Disclaimer: I don't own'em. Quelle surprise.
Author's Notes: For those asking, yes, I am the uber geek whose Twitter comment apparently turned Paige into Rosewood's Batman. I regret nothing. :)
This chapter contains spoilers for Season 1, Episode 20, "Someone to Watch Over Me".
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Enjoy!
888
Paige slid out of Algebra with a quick wave to Emily and headed for her locker, her morning snack a distant dream as her stomach demanded lunch. A quick switch of books for a lunch bag and she closed her locker, startled to find Sean behind the door, ginning at her.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up on you."
"No. I…uh." Paige shook her head. "I'm jumpy lately is all. Lunch?"
"Absolutely. I downloaded some really good fights." Sean led the way, broad shouldered body cutting easily through the crowded halls. Paige stood in the lunch line with him, grabbing a gingerale and soup to bolster the lunch her mom had packed for her.
"You're going to work through that just walking to the gym," Sean warned with a grin, nodding his head toward her small lunch.
"Nah, I'll eat again after lunch. Plus, apple slices." She held up the small satchel of dried fruit as she sat.
Sean let out a laugh. "Yeah, it's really good for you. Well, it's health food, so it's nice. I try to keep those around too, otherwise I'd eat chips all day otherwise. How about you? That soup looks pretty healthy."
"I work with a nutritionist actually. Keeps me sane, I don't have to track all the calories myself. If I had to do that and swim, I would lose it."
"I thought you looked familiar, you're on the swim team. That's awesome. You're Captain?"
"Yeah," Paige smiled, it was nice to be recognized for her achievements, to actually have someone say 'good job' rather than 'what's next?'.
"Nice."
"Yeah, yeah. It's good."
"Me too."
"Cool. There's actually nobody else on the team who was really up for it, except maybe Emily."
Pru and the others sat themselves down at the table, her friend facing her.
"Hey, don't sell yourself short, it's a big deal. Captain of Varsity as a Junior. I know Emily, she's good, it must have been quite the competition."
"Oh, you have no idea." Paige's eyes flicked to Emily, who was looking at them with a gaze Paige couldn't quiet identify. Confusion, certainly. And something that -if Paige had see it on anyone else- she would have been tempted to call jealousy.
What the…
"Hey!" Paige yelped as Pru's kick connected solidly with her shin.
"What have I told you about trying to use your mind to make Spencer's head explode?"
"Practice makes perfect?" Paige quipped, turning her attention from Emily back to her table.
Pru stared at her like a cat who had not only eaten the canary, but had opportunity to marinate and slow roast the bird as well. Her eyes shifted from Sean who was joking with Ben and back again, the implication clear. Paige raised and eyebrow, looking at Sean before she turned back to Pru, realization dawning.
Shit.
Long accustomed to Paige's glare, Pru merely smirked, evidently quite content with whatever theory she had concocted as they sat and ate. Eventually, the bell rang and they all stood, Pru mimicking a phone to her ear before heading off with Ben. Paige rolled her eyes but nodded. She had a good idea what Pru thought was going on but she had no interest in taking the time to disabuse her of the notion. Pru wouldn't believe her anyway.
"Gym?" Sean asked.
"Let's do it."
"I just have to grab my gear from my locker. Meet you there?"
"Sure thing."
Sean headed in the opposite direction, following just behind Emily on the way out of the cafeteria. Paige caught eyes with Emily as the girl left, offering a friendly smile that was half heartedly returned.
Frowning at the unusual brush off, Paige collected her things.
888
"So, what're you up to tomorrow?" Sean asked, two days later as they finished up their training session on a sunny Thursday afternoon.
"We have our meet against Jessup then probably homework. " Paige shouldered her hoodie as they made their way from the gym. "Why? What's up?"
"A few of us are going out for pizza, I was wondering if maybe you want to go?"
She didn't. Paige had no desire to spend her evening being subjected to the company of Ben and Noel Kahn but Pru had already roped her into it. Considering how Pru kept throwing her knowing grins every time Sean looked at her, Paige had feeling her friend had put him up to the invite. Sean was a nice guy, if a little too earnest, and Pru would harass her to no end if she tried to bail.
