The 10th Chapter. Oh yes.
So, let's get on with this thing! As always, R & R - damn it, I do adore you guys for reviewing so regularly. Lots of love to you. That's right, love. And maybe some waffles.
Oh, and I'm SO sorry that I took so long to update. :-)
Chapter Ten - Moments
JD POV
"Dude, you okay? I've been talking at you for two hours now and you haven't said a word."
I felt Turk's shoulder nudge me - I nudged him back, reassuring him that my mind was on what he was saying but when it came down to it… well, I had bigger things on my mind. Things directly related to me.
I didn't realise he'd asked me a question until I felt something pass underneath my nose - absent-mindedly I replied "toe" before snapping out of it and realising he was staring at me, eyebrows raised.
"Where's the passion man? You love Toe or Finger!"
I grinned, managing to pull myself out of my stupor for long enough to sit forward and rub my hands over my face, turning to look at him. "I know, sorry Choco-Bear. Got a lot on my mind at the moment."
Turk leant forward with me, placing a hand on my shoulder but keeping eye-contact to a minimum. "Carla told me what happened with you and Dr. Cox."
My stomach dived, despite knowing he meant this morning rather than two and a half hours ago. "Yeah."
"If it means anything V-Bear, he aint worth even a minute of your time. I've always said to Carla, 'the man's an asshole, I don't know why JD spends so much time trying to get his approval' - you deserve better. I mean that."
"I know you do. Thanks, C-Bear," I replied, pulling away from his hand, itching to go to bed so I could be alone with my thoughts. I felt bad, being so self-involved, but right now I honestly couldn't take another moment of someone else's emotions without mine making me self-implode - I stood, stretching and yawning meaningfully. He took the hint, looking at his watch.
"Damn, I gotta have breakfast with Carla in 8 hours!" He leapt up, putting his arms out to catch his balance (he was more than a little drunk), stumbling his way into his room. "See ya dude!"
"Later," I called back, looking around at the half-lit room before switching off the lamp and heading towards my own bedroom, determined to get some sleep, but knowing it was probably a fools hope. I pushed the door open, stripping down, opening the drawers and pulling out a pair of old sweat-pants and pulling them on. I let myself fall onto the bed, not bothering with the essential teeth-cleaning and hair-gel-ridding; I knew it was unlikely that I'd sleep. Vaguely my mind tried to encourage me to call Dr. Cox again, but I quickly vetoed that - things had gone far enough. I didn't need to push it anymore, especially after… what had happened.
I shut my eyes, arms spread out across the span of my bed; all I could see in the darkness was him suddenly coming towards me, that exact moment he tilted his head ever so slightly to the left - I should've seen it coming, should've thrown myself out of the way at whatever cost -
But do I really regret it? Do I really wish it hadn't happened?
Questioning my feelings was starting to scare me; first of all, I shouldn't even need to question it - I had never been attracted to a guy before in my life and the thought that I sort-of-almost-liked the kiss towards the end was disturbing enough; secondly, it was Dr. Cox, someone I had seen as a mentor, a father-figure - not someone I could be attracted to. Thirdly… well, thirdly it scared me because every time I replayed the kiss in my head I found myself shutting my eyes and holding onto the memory rather than pushing it back to be one of the many repressed.
I decided I had to make a choice, so instinctively I decided to hold off and see what would happen. It could go so many different ways that there really wasn't any point thinking too much about how I felt because chances are whatever I decided, things would go in the totally opposite direction and I'd end up stuck in the same miserable place I'd been those last few weeks.
My phone suddenly vibrated on the beside table, the light hurting my eyes as I reached over for it. '3 New Messages'? Probably Carla, checking up on me, Elliot asking why I wasn't out for drinks earlier and Turk from earlier on in the evening. I flicked through:
Mole-Butt (23:22) Where r u? Got an Appletini with ur name on it when u get here.
Carla T (00:57) Take care of yourself, Bambi. Let me know how you are. C. x
The next message made me stop dead - okay, so I should've been expecting it but I honest to god was part-horrified and part-excited when I saw who it was.
The Big C (01:45) Back to normal tomorrow.
Normal? Well, that was good for me but at the same time I couldn't help but acknowledge the tiny nodule of disappointment that had latched itself onto my mind; I hesitated, but found that my thumbs were typing a reply without my permission.
Pretend that nothing's happened? Just like the last few weeks, right? - JD
I didn't expect a reply - his message had been sent at least 45 minutes ago and he had probably crawled into bed in a desperate attempt to escape the memory as much as I had…
'VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV.'
