Chapter 10: Needs and Wants

I smile, "Sam and I kind of sorted out some of our issues."

"Oh really?" Jake asks. "Are you two happy friends again?"

"I don't know if you'd say that. We just understand each other a little bit more." I pull away so I can look into his eyes. I shrug as if it is no big deal. "He still cares."

"And you still care for him?" Jake asks.

"What? Why are you mad at me? Did I do something?" I ask him, suddenly confused by his coldness towards me.

"You still care for him." Jake says and it is no longer a question.

"Of course I do. He's my first love, my first heartbreak; he will always be in my heart." I tell him.

"And what does that make me?" Jake asks.

"Are you being serious right now?" I ask him. "You, Jake are upset because I still care about the wellbeing of a friend when you are imprinted to someone?"

"That's different." Jake says.

I scoff at him, "You're right, it is different, I will never have a relationship with Sam ever again, but you, you could very well marry the other girl who holds your heart. Right, I'm the worst one here." I push him away from me and start walking home. "You are such a hypocrite! And you are acting like an asshole!" I shout at him.

I keep walking even though I hear his footsteps following me. He hasn't called out to me though, it's like he's trying to figure out what to do, but he can't let me walk away.

I reach for my front door when I hear him finally call out my name. I stop, but I don't face him. This is our first real fight as a couple, and it's over something as stupid as my sort of peace with Sam. I take a deep breath when he calls out to me; he's closer this time than the last. I don't know if I want to turn around and talk to him or just slam the door in his face. It would be so easy to walk away from him, from this stupid fight.

But I can't run away from it. If this is ever going to work we have to get everything in the open, we have to talk about our problems and face them. Slamming the door in his face won't do any good.

I take another breath when I hear him step on the porch. I wouldn't be able to take it if he wanted to walk away from this. I love him, even though I don't have the guts to tell him, it's not something I can argue with anymore.

"Leah…" He says softly. "Please look at me."

I turn to face him, my eyes burning. When had they started burning? Probably when I started walking away; I was so pissed, so upset, and so scared. "What else do you have to say Jacob? You obviously think I'm not loyal to you. Why did you follow me? To finally end things?" The last words catch in my throat and I internally cringe because I was trying to sound so strong.

He shakes his head, "You think I could just end things? After everything I've told you about my feelings for you? After all of this, you think I would end it because of the thought that you might still love Sam?" He shakes his head again. "I'm too selfish for that. I couldn't let you just walk away. I told you, I'm fighting for us, even if I have to fight everything. I need you."

I look down and then I meet his warm eyes again. "Sam is not a threat to you. You should know that. How could you think I'd throw all of it away for Sam?"

Jake looks down, "I wasn't thinking; I just saw you and him so close to each other and… I got jealous. I didn't want to lose you."

I take another step closer; my hands find his and our hands join together. "You aren't going to lose me." I tell him.

Jake gives me a look that I don't quite understand. "I have to tell you why I went to the Cullens. Maybe that will explain why I'm a little bit on edge. I'm sorry I freaked out. I'm glad you worked everything out with Sam."

"Okay… what happened at the Cullens?" I ask him.

Jake looks everywhere but at me. "They have decided to move. Someone at Carlisle's work is becoming suspicious and it would be safer to leave before anyone knows that none of the Cullens age except Nessie who ages rapidly."

"Where are they moving?" I ask him.

"Alaska. They want to be close to the Denalis again." Jake says and he looks at me.

"Alaska is really far away." It's such a stupid thing to say but it's all I could think to say. Jake nods. "When are they moving?"

"Tomorrow. They invited me to come because, well Nessie is my imprint and being so far away from her could be bad for me." Jake says, I can tell he is treading carefully, he's so nervous.

A lump forms in my throat. He wouldn't be able to be so far from her for so long. No matter how much we want to think that what we have is the real thing, the truth is Jake needs Nessie, he needs to be with her, and I hate that. I nod my head, "Of course." I try to control my pacing heart. "Well I hope you enjoy Alaska. Send me a postcard every once in a while." I say and turn to walk inside the house. I can't look at him, if I do, I'll crumble for sure.

"Leah, wait, let me finish." Jake says. He grabs my arm and spins me to face him.

"Spare me, please." I whisper.

"I told them I'd stay here." He tells me. "I'm not going anywhere, just like I told you. It would be better for me to stay here with you." Jake says trying to sound sure and positive.