"Sure, sounds like fun." Paige gave him the best smile she could muster, trying not to flinch at the way his face lit up. They said their goodbyes and Paige walked into the changeroom, her reflection catching her eye. She wasn't particularly proud of the person that stared back at her. She had promised herself to be brave yet here she was, agreeing to some pseudo date with Sean when all she wanted was Emily.
"You're an ass." Paige dropped her head against the mirror with a dull thud. There had to be some kind of graceful way out of this. She had no idea what it was but that didn't keep her from hoping an easy button would drop out of the sky.
"Paige?"
She turned at the sound of Coach Fulton's voice. "I'm okay, just a weird day," she said, answering the unspoken question in Coach's eyes.
"You sure?"
"Yeah." Paige pushed herself away from the wall to walk over to the coach. "New posters for the fundraiser?" Paige pointed to the sheaf of papers that Coach held in her hands.
"You got it. If we do as well as we did last time, we'll have all we need for our trip to Philly."
"Cool, I'll take them and post them after class."
Coach Fulton held out the papers -emblazoned with a a bright 'Sharks' logo- holding on to them as Paige reached out. "Are you sure you're all right?"
"I'm good, Coach. Promise."
"Okay, my door's open."
"Thanks."
Coach Fulton headed for her office and Paige went into the shower area to finish up. She still had a few minutes before class and she took to the hallways to hang up the posters. She walked the halls, tacking the posters up on the main message boards. The bell rang and the hallway was suddenly filled by students rushing to their next class.
"Hey." Paige turned as she finished tacking up one of the last posters, coming face to face with Emily. It was somewhat of a surprise to see her. The girl had made herself unusually scarce the last couple of days, getting to practice just on time and high tailing it afterward before Paige was barely out of the water.
"Hey."
"I, uh, saw you talking to Sean the other day."
Paige figured she must have been talking about lunch on Tuesday, she had barely seen Emily since then.
"Yeah, he's nice. He makes me laugh." He was a little too much of a puppy dog but he was a good natured guy who didn't take himself too seriously. "I know it might be kinda weird, you being friends with Hannah and Hannah being his ex."
"That's not really the weird part, is it?"
Paige felt her eyes widen at the blatant call out. Damn, right in the middle of the hallway. Emily certainly didn't pull punches. Paige turned away, hoping that would be the end of a conversation that had hit the skids in under a minute. The last thing she needed was someone like McNab or worse, 'A', overhearing their discussion.
No such luck. Emily followed her, walking at Paige's side as she headed down the hall.
"Sean asked me about you. He wanted to know if you were seeing anybody."
"What'd you tell him?" Paige asked, genuinely curious how Emily would handle that potential conversational hand grenade.
"Well, I told him as far as I knew, you weren't. I think he wanted me to talk him up with you." Emily paused, as though she were reticent to part with the next piece of information. "I'm pretty sure he's going to ask you out."
"He has."
"And what'd you say?"
Paige bristled at the accusation in Emily's tone. All things considered, she didn't think she actually owed Emily an explanation.
"I said yes."
Paige couldn't quite discern the emotion in Emily's eyes. Hurt? Disbelief? Technically, it didn't matter. They were just friends and who Paige did or didn't date wasn't any of Emily's concern. Still, no matter what label they put on themselves, Paige couldn't leave Emily thinking she didn't care about her feelings. However confused they were.
"It's not really a date. We're going with a bunch of other people, no big."
Unable to take any more of the hurt look, Paige brushed past Emily, headed for class. She spent the bulk of the last lecture running the conversation through her mind, trying to figure out where she had gone wrong. Emily didn't want to date her. Why did it matter if Paige hung out with other people?
When the final bell rang, Paige headed for her locker to grab her books. There was no evening practice on the day before a meet so she was free to do as she pleased. She hit the washroom, Pru following in behind her.
"Hey."
"Hey, no practice tonight?"
"Nope, Jessup meet tomorrow so we only had the morning."
"Cool. Let's talk about tomorrow then. Pretty impressive, Sean Ackard, huh? Score one for Paige."
