Hi everyone! So this ones a bit long in the flashback style. And I was going to keep going but I figured it would be better to cut off and continue on later. Both my kids are sick and Im completely exhausted so I apologize but I have no done any serious editing. A quick run through at best. If you happen to notice any completely ridiculous mistake, please feel free to let me know and I'll be very grateful! Reviews would be appreciated, too. :)

The world felt limitless, hardly more than a wisp of a sensation; a consciousness, weightless. Except for the ache that never ceased, that spread out in every direction with no form of relief. The world existed as such for longer than time itself, if time was indeed passing at all for here there was no concept of time. Until the day came when the ache began to grow.

Ronon couldn't sleep. Again. After years on the run and sleeping on the ground he still had nights where he found that the buzz of the city of Atlantis set his nerves on edge. He left his quarters in search of something, anything, to clear his mind and relax his nerves. Heading for the gym would be useless at this time of night. Roaming the halls without purpose only made him restless.

The people of Atlantis awake at this hour were few and they worked barely above a whisper. The nurses on duty sat with their faces pinched in an effort to not fall asleep. The lab techs squinted especially hard at their screens as their exhausted eyes began to fail them. Which made the loud crash from the kitchens all the more out of place. Normally Ronon would steer clear of the kitchens, he had no reason to be there; only mess staff were cleared to touch the food due to supplies having to feed so many people. Restlessness feeding his curiosity he wandered through the dimly lit mess hall and into the kitchen.

The vision that awaited him was one he'd never forget despite the fact that it wasn't anything very memorable. A woman clad in fuzzy looking pants adorned with several animalistic green faces and wearing a plain black tee was on the floor on her hands and knees facing away from him. Her long thick messy braid swayed across her back as she busily scrubbed the floor.

"No elements in the rooms…" He heard her mutter furiously. "Safety hazard, my ass! We're a freakin' floating city…" She growled softly. "Whole place is a freakin' safety hazard."

She took a deep breath before tossing her rag into the bin across the room. Just when Ronon couldn't be more confused she began to cheer and pretend to bow, thanking her imaginary crowd.

"I thought psych tests were mandatory for new recruits." Ronon asked, deliberately speaking louder than necessary. He smirked at its desired effect, illiciting a squeak and a jump from the woman on the ground. "I take it you're not military."

"Well, how would you know? That's how I do it, of course. I'm all clutzy and awkward to fool you and lure you in. Then – WHAM. When you least expect it I get even more clutzy and awkward." The set up on the kitchen counter, which Ronon had only just noticed, smelt incredible. Chocolate and warm spices wafted through the air from the steaming pot that sat there. The woman followed his gaze and went to the pot, stirring its contents with one hand and closing the lid to containers surrounding with the other. He eyed the ingredients curiously.

"You're not supposed to be in here."

"Says the man also not supposed to be in here." She grabbed two cups off the shelf and divided the contents of the first. Jumping up onto the counter top she beckoned him over, holding out a cup for him. "It's all my own stuff, I promise. I'm not much of a raider."

Still he eyed the cup being offered so she put the cup down and nudged it toward him, returning to a comfortable position before taking a leisurely, satisfying sip from her own. She sat there in silence, eyes closed, letting the warmth from the cup seep into her palms.

When she made no move other than to sip her beverage Ronon stepped forward and claimed the cup. The first sniff was pure chocolate, the second held the warmth of a spice that reminded him of home. Relaxing into the feelings of familiarity brought about he leant back against the counter and brought the cup to his lips. Eying the woman out of the corner of his vision, seeing her relaxed and nursing her drink, he took a sip of his own.

And immediately started sputtering, trying not to spit it out completely.

A faint giggle sounded from his right and he looked over at the woman that was now radiant with amusement, eyebrows quirked expectantly.

Swallowing down another cough Ronon took a large drink and cleared his throat. "I, uh – I wasn't expecting that."

She pulled out a small bottle from her pocket and tossed it to him. "The beauty of spiced rum…" she said as he inspected the picture of what appeared to be a pirate captain with a smug expression.

"This is…"

"Hot chocolate. You've never had hot chocolate?"

"Not like this. We had something similar to it on… but it was more bitter." He finished the rest with a hearty chug, spilling some down his chin in the process. "It's good." He admitted, setting the cup down. "What else is in it?"

"Cayenne pepper. My aunt showed me how to make it. I always have it when I can't sleep."

"Have that problem a lot?" The personal probe was not exactly subtle.

