Three weeks had gone by since Katie's conversation with Judy. She hadn't seen Judy since that day, but she knew Judy kept her promise and hadn't told anyone about the girls' relationship. Katie had told Jessie about her discussion with Judy and Jessie was somewhat relieved. She knew she they could trust Judy and now she'd have someone to talk to about it when she needed to. Jessie still wasn't ready to tell the rest of her family and Katie was fine with that. It didn't matter to her either way. As long as she was with Jessie, she didn't care if only one person knew or the whole world knew. The only time she was bothered by it was when her parents would bring up the topic of Jessie dating. They'd spout off names of guys from their school and as Jessie if she had any interest in any of them. Jessie would simply shrug and say she hadn't thought about it, while giving Katie a comforting look.
The girls were constantly at each other's side. Whether it was at school, in between classes, lunch time, after school, running errands, doing homework, eating dinner. They were always with each other. Katie often ended up at Jessie's house since she usually had no desire to go home and Jessie's family was fine with that. They loved being in Katie's presence just as much as Jessie did. Jessie found it more and more difficult to hide her feelings for Katie in front of other people. She would find herself slipping, accidentally taking Katie's hand in front of Eli or going in for a kiss goodbye as Katie was leaving in front of Lily. She managed to recover quickly on that one, pretending to whisper something in Katie's ear instead. They'd had some close calls, but always managed to make it look completely innocent. School was becoming just as difficult for them. They'd constantly see all the couples holding hands and making out in public, but they knew that neither of them were ready for that kind of scrutiny. Katie made it a point not to push the subject because she knew how sensitive Jessie was about that kind of thing. For the time being, they just had to steal a kiss in a quiet corner, or hold hands under the lunch table. But knowing they'd get to see each other after class made the school day a lot more bearable for the both of them.
At night, Jessie would find herself smiling. She was smiling all the time now, just thinking about Katie. Thinking about the night they met; how even as a shadow, Katie's presence was felt by Jessie. Thinking about the night they were trapped in the gym together, the moment she dove off the deep end in kissed Katie, how they held each other that night and comforted each other. She thought about how they were so connected in even the smallest instances. Everything from Katie's brother and their last names and that Billie Holiday song. She thought about how she only did the play because she thought it would somehow change her life…and it did. She believed it was fate. And the more these thoughts ran through her head, she was falling deeper and deeper in love with Katie. And she wanted to tell her, but really wasn't sure if Katie was ready to hear it.
It was a warm Saturday evening in April when Katie stopped by the Manning house once again to see Jessie. They had just finished Rick was cleaning up the kitchen while Lily and Judy were talking in the living room. Lily went to answer the door.
"Oh, hi Katie. Come on in."
"Thanks. How are you?" asked Katie as she came into the house.
"I'm good, thanks. Oh, have you met my sister, Judy?"
Katie looked over at Judy. It was the first time she'd seen her since their little talk. She began to blush and looked away.
"Yeah, it's nice to see you again, Judy."
Judy nodded and smirked at Katie knowingly. "Likewise."
"Well, Jessie's upstairs. You can go on up," said Lily.
"Okay, thanks." Katie headed straight for the stairs and made her way up, but not before catching a glimpse of Judy once more. Judy just smiled at her. Katie smiled back and continued heading upstairs.
Judy looked over at Lily. "You know, I really like that girl." She always found herself saying that.
Lily chuckled. "Yeah. We all do."
Judy tried to read Lily's expression to see if maybe she had caught wind of what was going on between the two girls, but something told her that she had no clue. But something was for sure: this Katie girl somehow manages to melt the hearts of everyone she meets…at least everyone in the Sammler/Manning clan.
When Katie got up to the attic, she found Jessie laying on her bed in a daze. Jessie looked over and when she saw Katie, her eyes lit up.
"Hey!"
"Hi."