I look down, I know he needs her. I've seen him struggle with going only a few days without being with her. Weeks could kill him and I couldn't stand by while I watched him be miserable without her. He needed her, we both knew it but neither of us wanted to say the words. He didn't want to hurt me, but in the end he could grow to resent me for this choice then it would hurt worse. I know I can't be selfish, he needs her and I need him to be happy and okay. He might not be either of those if he stays here with me.

I look back into his eyes. "I can't let you stay here, Jake."

"What?" He asks, surprised. His hand lets go of my arm as if it burned him.

"You need her, as much as that fact kills me it is the truth. You'd be miserable if you stayed behind. And I love you; I couldn't bear seeing you miserable because you felt the need to be loyal to me here. You need to go. You need to be with her, and you need to let me go." My voice isn't shaky, surprisingly.

Jake grabs my hands, his fingers lock with mine. "You just told me that you love me and you think I can just let you go?"

I nod my head, "You have to let me go. It isn't a choice anymore."

"Why isn't it a choice?" Jake asks. "I love you, I choose you."

I shake my head, "It's not a choice anymore because I am letting you go."

Jake's hands squeeze mine tighter as if he needs to make sure I don't slip through his fingers, as if he could squeeze tight enough and I'd stay. "You don't mean that. Stop Leah. This isn't funny."

"I know it's not funny." I tell him as I pull my hands away from his hands, which feel like they are on fire right now. "It's over Jake. We're over. It was a good run, we had some fun times but it's time for this to be done."

Jake shakes his head. "Please, stop." He begs. "I don't want this, you think I do so you are trying to do the right thing but I want to be with you. How many times do I have to say it for you to believe it?"

"You can't be away from her. I know that. I'm not doing this because I think you want it, I'm doing this because I want it." Lie number one. I'm doing this because he needs it, not that I want it. I swallow the lump in my throat. I prepare myself to have a strong voice, I need my voice to be steady when I tell him my next words or he'll never believe it. "I don't want to be with you anymore. Please Jake, don't make me say it again. I need you to leave right now and I need you to go to Alaska with the Cullens." Lie number two.

"But you just said you love me, why don't you want to be with me?" Jake says.

I look into his eyes. "I can't be with you. Did you see us fighting? It will only get worse, I can't do this. You'll hate me."

"I could never hate you, and everyone fights. It's no big deal. I'm staying here and I'm going to be with you." He tells me, reaching for my hands but I jerk my hands out of reach.

"I don't care if you stay or go. But I'm not going to be with you. It would just make more sense for you to go with Nessie so you aren't miserable." I tell him. "I don't want to be with you, get that through your stubborn head." Lie number three. Third time is the charm, Jake looks defeated and hurt. "Please, Jake… Leave." I say softly.

"When you look back on this, don't you dare hate me. You are the one pushing me away. You are pushing away the guy who cares about you. You're going to hate yourself." He says to me. "You are always trying to push me away, I've been the one to put myself out there and wear my heart on my sleeve. You did this, don't blame anyone but yourself, you pushed away this beautiful thing." Jake turns to walk away, he goes down the steps and on the last one he turns back around. "See you in the Spring, that's when I'll be visiting Dad."

Then he changes into his wolf form and he runs away. I hear him howl in the distance and I sink down to the porch floor with my back against the door.

He's right, I pushed him away from the beginning, and I fought this the whole time. But this time, even though it was hard pushing him further away but I know that's what he needed right now. He might not have known it but he needed to be with her. Being with her could give him the answers he's been searching for, he could fall for her romantically, and if he stayed here he'd be miserable. He needed this, and although he probably hates me now, I need him to be happy, I couldn't bear to see him miserable.

I miss him like crazy already but I'll be okay, love means that someone's happiness has priority before yours, their happiness is more important than yours.

Everything will be okay.

That thought I repeat to myself over and over as I go into my house and curl up on my bed. I bury myself beneath the sheets and I fall into a restless sleep full of nightmares about losing a guy I've already lost.

A/N: Sorry for the late update. This week has been crazy. School and Family emergencies have been preoccupying me. Hope to update soon! Thanks for reading and for all of the reviews. Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, I lost my grandpa a couple of days ago and my head isn't completely straight yet. But I wanted to write and update. I'll revise it again later.- Bye, Courtney.