"Who needs that mandatory psych test when you're here, eh." She stared at him til he raised his hands in disinterest. "First night in a new place is always tricky. Doesn't help that this place never shuts up. It's more irritating than when the fridge kickstarts in the middle of the night."

"No idea what that means. But I won't lie and say you'll get used to it."

She jumped down from the counter and took their cups to the sink, his eyes being immediately drawn once again to the face on her pants. "What exactly is that thing?"

Her confusion turned to amusement when she followed his gaze. "It's the Grinch. A character from a kids story. My friend got it for me for Yule a couple weeks ago. It's basically… the spirit of the season isn't about materialism but it sure is one hell of a perk. You'd… you'd need to see it for yourself, I guess."

There was a pause in which the woman shifted awkwardly, seeming unsure for the first time in their encounter. For a reason beyond Ronon, seeing her uncomfortable felt very out of place so he kept the conversation moving.

"Yule?" He asked.

"It's the winter equinox on Earth. People call it different things but it's all mainly the same. Lights, feasts, love, and all that jazz."

"Ah, yeah… Critmas, right?"

"Christmas, yeah, that's one." She smiled. "I take it they did some sort of celebration here, too?"

"It was mainly Lt. Sheppards doing, I think." She chuckled softly as she finished drying the cups. Picking up her small bag of ingredients she turned to Ronon and gave his arm a friendly squeeze.

"Thanks for the company, Ronon. I hope you manage some sleep afterall."

"I didn't – "

"You didn't need to introduce yourself, a lot of woman here did that well enough for you. Few men, too! You were practically in the Intro. To Atlantis packet."

He didn't know what to make of that. He'd been in Atlantis barely a year and in that time hadn't been very social. Then again he couldn't pretend he never noticed the appreciative stares he'd receive time and again.

How much does she know? He wondered, not very keen on the idea that a stranger could know so much about him.

"I'm Kylie." Her voice was soft and bright as it brought him out of his thoughts. He observed her, albeit a tad shrewdly, and accepted the hand she held out in greeting. Their hands met in an ordinary handshake but the sensation was no ordinary reaction.

Kylie felt her hand tingle and her cheeks begin the flush, still she fought to ignore it and kept her gaze on him steady. Ronon noticed her reaction, as open and honest as it was, and would have pulled a satisfied smirk if it hadn't been for his own… difficulties. Her hand in his, although in a firm handshake, felt soft and smooth. The strength of her touch burned through his veins and he felt a pull he hadn't felt since…

He dropped the handshake quickly and left for his quarters. Ronon didn't know who she was or what she did here. But he ignored the kitchens from then on.

The ache twitched suddenly one day in a form that was almost familiar. A hand? Were these fingers? A pressure was beginning to build in every directions, in a sensation like a thick fog trapped in a small balloon, expanding til it was fit to burst. It was uncomfortable. It felt suffocating, even. There were deep rumbling sounds from somewhere off in the distance. It was a terrifying and uncertain existence.

Ignoring the kitchens did the trick for a week or so, out of sight out of mind and all. Until the day Kylie was no longer out of sight. She was right there, in the middle of the sparring mat, walking between the four people on their hands and knees. She was gently making adjustments to their position and one man, some tech guy Ronon recognized from the labs, jumped as she pulled his hips back slightly.

"You need to keep your wrists in line with your shoulders. Your knees aligned with your hips. When you move, move your core only, not your limbs." She announced softly before returning to the front of the room and assuming the same position as the others. She demonstrated how to roll back and up to standing, slowly drawing her spine up straight and letting out a long steady breath.

By the time she opened her eyes she saw three of them had already put their shoes back on and were out the door.

"You really shouldn't rush out of position like that!" She called after them to no effect. "Fine, whatever. Hurt yourself all over again." She muttered as she bent for her bottle of water trying to ignore the comments they were making with no attempt at discretion.

"I hope Carson doesn't make me do that again." Said one.

"Can't believe that was even a requirement." Said another. "Like touching my toes will get me ready for active duty!"

"Such a waste of time." Chimed in the third.

Ronon seemed to be glued at the door studying the way she composed herself. Her posture was strong yet she seemed exhausted. As occupied as she was she jumped when the lab tech straggling behind cleared his throat to catch her attention before impatiently waving a paper in her face.

She gave a curt, "No." before picking up her things and making for the door. Ronon ducked back out into the hall and watched them pass.

"Oh come on! I was here! I have better things to be doing than your glorified stretching. Just sign the damn form!" The mans voice was low but aggressive and on edge. Ronon couldn't stop his feet from trailing behind them as he saw Kylie's shoulders tense at the mans proximity. Again the paper was being brandished aggressively in her face as she made her way towards the mess hall. With an irritated growl she ripped the paper from his hand and spun on her heel, blocking him from entering the mess with her.

