A/N - I'm not sure why this one feels more graphic than the other chapters - maybe because it's more Demily oriented, at least the first part. But here's a warning for anyone who randomly is finding this story - tread lightly and turn away if BDSM and M-rated stories are not your thing.

August 16, 2015
Theydon Garnon, Essex, UK

I can't see anything; the silk blindfold is tied so tightly that not even the barest hint of light can seep through. My body is in a kneeling position on a bench designed just for this purpose, my knees and arms strapped down in stirrups and my chest resting on the padded top. There's a ball gag in my mouth, a collar with a chain attached to my neck and my lower extremities throb because of the ring attached tightly at the base of my penis. My back is sore because of the stunning blows Emily delivered with tears in her eyes earlier this morning.

This is so messed up.

The worst part is that this is nothing compared to what things could possibly look like once Helena arrives, or what it might look like a few days from now, or a week from now.

Last night the beginnings of my reality hit me, as we all stood around my little torture chamber and discussed strategies for Helena's visit the next day, about what it was going to take to sell Helena on the fact that Irina was doing a good job, and keep Helena swaying towards Irina's side when it came to trust and loyalty. I fought through some serious levels of embarrassment as Clyde and Penelope tossed ideas around, concluding that whatever Clyde had been through, or that other man at Emily's first night at the Inferno, my situation at least needed to portray itself as far worse than that. This wasn't a roll-playing game with submissive partners: Irina Popov was trying to break and humiliate the FBI agent she purchased.

Emily seemed to sense that having a discussion about positions in which to place my body and which devices to use was not something I wanted to be doing with such a wide audience.

"Why don't you let Derek and I discuss this and you two can go start dinner." she said.

They agreed quickly, both with apologetic glances thrown at me, Clyde closing the door behind him.

I tried to diffuse my feelings of awkwardness by making a joke. I rifled through one of the bags of things Clyde had purchased and picked up a cone shaped piece of silicone with what looked like a tail attached to the end. I knew what it was; I'd never seen one in person, but I knew the intent. Inserted anally, it would look like the wearer had a tail. "Fucking seriously?" I asked Emily with a smirk.

She grinned and touched my arm and made a bit of a face, wrinkling her nose. "It's what happens when you send Clyde Easter shopping with vague instructions of being 'well equipped' without a specific list," she said lightly. "We can get rid of it. We won't need it."

It was all very clinical and methodical after that when we were discussing the plan, like the two of us might have discussed a crime scene in the past, except we weren't trying to analyze what had already happened, we were trying to set the stage. And I needed to look like the victim.

"I'm thinking the bench," Emily said. "It's a far more submissive and vulnerable position. And then I can elude to the fact that I've been using..." she trailed off and gestured to a harness and a wide array of dildos in various shapes and sizes, some I couldn't even imagine fitting inside anyone.

I glanced down and blushed and she touched my arm again, and then placed her cool hand on my very warm cheek. She smiled gently, but remained focused. "The sooner we have this planned, the sooner we can get out of this room. We need to adjust the height of the bench. Hop on."

"Damn," I muttered. I really couldn't believe this was happening, not that I was any less focused, both on our end goal of rescuing those kids and taking down these people, but also the goal of staying Derek and Emily as much as possible. I was naive yesterday morning, thinking I was going to be the strong one for Emily; we're both going to be walking that tightrope for each other.

I turned and got my knees up in the stirrups, rested my chest over the padded bench, and placed my elbows in the arm stirrups. I was acutely aware when Emily came to stand behind me and put her hand on my hip gently urging me into more of kneeling position. She measured the height adjustments necessary and I just tried to concentrate on anything except her body leaning against my ass.

We lowered the table a few inches, finished our plans, then did something as absurdly regular as eat dinner.

It was all a lot to take in, and I struggled mightily to find sleep last night as my head tried to wrap itself around the idea of being completely vulnerable, something I'd never allowed myself when it came to sex since I reached adulthood, but also not really vulnerable at all since it was all pretend and it didn't really feel like vulnerability with someone I trusted as much as Emily.

Sleep must have been hard for her to find, too, because she appeared in my bedroom doorway a little after midnight with a bag of M&Ms and a deck of cards. "Feel up to a little poker?" she asked.

By the time she left my room a couple of hours later after thoroughly kicking my ass at poker, we were both feeling normal enough to get some sleep.

