PS/SS: Man with Two Faces (spoilers)

Scene: Dumbledore is stilling with Harry in the hospital wing after the adventures Voldemort and Quirrel.

"And there's something else..."

"Fire away."

"Quirrel said Snape-"

"Professor Snape, Harry."

"Yes, him- Quirrel said he hates he because he hated my father. Is that true?"

"Well, they did have rather detest each other. Not unlike yourself and Mr Malfoy. And then your father did something Snape could never forgive."

"What?"

"He stole your mother."

"What?"

"Professor Snape loved your mother. From day one he wanted to bone her senseless but couldn't find the bollocks to do it. He pined and pined and pined. Madame Pomfrey had to give him a lot of healing potions his first couple of years to ease the chafing. That's why he became so interested in potions, because he had to make his own stock when Poppy refused to give him any more. He and your mother were very close, but I'm very surprised she never noticed how much of her hair he stole. The boy kept scissors with him whenever they met up. By the third year her hair was so lopsided that she looked like an 80's hair-band, and mind you this was before the 80's even started! Eventually Professor Snape tried to play big-man and joined the Death Eaters, because somehow he got the idea the way to win a muggle-born's affection was to join an anti-muggle group (go figure). She got fed up with it, went to your father who was known for his skilled... wand work... had you and completely crushed Professor Snape's hopes, dreams and libido. And then there was the whole thing about a prophecy involving you being the only person who could possibly stop Voldemort, Professor Snape overhearing and sharing it with Voldemort himself, causing your parents to go into hiding, choosing the wrong friend to keep them safe, causing their deaths and for your Godfather (you have a godfather, btw, who is completely mad and you will never see him) to go on a mad killing spree, leaving you all alone in the world. "

Harry looks dumbfounded at Dumbledore.

"And then there was the time your father saved Professor Snape from a werewolf, and he couldn't bear being in your father's debt. Now he could go back to hating your father's memory in peace. Well-" Dumbledore stretches and yawns. "That's all for now! Goodnight!"

Dumbledore waves his wand and extinguishes the lamps in the room. Harry is left in his bed, blinking.

Dumbledore's head appears in the doorway. "And oh yes, that scar on your forehead is actually- Oh, nevermind, now's not the time. We'll discuss in about 5 years. Goodnight!" Dumbledore leaves.

Several seconds tick by. "Er? Professor?"

Actually, this scene would have shortened up the whole series by about a few thousand pages, and wouldn't've that been a shame?