"Dr Beckett referred you to me to try another approach at treating your sudden sciatica and keep you from the pain pills. Here's a little something not so top secret – he things you're faking it to get the drugs. And after what I've seen I'm inclined to agree with him. You barely even tried in there and you've been nothing but twitchy." He made a grab for his paper but she kept it from him. "Either come back at 19H and be ready to put your heart into it or I'll be sure to tell Carson not to give you anything stronger than an Advil." She tucked the paper into her pocket and headed straight for the food line.

The mess hall had its regular lunch crowd and not many gave the two any notice. Ronon, however, they gave a respectful distance and a curt nod as they passed around him at the halls entrance. The chatter throughout the crowd was calm and cheerful, falling into a comfortable hum of background noise.

Ronon shook his head, bringing himself to his senses. What am I doing following her here? He thought. The place was full of military personnel and the regular lab tech crew. Why was he so on edge? What was I thinking? He let himself be absorbed by the crowd, finding Teyla and John among the throng of people he and joining them, immediately picking food off of John's plate.

"It's polite to at least say hello first." John said, earning a grunt and a delayed smirk from Ronon before he picked off more food. "You could go get your own, you know." John slapped at yet another approach of Ronon's hand. Ronon peered up over John's head to survey the line, his eyes immediately drawn to Kylie. He scowled.

Kylie had her back to the tech. The tech, however, was leaning into her, speaking into her ear. Whatever he said had him drawing back with a smug expression as Kylie spun to face him.

"Why else do you think you're here?" He yelled in her face. His voice broke over the gentle hum of the lunch crowd drawing stares.

A wave of emotion flashed across Kylie's face as she stood stunned. Then her eyes burned, her fingers twitched, and before the tech could get the smug look off his face she had lashed out and slapped him – hard. The force of it had him tripping over his feet until the stumbled over a chair and fell to the ground with a dramatic crash.

The hum of the mess hall was gone, replaced with an almost total silence as all eyes fell on Kylie and the man clumsily untangling himself from the chair. Kylie's face flushed hot from the sudden attention.

"N-no ticket." She quoted, choking out a nervous laugh and exiting the hall, the hum of laughter and conversation returning and the moment was passed over just as quickly. Ronon watched the woman leave barely registering John's explanation of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Elizabeth Weir was every bit as gentle and kind as she looked. Which is why it was so disconcerting when she was upset. And downright scary when she was full on mad.

Being officially reprimanded for the first time, Kylie couldn't help but feel ashamed under Dr Weir's disapproving stare as she paced the room.

"Dr Allen is our leading historian, Kylie. His research and input are invaluable to this expedition. Frankly I'm shocked by your actions. But…" Dr Weir took her seat behind the desk. "We can't be hasty in judgments. Now, Dr Allen is threatening to suspend his work until you've been officially served some sort of punishment. But I'd like to hear your side of it first."

There was a tense silence between the women.

"Dr Weir, what am I really doing here." Kylie's voice was quiet yet firm.

"You assaulted –"

"I mean here on Atlantis." Another silence sat heavy between them as Elizabeth's expression fell and became unreadable. "Have you ever heard of les Filles du Roi?" She pressed on without waiting for a reply. "When the British crossed the ocean and began taking over Native land on what's now Canada there weren't always many takers. And due to disease and the climate and the Natives fighting back, some of the ones already there weren't too keen on staying. So the Royals put up a big 'Free Wives' poster and started shipping over thirteen year old girls. Basically using them to get the men to work and their wombs as an easy bake oven for a new generation of colonials."

Kylie paused to let that information sink in, waiting for a sign to continue.

"That's very interesting but what does this have to do with your situation?"

"Allen called me a Filles du Roi. I've never been slandered historically before… I think he didn't expect me to know what it was. But once I called him on it he elaborated. Said I'm only here because I have the ATA gene. That my position was made up to get me here and cover up the attempt of making this a legitimate clain as a settlement and not just an expedition. Basically, he called me a 'womb for rent' to spawn a new ATA generation to Atlantis and… and that he called first dibs."

Dr Weir's reaction was cut off by a distressed Dr Beckett popping through the office door. Without taking a breather or excusing his interruption he moved straight to Kylie's side.