Today dragged. I was both dreading what was coming and wanting to get it over with at the same time. When this evening finally rolled around and Emily left me in my little torture chamber to get myself ready so that all she needed to do was strap me in and blindfold and gag me, I couldn't. I tried. I truly tried to think up any erotic image I could find in my mind to help things along, but every time I tried, I saw Emily that one night in her bed after JJ's wedding, and then seconds later, I saw her the same way, completely open and spread out on her bed, but the smile on her face replaced by fear, with slash marks and bruises all over her torso, and nameless, unknown faces surrounding her body.

It wasn't exactly erotic mind-fodder that was going to get any blood flowing below my waist.

Yeah, what the fuck is right, I kept thinking.

Fifteen minutes before Helena was scheduled to arrive, Emily tapped on the door. "You ready?" she asked in a totally normal voice, and then opened the door.

I quickly turned my body away from her so only my backside was showing. I hung my head slightly and shook it. I was embarrassed that I was unable to do my part when she'd already been through so much, and the clock was ticking.

Her voice was soft, not disappointed or frustrated at all. "I understand," she said. "It's not easy. I had to use a lot of lubricant before I went anywhere with Helena, excusing myself to the bathroom right before we went into a room together, just so I could hope to pass myself off as aroused."

I was aware that she was stepping closer to me because her voice was only about a foot away when she said, "Derek, if I could do this on my own so you wouldn't have to go through any of this, I would. I'm sorry I can't."

I shook my head again at her words, unable to speak. I didn't know what to say. I knew I didn't want her in alone, or even with Clyde. I wanted to be the one to have her back, even if I was tied down much of the time. It wasn't her physical well-being I was so much worried about; it was her emotions. I wanted to be there to pick up the pieces when needed, so I needed to be there and see and hear everything. I was just afraid a carefully constructed dam was going to break inside me if this all went too far and I was going to have to deal with things I'd long ago buried. But we didn't have time to talk about it at that moment.

I became hypersensitive when her body was pressed up against my back. I felt some clothing and her skin. A lot of Emily skin. I watched as her left arm came around my torso and her hand landed on my chest. "We're out of time," she whispered. "OK?" she asked just as softly.

I nodded and then I watched her right hand reach around an take hold of me, and I felt myself respond instantly to her gentle touch.

"This is so fucked up, Emily," I whispered back.

She laughed, low and soft. I felt her breath dance between my shoulder blades and then her lips touched my skin there. "Just for a minute, pretend it's just the two of us and none of the rest of tonight is happening."

So very fucked up and confusing, I thought.

But she kept moving her hand, holding onto me and moving up and down gently with her body pressed against my back until I was panting, and then I moaned. I tried to hold it back, but I couldn't. Her hand on my chest pressed down more firmly, almost like an understanding hug - a hug between two good friends with an enormously complex relationship thrust into an unimaginable situation and stumbling through.

As instantly as her hands were on me, they were gone and she was in front of me in a blue satin corset that hid most of the marks on her body, and a leather skirt that could barely be called a skirt. And dammit if I didn't get even harder looking at her dressed like that.

What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked myself.

She picked the ring up off the table and attached it around me, looking at me sympathetically when I moaned slightly. I couldn't look in her eyes, so I turned to kneel in the stirrups, placed my chest over the bench, and got my arms into position, waiting for her to strap me in. She didn't at first. She crouched in front of my face and lifted my chin so I was looking her in the eye. "You listen to me, Derek Morgan. You are not giving up control here. You're choosing this so we can bring these people down. If at any point you can't do this, we'll disappear. You just say the word and we'll find that GPS chip in you, cut it out, get the hell out of here and never look back."

I blinked at her, taking in that possibility. She knew I wouldn't take her up on it, but it did make me feel slightly better. I was in control and I was choosing this.

"When I look at you," she continued, "I will always see Derek Morgan, and I know who that is."

"I know," I responded automatically. What else was there to say?

She kept her eyes locked with mine, eyes that looked foreign to me when they were blue, and then nodded. She put the collar around my neck, strapped in my arms and legs, blindfolded me and put the gag in my mouth. I felt a fine layer of sweat break out on my skin, both from nerves and fear and the tremendous pressure in my groin, which was good. I needed to look like I'd been like this for awhile. She stayed there with a hand on my shoulder until Clyde called from the other side of the door, "Helena just rang the buzzer at the gate and I opened it."

"Showtime, Dvornyaga." Mongrel. "Just play it like we discussed and you'll be out of this shortly."

