Chapter 10: An Audience
You spent all of last Saturday showing your father around and catching up. Whenever you call your parents, your mother commandeers the phone so it's been a while since you were able to talk to him. You're glad to find out how everyone is, laugh along with him when he tells you about the plans your mother's made for Christmas and feel surprisingly at ease when he mentions Santana. You're about to go back home when he throws it out casually. Tell your girlfriend I said hi. Both your smiles are so big you don't have the heart to tell him she's not your girlfriend… yet.
It's been a few days since you saw Santana, though you've been texting and calling quite regularly. There's an almost constant smile on your face; even your self-absorbed roommate has started to notice. You're not technically lying when you tell her you're just excited for the recital this week; it's just not the sole reason for your exuberance.
You've hardly had more than five consecutive hours of sleep this week, yet you've never felt more energetic. You practically fly through practices, even the snide comments from some of the other students can't put you down and to your joy you've finally figured out how to work with your teacher. Maybe it won't be so bad if you have to follow another one of his classes next semester. But first you have to make sure your performance tomorrow night is impeccable, not in the least because you'll have an audience to impress. You're not comfortable showing people your ideas, or having them watch you during practice, but the knowledge that you're being watched when you perform, is soothing somehow. It's a completely different mindset and you wouldn't be able to push your limits if there's no one to see it.
But more importantly, you want Santana to see it. You feel like you've come to know her quite well; through pictures, words, gestures. You've been so focused on getting to know her, that only just realised you haven't been quite so forthcoming in talking about your own life. That might be a good thing, because you feel like there's not much worth telling, but you'd like her to know what it is that you do, passionately. And words would be insufficient to express that driving force and emotion.
So you asked her, again, for confirmation, to come to your recital this Friday and maybe join you for drinks after the show. She told you she already had the tickets waiting for her and she'd make sure Quinn got lost afterwards.
So here you are, stretching and going through the choreography in your head. The other dancers as just as nervous, but you also feel that familiar excitement starting to pick up. As soon as your feet touch that stage, you know you'll be out of this world. You can't wait.
You can't imagine a better way to start your break. The lights are blinding, your lungs hurt and you can only faintly hear the roaring applause because you're so winded. You take your bows with the others, step forward with your partner when it's your turn and for the first time tonight, you look into the audience. You can only make out shapes and you have no idea where she could be seated, but you broaden your smile none the less.
Back in the dressing room, you share high fives, congratulate some friends on their performance and have trouble to keep from bouncing around. You're eager to see Santana and find out what she thought. You told her a bit about your assignment, but it always seems so pointless to talk about dancing; it doesn't come close.
When you want to take out your bag to take a shower, your name gets called through the room. You have no idea what the problem could be, but when you see the smug smile from one of your friends, you think you know. You're surprised when you first see short blonde hair though, until Quinn moves further inside to congratulate you. You're a bit overwhelmed: she's only seen you twice before and you never really talked. But she seems almost as elated as the others surrounding you, so you don't hold back when she pulls you in for a hug. It doesn't last long though, because a few seconds later you hear a distinctive voice telling her to let you go so you can breathe. She sounds a bit annoyed, but when you look behind the cheery blonde, Santana is all smiles. You still can't get over how cute her dimples are. She pushes her friend aside, but seems a bit lost on how to proceed just as quickly. You don't blame her; you haven't seen each other in a week and left things rather open. You want to hug her as well, but you're suddenly very aware that you're still sweaty and dressed in little more than underwear. Around you people are still bustling about, talking in loud voices.
After a nudge from Quinn, she presents a bouquet of yellow alstroemerias but once again can't meet your eyes when she does. You decide to ignore the fact that you're still somewhat undressed, not really dating her and more likely than not being watched by at least a dozen people and reach out to kiss her. You haven't in approximately 153 hours and it just seems like such a waste. She's not as shy as you'd expect, but you don't want to push you luck and pull back much sooner than you'd like. You can see the nerves and planned greeting disappear and for a small moment you feel like you did last week, content and calm.
Quinn proves more difficult to ditch than Santana had led you to believe, but you find that you don't really mind. She enjoys teasing Santana and is far less intimidating than you thought. The three of you share a booth at some bar that's filled with a very loud group of guys celebrating a bachelor party. The only reason you know this is because one of them drops on the seat next to you and starts going on about how he didn't plan for this to happen, only realising halfway through some mortifying story about strippers and blindfolds that you are not his best man. Let's just say you're glad you're not his fiancée for more than one reason.
