Chapter 10

"Mistletoe is for Children"

Bella's POV

I was extremely embarrassed for breaking down in front of Edward, but I was also happy he was there. The way he held me calmed me and made me want to be in his arms forever. He had arms that were like the wings of an angel embracing me and protecting me. My head fit perfectly on his shoulder and his scent soothed me. I couldn't wait to see him again, I couldn't wait to feel him next to me again. Something about him pulsed feelings that I hadn't felt in a long time, some that I had never felt. I was trying so hard not to get attached or addicted to him, but it was becoming inevitable. I just hoped it was the same for him, but that wasn't likely. I knew there was something there, I mean I could feel it in his touch and see it in his jade eyes, but how could I be sure. I was too broken for us to be anything more then friends, but yet I wanted more. I wanted to be closer to him, I wanted to feel more of him and less of everything else. The feelings he brought in me were peaceful and pleasant, unlike the way everything else in the world made me feel.

I wanted so badly to tell him everything, every little secret that I held. I was almost sure that it would be refreshing to get it all out and I knew that I could trust him not to judge. Edward wasn't a judgmental person, he was kind natured and sweet. I knew he had another side to him and I wondered if I would ever see that other side. His tattoos and language both proved the fact that I didn't know every side of him. I guess something about me brought out the sweet natured side, which was mostly because I had fragile written all over me.

Though as badly as I wanted to tell him I just didn't know how. It would be emotionally tormenting for me to tell him everything, but I wanted to let him in on a little bit more at the most. If the time presented itself again I promised myself that I would let him in on more, because he was the one person I wanted to tell. Anyone else I had told was because I had to, but with him it was different.

I sat in my room staring into my closet trying to decide what to wear to the Cullen's Christmas Party, this was my second year to go, but unlike last year I wanted to look nice. I knew it was all for Edward, but at least for once in a long time I wanted to dress up. Though my wardrobe was seriously lacking in that area, due to weight loss and the fact that I could care less about my apperance.

"Bella." My fathers voice called up to my room. "You have a guest." I froze immediately trying to think of who it could be. I knew it wasn't Jake, because he would just come up without introductions. Could it be Edward? What would he be doing here? I hurried out of my room in time to see Alice coming up the stairs towards me.

"Hello Bella." She greeted me with a beautiful smile and her bell like voice.

"Hi." My voice sounded just as surprised and disappointed as I was.

"I come baring gifts." She said holding up two perfectly wrapped shinny boxes in each hand. I really hated getting gifts.

"Um you shouldn't have. I don't have anything for you."

"Trust me this was more for me then you." She gave me a once over and then smirked. "Defiantly more for me."

"Thanks." I mumbled as she handed me two of the boxes.

"These are you mothers." She said holding up the other two looking around. I lead Alice into my mothers room, my mom was sitting at her makeup table brushing her hair. Alice made us both open our gifts at the same time.

As I opened the first box I pulled out a pair of white high top boots, not good with fashion I wasn't sure why or with what I would ever wear these? I opened the second box and found a white long sweater, it looked warm and I really liked it.

"Thank you Alice." I said smiling, but still unsure about the boots. Alice had gotten my mother a dress that was long and very elegant, then a pair of shoes to go along with it also. I am sure to most people buying them an outfit on the day of a event would be insulating, but not to us. We loved it and I was thankful to have something to wear, well that was until I learned that the sweater was actually a dress.

.com/cgi/set?id=15075259 (Bella's Outfit)

I wasn't too sure about showing that much leg and the boots, they were like nothing I had ever wore. The closest thing were the boots that I wore under my fire proof suit and I am sure Alice would have a fashion cow if she saw those.

"You know he really likes you." Alice said while she curled my hair. I tried to protest to the primping, but I didn't have the strength to argue. The holidays were the hardest and no matter how much I tried to think of Edward, I still thought of EJ.

"Who?" I asked not following.