"Come here." Jessie patted the bed, inviting Katie to come lay next to her. Katie obliged and took her spot next lying next to Jessie. Jessie rested her head on Katie's shoulder, breathing her in. "I missed you."
"I missed you, too. So much. Sorry I couldn't be around earlier. I had to spend some time with my mom. She's….well, I think she just needed it."
"Is she okay?" asked Jessie.
"Yeah, I think she is…now. But it's so good to be here and it's so good to hold you. That's all I've been wanting to do all day."
Jessie heard Katie's voice begin to crack and she saw the tears forming in Katie's eyes.
"Sweetie, what's wrong? Is it your mom?"
"It's just…is life supposed to be this hard when your 16? I thought it's supposed to be hard when you're, like 30, or something." Katie paused a moment. Jessie grabbed Katie's hand to let her know it would be all right. Katie took a deep breath. "My dad…he just…he's out of control. They won't stop fighting and I feel like I have to be the one to make it stop. And I can't. Not anymore. I just can't be in the middle anymore."
Jessie wrapped her arms around Katie and began to run her fingernails softly up and down Katie's arm.
"It's okay. You're not with them right now. You're with me. Just try not to think about it," Jessie was doing her best to comfort Katie.
"I know. And being with you is what helps. It's like when I'm with you, it's the only time I feel…whole. It's the only time I actually believe everything is going to be okay and things aren't really falling apart. You're the only thing that makes it better." Katie looked at Jessie with those expressive eyes. "I'm sorry. That sounds like a ridiculous amount of pressure on you. I'm not saying I expect you to make it better. I'm just saying…with you, it just IS better."
"Wow. I…wow." Jessie was speechless. Her mouth was open, but the words weren't coming out.
Katie smiled at Jessie. "You are so cute when you're speechless." She nestled her head into Jessie's neck as their hands intertwined. "Can I stay here tonight? I really don't want to go home. I really don't want to go anywhere, actually. Unless you're there."
"Of course you can stay. I want you to stay. I don't even want to move from this position." Jessie was indulging in the sensation of Katie's legs touching hers. The older girl's legs were moving slowly against Jessie's, trying to get comfortable, all the while driving Jessie insane. She wanted Katie. She had been wanting her for quite some time, but never really had the nerve to bring up the topic or even try to instigate it without words. But having Katie lying next to her at this moment brought Jessie to life. And she wanted this feeling to last forever. She had to tell Katie. She had to. The love Jessie carried in her heart for Katie was growing stronger and stronger by the minute. Jessie reached out to touch Katie's face.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself," replied Katie.
"I hate seeing you cry. And I want to make everything okay for you."
Katie smiled. "You do. You always make it okay."
"Yeah. But I kind of…I want to make it okay for you…forever." Jessie felt herself getting incredibly nervous. Her heart was palpitating, but there was no way she could stop now. Katie's eyes stared back at her, piercing her soul and in that loving gaze, Jessie found the strength to continue. "See, I can't turn this off. Whatever it is you've ignited inside me. And I know I could never walk away from this -- from you. And I know I never want to. I want this. I want to be with you forever. I love you, Katie. I'm so in love with you and I'm scared to death of that. But I know that whatever happens, you and I --at least I hope-- will always have each other."
Katie stared at Jessie in disbelief. She wanted to freeze that moment. No, she wanted to go back in time and relive that moment over and over and over. She wanted to record Jessie's words. Write them down and so she could memorize them and never forget them. They would stay fresh in her heart and in her mind. When she was on her death bed, she could reach back in time and remember those words uttered to her by the most amazing girl she had ever met. The girl who stole her heart. The girl who felt like home to her. Jessie Sammler. The love of her life. Katie tried to catch one of the many thoughts running through her head at the moment. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out and now Katie was the speechless one. All she could think to do was pull Jessie into her and hold on for dear life. Everything was surging through her at this moment. Everything she had been feeling for Jessie was summed up in that embrace. She refused to let her girl go. Jessie felt it. She knew Katie felt the same way. The charged that passed through them in that embrace was undeniable. Katie pulled away and looked at Jessie, finally able to speak.