The sound of my phone vibrating made me jump; I felt the butterflies start again, and I cursed them for betraying things I was trying to ignore I clicked open the message, the light still hurting my eyes.
The Big C (02:39) You sure as hell won't get anywhere bringing any of that up. If you have a point to make, I recommend you make it soon as 'txt'ing is hardly my favourite activity.
I couldn't help but grin. I knew he was probably pissed off at me for even bringing up the weirdness but I couldn't stop myself.
No particular point. I'm just confused by some stuff, that's all. - JD
The Big C (02:47) You ARE a woman and no, I don't think you're quite ready for that training bra just yet.
Damn it! Things that would have once frustrated me were now making me smile so hard I was almost sure my face would break; if we had been in the hospital it would've been exactly as normal with comments like that… but what made it even more grin-worthy was that he was texting me. At quarter to three in the morning.
God, I had to pull myself together.
Ha. Ha. That's sarcastic, btw. Besides, I thought I was a 'fragile girl' not a woman. Or have you changed your tune about that too? - JD
I waited. Minutes passed until suddenly my eyes were threatening to droop - nothing quite like waiting for a reply to a text message to send you to sleep - I tried ignoring it, but soon a whole half an hour had passed and he still hadn't replied. I picked up my phone to put it back on the beside table, but just as I did that a message popped up.
The Big C (03:19) Don't push it, Newbie. Can't you just glorify in my having your cell number and offering that things get back to normal like you wanted?
I bit my lip.
You can't blame me for wanting answers. - JD
The Big C {03:27) You can't blame me for not knowing how in gods holy-ass name I should answer them.
Are you pissed at me? - JD
His reply was the fastest yet - I felt my stomach jump in expectancy.
The Big C (03:29) Why in the hell would I be pissed at you? Grow a pair, Sally. Now's not the time to be scared of me, you understand?
I didn't. At all.
No, not really. U seemed pissed at me on the roof. I know I wasn't meant to look 4 u and I'm sorry, but I dnt know what else u expected me to do. - JD
I was starting to get sloppy with my replies, reverting to abbreviations I hated, but I was so jittery with anticipation that I could barely keep my thumbs on the keys - the shorter, the better.
The Big C (03:35) Well you sure found out why you should always exactly follow my orders, didn't you? As long as you learned a lesson there Newbie I can't see any real reason for me to be angry at you. I know you didn't intentionally set out to piss me off and to be honest I'm too tired to yell at you for something pointless.
It was the longest text he had sent, and it sent shivers down my spine - it was hard to read the rest of the message after reading the first sentence; he was referring to the kiss and I knew it. I had no idea what to say back - no idea at all. I had never seen Dr. Cox show gay tendencies before - in fact, he was one of the straightest men I'd ever met - and if I were to ask about it or even joke about it he might crush me (not my lips, not my lips, not my lips - damn it, get it together Dorian!).
Plus, you know. I wasn't gay. Or attracted to him. At all.
At least I know what my punishment will be from now on if I do the opposite of what u tell me 2 do, right? Maybe u should get some sleep if ur so tired.
The Big C (03:46) When I said grow a pair I didn't mean for them to be homosexual. Pull yourself together. I'll sleep when I'm ready, but I suggest you take your own advice - I'll need you on the ball tomorrow.
Even seeing the words 'I'll need you' made me close my eyes to savour the moment; again I yelled inwardly at myself for being such a girl ("I'm n-not a fragile girl." - "Yes, you are.") and flipped the covers over myself in preparation for actually taking his advice to take my own advice (too tired, too much repetition) and, suddenly exhausted, I slowly typed a text in reply.
Thanks, Dr. Cox. I'll be ready for whatever you throw at me, I promise. Goodnight.
The Big C (03:50) We'll see, Sharon.
Try as I might, I couldn't keep my eyes open… and try as I might, I couldn't stop my last thought being of him.
X X X X X
Dr. Cox POV
The moment I pulled up at the hospital the next day, I saw Newbie's scooter already parked - I rolled my eyes in frustration, feeling the usual sense of annoyance seeping through my veins. It was, however, a strange relief in comparison to the more recent indifference.
