Ch. 10
I felt like a total douche when I got home. I couldn't believe I just blackmailed a guy to go out with a girl who thinks I'm her friend. I've got to be the worst friend in the history of the universe. She'll probably find out I blackmailed him, and then she'll hate me. Then she'll completely avoid me. Which I guess is what I wanted, but I don't want to hurt her. She trusts me after all. And it's not like she has anyone else to turn to. If she finds out we'll both be alone and upset because then I'll feel even worse than I do now thinking about it.
I opened my drawer. The wolf's eyes stared at me. The was the first time in having it back that the knife had called to me. I reached in, but I grabbed my phone instead. I haven't cut since 'The Incident.' Two whole months! I wasn't about to start again now and throw away all my hard work.
Naturally, I called Lena. "Hello," She answered.
"I'm an asshole," I stated bluntly.
"Why? What'd you do?" Even though I've been bitching and complaining nonstop these last couple of weeks, she didn't sound too annoyed with it yet.
"I blackmailed a guy to go out with Amanda."
"Why?"
"Because she said she liked him, and I figured if she dated him she'd spend time with him and leave me alone. But he didn't like her back, so I blackmailed him."
"What happens if she finds out?"
"She thinks I'm an asshole like I do."
"Stop saying that. You're not an asshole."
There was a moment of silence. I wanted to be a nice person, I wanted to agree with her, but I didn't know if I could because I really thought I was. "I almost cut," I told her. "But I called you instead."
"Why didn't you?" She asked.
"I don't know. I guess because I want to stop."
"Why?"
How many questions is she going to ask today? I didn't even really know the answer to the last two. "I guess because my parents want me to stop."
"I'd never stop because someone else to me to," She stated matter-of-factly.
"Then why do you want to stop?" It was my turn to ask the questions now.
"I don't."
This I didn't know. "Then why are you in therapy?"
"My grandparents are paying for it. They told me I needed to go. I thought I might as well humor them. I didn't really want to waste their money either."
"Well that's just like what I'm doing isn't it? You're going to therapy because your grandparents want you to."
"Yeah, but you're not cutting to please someone. I'm going to therapy so I don't fell as guilty about wasting my grandparents money. It's different. Besides," She added on a lighter note. "I kind of like therapy now."
This was obviously because of me, or at least I hoped it was. "Well that makes me feel better. I got to go, ok?"
"Alright."
"Bye." I went to hang up.
"Yulia!" She called to get my attention, fearing I was about to hang up the phone prematurely which I was. When I was listening to her again she spoke more calmly. "You can cut if you want to."
I considered her words for a moment before saying, "Ok. Bye. I'll see you tomorrow." I did hang up this time. I put my phone up and shut the drawer. I didn't open it again that night.
At lunch on Monday I Was eager to see if my plan had worked. I figured if it had Amanda would sit with Fred. She sat with me, but I didn't mind too much. I was anxious to find out how it went with Fred. "How'd your date go?" I asked. They had made plans to go out over the weekend. Amanda told me about it after lunch.
"They were great. On Saturday we went to see a movie then on Sunday we went rollerblading."
"You guys went on two dates?" Fred didn't have to do that.
"Yeah. It was awesome. Did you go on a date with Lena?"
She knew about me and Lena? I didn't remember telling her. "How'd you know Lena was my girlfriend?"
"You guys sat next to each other and held hands during therapy Saturday."
"Oh." Duh she was t here. I should've know. "Um, yeah," I answered her question. "We went out to eat."
Amanda didn't get a chance to comment which I was sure she was bursting to do. Fred sat down next to her. He once again had the most convincing fake smile I've ever seen plastered on his face. It really was amazingly real. "Hey, do you want to come sit with me and the guys? He asked referring to his obnoxious friends.
Amanda turned her head to consult me. "Do you mind, Yulia?"
"No," I said. "It's ok." She spent the last half of lunch with Fred. My plan had worked after all. Now the only thing I had to worry about was making sure that Amanda never finds out the real reason why Fred asked her out.
Luckily, Fred and I got to economics before Amanda. I decided I'd show him the picture of Mr. Bearykins, so he had more incentive to keep going out with Amanda. "Fred," I called out across the room.
He came marching over to where I sat. "What do you want now?" He asked bitterly.
"I've got something to show you." I scrolled through my phone, and it wasn't before I found the picture of Mr. Bearkykins sticking his head out of Fred's backpack.
He got even more pissed off. "Delete it," He begged.
"No way." I wasn't going to fall for that one. There was no chance I'd delete my only evidence.
"Don't show anyone!"
"I'm not going to. As long as you keep going out with Amanda."
"I will! We're going to the Back to School Dance Friday night."
"Good boy," I praised. "Just make sure she doesn't find out I blackmailed you."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
"What?"
Please tell me that wasn't who I think it was. I turned around quickly. "Amanda!" How long had she been standing there? I hope she didn't hear that.
"You blackmailed him so he would go out with me?" I guess she had.
Saved by the bell. The tardy bell rang and Mr. Weiss, the economics teacher, took control of the class. "All right everyone. Take your seats."
Fred followed the command and took his seat on the other side of the classroom. Far, far away from Amanda. I wasn't so lucky. My seat was right next to Amanda's. Fantastic.
"I am so sorry," I whispered to her.
"If he didn't me you should've just told me. Real friends don't lie, Yulia. If he didn't like me you're supposed to say that and then tell me that I deserve someone better than him anyways." She was almost as pissed as Fred. "Why did you blackmail him anyway? You don't think I can get a date unless the guy is forced into it?"
"No," I insisted. "I don't know why I did it." I wasn't going to tell her the truth. The truth hurts, and I didn't want to make this any worse than it already was. She's my only friend.
"Girls," Mr. Weiss interrupted. "Stop talking." He glared at us.
With that we were unable to talk for the rest of the class. After class, however, there was talking. Mostly between Amanda and Fred though. Amanda had set about trying to make things right with Fred. "I'm sorry," She apologized. "You don't have to go out with me anymore."
"No, no," He objected. "It's okay."
"No, it's not. I wouldn't want to date a guy who doesn't want to go out with me anyway."
As anyone would expect, she left the room very upset. I noticed Fred looked pretty upset too. I figured he thought I would tell everyone his secret since Amanda broke up with him. I had to try to set things straight here. I had messed so much up. The least I could do right now was assure Fred that his secret was safe with me. "You don't have to be upset, Fred. I won't tell anyone. I promise."
"That's not the problem," he said to my surprise. "I like her. I really like her. I didn't at first, but once I got to know her I really did."
I couldn't believe it. That was the last thing I expected to hear him say. "Well go get her," I encouraged. "Tell her that." If she knew Fred really liked her she'd be less upset, and since it would make her happier she possibly wouldn't be so mad at me. I had made it my mission to fix things now.
"Do you really think she'll take me back?"
"If you explain yourself."
He rushed out of the classroom, and I followed him. (I'm glad we got out of there before Mr. Weiss kicked us out. It'd already been a while since the rest of the class had filed out of the room, and he was starting to give us 'the look.')
It wasn't long before I caught up with him in the hall, and when I did he stopped to talk to me. "Will you please delete that picture?"
"Yes." I was done being mean to this guy.
"You promise?"
"Yes."
"Good. You know, you're not so bad. And any friend of Amanda is a friend of mine."
I wasn't really sure if Amanda and I were friends anymore, but I didn't have time to tell him that. He was determined to talk to Amanda before she got on the bus. He ran down the hall, his destination being her locker. This time I didn't follow him. Instead, I went to my locker and then went home.