Title: Plan B
Chapter 10 – Reaching the Breaking Point
"So…are they being charged with anything?" Boden asks with a heavy sigh as he walks up to the desk at the CPD precinct.
"Stupidity?" Desk Sergeant Platt retorts with a less than amused smile. "Follow me."
"What happened?"
"From what I overhead, Severide was talking to some blond. Her MMA wanna-be boyfriend didn't like it. Went to punch Severide but hit Casey instead and so then…"
"Severide punched him for punching Casey," Boden concludes as they near the temporary holding cell.
"But it didn't last long as two off duty officers stopped it pretty fast. And at least they didn't have to pay for any damages. Bartender saw the big guy throw the first punch so he's footing the bill for a few broken glasses and disturbing the peace."
"Poor guy."
"Poor you, you're stuck with these two."
"Chief!" Severide states loudly as Boden nears the bars and looks at his two drunken lieutenants. "We can explain."
"It really is a good story Chief," Casey adds with just as wide a grin. "Severide started it."
"I did. Well sort of. But…"
"See. You want to take responsibility of them? Or let them sleep it off in here? Could be fun once the midnight crew comes in," Platt offers with a dry smirk.
"I'll take them."
"Ok-ay. I'll get the paperwork."
Boden watches her leave and then turns to his two Firehouse 51 Lieutenant's, giving them a headshake. "What the hell happened to you two?" He asks, referring to the slight discoloration on Casey's jaw and a bit of a black eye; Severide's cheek and jaw also sporting discoloration; both of them looking slightly disheveled."
"Bar fight Chief."
"We won," Casey adds proudly as Boden's lips purse.
"Okay so…just the three of us here. Who really threw the first punch?" Boden dares to inquire.
Both Casey and Severide point at each other at the same time and laugh, making Boden utter a low growl under his breath but tell them in this situation it was his duty as Chief to make sure they got home safe and that's just what he was going to do.
"You two can sleep it off at my place," Boden tells them as the three of them finally leave the police station about half hour later. "Is Aurora at home with a sitter?"
"No…she's out…" Severide answers with a small snicker before he frowns and looks at Casey. "Oh damn we left her at the bar!"
"No no…she took a cab home," Casey adds with a snicker as Boden mutters 'someone help me' under his breath. "I think we neeee…" Casey starts as his footsteps deviate from course and Boden quickly pulls him back. "No cab?"
"No man…we're taking the bus home," Severide grumbles as he starts to look around. "I was only saying hi to her. Jerk boyfriend."
"Yeah he wasn't very nice. Chief…you driving?"
"Well you certainly can't," Boden tells Casey point blank as Casey stares back with glassy eyes and then grins before he smiles.
"Damn I never get to drive the truck," Casey offers with a mock pout.
"Tell Cruz next time it's your turn," Severide pipes up loudly as Casey nods in agreement. "Or just let him drive yours," he adds with a laugh.
"His is bigger."
"Oh right size matters," Severide states in mock seriousness, making Casey laugh as well.
"Just…get in," Boden directs them with an exasperated tone. The drive home is spent with the two very inebriated fire and rescue leaders talking loudly about the night, the fight and how much they love their Chief. Boden spends his time just glad the fight wasn't as bad as it could have been and reminding them that they just sleep it off when they get to his place.
"Your place is really…"
"Shhh you'll wake Donna," Casey states loudly as they both laugh once more.
"Oh right."
"Okay so…" Boden starts as he directs them each to a couch.
"We'll take the bed," Severide rushes as he looks at Casey with a frown. "Wait…"
"Top or bottom?" Casey asks with a laugh as Boden rolls his eyes.
"I should record this and play it back and you two will never drink again," Boden tells them as he points to the blankets and then offers them a good night. "I'll let you two work…everything else out."
"Do you think…" Casey looks after Boden and then turns back to Severide with a wondering smirk. "Whatever. Guess we gotta be quiet now."
"You're the one being loud," Severide snickers as he trips on something and then looks at Casey as Casey shrugs.