I walked in through the doors, instantly greeted with a "You're late" from Kelso, followed by the usual "Blow it out your ass, Bob"- yes, if all went as planned today wouldn't be any different from any other day. At least, no different to the days before Newbie's father had died. I picked up blood work I'd been waiting on, swung by the nurses station to take a look at the charts that appeared as if by magic over night before deciding to have a cup of joe prior to checking in on Mrs. Berry. I strode towards my destination, not really paying attention until my way was suddenly blocked by a brown and green blur - I glanced up.
"Ghandi! To what do I owe this non-pleasure?"
He folded his arms, his face set in pure seriousness - it reminded me that this time yesterday Newbie was banned from talking to me and that as far as everyone was concerned this was still the current situation.
"I don't know what you think you're doing treating JD like this, but just so you know, it won't sit well with me."
I grinned. "Gee, I know you love your other half but shouldn't she fight some of her own battles once in a while? Besides, and I mean no offence here, but it's not really any of your business, is it?"
He straightened up, matching my height. "When you mess with my best friend it becomes my problem, you understand? I'm not joking around, Dr. Cox, I'm being so serious. I don't know what's going on between you two, and don't think I haven't noticed the change in the two of you these last few weeks, but whatever it is I suggest you sort it out, if not for you then for JD."
"Have you mistaken me for someone who cares?" I was just pushing him - how was he to know that I intended to get back to normal with Newbie today? Still, I was having fun and I would make the most of it. "He can do whatever the hell he wants to do and I would suggest that you do the same. So long as it doesn't involve sticking that over-sized nose in my business."
He rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Fine. But at least I tried. See, that's what you do when you care about someone. You try. I'll bet that you can't remember the last time you actually gave a damn about someone enough to try."
No matter what I would keep that grin on my face - but it didn't help the fact that both Newbie and Jordan's faces had popped up in my head.
Damn.
"Whatever." I brushed past him, ignoring the death-stare of Carla who stood metres behind him (clearly having watched our every word) and walked right out of there again - and straight into Newbie.
"Oh, hey Dr. Cox!" His voice practically leaked with warmth, and his eyes, once I'd found the patience to look at him, were shining with what I can only describe as unadulterated hope - it made my stomach churn just to look at it. But I would bear with it. I had promised him that much.
"No time for chit-chat Yolanda." I threw a chart at him and motioned that he join me as we headed into another room, faced with a teenage girl who was looking predictably sullen, tired and scared - definitely a patient for Newbie and his ridiculous capacity for sensitivity. He glanced at the chart and then back at the girl.
"Hi Katie, I'm Dr. Dorian. You passed out at school?"
"Yeah," she replied, shrugging. Her tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder and looked from me to him inquisitively. "Is there a reason I need two doctors? Do you think I'm really sick?"
I raised an eyebrow at Newbie, who now seemed to be confused. I could practically see the cogs whirring in his head - why did we always work together? He looked at me nervously, blatantly needing help, so I folded my arms and stared at the girl with my coldest gaze - he might be full of compassion but that just wasn't me. "How about you stick to answering the questions rather than asking them? Unless of course you want us to incorrectly diagnose you and accidentally give you the wrong medication that could end up killing you?"
She went pale; I almost grinned, but out of the corner of my eye I couldn't fail to notice Newbie's glance in my direction, clearly not appreciating my direction - for once I controlled myself, letting him take the patient back into his own hands.
"Have you been experiencing any stress recently? Exams, personal problems that might have led to you passing out?"
"Not really," she replied, chewing her lip. "I mean, I just broke up with my boyfriend but he was an asshole anyway. Sorry," she hastened to add, looking at me. "Bad language and all that."
I remained indifferent as Newbie continued his questions. "Any nausea? Fatigue?"
"Well I guess I've been pretty tired recently and a couple of times I've felt kinda sick but I just put it all down to dealing with a break-up, y'know?" She bit her lip again. It was odd… Newbie did it all the time and I found it almost endearing, yet when she did it the action seemed to grate on my nerves.
Not to mention it was clear what was going on here, and she knew it.
"Katie, this next question might make you feel a little uncomfortable but it's important that I know - are you sexually active?"
She blinked. "I… no."
Liar.
"Perhaps I should reiterate that wrong diagnosis point - you know, the medication, the death -" her face went pale again. I grinned. "Now how about you tell us the truth this time around? Are you, or have you been sexually active?"
Closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the pillow, she nodded. "Once."
This I could believe; the resignation on her face as to what was wrong with her was clear - she'd made one mistake and it had led to her being in here. I had no doubt that she'd been looking up her own symptoms and that the first answer had scared her so much she'd decided to ignore it - unfortunately, that was no longer an option for her.