"I'm so sorry, deary, are you alright? I really didn't think he was in a bad enough way to act like that." He put a hand on her shoulder, concern clear in his eyes, and turned to Dr Weir. "It's my fault, I should have been more strict when I started to question Dr Allen's dependency on the pain killers. I just wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, get a second opinion, find another way to ease his pain." He turned back to Kylie. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay Carson, it's not your fault. Please don't beat yourself up over it." She gave him a tender smile before sending a serious look towards Elizabeth. "But I shouldn't have slapped him. It's not like I was in a life threatening situation… so my act of violence is inexcusable."

Elizabeth's patient and somewhat confused expression turned professional in an instant.

"Carson, why don't you take a seat and tell me exactly what is going on here. Kylie…" She sighed and offered a short smile. "You're excused, Kylie."

Suddenly the world shifted. As the deep rumbles sounded off in the distance they quickly became louder, closer, and it offered the sensation of spinning on a top as it fell through the sky. It was dizzying beyond belief; there was nothing to keep a steady gaze on and keep the nausea at bay. The ache became so prominent, feeling solid and steady, trying to grab hold of something – anything. Just to make the spinning stop. The ache flexed, to no effect. The ache flexed harder, vomit choking back the cry of exertion as it did so.

A deep rumble broke through and echoed around the fog, "She moved her hand!"

More broke through as the spinning quickened, the vomit still choking any attempt at a sound. "She's convulsing!"

"No, she's not, she's choking. Help me turn her!"

And again, the world shifted.

It hadn't been long since that turning point in Kylie's life in Atlantis, after the exchange with Ronon in the gym. Two, three months tops. She had found her rhythm, made some friends, brain and brawn alike. There was a flow to her life that had never existed for her on Earth. And silently she cursed herself for getting too comfortable seeing as how now all of that was over.

There were Ancients – real Ancients! – back in Atlantis and their first order of business, understandably so, had been to kick them all out. Which sucked, no matter how understandable it was.

Kylie felt a great swell of panic after Sheppard had dropped by to give her the order to pack up as quickly as possible. The halls were occupied in a solemn frenzy as everyone swiftly carried the order out. But Kylie had shut her door to lock the frenzy out, packed her things back into her ridiculously stuffed hikers pack, and just… sat on her bed.

Her panic became paralyzing and she found herself sitting there until the suddenness of her door opening made her jump. A grim Teyla and a hesitant Ronon walked in.

"Teyla. Ronon. What brings you here?"

"Kylie." Teyla smiled at the woman and they shared knowing, equally dismal smiles. "It is nearly time to go through the gate. Did you have any trouble packing?"

"The gate? Already?" Kylie gaped. "Damn, how long have I been sitting here…" She muttered to herself.

"We came to say our farewells, my friend." Teyla continued. Ronon remained silent, taking an interest in scanning her empty room. "Are you well?"

"Teyla… I'm really not. I can't bring myself to get up, actually." Teyla sat beside Kylie on the bed and put a hand on her shoulder in a show of comfort and support.

"That's all your stuff? One bag?" Ronon broke out, sounding thoroughly irritated, earning a stare from Teyla.

"I don't need much." She turned back to Teyla. "Have they found your people a nice home? They deserve it, they should be somewhere they can prosper. I've so loved knowing you all."

Teyla smiled, eyes shimmering slightly. "Thank you, my friend. It's well enough under such a hurried move. I'm sure in time we will be most comfortable there."

Kylie studied Teyla's face as if it were the last time she'd ever see her. As it would be the last time. She then gave Ronon the same hard look, which he returned just as fervently, his eyes taking in every detail.

"I don't want to go." Kylie's voice broke. "I know none of us do but…" She turned back to Teyla as the woman took her hands and held them tight. "I'm not military, it's not like I'll have anything to do with the Stargate once this is over. They'd wipe my mind if they could. Which, thinking about it, they probably can. But… I have nothing there."

"You have safety there." Ronon said forcefully. "You wouldn't have the Wraith back on Earth."

Before she knew it she had jumped up and was in Ronon's face, angry tears welling up in her eyes. "At least with the Wraith I can see my enemy! I can point and shoot! I can do something. The people of Earth kill their own damned planet and pay absolutely no attention to what they're doing while they argue over trivial matters and spend their time trying to make laws governing anybody different from themselves." She stepped back from Ronon, her face falling and betraying just how broken and panicked she truly felt. "It's suffocating. Knowing I'd never be able to leave again? That you – that, um… that all of this is out here and I'll never see it again? Going back feels like a death sentence."

"You should know, of course, that you're welcome to come with us." Teyla's voice cut through the emotional haze Kylie had been falling into.

"Trust me, I'd much rather be with you. But they'd never let me stay."

"No, you're right… you're not military." Ronon stated with a grunt before abruptly turning and heading out the door, leaving behind a confused Teyla and a hurting Kylie.