"It wasn't my fault."
"Goodnight!"
Both hear Boden's voice and then look at each other and smile. "Mom and dad are having sex."
"I heard that!"
Casey struggles to get his jacket off as he slightly stumbles toward one of the couches and then slumps down into the soft cushions, looking up at Severide with a slight glassy stare. "My eye hurts."
"Yeah man sorry about that."
"You didn't hit me," Casey tosses back, making them both snicker once more; Boden and Donna in the other room literally rolling their eyes before they try to get some sleep. The drunken chatter remains a bit longer before both Casey and Severide finally pass out, each on a respective couch – remaining asleep until the morning.
The next morning Casey awakens with a pounding head and a throbbing eye. He looks over at Severide sprawled on the couch and groans as he pushes himself upright and then rests his elbows on his knees and rubs his face. "Ah…damn," he gently curses as he puts a bit too much pressure on his bruised jaw.
His brain finally snaps him awake and he hears soft laughter coming from another room. Where…are we? He asks as he looks around in wonder. But then a familiar face appears and his world slowly starts to return to familiarity.
"Morning Matt."
"Morning…Donna," he lightly stammers as she walks past with a smile and enters the kitchen. "Right…Chief's place."
"Oh…damn."
Casey turns and watches Severide also struggling to get upright and extends his hand to pull him up.
"Thanks…m…oh damn," Severide lightly curses again as he looks at Casey's black eye. "Did I do that?"
"No. The angry boyfriend did after you were…well hitting on his girlfriend? It's kinda fuzzy now but I think…yeah she looked like Shay. I wasn't hitting on her. I was just trying to…"
"Hit on her?" Casey interjects as Severide scowls. "But then her boyfriend stepped in and…yup hell broke loose."
"He looked like the Rock."
"You mean Dwayne," Casey snickers as Boden appears with a less than amused expression. "Chief…" Casey tries to stand up.
"Just…relax a bit before you both fall down and break something."
Casey slumps back down and looks at Severide with a frown. "Before the fight…or after…wait…how'd we end up here?"
"I picked you both up."
"We were hitchhiking?" Severide retorts with a wink as Casey shakes his head. "Okay jail…did they charge us with anything?"
"Stupidity," Boden retorts dryly. "Platt's words not mine."
"Was anyone hurt?" Casey asks in concern.
"Your eye. Otherwise apparently the other guy busted a few things and had to pay for the damages. Donna's putting on some coffee."
Both of them watch Boden take his leave and join his expecting wife in the kitchen and then look at each other in wonder.
"Coulda been worse," Severide suggests as Casey's lips purse. "Okay…but it doesn't look…okay so you have a black eye and your sister is going to freak on me and…"
"The guys at 51."
"Maybe it'll go down by then," Casey mentions hopefully as he leans back in the couch. "By the way it wasn't my original intention to get…"
"Thrown ten sheets to the wind?" Severide interjects as Casey nods in agreement. "I coulda said no or stopped myself or you at any time. I guess I just needed to forget life…things…whatever for a while."
"I wanted you to have a bit of fun also. Not to necessarily forget things just…have fun."
"That woman…damn she probably thinks…"
"She was probably thinking he's a bit drunk and I have a hot tempered boyfriend. Why did you grab his arm?"
"I didn't. I was trying to apologize. I tripped and…and he hit you," Severide answers with a groan. "So much for a productive day."
"Well…how about after this we go home, we get the car, go pick up Aurora and head to Toys R Us," Casey softly suggests as Severide's head snaps back in his direction. "And then just go home and relax?"
"Yeah…that sounds like a good plan."
"Okay."
Severide watches his friend get up and head for the bathroom, surmising that he was probably going to check out the damage done the night before. He thinks back to the big scene in the crowded bar with the woman named Kellie who looked like Shay and inwardly groans. Two off duty CPD Officers had to break up the fight and since they had no car, deposited them in jail; Platt calling Boden to come and get them. It angered him when the angry boyfriend struck Matt for his mistake, and he remedied that – or so he thought by pushing Matt out of the way and punching the attacker right back. But he should have just let it go from the start and nothing would have happened.