"Could you tell me when your last period was, Katie?" Newbie's voice was gentle, a stark contrast to my harsh tone but this, this right here was why we worked together - he was the good cop, I was the bad cop. It worked for us. To be honest, I'd become so used to having him in on my patients and vice-versa that I'd never stopped to think that we were the only doctors that really did that sort of thing. I felt the frustration well up in me again - apparently I liked making things complicated.
"I don't remember, I don't really keep track."
He nodded, flipping the chart back down.
"Okay, well what we're going to do is ask you to do a urine sample for us, and I'll send a nurse along to take a blood sample."
"What do you think's wrong with me?" she said, suddenly reaching out and grabbing Newbie by the hand - the fear in her voice was palpable. Nothing quite like a young girl who knows she's about to get the scariest news of her life so far.
"Let's get these samples sorted first, okay?" he said, squeezing her hand lightly before gently slipping his grasp away. "Dr. Cox and I will be back later. Try and get some rest."
I led the way out of the room before allowing my eyes to flick to his face.
"Not exactly the most difficult diagnosis we've ever had."
He nodded, eyes slightly troubled. "She's sixteen…" He didn't need to finish his sentence. I shrugged - it was all run of the mill to me.
"Shit happens Newbie - don't let it get to you. Kids are having sex earlier and earlier, it's just the way things go."
"Yeah, but sixteen? I didn't have sex 'til I was 19 -"
He suddenly stopped, flushing bright red. I looked away, giving him a moment to pull himself together - this definitely wasn't normal conversation for us. I considered making a girl joke, make it feel slightly more comfortable but found I couldn't pull anything from my mind that would actually make us feel less awkward; no matter how hard I tried to, I couldn't forget that me calling him a girl practically led to the night before - something that would not be performed again.
"Get it together Lillian, this is no time to discuss your virginity or lack thereof - onto the next."
X X X X X
JD POV
The day flew by - just working beside Dr. Cox like normal somehow made the day so much more bearable. It hadn't felt this easy since before Dad died, and I found myself with a smile on my face at random intervals - I knew I looked stupid but there wasn't really anything I could do about it. Dr. Cox was being an asshole, as ever; girls names, 'Newbie', insulting my abilities as a doctor - it was like nothing had ever changed.
And that was a good thing.
Well. Sort of.
Carla had been exchanging 'looks' with me all day and it was driving me insane; I know she didn't know what happened, but she knew enough that this sudden change of heart in Dr. Cox was more or less a miracle. I certainly felt that way. When it came down to it, it was clear that whatever stupid thing happened last night and for whatever reason, he didn't want to pursue it. But then… surely, being Dr. Cox, he'd just blank me and ignore me until he felt comfortable again?
Was it possible that Dr. Cox had feelings for me?
"That's just crazy," I said quietly to myself, paying for my very, very late lunch and sitting down in the practically deserted cafeteria. He'd never shown any sort of attraction to me before, and even when he'd been tormenting me there hadn't been any sign of his peep saluting me or desire in his eyes. Now that Carla had brought up the topic, I was starting to wonder if it really was all just him getting kicks out of messing with my head - so was the kiss another mind-messer? It sure as hell didn't seem like it at the time… plus why would you kiss someone you're supposed to be tormenting?
Unless, of course, he realised just how much it would be on my mind and how crazy that would drive me.
"Stupid voices," I muttered, taking a bite of my BLT sandwich. A shadow fell across me.
"Talking to yourself, sport?" Dr. Kelso's voice was loud in my ear despite him being above me - damn him and his Chief of Medicine volume. "First sign of gayness you know."
"First sign of what?!" I swallowed my sandwich too soon and found myself choking - it subsided after a few moments as he looked at me with quizzical eyebrows.
"Madness, sport, madness! Selective hearing, even worse. Have you thought about seeing a shrink? We don't want to have a crazy doctor walking the halls, do we?" He suddenly erupted in those chuckles that seemed friendly and fatherly but would more than likely turn sour - I joined in the laughter regardless until he cut off short, glaring down at me. "I'm serious Dr. Dorian. Any patient could walk in and see you talking to yourself and who'd get the hassle for it?"
"Everyone talks to themselves, sir," I mumbled.
"Me, that's who," he continued, acting as if he hadn't hear me. "So get a grip, Dorian! Oh, and do me a favour," Dr. Kelso leant down to my level. "If you're going to follow Perry around with puppy-dog eyes, at least do it in your own time. I have enough awkward homosexual eye-contact at home."