Paige rolled her eyes at the insinuation. "He asked me and I thought it would be fun." She had no interest in him romantically but a night out with the crowd sounded better than wallowing in her room about her failed attempt at dating Emily.
"I thought he was in hibernate for the rest of the year but you dragged him out of the cave, nice work."
Paige shook her head, hoping her laugh would cover her nerves. Pru split off from her when they hit the parking lot, giving Paige a wave as she slid into her car. Paige hopped on her bike to cycle home, the brisk breeze driving her to pedal hard. Her parents were already seated with dinner on the table when she arrived.
"Hey, Sweetheart. How was your day?"
"Good. I guess. I...uh," Paige paused, wondering what to reveal. If she didn't say something now, her dad would hear about it through the McNab grapevine by tomorrow. "I'm going on a date tomorrow. Well, a group date, I guess. With Sean."
"The young man you were talking about last Friday?" her father asked, leaning back in his chair to look at her.
"Yeah." The words felt... dirty almost. Talking about Sean as though he were an actual date and not some strawman that she was parading around. "He asked me out today."
"All right, make sure you're home by twelve."
"…Okay." That was it? Confused, Paige turned to her mother for an explanation about the sudden laissez faire attitude. On her last date, the poor boy had needed everything but a damn credit check. What the hell?
"What time are you going out?"
"Right after the meet. I'm going to go over to Pru's to get ready. She's going to pick me up from school."
"You'd better make sure you have everything packed tonight then."
"Okay, um...thanks, dad."
The conversation turned to other things leaving Paige to settle into her own thoughts. She had to admit it was nice to not have her father questioning her for once. If only all things could be so easy.
888
Paige showed up to practice on Friday morning, disappointed but not surprised to find herself alone, Emily nowhere in sight. She had played with the idea of texting her teammate the night before but decided against it. She had enough trouble dealing with her own feelings, she didn't have it in her to dissect Emily's as well. If the girl had something to say, surely she would let Paige know.
The team gradually filtered in, Emily one of the last to show. Practice wasn't particularly pretty, Emily giving her the cold shoulder as the team struggled to sort themselves out for the afternoon meet. When practice was done, Paige made a point of seeking her teammate out, only to find Emily long gone by the time she hit the changeroom.
Paige spent the bulk of her day trying to figure out how to mend whatever she had broken between her and Emily, the effort proving fruitless. She hadn't made any headway by the time the bell rang and she made her way to the natatorium. She understood that Emily was pissed about her hanging out with Sean but she couldn't for the life of her figure out why.
Was Emily irritated that she was going out with a guy? She had to know that it wasn't anything more than friends, Emily knew who she was.
Was Emily jealous? About what? They had kissed but Paige was certain the emotions had been a lot stronger on her side than on Emily's. Em could have anyone she wanted, it didn't make sense for her to be hung up on closeted teammate who barely had the courage to admit her feelings.
Giving up the consideration in favour of concentrating on the meet, Paige opened her locker and pulled out her gear. Her teammates were quick to appear, gearing up in a similar manner while they waited for Coach Fulton.
Emily came up beside her, giving her a silent nod before turning to her pre-meet preparations. Paige wanted to work things out, get them back to some semblance of normalcy but at this point, she had no idea what 'normal' was.
Their eyes met, Emily's intense gaze holding for a moment, her teammate looking like there was something she wanted to say.
"Paige?"
Paige blinked, trying to hide her frown as she turned from Emily, the moment broken. "What's up, Breanne?"
She coached the freshmen through her jitters, herding her team out on to the pool deck when it was time. Paige looked around the natatorium, eyes falling on her parents. She expected as much, Jessup was a strong contender and her dad liked to keep an eye on the competition. What she didn't expect was her cheering section, led by Pru, seated on the lower bleachers. Sean waved at her and gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up.
Paige offered a smile that she hoped didn't look pained and turned back to her teammates. Emily stared past her, lips pursed.
Crap. Definitely jealousy.
A quick cheer and the team was taking their places, Jessup setting up its relays beside them. The meet was a massacre from the minute the starting gun went off. The stilted atmosphere between Paige and Emily threw everyone off balance, their poor showing in the individual races pulling down the morale of their teammates.