At least Aurora wasn't there…Severide's mind huffs as he sits up and then pulls his phone. His fingers absently flip through the pictures on his phone, a few selfie's of him and Shay, a few with Aurora and a few without. His eyes linger on one that Aurora had taken and he can't help but smile at the unimpressed expression on Shay's face.
'Kelly you can't just…wait…did our daughter just take a picture…no Aurora…'
'Look Mommy.'
'Yeah very proud of yourself I see,' Shay had playfully scolded. But when Aurora offered a pout in return Shay had to let the picture remain.
At the time he had made a mental note to delete it but life got in the way and he had forgotten; now he's glad he did as he can look back on the memory with fondness. "Well…" he huffs as he slowly stands up, also cursing his pounding head and regretting the numerous shots he had the night before.
"And good morning to you," Donna greets Severide as he enters the kitchen and she hands him a steaming mug of dark coffee.
"Morning," Severide gently groans as he slumps down onto a nearby bar stool. "Sorry about this."
"Nothing got broken so it's all good," Donna assures him with a friendly smile. "When Wallace got the call last night I kinda figured he'd bring you two here."
"My sister would have just scolded us," Casey adds as he joins them.
"With good reason," Boden remarks as he hands Casey a mug of coffee. "No protesting as you both need breakfast."
Neither hung over male has any intention of moving very fast so the thought of someone else making them breakfast actually sounds pretty good. So they both settle in and start to tell them about their day yesterday before the drunken bar fight.
"How was he last night…before the fight?" Boden asks Casey in an undertone after Severide had excused himself and went to the bathroom.
"He was tense at first but then loosened up and was okay. We just talked…stuff. Some work…some life but just stuff," Casey admits with a heavy sigh. "He misses Shay. He's struggling between grief and resentment and sometimes I think his anger pushes away his will to grieve and I just fear…that one day he'll be behind the wheel or…" Casey's voice trails off as he looks up at Donna who offers him a sympathetic smile. "I don't want Aurora to become an orphan."
"None of us want that either," Boden tells him in truth. "This weekend…"
"Yeah the anniversary. One month," Casey confesses with a heavy sigh. "We have plans to keep busy but I still worry. He needs to embrace how he feels. If not to me…then to someone."
"We'll keep an eye on him," Boden assures Casey as Severide finally returns and the conversation turns toward the day ahead once again. About an hour later, Boden is driving them both to their shared apartment, telling them to just take it easy the rest of the day. Which they do.
Casey calls his sister, who is out at the moment with Aurora and will drop her by when she's finished. While they wait for Aurora to arrive, Casey and Severide tend to a few chores around the apartment; both moving slowly but also taking time to mock each other and have a good laugh at their own slow moving expense.
"I feel like I'm ninety," Severide laments as he slumps down onto the couch beside Casey a few hours later; Aurora's arrival imminent.
"You look it," Casey shoots back with a cheeky grin.
"Oh really," Severide retorts with a smirk. But before either of them can continue their pointless discussion, they hear a knock followed by a key jingling in the door.
"No get the door before…" Casey starts.
"Matt? Kelly?" Christie calls out as she enters; Aurora pushing past her in search of her father.
"Daddy!" She calls out as she rushes into her father's waiting arms.
"Thanks," Casey offers as Christie's eyes widen and she takes in her brother's haggard appearance.
"What…happened?"
"We had fun last night. You?" Casey replies in haste; his eyes begging his sister to let him explain when Aurora wasn't in ear shot.
"Sure…right…well we had fun too."
Casey walks with his sister to the door, telling her about happened last night and how it really wasn't their fault but how Boden came to their rescue. "Up until the fight it was fun."
"Matt…"
"It looks worse because I'm tired and nursing a massive headache," Casey confesses as his sister very gently applies some cream to part of his bruised jaw as the two of them stand in the bathroom; Severide, Aurora and Violet in the other room. "How did you make out? Did Aurora fuss at all?"