Damn sandwich! I thought to myself, gasping as another chunk found its way down my oesophagus. And why isn't he helping me?! I continued to choke for a few minutes, wondering why, in a place full of doctors, no one was coming to aid me in my time of need. Dr. Kelso stood, eyebrows-a-raised, watching me for a few minutes before muttering his standard 'jackass' and shuffling off to terrorise whichever doctor he would come across next. I whacked my chest hard, bringing up a piece of sandwich that I could not attempt to swallow again, signalling that lunch was well and truly over. Great.
Was I really looking at Dr. Cox with puppy-dog eyes? Elliot had once teased me for following him around with a dog-like devotion but was it actually true? Was I… acting like his bitch?
"He'll never go for you anyway," came a deep, horrifying voice from above my head. "He goes for strong women, and you… well, you're a disappointment."
To my horror, the Janitor sat himself opposite me and leaned forward. "Now I can't promise anything, but if you wanted I could train you. You know, obstacle course, personality switch-over, throwing you out to the wolves -" He never ceased to amaze me just how crazy he was. "I can help you, buddy. You just say the word."
"As much as I appreciate what I assume is another attempt at making my life difficult, I'm going to have to pass," I said, pushing my chair back and looking down at him. He frowned. "Now I know what you're thinking, but I'm not turning you down because you hate me and secretly want to kill me and steal my belongings from my locker. I don't want to 'get' with Dr. Cox and I certainly don't need to take advice from you."
"Why?" he demanded, standing too. Damn, he was tall. "Just because I'm a lowly janitor means I don't have a girlfriend? That I don't know what it's like to be loved? That's it -" he threw his mop (did he bring it with him into the cafeteria?!) onto the table in front of us and shook his head. "I give up with you. I try and reach out to you and you just throw it back in my face. We're done."
I blinked. Could he possibly mean –
"No, just here," he added, reading my thoughts as usual. "We're done for today. But tomorrow? I'm coming after you."
I shut my eyes as he walked away, whistling 'Land of Hope and Glory' quietly to himself (he really was insane) and took in a few deep breaths. Now all I needed was Dr. Cox to appear and tell me the 'normal' policy was off and my day have gone from good to bad in less than –
"NEWBIE!"
My eyes flew open in fright, my legs jolting so suddenly that I had no choice but to stand up; the chair flew out behind me as I stood, only mildly distracting as I realised that I was now within inches of Dr. Cox. I could smell his clean labcoat (washed again, yum), hear the gentle growl already growing in the back of this throat, feel… feel the warmth of him –
"Could ya tell me why I've found you sleeping in here rather than scurrying around after your patients, Belinda? When I ask you to do something, I expect it to be done."
I gulped. "I was going to look up Katie's bloodwork but I skipped lunch to see that cancer patient with you so I was just -"
His piercing whistle shot through my ears, ceasing my speech; his icy eyes stared down at mine, cold and dangerous as ever – it sent shivers down my spine. Hastily I assured myself that they were tremours of fear, nothing more… awkward.
"H-y-ere's the deal: you can have five extra minutes for lunch now if you stay an extra hour at the end of the day. I could do with the extra hands."
WHY AM I BLUSHING AT THAT? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!
I tried stammering a reply, but couldn't seem to get my words out properly. I had no idea how he was doing it, but suddenly whenever he spoke he left me struggling for words that were even a little comprehensible.
He looked at me with a mixture of pity, disgust and amusement. "It's paid work, if that's what you're worried about."
I forced myself to shrug and act nonchalant. "Yeah, sure, whatever you want. I like being in the hospital in the evenings anyway, it's so quiet."
Instinctively I ignored the daydream that I knew was coming – something to do, no doubt, with me and him alone in the 'quiet' hospital. Images of our rooftop 'meeting' crashed into my mind as I tried to focus on keeping my eyes straight on his, not wanting to betray for a moment of the kind of things that were currently running through my mind.
He gave a quick, curt nod, apparently oblivious to the conflicts in my head.
"Be at the doctors lounge at nine. If you're late, I'll take it that you won't be joining me."
I nodded. He turned to leave, before turning back sharply.
"Oh, and Newbie? Don't be late. You out of all people know that I don't hand out invitations to spend extra paid time with me like a mother would candy. You understand me?"
"Yes sir," I squeaked. That curt nod again before leaving me to my thoughts – and oh god, there were a lot of them.
ARRRRGH!!