When Quinn gets a call and asks you to join her and some friends to a club, you don't want to be rude an decline, but you don't really feel like going. Luckily Santana seems to feel the same way and answers for the both of you. She walks her out and comes back with new drinks. To celebrate, she says, the first of many succesful performances still to come. You blush a bit and tell her you appreciate it very much that she came to see you. She just shrugs like it's no big deal, but you know it is. Especially since she came to the dressing room to see you after the performance. And she brought you flowers. That seems like more than just a supportive friend and you want to know how much more exactly. A random bar doesn't seem like the right place to discuss that though, so you just take another sip of your drink. You talk some more about the other performances from tonight; you've only caught glimpses from backstage.
After finishing your drink, you ask her if she'd like another or rather go home. She gets up as well and reaches for her coat, saying she'd like to take a walk. You doubt that's true since she can't stand the cold, but don't argue and follow her to the door. When you pass the bar, you remember your flowers and wait for the bartender to get them from the back. One of the guys from the bachelor party tries to chat you up as you wait, but smiles resignedly when he sees the flowers and wishes you a good night. You smile and wish him a good night in return when you feel someone tugging on your sleeve. Santana sends him a glare before asking you if you're ready to go and you can't stop your smile. Apparently you're not the only one who's a bit possesive.
You don't know whether to be grateful for the cold or not because you're quite sure you haven't been able to feel your toes for at least fifteen minutes, but Santana looks so cute with her scarf practically wrapped around her head. Your left side is slightly warmer because she keeps drawing closer to you until you decide to be brave again and fully pull her into your side. You think she smiles up at you, but the scarf obscures the best part of her face so you can't be sure. You haven't spoken much since you left the bar, but that's all right. You never really spoke about you friendship either but you know you're friends. Maybe this is the same thing? It just seems so unlikely… Maybe you should try talking to Tina again, although seeing how much help she was last time, maybe not. It's just so scary to try and talk about it with Santana, which would make most sense. You don't want to scare her off by telling her you're in love with her and have been for quite some time. Just because she asked you out on a date, doesn't mean she feels the same way. You tend to let your emotions run your actions, but you don't think you've ever had emotions this strong so you don't know what you should do. Asking her out on a date might be a good place to start.
Your thoughts are interrupted when Santana tells you she's almost home. You didn't even notice you'd been walking that long. You can see her building down the street and you think you can even see part of an ostentatious Christmas tree in the lobby.
You don't want to impose, so you stop outside the door and untangle your arm from Santana's.
You know she's leaving tomorrow and won't be back before the new year and neither will you. You'll miss her. You'd hoped that somehow, miraculously, you'd get to celebrate New Year's Eve with her. If you weren't such a coward, maybe you could have.
She wishes you a merry Christmas and thanks you for tonight. She fidgets with the fray fom her scarf a bit and you realise she doesn't want to go either. But you don't really have a choice, so you just wish her happy holidays and thank her for coming with you tonight. You hug her and turn around before you say something else, something you might regret.
You're almost at the corner when you hear footsteps coming up behind you and before you have a chance to brace yourself, you're being turned around again and Santana's kissing you.
It's nothing like the peck you gave her in the dressing room or that kiss you shared in the kitchen. It's urgent, demanding and doesn't nearly last long enough.
You're really starting to love her lips, the way she already seems to be slightly out of breath before she actually kisses you and the little noises she makes. It's not fair that you'll have to miss all that over the next two weeks, but you'll take what she'll give you. And she does, she gives. In the middle of a deserted street and practically freezing, she gives.
When you get home, you walk straight to your bedroom. Maybe you'll dream of that kiss all night if you can go to sleep right away. As you step out of your jeans, you see something sticking out your back pocket. You take it out and immediately feel your legs give in. There are tears streaming down your face, but you're laughing at the same time. Now you know why you couldn't see her at first when she came to you after the show.
In your hands is the first ever portrait by Santana Lopez.
A/N: I hope you liked the chapter. I was in a bit of a hurry while writing this and thought my Beta might like some time to enjoy the holidays without looking through this, so I apologise for all the mistakes. Have a very merry Christmas and if you don't celebrate it: have a lovely weekend and enjoy the day off.
I'not making any promises for a next update because I'm being kidnapped by my family and still have some exams to prepare for. If you have any suggestions, questions or thoughts in general, please let me know.