"Edward, silly." She said chuckling at me.

"Oh." I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to get my hopes up and I didn't want him to up and leave. Which he would do and soon I was sure.

"I have never seen him so gentle and sweet. He is only like that with you, I know you have a lot of hardships in your life, but I think you and my brother are good for each other." I could hear the honesty, the sincerity, and the hope in her voice. She wanted Edward and I to be together, but it wasn't like that.

"We are just friends."

"For now." She smirked sounding confident. I didn't want to discuss it anymore so I just tried to concentrate on holding myself together. Only a few more hours and I would see Edward, then maybe he could ease the pain. Though on this day I didn't think anything could ease the pain.

I pulled up behind my parents to the Cullen house grabbing my trade gift out of the passenger seat and joining my parents on the steps. I drove myself just in case I needed an early exit or if I wanted to make a stop off somewhere else before going home. Anyway back to the Cullen party and the gift I brought.

The Cullen's did what was called a Chinese Christmas. Everyone brings a unisex gift and then you draw a number. Whoever is number one takes one of the gifts that someone else brought and opens it. Then the second person goes, they can either steal the gift from the first person or get a new one. A gift can be stolen twice, then it is dead. It was a pretty interesting game when people really got into it. Though the gifts weren't always something you would need or even use, but it was all in good fun. I couldn't even recall what I had gotten last year, but then again I don't remember a lot about last year. I was pretty messed up still.

Carlisle greeted my parents and I at the door. He had a big smile on his face as he greeted us with a Merry Christmas. A few of the guest had already arrived and the house was warm and smelled of Christmas cookies. As my parents started to mingle I looked around the room for a familiar face. I spotted Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jacob quickly on the other side of the room. Esme came by and took my gift from me and wished me a Merry Christmas, then I headed over to the small group. I kept an eye out for Edward, but he was nowhere in sight.

"Hey Bells." Jake greeted me and I had realized that I hadn't seen him in a few days.

"Hey." I said timidly trying to hold myself together as I panicked that Edward wasn't here.

Had he already left? Did he get called away for work? Would he leave without warning?

"You look really pretty." Jacob commented, but I didn't get a chance to respond other then my blush.

"Ho Ho Ho. Merry Christmas short stuff." Emmett said giving me a hug, it didn't feel awkward like most. It was brotherly like Jake's hugs.

"Merry Christmas to you also." We all got the greetings out of the way and started casual conversation. Well they started conversation and I continued to look around for Edward.

"Bella can I get you a drink?" Jasper asked kindly.

"I will go get it myself. Does anyone else need anything?" I asked surprised about how human I was acting. I usually avoided any interaction with people. I had a feeling it had to do with a certain someone in my life. Someone who I really needed to see right now, I made my way towards the kitchen forgetting if anyone had said if they needed anything or not, but not really caring.

That was when I saw him or rather them. Edward was outside on the deck with his back pushed up against the glass and arms wrapped around him. I knew it was Edward, because of the bronze hair, no one had hair like that. I felt a ping of jealousy run through me at the sight of another girl wrapped around him. I had just been in his arms and now she was. I turned away, because I could feel the tears prick my eyes. I quickly entered into the bathroom off of the kitchen and I was suddenly hit with the memory of the last time I was in here. It was Thanksgiving after the mishap in the kitchen, the extremely embarrassing mishap. I leaned against the bathroom door and sunk to the floor. I needed to calm down and relax.

I had no need to feel so betrayed and jealous of this women. For all I know it could be his cousin he was hugging outside pushed up against the sliding glass door. Though if he hugged his cousins like that, then I may not want to be around him anymore. It wasn't like I had a claim on Edward, we were friends and nothing more. We had barely made actually contact with each other, I was crazy. I was addicted to him and now I was making claims on him that I did not deserve.