By the time they hit the relay, there was no way to make up the points. Emily finished her leg well shy of her personal best, setting Vicky back in a domino effect that lasted through the whole relay. Paige had been unable to pick up the slack. It was evident that neither of them had their hearts in the pool and, for the first time in awhile, Paige just wished for it to be over.
Coach Fulton frowned at the poor performance as Jessup celebrated their win. Paige couldn't blame her. They had gotten spanked like a toddler throwing a tantrum. When it was finally done, Paige lagged behind the others, uninterested in making small talk.
Her eyes found her father's, the man's mouth set in an unimpressed line. Wonderful. Coach Fulton, clearly concerned, followed her into the change room.
"I'll take care of it," Paige said, the response nearly automatic. It was what her father always needed to hear to get him off her back.
"We all have bad days, Paige. Shake it off, there are plenty more meets."
Paige wanted to accept the words, chalk it up to the tides or the star or something but she couldn't. She didn't get to have 'off' days. Too many people were counting on her, expecting more of her, she needed to be on key. Always.
Heading for the showers, Paige hoped that taking the extra time to rinse off would clear the locker room. She was mostly correct, Emily was the only one left, shoving her gear into her bag with a little more force than necessary. Paige cleared her throat so she didn't startle the girl and opened her locker to grab her clothes.
"Are you okay?" Paige finally asked, leaning down a little get Emily to make eye contact. Her teammate refused look at her, focus glued to the contents of her bag.
"I'm fine."
Paige pursed her lips, pulling her track suit from her bag as Emily rifled ruthlessly through her own kit.
"Okay." Paige slammed the locker door, hoping to shock Emily out of her stupor. It had the intended effect, Emily jumping back to glare at her. "What is it?"
"What's what?"
"It. Whatever 'it' is that's got you in a mood. I could practically feel the pool freeze over when you got in. What's wrong?"
"What's wrong? You have to ask?
"Apparently."
"You're going on a date with Sean."
"This again." Paige pulled her tank top down over her body. "Why do you even care? 'Just friends', remember? You made that call, not me."
"So, Sean's what? Your rebound? Or are you just using him to get back at me?"
Paige rubbed at her temple, the frustrating conversation threatening to bring on a migraine. "I don't want to get back at you. I don't want to hurt you but you don't get to have it both ways. You can't say we're 'just friends' and still get to tell me who I can date. I'm sorry, it just doesn't work that way."
Paige tugged her bag onto her shoulder, taking a deep breath. She had enough to worry about without having to deal with Emily's confusing push and pull. "Look, we tried something, it didn't work out. It sucks but I need to know that whatever's going on between us isn't going to get taken out in the pool."
"That's all you care about."
Paige shook her head. "You know it's not," Paige could hear the defeat in her own voice. She didn't know how to make it better. She didn't know what Emily wanted from her. Paige reached out to her teammate. "Em…"
"Just go. Wouldn't want to keep Sean waiting."
Paige bit down on the urge to lash out, choosing instead to remain silent and walk away. She did her best to keep hold of her neutral face as she met the disappointed gaze of her father. The urge to break into frustrated tears was a strong one and Paige struggled to keep control, knowing the questions that followed wouldn't be ones she could answer. Fighting with Emily left her completely unsettled, a leaden weight sitting in the pit of her gut.
Love was for suckers.
Her father met her just before the door, his frown speaking volumes. Her mother's gaze was considerably more open, the woman offering Paige a kiss on the temple in conciliation.
"We have a lot of work to do," her father's grim expression spoke of long weekends training with Keith. Paige nodded, grateful that was the extent of the lecture that she would get in public. Temporarily placated, he turned to talk to McNab.
Her mother held out two twenty dollar bills. "Here, honey. Have fun tonight."
"Thanks, Mom."
Paige headed over to Pru who was still milling with the group, Sean and the others chatting together.
"Hey, good try," Sean offered.
"I sucked, we sucked. I'm flushing the whole meet from my mind."
"We'll have some fun tonight, get your mind off it."