"A little after dinner but then she went to sleep. She woke up once looking for her mother."
"Sorry."
"It's okay," Christie shrugs. "We feel so sorry for her. She basically cried herself to sleep and then slept with Violet and that helped her feel better. So…this weekend huh."
"One month. Thought we'd have you guys and the Hermann's and Benny over. Figured maybe with a House full of people, it'd be easier on Kelly. I already told him and he seems okay…well he just shrugged and nodded so I hope it's okay. What do you think?"
"I think you need to force him to confront his feelings," Christie states candidly.
"I said the same thing to Boden. He needs to let out how he's feeling instead of just holding it in and saying he's fine…when he's not. I try to get him to open up and he does a little to me and says he's okay. I know he's not so I push for more and then we argue. I just fear the day he finally realizes he needs to let it out and does it in the worst way possible. The thing with the bar last night was nothing," Casey confesses with a heavy sigh. "I won't give up. But…"
"I know…you're worried."
The two siblings leave the bathroom and rejoin the others in the living room, Aurora of course asking why Uncle Matt was wearing makeup, referring to the blackish circle under his eye and the slight discoloration on his jaw. Severide looks over with a concerned expression but Casey brushes it off like its no big deal.
After Christie and Violet leave, Casey, Severide and Aurora just hang out in the living room, a few kid-friendly movies playing in the background and the two very tired adult males taking turns playing and napping. Dinner that night is kept very simple and all three of them turn in early, wanting a good night's sleep before another eventful day tomorrow. Shopping.
XXXXXXX
"School's out why is it so busy?" Severide asks with a small groan as they near the entrance to the bustling department store.
"That's why. Now it's time to get ready for school."
"That's in the fall," Severide tosses back at Casey who chuckles. "Okay so…car seat right?"
"I think it's…
"LOOK DADDY! LOOK!" Aurora pulls on her father's arm as they near a display with various offerings for little girls. Severide can't help but smile as they near the pile, arriving at the same time as another couple with their daughter.
"Look mommy! I want this one! Please! Please!" The other little girl tugs on her mother's arm, Aurora looking at the little girl and her mother with a small frown.
Aurora looks up at her father in wonder before reaching for one of the toys. Severide's mind reaches back to something Cindy Hermann had told him about always giving in and it could do more harm than good. Toy shopping wasn't on his list and they still had a few things to do, so he politely smiles and tries to shuffle his mildly protesting daughter along.
"Can I get a new Dora dolly daddy?"
"No sweetie, may…" he starts and then stops, remembering to not make a false promise he might not be able to keep.
"Why not daddy?" Aurora moans as she watches the other little girl getting a new toy and then looking up at her father with a pout.
"I think I see car seats," Casey interjects as Severide gently pulls his daughter away from the visually tempting display.
"Okay so I think we should both get booster seats," Severide suggests as he directs his daughter over toward another section of the store. "So…damn they aren't cheap."
"No…they are not," Casey adds as he looks at one that he would put into his truck, fastened in the middle. They finally agree on one for each vehicle and then head into the busy mall area, looking at a few things and then heading to the food court for some lunch.
Aurora finishes her little cheese burger and fries and then contentedly plays with her happy meal toy while Casey and Severide make a plan to pick up anything else they might need for home.
"Dad's in for the weekend," Severide mentions with an almost heavy sigh.
"Kelly, if you didn't want…"
"No. I think it'll be good. At least with him there, one of us won't be moping," he mentions as he casts a playful glace down at his daughter who looks up in wonder. "Grandpa Benny's going to come over on the weekend. Is that okay?"
"Yes," Aurora replies very definitively. "Will he bring me a new dolly?"
Severide shrugs although his mind silently adds, probably…he always does. She purses her lips making them both laugh and then goes back down to her toy and small coloring picture.
"For the record, I don't mope," Casey interjects with a snicker.
After lunch they head into a nearby department store to pick up a few necessary clothing items and then into the grocery store to get a few things for the next few nights.
