Chapter 10 – The Tiniest Chance

Susannah's teeth were clenched so hard her jaw hurt. With every bit of evidence they'd collected over the past few hours, her anger at the Illusive Man had grown, until she felt close to bursting. How could he possibly allow this? With all his talk of promoting the interests of humanity, how could he tolerate the existence of this… facility on Horizon?

The sheer cynicism of the whole setup was enough to make her want to throw up. Sanctuary, my foot! To lure people here with the promise of keeping them safe from the Reapers, to give them a new hope, and then to use them like lab rats in experiments too horrible for words… Was this really the man she had worked for? Had he always been like this, and had she been too blind to see it, too dazzled by his persuasive words? Or had he changed, turned from a genuine advocate of human rights into a ruthless monster?

Of course he knew what was going on here. She clearly remembered the Illusive Man telling her that he took a personal interest in each and every one of Cerberus' operations. Henry Lawson might have been the driving force behind the experiments, but even so there was no way Miranda's father was acting without his boss's consent. The last video log they'd come across had made that abundantly clear.

She rounded a corner, stepping over the remnants of another husk. James and Javik were closely behind her, keeping an eye out for yet another surprise attack. The Cerberus Troopers they'd encountered at first had been easy enough to deal with, but further inside the facility the labs had been overrun by Reaper forces. Marauders, ravagers, brutes, and even banshees had attacked them from all sides, and more than once only the power of Javik's biotics had saved them.

There was an elevator ahead, and she motioned for James and Javik to get in. James made a face, and she shrugged. "I don't like it any more than you do, but we need to go up there. Miranda may need help."

I hope we catch up with her before Kai Leng does. Susannah was deeply worried about her friend. Of course Miranda was capable of looking after herself, but still…

When the elevator doors whooshed open, her fears were proven right. "Shepard." Miranda's voice was strained. She was down on the floor, severely injured by the looks of it.

Susannah's first impulse was to take a closer look at her wounds, but Henry Lawson's voice interrupted her. "Commander Shepard."

Her focus narrowed, everything except Lawson becoming a blur. Lawson, who was holding Oriana hostage, threatening to kill his own daughter to save his skin. Lawson, who spouted platitudes about the necessity of his disgusting experiments. Lawson, who refused to give up his hostage. Dimly she heard Miranda's pleas to save her sister, Oriana's own desperate voice, but none of it registered as she raised her gun and fired.

She had aimed for Oriana's thigh, in the hope that a direct hit would surprise Lawson into dropping her. It was a desperate gamble, but it worked. Miranda didn't hesitate for a moment. As soon as Oriana was free, she sent her father tumbling off into the abyss with a powerful biotic wave. Then she collapsed.

One look at the size of the pool of blood on the ground told Susannah it was too late to save her. Fighting back her own tears, she gathered her friend in her arms, supporting her head while Miranda said her goodbyes to her little sister, her voice growing ever weaker.

"Shepard." Susannah's grip tightened involuntarily as she heard her own name. "Before Kai Leng left, I planted a trace on him." Miranda almost smiled, though her eyes were rapidly losing focus.

Susannah stroked her cheek. "You thought of everything."

"Not everything." Miranda took a rattling breath. "Nobody's perfect. Keep Ori safe for me."

"I will." Susannah felt the pain rise in her throat, threatening to choke her as Miranda's head sank back and her body went limp. "Let's get out of here. I've had enough of this place."

This time James didn't have to ask. As soon as he'd changed and taken a shower, he went up to Shepard's cabin. He knew she needed him, needed someone to bear the load with her. He'd seen the look in her eyes when Miranda died, and it had cut him like a knife. No single person should have to suffer as much as she does.

When he came in, he found her huddled up on the couch, wearing her oldest tracksuit, her eyes red-rimmed from crying. He dropped down at her side, pulling her close and stroking her hair. "Lola. I'm so sorry."

Her shoulders shaking, she leaned into his touch. "I can't believe Miranda's gone. She was such a good friend." She gave a small, rueful laugh. "Most people thought she was cold and unfeeling, you know. But it's not true. Not at all. You know what she did for me?" James made a questioning noise, and she went on. "When Cerberus rebuilt me, the Illusive Man told them not to waste any resources on my reproductive organs. He wanted the soldier, not the woman." She laughed, but it sounded bitter. "Well, Miranda went against his orders. Thanks to her, I'll be able to have kids one day. Not that it's likely I'll get around to it." Her voice caught on a sob, and James tightened his grip on her shoulders.

"Shhhh, mi corazón. Don't talk like this. We'll kick Reaper ass, just like we've always done. And then, once the bastards are gone, I'll find us a nice place to settle down and we'll make some beautiful babies. If that's what you want," he quickly amended, when a sudden thought struck him. "God, Lola, I'm sorry. I never even asked whether we should take precautions-"

"It's okay." She kissed him. "I've had that taken care of for the time being. And I know we can't give up hope. It's just … Losing Miranda hurt so much. I've lost so many friends already. Thane, Mordin, Ashley, Tali. How can we expect to live on if they're gone?"

James felt his forehead wrinkle into a frown at her logic. "What do you mean? That's not how it works. They died for us. They died in the fight against the Reapers or against Cerberus. That doesn't mean we have to do the same."

She shook her head. "I know it doesn't, but… No matter how I look at it, it's very likely that I won't survive this, that you won't survive this." Her tone had become feverish. "Our chance of beating them is so slim. And I don't want to die, James. I don't want you to die. I want-"

She was openly sobbing now, her face red and blotchy and her eyes swimming with tears. When he saw her like this, James' heart went out to her. She looked so small, so vulnerable, like a frightened child. For the first time since he'd known her, he felt there was something he could do for her, something she couldn't handle on her own.