"Absolutely," Pru answered for them both. "We'll see you guys in a couple of hours." Pru grabbed her arm, tugging her out to the car and leaving the boys behind. Paige slid into her seat, Pru's smug look telling her she was about to be shanghaied.
"What?"
"Every dirty details, McCullers. Starting with last Friday."
"What? Pru, there are no dirty details. We're just hanging out. That's all."
"Bullshit."
"Pru!"
"Don't 'Pru!' me. You're seriously going to sit there, after I covered for you, and tell me there isn't something going on with you two? He made Ben come and watch the meet with him." Pru's eyes flicked over to the school where McNab was bounding down the steps toward the car. Paige stared at Pru, the silent exchange speaking volumes. Paige was off the hook, for now, but Pru wasn't done.
"Hey, guys!"
"Hey!"
"Hey," Paige greeted dully. Spending two hours a day in the pool with McNab was more than enough but as a fringe part of their social circle, Pru had invited her along. As if she needed someone reporting back on her date. The short drive to Pru's house was filled with chatter, Pru listing off her outfit choices for the evening. They were quick to dress when they arrived at the house, Paige pulling her outfit from her backpack.
"You can't wear that," Pru said as Paige walked out of the washroom in black pants and a turtle neck. McNab's unimpressed stare seconded Pru's opinion.
"What's wrong with it?"
"Beside the fact that you look like a politicians wife?"
"Hey."
"No. No way, take it off, Paige. I'll find you something decent."
"But I…"
Pru's glare cut off her words and she dutifully marched back into the washroom to peel out of her clothes. She hadn't thought it was that bad. A knock on the door was all the warning she had before Pru walked in.
"Pru!"
"Jesus, would you relax? I've got a pair of my own you know. It's nothing I haven't seen."
Paige pursed her lips, arms crossed over her bra clad chest in an attempt at modesty.
"Whatever. Put this on." Pru handed her a dress. "And takes this off," Pru snapped Paige's bra strap, standing there expectantly. "Today, Paige. We're running late."
Grudgingly, Paige turned to change, pulling off her bra and tugging the dress into place. Her displeasure must have shown on her face.
"It won't kill you to look like a teenager for one night. C'mere." Pru tugged at the fabric to settle it and handed her a sweater. "There, much better. Now, come on, we still need to do your hair."
Half an hour of primping had all of them ready, Paige holding tightly to Pru's borrowed purse as they shuffled into the car. There was no denying the anxious pit in her stomach, the feeling only intensifying the closer they got to the pizza parlour.
This was insane. A week ago she had been on a date with the girl of her dreams. And now… Paige sighed quietly. Why was she doing this? If she had stuck to her guns, been brave -at least not been such a flat out coward- she could have been with Emily right now.
'A' had been her excuse but Paige wondered if that wasn't all it was. An excuse. A reason not to do what she knew needed to be done. Paige was so terrified of what came after, that she was holding on to every reason not to move forward. That cowardice had brought her here, to the doors of a pizza parlour, staring at an earnest young man that she would have given nearly anything to exchange for a certain young woman.
"Hey, Earth to Paige. You coming?"
"Yeah, sorry." Paige shook off the thoughts, trapped for the time being.
"Hey, Paige. Wow, you look great." Sean stood as she approached, offering her a seat.
"Thanks." Paige returned the bright wattage smile with one of her own, it wasn't his fault she was an ass. He had gone to all the trouble to come see her at the meet, he at least deserved some good company for the evening. The atmosphere was relaxed, conversation crossing the large round table, the group of ten taking up most of the small parlour.
Sean was charming and attentive, breaking in with a joke or anecdote whenever their side of the table quieted. Paige liked him, in her father's ideal world, he was the perfect choice. Clean cut, athletic, well to do with a minister for a father. On paper, Sean was perfect. Paige thought if she were capable of having feelings for a guy, it would be someone like him. Life would be so much simpler. Unfortunately, there was nothing simple about lying.
It was nearly ten o'clock when Sean checked his watch, frowning at the time. "I'm sorry to do this, I have to get going. I'm supposed to be up early to help my dad clear out the store room at church."