"Oh my God. That was….I needed that. I need to hear you say that because I've been dying inside for weeks. I've been wanting to tell you that for so long, but…I didn't want to scare you. I'm so in love with you, Jessie. I love you so much. I can't…I mean…shit, I can't even form a sentence right now. You managed to put things so eloquently and here I am, just blurting it out. But, I love you."
Jessie smiled. "Well, that's all I really needed to know." She leaned over and kissed Katie softly. Katie's hand was still gripping Jessie's tightly.
"Let's run away," said Katie.
Jessie laughed. "Run away? Where to?"
"Anywhere. Anywhere where it's just me and you."
"It's just me and you right now," said Jessie.
"You're right." Katie agreed. "But your family's downstairs. And my family…good lord, I can't even deal with them right now."
"So don't. The door's locked. You're safe. We're safe. Right here." Jessie looked down at the foot of the bed and crawled over to grab the blanket. She pulled the blanket up over their heads. They were completely covered. "There. See? Now it's just me and you."
It was dark underneath the blanket, but the lamp in the room started shining a dim light through. It took a while for Katie's eyes to adjust, but once they did, she saw Jessie's silhouette turn into a clearer image. An image she wanted to keep locked in her memory for the rest of her life. The more her eyes adjusted, the more Katie was taken aback by Jessie's striking features. She knew then that she was not only in love with Jessie as a whole, but she loved every little part of her. Her clear blue eyes that took hold of Katie's heart every time she looked into them, her cute nose that would crinkle up when she knew Katie was joking with her, her lips that Katie felt she had to touch with her own every time she looks at them, her neck, her hair, her hands. Especially her hands. Katie felt the entire world fade away when she held Jessie's hands, just as she was doing now.
"Promise me this will last. I honestly can't see my life without you in it," whispered Katie.
"This will last. I promise." Jessie moved her right hand over and touched Katie's waist, while Katie's hand moved over toward Jessie's arm. They lay there, staring at each other, exploring each other's skin with their hands. Katie's hand slowly made it's way up Jessie's shirt, while Jessie, without hesitating, pulled her shirt up over her head. She then began to unbutton her jeans and pulled them off. When she moved the blanket to dispose of her jeans and shirt, for a split second the light fully came into their sanctuary and Katie caught a glimpse of Jessie's body. Laying there in her bra and underwear, she couldn't help but think how vulnerable Jessie looked and possibly felt at that moment. Jessie's eyes never left Katie's, but Katie found her eyes looking down, studying Jessie's form. She couldn't tear her eyes away, until she felt Jessie's hand pull her face up and she was greeted with a hungry kiss.
"Are you okay?" Katie asked.
Jessie nodded. "Are you?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay," Katie answered nervously. She had been waiting for this for quite some time. She knew that eventually the day would come when the two of them would get more physical then just their heavy make-out sessions, but she didn't expect it to happen so soon. Not that she'd minded. She'd been trying to control herself for the past few weeks, unsure of how Jessie was feeling about the subject. She didn't want to bring any added stress into Jessie's life, but apparently Jessie was ready for whatever it was they were about to do. Katie felt herself getting nervous because she knew what she had to do next. She began to unbutton her pants as well and slid them off, being careful not to move the blanket too much. That would give them solid proof of the outside world, which was something they did not want to deal with at the moment. Jessie helped Katie remove her shirt and she quickly threw them on the floor, allowing just a little light in, this time giving Jessie the opportunity to see her girlfriend nearly undressed. They lay there, facing each other, slowly moving their hands over the other girl's body. Jessie's fingertips making their way up and down Katie's leg, while Katie was tracing lines on Jessie's back, stimulated by the feel of her soft skin.
Katie pulled her body closer to Jessie. "You are breathtaking. How did I get so lucky to have someone like you?"
