief after alienating everyone.

I really hope you noticed what i tried to do though, especially if you have read the first chapter of LATS .

And if you have not already please check out Lady and the Scamp (for happier times with Tori and Cat) and my new story Strange Occurences! :D

Please.. I promise they are more light-hearted!

Sorry if I depressed you all! But I believe that if I made you feel anything then i suceeded!

Anyway RIP Tori/Beck.

xoxo