Two chapters in a day, almost inside of twelve hours. Maybe I'm going too fast? Either way, I'm gonna wind back a little bit for the rest of the day and play some Fallout. Always more to do in that series.

Review response time!

1. SSJ3 Kyuubi Gohan: I know, I'm kind of surprising myself too. With most of my other fics it's taken me upwards of a week, sometimes even months, to pump out chapters with lower word counts than these. I started this fic out of a sense of writer's block with As Long as the Raven Flies, and I've just kept going. I'll try to give warning if I'm not able to get a chapter out in the pace I've been setting.

2. draven32: Canon Naruto is...honestly, it's about as bad as DBZ, which I mean in only one regard: it's a full-blown escalation of power that doesn't know how to stop itself. It ends the same way every time, with one or two signature techniques bandied about like we haven't seen them a million times before.

3. OneLunchMan: No matter how long it takes, the cookie will crumble. That's about as much as I can promise you here.

Let's get this trainwreck moving.

"Sorry." Jiraiya gave the word as a peace offering. He stood a few feet away from Naruto, who was repeatedly hitting a wooden pole in front of him.

"I'm not." Naruto's glare was cold, the scarring around his left arm a reminder of how far he was willing to go in order to win. "You deserved that."

"Yeah, I didn't expect you to try that hard." Jiraiya frowned, knowing that his own attitude was likely to blame for the viciousness Naruto had displayed in the latter portion of their fight. He had a five-pointed, if misshapen, star that was carved into his chest from where the blond's severed arm had grabbed ahold of him, the burn-scar a physical reminder to never underestimate the most unpredictable ninja that Konoha had ever produced.

Naruto could see the other man in his peripheral vision, arms folded and a neutral expression on his face; that was the look he had when he was trying to hide something.

"Say what's on your mind, Ero-sennin."

"How did you know about it?"

"Oh, god, let me get a list." Of course, he couldn't say that someone had told him. Kakashi had been very up-front about the fact that passing the knowledge on to Naruto would be grounds for the Sharingan-wielder's execution.

"How about the fact that I look just like him? Maybe the fact that the Shodaime's wife was an Uzumaki and one of the Kyuubi's previous Jinchuriki, and I'm a Jinchuriki, so it stood to reason that the Yondaime Hokage's Uzushio-born wife might have been the missing Jinchuriki between us? You taught him, he taught Kakashi, and Kakashi taught me. Fuck, his face was on the side of a goddamn mountain, and nobody connected the dots whenever they saw me? Oh, and you expect me to believe some bullshit mandate that the Sandaime made because he was afraid of enemy taking action against us for things that happened during a war? People die during war! People kill other people during war! That's what war is! When the war is over, you say, 'well it fucking sucks that all these people are dead, but there's not really much else we can do about it,' and you move the fuck on. Individual grudges only mean something if you're willing to circumvent your Kage and become a nukenin over it, which most people aren't!"

Something told Jiraiya that the line of thinking in Naruto's brain hadn't gone on in his sensei's, though the short-lived war with Kumo after the Kyuubi attack which resulted in the Sandaime Raikage's death was evidence enough that Naruto's thought process wasn't always true.

"And also, one last thing." Naruto continued. "I know that all married couples have their names put next to one another on the memorial stone, and I doubt that Uzumaki Kushina was married to Sarutobi Biwako."

Jiraiya chuckled a little at that, and felt the tension between the two of them lighten up a little bit.

"Yeah...I actually taught your mother, too. And Shizune."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Shizune used to be a really big crybaby, always worried about what her uncle Dan would think looking down on her from heaven. She's just as talented as your parents were, but...she hated killing. I didn't want her kindness to get destroyed by the war, so I signed the release form saying that my team would be dissolved and that Shizune would begin her medical training."

"How'd she end up with Tsunade?"

"On the night of the Kyuubi attack, we were all holding a line of defense...and we watched your parents give their lives to defeat it. There were a lot of regrets that night, but Shizune was probably the worst of us. Her two best friends had just died. All three of them were clanless kids who grew up in the same orphanage, and went through the academy together, and got put on a team together. She couldn't believe they were dead, and she went into a three-day coma from chakra exhaustion trying to heal them. After that, she decided that she couldn't stay...so my sensei decided to let her make her way to Tsunade, thinking that they might be able to do some good for each other."

"Hiruzen-jiji was a good man."

"Better than most people I've known." Jiraiya agreed. "Say...what do you know about Kirigakure?"

"I met a couple nukenin from there, once. Momochi Zabuza and his assistant, a boy named Haku."

"Then you know about the bloodline purges?"

Naruto nodded.

"Well, Kiri is actually in the middle of a civil war right now. The Mizukage is winning pretty handily, since most of the village is too afraid of him to stand up to him, but there's a resistance fighting back. One of my informants is part of that resistance. If you're interested, we can leave Uzushio at any time and go to fight with them."

"Have you talked to the others?"

"Only Oboro. She's not excited at the prospect of sending you off to war, but she thought it would do you a lot more good than staying in an empty village."