"How about we barbeque?" Casey suggests as they walk up to the bulk section and look at the sale items.
"All the Hermann's are coming?"
"Hermann couldn't reply fast enough," Casey tosses back with a smile. "I think they're just happy to get out of the House. Good thing ours is kid friendly."
"We'll just pass them over to Benny. I swear he missed his childhood and is reliving it now," Severide answers with a small smile as they put a few things into the shopping cart; Aurora sitting in the top and happily playing with a small stuffie cat that she had brought with her.
"Flower wants some too," Aurora remarks as she holds up her cat as they near the dessert section.
"Yeah I'll bet she does," Severide smiles as he playfully tugs on the bottom of Aurora's ponytail. "Didn't we ask Cindy to bring dessert?"
"We can," Casey shrugs as Severide looks at him in wonder. "They did offer and we only told them beer and salad."
"I'll get dad to bring the beer. Call Hermann," Severide replies with an almost militant tone, making Casey laugh as he pulls his phone.
On the ride home they talk a bit more about fixing the shelving in the living room and possibly redoing the bathroom that Severide and his daughter were sharing; things that in Casey's mind meant they were wanting to stay longer. He also knows the lease on the loft apartment that Shay and Severide shared was due in a few days and Severide would either give his final notice or ask for an extension. What would it be? He could only hope it was the former; the latter would mean mental grief for him and now after having them there for two weeks – despite the ups and downs, doesn't want to picture himself living alone again.
"Okay so how about we get Aurora to put away the Swiffer refills."
"What's siffer?" She asks in wonder.
"These," Severide holds up the purple box. "And they go in the cupboard marked…SWIffer," he points to the word, reads it correctly and then points to the cupboard that Christie had labelled for them all – lower shelves and cupboards so that Aurora could easily put away non-breakable and non-toxic items.
Aurora takes the box and heads for the cupboard, pulling it open and looking for a space. "It won't fit daddy," she looks up with a grumble.
"She gets that face from you," Casey snickers as he continues to put away a few glass jars in the upper shelving units.
Severide kneels down at his daughter's side and rearranges a few things and then leans back so she can put it away. And she does. And it fits. "Yay!" Severide states happily as Aurora looks at him with a wide grin. "Good girl. Okay so…" he gives her a few more items and then goes about helping Casey with dinner.
His eyes glance over at the activity calendar on the front of the fridge and affix on the next two days. One month…Shay…ah damn it's been a month already…his mind silently laments as a lump forms in his throat. Casey looks over and he gives his friend a rather strained smile; his eyes pleading for him not to push the issue. Casey doesn't.
After dinner the three of them play a friendly game of memory. It's a modified game of memory, with bright cartoon numbers that will help Aurora not only with her memory but also her numbers. After that the three of them part ways to hopefully get a good night's sleep. But for one of them…it would be fitful – again.
That night Severide's mind delves into torment as he pictures him and Shay on the day of Aurora's birth, telling each other they'd be there for her and each other 'always'.
"Always…" Severide's mind yells as his eyes water and he stares miserably out the darkened window. He rolls onto his other side, hoping the darkness of his bedroom will help lull him back to sleep. It doesn't. His mind more content with replaying the events leading up to those last fateful hours.
'Love you.'
'Always.'
Severide feels his core tighten as he remembers Shay's smiling face; their conversation earlier in the day full of hope and promise as they talked about surprising Aurora with their first family trip to Disneyland. His mind starts to curse as his eyes water; seeing himself standing over her body while Dawson tries in vain to bring her back to them.
"Can't…do this…"
XXXXXXXX
The next morning Casey awakens and heads into the kitchen, slumping down on one of the kitchen bar stools and writing down a few extra things they'd need for their company dinner the following night. It wasn't going to be anything big or fancy but he's hoping it'll help his friend and his goddaughter cope with the stressful memories of that day. He remembers being in the vicinity when Severide told Aurora that her mother wasn't coming home – ever.