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure what that was about." Teyla offered cordially. "Perhaps I should go talk to him. I'll see you at the gate, Kylie. It is not yet goodbye." Teyla gave Kylie a comforting squeeze and followed after Ronon, leaving Kylie alone to calm her thoughts.

Large storage containers were stacked here and there down hallways and in offices. Personnel not packing equipment or taking final inventory could be found carrying their personal belongings or saying their goodbyes. For how fast paced and urgent the activity was the energy felt tired and tense.

Even through the flurry of movement in the halls Teyla was able to find Ronon quickly. She made to speak to him but as she approached found him already speaking with Weir and Sheppard.

"But it's a direct military order, everyone needs to return to Earth." Sheppard stated.

"She's not military, she –" Ronon started.

"But she is employed by the military." Weir interjected. "And we can't afford to leave anyone behind that could be a potential security risk. What if she were found out by an enemy of ours and they pressed her for information?"

"I believe Ronon and myself hold more knowledge of Atlantis and Earth's involvement than Kylie does at this point." Teyla mentioned.

"Well… She's never been privy to anything classified. She is just a civilian, after all." Sheppard added thoughtfully after a moment of eying the intensity rolling off Ronon. "I mean, the woman barely remembers Earth's gate address."

"I don't know –" Weir began only to be cut off by Ronon.

"I know at first we were all skeptical of her job here but, admit it – shes helped a lot more than you thought. She was always right there if anyone needed it." Ronon took a step closer to Weir, turning his back to the other two. His expression softened and his voice grew quiet. "Elizabeth, you didn't see her… she needs this. Please."

Weir paused, taking in the changes in Ronon and the sincerity of his plea. Admittedly, she was touched. She thought back to barely a month prior having caught Ronon and Kylie in the hall after the movie projector broke down. The kind of passion she had witnessed wasn't something to be taken lightly or to be tampered with. Ronon's request had at first been unexpected but she suddenly understood his urgency.

Kylie wasn't a do-or-die asset to Atlantis or the Stargate program, there was little chance she'd be invited back when the time came. But she was for the friends she'd made there. She was to Ronon.

Weir sighed and put a supportive hand on Ronon's shoulder. "I don't know what I'm gonna say when we get back to Earth but… I'll figure something out." She backed up from Ronon and addressed all three of them. "You better get back to packing, we don't have much time left." Weir turned to leaved, "Oh, and someone might want to tell Kylie the change of plan."

At that Ronon took off without a glance back.

But Kylie wasn't in her room. Her bag was gone, too. The gate hadn't yet been activated, it wasn't time yet, but a worry sat in his chest all the same. What if he doesn't find her in time? What if she goes through the gate before he gets to her? Having no luck of reaching her over the earpiece he set out to search for her. The gate room, the labs, the gym, the mess hall, the infirmary, all held absolutely no sign of her. So where…

It suddenly clicked.

Of course. He mentally slapped himself. It should have been the first place I checked. And in the blink of an eye he found himself opening the door to the balcony. Relief washed over him at the sight of Kylie laying down, basking in the sunlight, leaning up against her pack.

"About damn time." He said as he moved through the door and sat next to her. Her eyes were closed and her face was tense and he noticed the obvious effort she put into taking long deep breaths. She didn't make a move to acknowledge his presence. "I've been looking for you." He continued, still with no reaction from Kylie. "Are you… are you okay?" This finally received a sigh, Kylie's eyes opening slowly against the glare of the sun.

"I'm just trying to memorize this air. It's so light and clean… Compared to Earth, I… I'm just going to miss it. There's… there's a lot of things I'm going to miss. People." She looked at Ronon feeling miserable and was surprised to find him smiling. "What –"

"Come with me." The regret was evident in her eyes as she tried to find the way to remind him that she couldn't. Ronon barely missed a beat in telling her the news. "I've already talked to Weir. You're cleared, you don't have to go back to Earth with the others." And just like that she was glowing. Glowing so fiercely no one would ever have guessed she'd ever been sad.

"You – you…" Her throat constricted and nothing could break the smile on her face. It took a moment for Ronon to realize he was wearing the same toothy grin, mirroring Kylie's joy. He nodded in response.

"John and Teyla helped."

And like that she was flinging herself onto him, launching herself at him from her reclined position. She wrapped her arms around him, laughing almost hysterically as she reigned kisses upon his cheek in between fervent thank-you's. When she pulled back, which was only so far due to Ronon's iron grip around her waist, she found herself out of breath.

"Thank you."