"Well, if I'm going anywhere, then you know Tayuya-chan will be too. And it'll be a hard sell to just leave the twins behind, even if Oboro obaa-chan stays with them."

"That's true, but...even though they were born during the Warring Clans period, it would make me uncomfortable to make kids that young fight."

They had turned nine, according to them, about a month and a half ago. Though they accepted the lessons they were given, as battlefield combat was all Jiraiya and Oboro had taught them so far, they were frustrated with the fact that they weren't getting the same treatment as Naruto and Tayuya.

"When Hashirama-itoko and Madara-itoko were nine, they had already been fighting in the wars for two years! Tou-san never let us, though. We wanted to impress him enough that he let us on the battlefield!"

They were insistent that yes, they were much stronger than they looked, and they could probably manage to beat anybody they came across if they felt like it. Unfortunately, no, they couldn't exactly prove how much stronger they were than they looked, nor could they provide the names of anyone who they'd beaten.

That meant, much to their displeasure, that they were relegated to practical learning...not battlefield application.

"Alright, I'll tell them." Naruto said. "One last question...I've never heard of the Namikaze. How'd he come up with that?"

"Oh, that? His chakra natures were Futon and Suiton. Even though his technique was called the Hiraishin, it was actually a combination of Futon chakra and high-level Fuinjutsu, along with the Senjutsu techniques I'll teach you before we're back in Konoha. Also, his nickname as the Kiiro Senko was from his hair, and people associate yellow with Raiton, so the name stuck."

Well, that was one mystery solved.

"So...wait. You, and me, and birdshit-sensei. The three of us. We're going to go into live territory and we're going to help the losing side. I'm getting this correctly? If we fuck up, you know how bad Konoha's head is gonna be on the chopping block with Kiri?"

Naruto didn't know exactly when Tayuya had started treating herself like she was a Konoha kunoichi, but he liked it.

"Yeah, but it's no fun to pick the winning team. Root for the underdog, all that jazz. Besides, if we do it right and the rebels win, do you know how good we'll get in with their new regime? That kind of stuff just isn't forgotten."

"Right, like Uzushio's partnership and close ties with Konoha." She rolled her eyes to one side, in an oh right, that, sort of gesture.

"Fuck you. Besides, Kiri is a major nation."

"I've been ready and waiting for months now, piss-brain. And...fuck, whatever. Go ahead and count me in. Not like I can trust you to watch your own ass."

"You stare at my ass?"

"I mean...statistically, somebody's got to. Might as well be me."

"Goddammit. You met Ino once, and she turned you into a pervert."

"Shithead, you really must be as stupid as you say you are. Who's the one that you've had teaching you all kinds of shit? What the fuck is your name for him?"

The wheels in Naruto's brain kept turning, until they finally stopped clicking into place.

"Ero-sennin."

"What does he do in his free time?"

"Write terrible smut. Wait a second...are you saying that traveling with me and Ero-sennin turned you into a perv?"

"I mean, waking up with your ass on my crotch, or your dick on my ass, didn't exactly hurt any. Don't even fucking pretend you're not the one trying to cuddle me in your sleep."

"Oh, yeah, like you didn't condition me for it by using my back as a makeshift kotatsu every night for two months."

For a ninja that claimed to be as stupid as Naruto did, the boy certainly had a way of coming up with excellent points for his arguments.

"Anyway, though, I'll let Ero-sennin know you said yes."

"Naruto-onii, what do you mean you'll be disappearing for a while?" Rei looked heartbroken.

"Ero-sennin, Tayuya-chan and I, are gonna be going to Mizu no Kuni for a little bit. Don't worry, just stay here with Oboro obaa-chan and keep learning everything you can! Maybe then you'll be able to beat me!" The redheaded woman nodded, having already agreed to the plan.

"But, Naruto-onii...we don't wanna be strong enough to beat you!" Kouga said, surprising the blond.

"Then why are you training?"

"To protect you and Oboro okaa-san!" Rei said, and both of the twins gave the biggest smiles they could. "What kind of clan head doesn't have guards?"

The phrase, "clan head," made Naruto's head spin.

"Me? Not Oboro obaa-chan?"

Though the woman was only in her late twenties, physically, she had crushed the reflexive idea that he called her that as an insult; besides, he was her mago, her first and only grandson. That alone was reason enough to allow him to refer to her so casually. While the twins were like her own children, despite the fact that they were chronologically far older than her, she treated Naruto almost as if he were an adult of equal standing with her.

"No, Naruto." She said. "I was married to him. It wouldn't be my place to take the position. All the Uzumaki I knew are dead, and their spirits belong to the village. I can't leave this place. But you...you have a home in Konoha. You have people to go back to, people to fight for in flesh, not just memory. You can rebuild the foundations of our clan there, and leave Uzushio's memory to the dead it belongs to."