But he hopes with a House full of people that it'll help the evening pass by with less inner tension. At least…that was the plan.
"Hey," Severide greets Casey as he enters a few minutes later already dressed and ready for the day. "So…what's on the agenda for today?"
"Nothing too major. How are you holding up?"
"I'm uh…I just keep reliving those moments before we enter that damn building…you know…hearing the always and um…and we had talked about Disneyland before that. We were going to surprise Aurora but…but now…"
"Sorry," Casey acknowledges somewhat numbly.
"Yeah," Severide gives Casey back a tight lipped smile.
"And you know…Disneyland can still happen. No pressure…just think about it."
"Okay. I have a few things I gotta take care of today…alone. Can you watch Aurora for a few hours?"
"Built in babysitter," Casey answers with a smile. "Sure you don't want any company?"
"I'm okay."
"Okay," Casey nods but watches his friend in worry. "Wanna meet for lunch if you'll be out?"
Severide pauses before finally giving in. "Okay…I'll probably be back but um…but if it gets close to noon then I'll call and tell you where I am."
"Daddy!" Aurora comes running into the kitchen with her dolly in her grasp.
"Morning sweetheart," he greets as he puts her on his knee. The two of them play for a bit while Casey makes breakfast, Severide leaving his daughter to join in and the three of them enjoying a leisurely start to the day. After that, Severide tells Casey he has to go and then kneels down to his daughter.
"You and Uncle Matt are going to do some special shopping together today okay?"
"And you too?"
"No, daddy's gotta take care of a few things. But I'll see you at lunch okay? I love you so much," he whispers as he kisses her cheek. "Always."
Casey's head snaps up at the mention of that last whispered word and he locks eyes with his best friend, holding his gaze and finally noticing the look of stormy defeat. "Kelly…"
"I'll see you both soon. I promise."
Casey stands up to protest but Severide tells his daughter he'll see her soon and heads for the door; Casey wanting to insist he comes with him or they all go together; his mind worried about the finality in Severide's tone. You're reading more into it because you're worried…he'll be fine…he won't leave Aurora. He won't…he can't…will he? NO!
The first stop Severide makes is to the cemetery where he slowly wanders toward the gravestone for his fallen best friend and the mother of his child, a single red rose in his grasp. He squats down in front of the stone slab and drops his gaze.
But no words come forth; only a few tormented whimpers before he sniffles and then places the rose in front of the plot on the dewy ground. Finally he dares to utter a few whispered words. "Aurora's doing um…good. She misses you…damn I miss you. There's so much…Casey's helping…school…just…stuff…stuff I took for granted before but now…it just seems unfair…just…" his voice trails off as he looks away. Before he turns back his eyes catch another couple heading toward another part of the cemetery and tells himself that its time to leave. He places the rose and removes the dead ones and then turns and walks back to his waiting car.
The day is grey, overcast and dismal and just adding to his already miserable frame of mind. He tells himself that maybe he'll suggest the three of them go out to a movie; wanting desperately to distract his mind for what he knows will be an onslaught of emotional woes in the coming twenty-four hours.
"Ah damn…really?" Severide groans as he's forced to take a detour; the road ahead newly under construction. However, fate has something else in mind – taking him past the last place he ever wanted to see again. But he does. Severide stops his car outside the charred building and narrows his eyes.
It killed her…his mind growls as he gets out of his car and slowly heads for the charred front entrance. The building was of course slated for demotion but as soon as he enters, he's instantly struck with familiar and at the same time horrific, sounds.
'Sev…erid…e the …anks are gonna…ow!'
'Casey, say again…you're breaking up.'
'Ge…out…NOW!'
But time wasn't on their side and before he could react the building was imploding around him. He felt his body shift to the right and then the left; his legs gave way, his body slammed into the ground. He hears his team…he hears Casey…Shay! His throat tries to call out but he can't…he's stopped…his brain yells the words but they are lost in the angry rumble from the deathly structure. Shay! Casey! He tries to call out. But the building merely laughed at him, mocking his feeble attempts at calling out to his closest friends and teammates; taunting the fragile human with its show of superhuman strength. Undefeated. Always.