I took deep breaths and readied myself to go back out there and women up. It was stupid that I was hiding in the bathroom. This could be my mothers last Christmas with our friends so I needed to suck it up and have a good time or at least let her think I was having a good time. As I opened the door a familiar voice hit me and her words were harsh, I wasn't sure who she was talking to, but I had a feeling I didn't want to know.

"If you mean the girl that he fucked on a plane and then ignored the next time he saw her then yes." Jessica Stanley's voice rang through the kitchen and I could see her, but not who she was talking to. I waited terrified for a voice to respond.

Edward's POV

The hours seemed to take forever to pass until it was time for me to see Bella again. She was on my mind constantly as she had been since the day I meet her. I could feel a bond forming between us, we were getting closer. I knew she trusted me and I hoped that soon she would share more of her story with me. I had never wanted to know anyone so bad.

My families Christmas party began and guest slowly arrived one by one. I was waiting anxiously for one brunette in particular and when I saw Jacob enter the doorway I was sure she would be right behind him.

"Where is Bella?" I asked after a moment trying not to sound desperate and failed. Jacob grinned at me, then answered in a 'your hooked' kind of tone.

"She is coming with her parents, they should be here soon." I stood and made idle conversation for a little longer, but I was getting more and more anxious to be near Bella. Plus I was starting to worry that maybe something was wrong, maybe that was why they weren't here. I needed to get a fucking grip, so I went out back to get some fresh air. I stood on the back patio with my eyes closed breathing in the cool night to calm myself. The sound of the sliding glass door jerked my eyes open. I wasn't greeted by the brunette with big chocolate eyes like I had hoped, but instead a strawberry blonde I knew well.

"Tanya." I said as cheerful as I could, I was happy to see her, but in all truth I just wanted to see Bella. Tanya and I had grown up together and she was my first fuck. You never forget your first, though we had been together too many times to count so forget her I could not.

"Edward, I have missed you." She cooed as she came around the front of me and backed me up to the glass door. Suddenly she was on me like white on rice, this wasn't unusual for us, this was the way we always greeted each other. Thought tonight it felt wrong, her scent was all wrong, the way she fit against me was all wrong. I hugged her back as she groped me, but it was all wrong. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but what was I going to say.

"Whoa Tanya slow down." She leaned back and quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Slow down?" She asked wondering what was wrong with me. I had to admit that Tanya and I never took anything slow. It was always fast and amazing, but now it was like I said all fucking wrong.

"Look I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything, but I can't have sex with you." I really didn't know what to say, because none of what I wanted to say even made sense in my head. I haven't had sex in weeks, because I meet this amazing girl and she is all I can think of. So now I am a big pussy whipped friend of hers and I haven't even had the pussy yet.

"Why not?" She reached up and cupped my dick making me a little harder in the cold night. "Feels like you can." I chuckled at the cute perplexed look on her face.

"Yes physically I can, but emotionally I can't. See there is this girl.."

"Edward Cullen has a girlfriend?" She asked shocked, but smiling. Smiling was good.

"Not exactly, but I really like her and well… It is really complicated." Tanya thought about that for a moment, then shrugged her shoulders.

"Alright it is cool. I am sad that I don't get to fuck you, but I am sure there is someone here that isn't complicated." She mocked my words playfully and I smiled happy that she was so understanding. Tanya was always a cool down to earth person and I was glad she was no different in this situation. We entered back into the kitchen and I got us both a drink.

"So do I get to meet this girl?" She asked eyeing me over the rim of her drink.

"She should be here tonight so I don't see why not?"

"What do we have here?" I looked up to seen none other then Jessica standing in the kitchen staring at me.

"Fuck." I whispered under my breath.

"Is this her?" Tanya asked me and I shook my head no.

"If you mean the girl that he fucked on a plane and then ignored the next time he saw her then yes." Jessica blubbered.

"I am sorry about ignoring you Jessica, but I just didn't…" Think Cullen. "Want my girlfriend here to find out about it." I said wrapping my arm around Tanya, she looked up at me. I winked at her begging her to play along, she smirked.