I felt her lips brush softly against my cheek, and then she was out the door, leaving it wide open. I was enormously thankful in that moment that Garcia was tucked away in the garage and there was no chance she'd see me like this. Emily is one thing. Clyde is relatively neutral. But if I believe we're going to get through this, which I do, Penelope and I are still going to have to work together, and I can't imagine it if she saw me in this position.

So here I am, strapped down and waiting and wondering how the end of this whole saga looks. I haven't a clue. It's not long before I hear voices floating up the stairs. I can't make them out, but it sounds like Irina and Helena are ecstatic to see each other after being apart for two days.

A few seconds later, I hear Irina shout, "Evan, get some food for my dvornyaga. In the steel bowl!"

Then her voice is on the stairs. "Come. It's been an exhilarating couple of days, but I need to finish with my mongrel before I can enjoy you, and I certainly intend to enjoy you."

I hear Helena's light laugh and then I can hear them step into the room. It's completely disorienting to not be able to see, and to keep my head bowed as Emily instructed me to do. I miss whispered words here and there, but the bottom line is that Helena is impressed.

"His response to pain is what I'd expect. He can grit through it. Depriving him of food and water, fucking him, and the pool have proven to be much more effective. Still, yesterday, he begged me to just kill him. I informed him that when and if I decided I was done with him, a bullet would be too quick for a mongrel like him. He's learning."

I feel Emily's hands on my erection and her body leaning over me. "It's been twenty-four hours since you've last eaten, dvornyaga. Are you hungry?"

I don't move a muscle or make a sound, even though her hand on me and the pressure it creates makes me feel faint.

"You may nod or shake your head. Are you hungry?"

I nod.

A second later, I feel a pinching sensation as the ring is released; it nearly makes me scream, but I stay silent, and then the pressure is gone. My orgasm is harsh and lasts a deliriously long time, and I feel tears prick my eyes, because all I'm aware of is Emily's hand on me. There's going to be no going back from this, and we're just getting started, we haven't even gotten to the worst of it, I think as my body jerks and convulses and I pull against my restraints.

I hear her laugh, and I hear Helena joining in. And then my restraints are released, first my legs and then my arms. The chain attached to the collar on my neck is yanked and move off the bench on shaky legs.

"Kneel!" Irina commands, and I do.

She pulls and guides me and I crawl across the floor. I hear the chain moving and I know she's attaching it to a steel hook on the floor and padlocking it. The gag is removed and my blindfold is ripped off my eyes. I blink in the harsh lighting, but I don't look up. On the floor is a food and water bowl.

"Eat, dvornyaga, but no hands. Evan will stay here with you. If you make any noise or pull on your restraints, I'll hear you or Evan will come get me, and I'll come back. It will be back to the bench or into the pool for you. Do you understand?"

I nod.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Emily leave the room, her hand clasped in Helena's. I need to eat the food - food that has been mushed so it looks disgusting, but I know it's only leftovers from the casserole last night. I have to eat it so it looks like I'm ravenously hungry. I bend my head forward so no food appears on my hands in case Helena checks on me. Then I see a fork appear in front of my face. I look up into Clyde's eyes and take the fork in my hand. He hands me a towel to place over my lap as I sit on the floor and take the food bowl in my hand.

"You hang in there, Morgan," he whispers so softly I can barely hear it. "I let her go into this and helped her to get you out, but I'm counting on you to get her through when this is all over."

I take a bite of food and stare at him. Every impression I ever had of who Clyde Easter was has been blown out of the water in the past few days. I can't figure out his relationship with Emily, but he's certainly far from the asshole I once thought he was.

Helena was gentle with me, and that was a thousand times worse than any other time I've been with her. I don't know if it's because we were alone, just the two of us, or if it was because my body still looked so bruised and tender. Whatever the reason, her soft, gentle hands on my body made me feel more nauseous than I'd ever felt before with her.

When she was sated, and I pretended to be, with a convincingly soft orgasm, she laid with her body pressed against mine and rested, her fingers running through my hair. I thought how easy it would be to kill her right then and there.

We only know a little more than we did yesterday. JJ and Reid sat in Penelope's lair while she walked them through the process of running her systems, but there were things she wouldn't touch. Nothing specific about Daniels or Eric Clarke. And Helena was impossible to search anyway since I didn't know her last name, or if Helena was actually her first name.