"You killed her…" Severide's voice starts with a low hiss as he enters the darkened structure, now making his way up to the second floor. "YOU KILLED HER!" He shouts into the air, his heart and mind racing with her screams before they are silenced.
'KELLY HELP ME!'
"You…she wanted to live…she…WANTED TO LIVE!...WHY!" Severide shouts again as his eyes flood; his mind picturing his hands coming away with her blood on them and her peaceful expression looking up before her eyes open and her lips ask him why.
"NOOOOOO DAMN YOU!" He calls out as he grabs a nearby piece of rebar; gripping it tightly between his fingers and then striking a nearby beam. "YOU KILLED HER! SHE WANTED TO LIVE! SHE…she had so much…to live for…" his voice breaks into a tormented sob.
He strikes it once more, doing more harm to his own hands as the metal reverberates up his forearms and then shoulders. "SHAY!" Severide yells as he twists around and finds something else to destroy. This time the rotten piece of wood happily bends to his angry demands. He strikes it with satisfying force. Then again. And again...and…again. He hits another beam. Then a piece of charred debris – whatever was within striking distance would bear the brunt of his emotional and physical wrath.
Until…there is nothing left.
"Why did you have to go….WHY!" Severide shouts as he strikes it once more, warm, salty tears slowly escaping his tormented sapphires and sliding down his flushed cheeks. "You left me…you promised you'd never leave! You'd be here always! ALWAYS! YOU LIED….YOU…" he starts to choke and then stops as he drops to his knees. "Why…" he lightly sobs as his arms drop limply to his sides; the piece of rebar rolling a few feet away.
"I can't do this alone…you…you should be here…I'm scared," he finally admits; his brain finally allowing him to offer up verbally what he'd been holding in since the moment the doctor pronounced Leslie Shay dead. And now with no audience, no one asking questions and no one coming at him with perceived expectations he can finally let out what he'd be holding in for a month – afraid to let it out for fear he'd judge himself. The worst jury of them all.
"I'm scared to do this alone…raise our daughter…I need you…I NEED YOU!" He shouts as his chest starts to heave. "I need…you're missing so much…Aurora…she asks about you…misses you…NEEDS YOU!...she needs you," his chest starts to slightly heave. "God she needs you…she…" his eyes drop back down. "It's unfair…so unfair. I don't know what to do….I need you…why…why aren't you here…WHY!"
He knows why. He knows the answer. The horrible truth. But right now it feels better to ask…to demand of her killer an answer. One he knows he won't get a satisfying response from. But it was more beneficial for him to expel his inner anger and hatred. However, it was also destructive and the large angry beast that he was in the belly of was going to show him the folly of his ways.
Severide lifts his eyes but then narrows them as he quickly realizes exactly where he is – the same spot she had taken her last breath. Inner emotional rage, fighting to be released finally finds a departure route and Severide pushes himself up from his feet and charges into the part of the beam that was still standing.
"DAMN YOU!" Severide curses the building as his left shoulder slams into the beam with bitter force. "YOU KILLED HER! YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM HER DAUGHTER! FROM ME! YOU MURDERED HER!" He shouts before his throat starts to seize from the dry bits of dusty debris his actions are causing.
However, for every action there is a reaction and the defunct deathtrap finally has enough and starts to push back.
"YOU…" Severide starts as the water soaked flooring beneath his boots starts to creak and groan. He looks around with a sudden feeling of panic and before he can react a scream dies in his throat as the flooring gives way. The building opens its arms and smiles as Severide falls into the darkness; a loud rumble, followed by silence.
A/N: EEKS! Okay so before this did you like the drunken aftermath of our boys "fun" night out? Just a few bruises and some damaged pride but nothing major. Did you also like Boden to the rescue? Some angsty downtime but Severide has finally reached his breaking point. Who will find Severide? And how will he fare after this? Would love your thoughts so please do review before you go and thanks so much!