"Jennifer is it?" Tanya said smirking at her. "You were just a one time thing, I am an all the time thing. Sorry for the misunderstanding, but Edward is mine."

I forced a smile on my face, but even though it was all pretend I knew in my heart that their was only girl I wanted calling me hers. What?

That is the gayest shit I have ever heard or thought.

"Whatever he wasn't that good anyway." Jessica said and turned to leave, but something hidden off the side wall caught her attention. "Bella is that you?"

My whole body went stiff, Bella was over there. Had she heard? A moment that felt like an eternity passed before my question was answered.

"Yeah it is me, I was just using the restroom." She stepped into view, but she did not make eye contact with me. Her voice was off and I knew that she had heard. How much? I wasn't sure, but she had heard at least a part of it. I felt immensely guilty as if I had just cheated on her, even though that was preposterous.

"Oh well I haven't seen you in a long time. I am really sorry to hear about your mom, that sucks especially after what happened to your.." Jessica was saying, but Bella interrupted the last part.

"Umm Jessica I think Mike is looking for you." She said quickly pointing towards the living room. Jessica quickly scurried away with a smile and wave, Bella only risked one glance at me, then she gave me a weak smile and headed for the living room also. I was frozen in place and couldn't make myself move after her.

"She's pretty." Tanya said.

"She is beautiful." I corrected her finally coming back to life. "I am sorry.."

"Stop wasting time explaining things to your fake girlfriend and go explain things to the girl you love." Tanya said pushing me towards the living room. I froze on the word love and stared at her as she laughed at me.

"I don't love her." I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince myself or Tanya. She just shook her head chuckling and walked away from me. I didn't waste anymore time going after Bella, but as soon as I entered the living area my mom started the Christmas gift game. I made my way through the crowd and squeezed myself between Bella and Alice on the lounge chair at the edge of the room.

Bella quirked an eyebrow at me as I pushed Alice out of the way, but I didn't give it a second thought. As soon as I was seated I put my arm around the back of the chair and turned my body towards Bella.

"Hey." Yeah that was all I could think to say was hey. Idiot.

"Hi." She smiled at me, the fake smile. I didn't like getting that smile from her and just as I had captured her brown eyes she turned away from me. I saw the pain there, today was a hard day for her and I had made it harder.

"Bella look about back there.." She interrupted.

"Don't worry about it Edward you don't owe me an explanation we are only friends. You have a girlfriend that is cool." I read it in her eyes she was lying to me, that made me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because it meant she had feelings for me. Sad because I had upset her.

"Bella, Tanya isn't my girlfriend we were just pretending to get that skank away from me." I explained and realization hit her eyes, but disappeared only moments later. "You don't believe me." I sighed, well there goes the whole she trust me idea.

"Well it is just that," She paused looking down at her hands, I couldn't stand it. I put my index finger under her chin and lifted her face so I could see her eyes. She looked taken back for a moment by my gesture, but shortly after she continued. "I saw you outside with her." Ah.

"That was Tanya's way of saying hello, we have a lot of history, but I told her that there was kind of this other girl I am interested in so she gave me her blessing. Not that I need it, but just so you understand." I wasn't sure if I was explaining all this right or not, but I was doing my best. I had never had feelings for a girl like I did for Bella and communication was a hard thing.

"Oh." Bella still looked disappointed and I realized that it was pretty possible that she didn't get that I was talking about her.

"Bella I know you said we were just friends and that is fine, but it is more for me." Her eyes widened, her cheeks blushed, and she turned away from me before I could gage her emotion.