"No worries. I have to be up early for my swim lesson anyway."
" I could give you a ride home, if you wanted."
Paige looked around at the still chattering group. The only one she was remotely comfortable with was Pru and she was heavily engaged in her conversation with Ben. "Sure, a ride would be great."
Paige stood, ignoring the wink Pru threw her way as she said her goodbyes. Sean held the door for her before leading her to his car.
"Thanks for coming out tonight, I had a lot of fun," Sean said as they settled in their seats.
"Me too." He was good company, it hadn't been as painful a night as she thought it would be. "I don't hang out in groups a lot, so it was definitely different." Paige directed him to her house, steering them into small talk in the hopes of avoiding any deeper conversation. He pulled into her driveway, her father's car absent, the house notably dark. Sean was out of his door before Paige could say otherwise, walking around to her side to help her out.
"Can I walk you to you door?"
Paige could't find a good reason to refuse, nodding at him before she headed up the walkway. Searching for her keys in the unfamiliar bag, she finally retrieved them and opened her door. A quick flick of the switch turned on the porchlight, bathing them in a yellow glow. She was debating the appropriate way to say 'goodnight' -mind preoccupied with a finding a graceful exit- when Sean leaned down, catching her by surprise with his kiss.
Huh. So that was what that felt like.
She reached out on instinct, holding on to his shoulders to steady herself in her surprise. It wasn't bad, per se. He smelled nice, jaw stubble free, minimal drool. It just wasn't what she wanted. And, unlike most things in her life, it wasn't something she could fake. Maybe once, she could have, before she had known what it was to kiss someone she truly cared for. But, now that she had Emily to compare it to, the falseness of it rang too loudly for her to stand. Paige pulled away, clearing her throat as Sean gave a sheepish smile.
"Uh, I'm sorry I…"
"No, it's okay, I…"
They paused, Sean motioning for Paige to go first.
"You're a great guy."
"Uh oh."
"Really, you are. This just, it isn't something I can do."
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No." Paige reached out, squeezing his arm. "Believe me, it is completely me. I thought maybe I could try this, because you're great and my dad would love you but…"
"But?"
"But I have feelings for someone else and it wouldn't be fair to either of us to do this."
"I understand." He seemed disappointed but not angry, his good nature letting him take the rejection in stride. "So, I guess I'll just... see you Monday? Work on your uppercut?"
"Sounds like a plan."
"G'night Paige."
"Night, Sean." She waited until he was in the car and down the drive before she went inside. Closing the door, she leaned against it, head hitting with a dull thud. Now what?
She needed someone to talk to. She needed reassurance that she was doing the right thing. There was only one person she could think of that truly knew her, would give her honest advice, even if it was something she didn't want to hear. Paige was already texting as she opened the front door, hooking the car keys on her finger before heading for her mother's sedan. Five minutes saw her outside Emily's house, knocking on the front door.
"Hey," Emily greeted, tone subdued.
"Hey."
Emily stepped aside to allow her in, loose t-shirt and yoga pants a sharp contrast to Paige's black dress. How the hell was it fair that Emily looked so hot in workout clothes? What was Emily even doing home alone on a Friday?
Mrs. Fields was nowhere to be found and Paige followed Emily upstairs, her teammate pushing open the door to her room. Now that she was here, Paige had no idea what to say.
"Nice room."
"Thanks."
"Window seat. I always wanted a room with one of those." She could have slapped herself for the ridiculously lame offering but the words were out. Thankfully, Emily seemed to know her mind better than she did.
"You had your date with Sean."
"Yeah. That's where I was tonight."
"How'd it go?"
"Great. Good. He's a nice guy," Paige paused, the look in Emily's eyes saying she wasn't buying what Paige was selling. "Yeah, it went okay."
"Good."
"'Til he kissed me."
Emily's gaze remained curious though there was another emotion Paige couldn't quite pin down. Disappointment maybe?
"He took me home and kissed me goodnight. Then, I don't know, the date, the whole night just felt phoney all of a sudden. Like it wasn't me. It was somebody I was watching but not me. He went home and I texted you."