What we did learn was that seven years ago, while Peter Daniels was working for the FBI, a nine-year-old girl vanished while walking home from her school in Alexandria, Virginia, and was never seen again. There were never any leads in that case. But two other girls in the same area also vanished without a trace around the same time, and their bodies were found within forty-eight hours of their abduction. The BAU was never called in, but Daniels worked the case, based on newspaper articles.

When Penelope first had JJ and Reid search, she gave the parameters that didn't yield any viable hits. She was trying to match genders and an age range, kids from regular families who went missing seven years apart in the same general areas. But when she lifted the gender qualification, she got hits. A ten-year-old girl in Rome in 2006, and an eight-year-old boy in 2013; a nine-year-old boy in France in 2000, and a nine-year-old girl in 2007. It went on and on, the seven-year pattern, in Belarus, Istanbul, Virginia, Brooklyn, London, Amsterdam…

We're shooting in the dark and there is nothing to do with the information except to solidify our idea that there are likely fourteen people with tattoos. Twelve took kids people didn't search very hard for, if anyone knew they were missing at all, and two were designated to take the ultimate prizes, young children from families who went up on the auction block untouched. Every time someone expressed that thought, I watched Derek's face and knew all he was thinking about was Ari, and about the fact that there was a chance he could deliver Ari back to his family, a very scared and traumatized child, but not one who had been sodomized or sexually touched in any way.

We didn't know how the tattooed people were chosen or how long anyone had been involved. We had a multitude of ideas of how the organization could be structured, but nothing to go on besides educated guesses. We didn't know how the adult auctions fit into the equation, except that they were possibly just entertainment throughout the year. Perhaps, like Derek, they were people who had asked the wrong questions or seen the wrong things.

This morning, I took a flog to Derek Morgan's skin and cried while doing so, while he reassured me that it was fine. This evening, I got him aroused because he needed my help, and then I degraded him in front of Helena.

My skin feels like it's crawling and there isn't enough soap or scrubbing in the world that will wash away this case.

The only thing I can do is to gain clues in order to make today worth it, so I'm laying in this bed with Helena, holding her close while she catches her breath, and waiting for her to speak, to give me an angle to work with.

"When do you think he'll be ready to go out? Not for anyone else to touch him, but just for people to observe him?" she finally whispers against my forehead.

"I'm not sure. I suppose it depends where we are. He can't ever go to a club," I respond.

"No, not a club. A private house. The place where you met my brothers. There are many people curious about how things are going and they'd be willing to pay a price to watch it. I'm saving right now in hopes to make my own purchase in a couple of weeks."

I pull away from her, a look of curiosity on my face, but really to keep her away from my thrumming heart. She's saying she wants to buy a child, I'm guessing. "How much do you need? You helped me get what I wanted, and I could help you."

She shakes her head. "I appreciate it, but it doesn't work that way. Our money can't be directly tied to other people, just like my master would have never allowed it if you had apparently taken a loan to get your FBI agent. It gets too dangerous, even though I know I can trust you."

I lay on my back and look up at the ceiling, like I'm contemplating. Her fingers dance across my chest and I feel her watching me. She's buying all of this, and we need to get her on our side fully. I really don't want to send Morgan into a public viewing. Still, it seems like this is a chance we can't pass up in order to gain more trust and information. But I'm not making this decision without Derek's opinion; I refuse to take his choice away from him.

"Who would be in the room with me?" I ask.

"Me and maybe one or two of my brothers," Helena replies.

I roll on my side to face her, "I'd feel more comfortable with Dmitri or Ryan. I know them a little better and trust they wouldn't disobey my wishes when it comes to my dvornyaga."

Helena shakes her head. "They are not permitted in that residence."

I touch her cheek and smile. "Why not? They seem like decent men."

"They are. To me, they are like family, but they aren't part of my larger family. I met them when I was eighteen and adored them immediately, but they didn't have the same background as me, and the head of my family has never been fond of them. They don't know about your FBI agent, and it would never be permitted that they find out."

I run my fingers over her chest. "I understand. These things are delicate. I want to help you out, but I need a day to think about it. I can probably make it work."

I kiss her and she puts her arms around me. I kiss a path from her ear down her neck and back up again. "I miss Dmitri and Ryan. Where did you meet them?" I ask while sending a hope and prayer out to the universe.

She doesn't stop holding me, she doesn't even hesitate. "Our first day of orientation, at Oxford."