Nothing more was said, because the game got underway rather quickly. There was a ciaos for a few gifts, but mostly everyone played fair. The whole time I kept my eyes on Bella and every time she looked over at me she would turn away quickly. She appeared to be in deep thought the whole time she didn't even hear when it was her turn. I nudged her and she looked over at me confused, but Beautiful. The way we were sitting and the dress she was wearing I could see her tattoos and I did my best to make them out completely. On her right shoulder there was a beautiful Dove visible with what looked to be a pink ribbon in its beak. The left shoulder was a little harder to see, but I did see what appeared to be initials and then another bird, but I couldn't be sure. It was a little farther down on her shoulder then the one on the left. I had a feeling that both of her tattoos were symbolic of something and I wanted so badly to ask her of what.

When the game finally ended I was relieved and hoped that I would get to speak with Bella some more. I really just wanted to be around her and make sure she didn't hate me after what she heard in the kitchen. Bella turned to me just as I was going to say something, but I didn't speak. There was so much determination on her face and she looked brave, which was an often emotion, the girl was beyond brave, but this was different.

"Would you like to come with me, I want to show you something?" As she asked I could see the sadness in her eyes and the pain.

"Always." I choked it out, because the emotion in her eyes told me that I was going to learn more about Bella, possibly the root of her sadness. I was terrified and excited all at the same time. She gave me a half smile and went over to tell her parents that she would meet them at home. They didn't look surprised, but they did seem surprised that I was going with her. So this must be something she had planned on doing, but now she was including me. We grabbed our coats and I followed her out to her car. I slid into the car wishing it wasn't so dark so that I could take in the true beauty of her car. I was still amazed that she had built this car, it was incredible. She took off down the drive and onto the highway, I guess I shouldn't of been surprised about how fast she drove, but I was. Something about someone else being in control at high speeds made me uneasy. Though she was kind of a professional so I should just sit back and trust her, but honestly Bella was unstable.

I wanted to ask where we were going, but I had a feeling that I shouldn't. Plus I didn't want her to change her mind and take me back to my house. We turned down a road off of the highway and I noticed this road from the day Alice, Jasper, and I saw Bella on her bike. Now I was real curious to as where we were going and were she had been that day. She turned onto a narrow road that was barely visible in the night and we followed down it for a few moments, then she came to a stop at a chain link fence. The headlights hit against tombstones, we were at a cemetery. I was suddenly vary nervous knowing that I wasn't really ready to hear about her possible dead boyfriend, but I would support her. I would be here for her. Bella cleared her throat and I looked over at her as she closed her eyes and started to speak.

"I don't know if I will be able to tell you the story and you may have a lot of questions, but just know that for now this may be all I can do." She opened her eyes and I could see the fear and pain there. I knew this was hard for her and I would do whatever it took to make it easier on her.

I nodded assuring her and reached over cupping her cheek. She leaned into my touch and we stayed like that for a moment, she truly was beautiful. The warm and fuzzy feeling hit me and I wanted to lean in and kiss her, but I didn't.

Bella shut the car off and got out as I followed her. She walked ahead of me and I followed silently trying to prepare myself and trying my best not to panic. This is what you wanted remember, for her to share more of herself with you. Even if spending Christmas Eve in a cemetery wasn't your plans, this is what you wanted. I had to chant to myself so that I could get through this without upsetting Bella. I followed her through the headstones trying not to step on anyone's resting spot. The street lamps guided us through and I anxiously followed her until we got to one of the last rows in the cemetery. Bella stopped at the end of a small grave, it was surrounded by a blue fence that was only about ankle high. There were flowers and a teddy bear next to the headstone and the headstone read;

Ethan Jacob Swan

February 14, 2005 - March 13, 2007

Beloved Son, grandson, and godson.

Forever in our hearts, Always on our minds.

A/N: I feel this is a turning point in Bella and Edward's "friendship". Though don't get too excited, because there are still a few twist and turns ahead. We will learn more about Ethan soon, I promise. Now you know that he was only two years old, so that is something. Do you think that Edward will do some investigating himself?

Please comment it means a lot to me and it inspires me to write more. Thanks : )