"Sean's a nice guy and if he's interested in you as more than a friend, you have to be honest with him."
"You're saying I should dump him." Paige sighed, at least one of her instincts had been right.
"I'm saying you shouldn't lead him on, you have to be honest."
"That is so easy for you to say, you're fearless." Paige accused. And why wouldn't she be? Emily was perfect.
"I am so not fearless." Emily didn't even seem to believe that Paige could think it of her. She had no idea that she was Paige's hero. Emily had done everything Paige wanted to do not the least of which was taking control of her life.
"You came out!"
Emily shook her head in denial. "I didn't come out of the closet. I fell out, on my face. But I'm out. And whatever else happens, I don't have to worry about it anymore."
Paige closed her eyes, tears threatening, the pain that came with her longing nearly unbearable. How she wished she could take that step. Accept what she was. Be brave, like Emily. But the consequences... who she was could destroy her life.
As much as Paige and her father locked horns, she did love him. The potential to lose that, to lose the person who was at once her greatest challenger and staunchest supporter, kept her paralyzed. She could lose everything. "If I say it out loud, if I say... I'm gay. The whole world is going to change."
"Yeah, it will." Emily didn't offer platitudes. They both knew who her father was. Paige let out a sigh, turning way from Emily's concerned gaze to take a seat by the window.
Emily sat beside her, close enough that their shoulders touched. "You want to hear something funny?"
Paige blinked back tears, trying to steady herself before she melted down completely. "I would love to her something funny."
"When I was trying to talk myself into being interested in boys, I would look for guys like you."
Paige let out a laugh at the absurdity of Emily's admission, not quite believing it. "Like me how?"
"The kind that would pull me up on stage and get me to sing because I would never do that on my own."
Paige turned to Emily, seeing only honesty in her eyes. Honesty and a longing that Paige knew was reflected in her own gaze. She leaned forward, giving in to the urge to act on impulse, capturing Emily's lips with her own. Searching out, she clasped Emily's hand, grounded by the fact that the other girl held tightly to her.
A gentle hand landed on her cheek, caressing sensitive skin as Paige allowed herself to simply enjoy the moment, blocking out all the complications that she knew would come with it. They pulled apart long moment later, Emily resting her forehead against Paige's.
"That wasn't part of my plan when I came over," Paige breathed, wishing this moment of safety, of acceptance, could last forever.
"Things don't always have to go according to plan, McCullers."
Paige smiled in answer, grin widening when Emily pressed a quick kiss to her lips.
"The real question is, what do we do now?"
Paige sat back to look Emily in the eyes as she spoke. Emily seemed to think the physical retreat was an emotional one as well, attempting to pull her hands away. Paige held fast, needing Emily to hear her out.
"I'm not ready to come out. Yet." Paige needed time to put a backup plan in place. Get some reassurance that 'A' wouldn't try to use Emily against her or vice versa. "But I… I've never wanted to come out before. Before you, I accepted that I'd have to live a lie. And part of me was okay with that because it was what I needed to do to make my Dad proud of me. I don't feel that way anymore, Em. When I went out with Sean, I realized I couldn't do it. I won't."
"Paige…"
"I can't guarantee how fast I'll go and I know you deserve better than that. I won't blame you if it's still not enough." Paige knew she was rambling but maybe if she threw out enough words, some of them would actually make sense.
"Paige."
"I won't hide our friendship, maybe we could just…" Paige shut up as Emily leaned into her, kissing her into silence. When Emily seemed satisfied that she had ended the ramble, she pulled away.
"Better. Look, Paige, I was harsh that day at the park. I thought you meant you didn't want to come out ever. I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to explain."
Paige shook her head, it wasn't Emily's fault. If she had just been braver, been honest from the outset, they wouldn't be where they were. "It's not your fault."
"No. I did what I thought was best for me but I didn't give you the chance to explain and I owed you that much at least."
They sat there, foreheads touching, arms resting around each other's waist.
"Someone had to be patient with me once, too. We'll work through it. I'll try to be more understanding. I get that you're scared."
Paige closed her eyes, soaking in the warmth, pulling strength from the person she idolized most. "I'm not when I'm with you."