"It's not luck. It's fate. And I'm the lucky one." replied Jessie, as her hands teased their way up to Katie's hips. She grasped her hips and pulled them even closer together.
"God, I love the feel of your skin against me. Why do you feel so good in my arms?" Katie asked in between the kisses she was planting on Jessie's neck.
"Because I was made for you," replied Jessie.
Katie gripped Jessie's shoulders as their lips came together. The kiss began to intensify as the two girls reveled in the sensation of their bodies touching each other. Katie made her way on top of Jessie and reach behind her to take off her own bra. Jessie took of hers at the same time. Each girl took the time to examine the other as they revealed more of each other. Their eyes met once more as Katie felt Jessie's breath get heavier and heavier as they sank into another passionate kiss. Their tongues ignited sparks between them and they couldn't get enough of each other. They clasped each other tight as Katie pressed her cheek up against Jessie's and whispered to her while trying to catch her breath.
"Do you need me to slow down? Is this okay?"
"No. It's fine. Really. This is what I want," replied Jessie.
Katie looked at Jessie once more. "I love you so much."
"I love you, too."
Katie brought her hands down and slowly removed Jessie's underwear, taking her time in order to give Jessie the chance to change her mind if she wanted to. But Jessie never spoke up. This is what she wanted. Katie began to remove her underwear, too and both girls were fully undressed underneath their dark fortress. Jessie's fingertips moved up and down Katie's stomach, leaving chills along the older girl's abdomen. Then Jessie put her hand behind Katie's neck and pulled her down to her. Their bodies converged as each girl was discovering every new sensation that came such a potent event. Each girl panting, trying desperately to catch their breath. Their lips continued moving together, as though they fit perfectly together. The feeling of Katie's body moving so rhythmically and effortlessly on top of her stirred up something deep inside of Jessie, to the point of knowing there was no turning back. She didn't want to turn back. Katie incited a deep fervor within Jessie. Jessie felt herself being carried away at the feeling of her legs moving with Katie's, almost as if it were perfectly choreographed dance. As they continued kissing, Jessie looked at the older girl and felt like she was home. That she had indeed finally found where she belonged. She loved Katie. She loved her with all her heart and trusted her more than she'd ever trusted anyone. And by the way Katie was looking at her, she knew that trust would never be broken. Jessie was nervous. So was Katie, but she did her best not to show it. Neither girl said a word. They didn't have to. Their eyes and actions conveyed everything and their souls spoke to each other in their own language, only to be understood by them alone. In the silence of that night, in the darkness of their refuge, they made love for the first time. This night, their bodies had connected as deeply and passionately as their souls had connected on that fateful night in the gym. Both girls felt their bond grow stronger as they were driven into a deeper ecstasy. They let go and forgot about everything around them. Jessie didn't think about anything else. Only Katie. She was simply focused on this girl who had captured her heart and as they entered each other, Jessie gladly accepted it and allowed this charming girl to take her away. To take her to the depths of pure pleasure. Take her to a safe haven where it was only them together. No one else. And Katie allowed Jessie to take her pain away. How could she possibly think of any kind of anguish with Jessie in her arms? Jessie managed to eliminate any trace of sorrow in Katie's mind. Everything about this moment was pure rapture to Katie. She surrendered herself and gave all of her to Jessie. The intimacy between these two was stronger than it had ever been before.
After each girl was brought to the heights of pleasure, they lay there, holding onto each other, still kissing from time to time, their legs entwined. They were simply breathing together, each basking in the memory of what they had just done. Katie refused to let go of Jessie's hand. God knows if she did, Jessie might slip away sometime during the night and be lost forever, and Katie just couldn't bear that thought. Jessie knew Katie had a fear of being abandoned, so she held the other girl's hand tighter to let her know she wasn't going anywhere. They fell asleep like that, each taking comfort in the thought that they would wake up in each other's arms.
To be continued…