"Come here, Lola." He pulled her close, stroking her back, murmuring soothing nonsense into her hair. She clung tightly to him, shaking with tears.

"James." When she finally stopped crying, her voice sounded small and hoarse. "Thank you." Slowly she lifted her head, tracing the soaked patch on his shirt with her fingers. "I got you all wet."

"You sure did." He couldn't help but smile. "It doesn't matter. I love you anyway."

It was said lightly, but she went very still at his words. "You do?"

"You know I do." It took all his courage, but he caught her gaze and held it. "I love you so much, Lola."

There. He'd said it. For a moment her face went blank and he was afraid he'd ruined it all.

But then she sighed and pulled him in for a kiss. "James. Make love to me. Please."

His lips were warm and soft on hers, his hands tight and secure around her waist, and Susannah shivered with pleasure as he picked her up and carried her over to the bed, putting her down and straddling her carefully. He loves me. She was glad he didn't expect an answer from her.

Some part of her wanted to scream at him that they couldn't go there, couldn't afford it, not when they were both risking their lives on a daily basis, not when they were on their way to end it all. How could they fall in love now, when all their energies should be focussed on the fight, when there were so many bigger issues at stake?

And yet… Looking up at him as he tore off the soaked shirt, baring his massive chest, Susannah knew she had to have this, this small confirmation that they were still alive, that there were things worth living for, worth fighting for. As for her own feelings toward him...

It was more than just physical attraction; that much she knew. Sure, she adored his body, his strength and power, carefully held in check most of the time. But what really drew her to him was the tenderness in his eyes, the warmth in his voice, the sheer adorable sweetness of him. If this wasn't love, it was something very close to it, and she needed this right now, needed him with an intensity that made her swallow hard.

"Lola?" There it was again, that tender concern, and it almost broke her heart.

Shrugging off her shirt, she lay back on the bed, stretching her arms above her head and loving the way his eyes followed the movement, hungry and full of admiration. "Kiss me, James. Everywhere."

He made a small noise in the back of his throat. "God, Lola."

"Please, James." This time she let her voice linger on his name, arching her hips up just the tiniest bit to brush against his groin.

He groaned, and then he was above her, his weight pressing her down into the sheet while his mouth claimed her body, mapping every inch of her skin with his kisses, as if he wanted to commit it all forever to his memory. Slowly, thoroughly, he worked his way down to her waist, stopping briefly to undress her completely before he resumed his caresses.

Susannah closed her eyes and for once, she allowed herself to fall, to surrender herself to him, because here, in his arms, was the safest place in all the galaxy, the only place where she could be herself, without fears or reservations. Here, she could cry and beg and unravel. Here, she was just Lola, just a woman in the arms of her lover, not the great Commander Susannah Shepard, saviour of the galaxy. Here, nothing was expected of her but to lie back and let herself be loved.

When his exploring hands and lips reached the junction of her thighs, he paused to get rid of his remaining clothes, then he was back between her legs, breathing softly against her heat. Susannah opened her eyes to look down at him, shivering with anticipation as his fingers parted her slick folds, sliding deeper and deeper, teasing her with a promise of more. Her inner muscles clenched around them, making him tense in turn. He gazed up at her, his eyes flashing with passion, before he bent down and licked a broad, soft stripe all over her.

"Oh, God!" She cried out sharply, hips flying up from the bed in a mute entreaty for more. More of this delicious tingle he'd just sent through her whole body, because it felt so very, very good.

His strong hands held her down as his tongue found her again, licking, stroking, exploring, flicking against flesh that soon became too sensitive for anything but the lightest touch. She writhed under him, torn between trying to escape the sweet torture and never wanting it to stop, and she could feel the growing tension in him as he kept it up for longer than she would have believed possible.

When he finally moved up between her legs to kiss her, his muscles were taut with the effort of holding back and he hissed when she wrapped her fingers around his rock-hard cock, guiding him to her entrance. He couldn't possibly last long like this, but she was so close herself that it didn't matter. All that counted was to have him inside her, to feel that incomparable closeness.

She found his mouth again, kissing him, holding him as tightly as she could while she pushed him deeper, whimpering against his mouth as he slowly filled her.

"Lola, I can't-" He hid his face against her neck for a moment, trembling like a leaf. "Not much longer."

She crossed her legs behind his back, breathing a kiss against his forehead. "Let go." It was barely a whisper, and she had to repeat it before it registered with him. "Let it go, James. Go ahead. I'm ready."

A low whine escaped his throat at her words. For a moment, he pulled her even closer, but then he pushed himself up above her so he could move freely, letting his need take over. He was wholly beautiful like this, Susannah thought, his movements full of natural, instinctual grace as he pounded into her, hard and fast. And then she lost all capacity for coherent thought as he tilted her hips the tiniest bit and suddenly every thrust of his hit home so perfectly that it took her only seconds to scream her release, pleasure flooding every cell of her body.

He collapsed on top of her moments later with a final hoarse groan, pushing so deep inside her that it hurt. But God, she wanted him there, as deep as he could go, so close, so tight, and she never ever wanted to let go of him again. For long minutes she clung to him, breathing hard and fast against his neck, and he didn't complain, just held her close.

"Lola. Mi amor." When they separated, it was only far enough for him to roll over on his back, pulling her into the nook of his arm again.

She closed her eyes, already dozing off. He loves me. Susannah knew their chance for a happy future together was so slim as to be almost non-existent. But right here, she knew she was willing to fight for it. If there's just the tiniest chance…

Giant hugs and thanks to zevgirl for all her help and support!