"Uzushio is just buildings." Naruto countered. "When you've stripped all the equipment and stored it away, when the village's Forbidden Scroll is gone, and when no people are left...buildings. Memories. But the soul of the Uzumaki rests in those of us who are still alive. Each of us carries the hopes and dreams of all the Uzumaki who got us to this point."

He thought of his mother, sacrificing her life to help her husband seal the Kyuubi away inside of a boy they couldn't have known for more than a couple hours.

For the good of the village, and the love of a son, they had given him the greatest power in the world: a Biju, sealed in his stomach. It had made him feared and hated in Konoha, but it had given him the strength to stand and live on his own. For Naruto, there were no gods and no masters; only the knowledge that his parents did the best they could with what they had, and the idea that he could follow in his father's footsteps.

"Well said." Oboro smiled. "And exactly the reason why I decided to let it fall to you to be the new clan head."

On the one hand, he didn't feel old enough to actually be a clan head. When he thought of the ones he knew in Konoha, all of them were in their mid-twenties or older; he was still a decade behind them all. On the other hand, he'd never known enough Uzumaki for there to have been a clan of them.

That second thought made him smile.

"Anything else?"

"Before you leave, I want to teach you the contents of the Forbidden Scroll. They're your techniques...or at least, they will be when you formally become our clan head. Knowing your aptitude for learning, it shouldn't take more than a couple days. And you two," she looked at the twins, giving a fake glare, "aren't allowed to know any of them!"

"Aw!" They both pouted. "Okaa-san, that means you have to train us extra special while Naruto-onii isn't here!"

"Yes, children, I know." She smiled. "Now, mago-kun...it's time for you and I to get to work."

Naruto's smile matched hers. There was one other thing he'd need to take before he left, if for no other reason than paying homage to his lost family, but he could get that later.

"My informant will be coming by boat, but we should probably water-walk out to somewhere that it won't be split apart by the lightning around the village."

"Water-walk on the ocean? Are you crazy?" Tayuya questioned him.

"No, but he is." Jiraiya pointed at Naruto. "When he makes shadow clones, each one gets an equal portion of his chakra, and his reserves are beyond massive. A clone can carry me, and he can carry you."

"That sounds a little more like abusing my ability to expend chakra at will, rather than a plan. Whatever, I'll do it."

A single Kage Bunshin appeared, picking up Jiraiya and blasting off into the water as the Sannin directed.

"Your turn, Tayuya-chan."

Once he had her riding piggyback, he took off.

After almost an hour of racing along the waves, they made their way to a small strip of an island where they could rest. Naruto's clone dispersed, and from there it was a waiting game for the boat to arrive.

They didn't have to wait long; while it wasn't moving incredibly quickly, the boat appeared on the horizon within fifteen minutes.

"Wait a minute, is that...no, never mind, it can't be." Naruto said, squinting as he tried to make out who was steering the small ship.

"You might be surprised." Jiraiya said, the boat getting closer. Mist began to surround them, and that was when Naruto knew for certain.

"There are eight targets..." A voice emanated from all around them, and Naruto grinned. "Throat. Spine. Lungs. Liver. Jugular vein. Subclavian artery. Kidney. Heart. All too many choices, and not enough to go around. So tell me, gaki, which one should I strike first?"

"Good to see you too, you browless wonder. How's Haku?"

"I'm doing well, Naruto-san." The masked hunter said, though the mist kept them from seeing him.

As soon as it had appeared, the mist vanished, showing a beached ship and the two Kiri-nukenin.

"You know, when Jiraiya said that he was bringing help with him, I didn't expect that you would be the help." Zabuza said, armor-tape covering his throat and lower face. "I really hope you've improved since the last time we met, because those simple tricks won't be enough to make it against the Kirigakure elite. The Mizukage's highest ranks have been crippled thanks to our secession and a few well-placed kills on my part, but the rank-and-file ninja still remember our village's reputation as the Jakiri. They won't hold back on you, so all that playing nice you did on the bridge with Haku won't make it."

"Don't worry about me. Didn't you already fail to assassinate the Mizukage once?"

"Yeah, and that attack is the one that set off the rebellion. If I'd had Haku with me before I tried to kill him, I might have succeeded."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Regrets can sit in the fuckin' past." Tayuya said. "Don't we need to keep going?"

"Who's your girl, gaki? I like her. Much better than the pink one."

"I'm not-"

"He's just teasing." Haku said, removing his mask.

"Geez, Haku, you really need to get a scar or something." Naruto said, looking at the oinin's effeminate face. "Everybody's going to keep thinking you're a girl, and your voice doesn't help."

"You're a boy?" Tayuya and Jiraiya both said at once.

"Is that so surprising?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you are literally the prettiest boy I have ever seen in my life. I thought you were a girl the first time I saw you."

"Oh. Zabuza-sama, is that the reason I wear the mask?"

"It's a little less unnerving. Also, it's good for our cover."

The ocean was calm, and the sailing went smoothly once they finally set out. Zabuza made hand-signs for a jutsu Naruto didn't know, and after a warning to brace themselves tightly, their boat raced forward on the waves.