READ: Okay, first of all. My computer is being an absolute jackass. So I'm sorry if there aren't any page breaks in this chapter. You might just have to figure out where one part ends and the next begins by yourselves, but I'm thinking you're all pretty smart people so I think you can handle it.

So yeah, you have every right to hate me. I haven't updated in like a year. Literally. Maybe not QUITE that long but close. And I don't have a legitimate excuse except that I didn't know what to do with this chapter. And I wrote parts of it over and over and over again and I'm still not happy with it. So whatever. I'll try to get the next chapter up faster. I've already got some parts of it written so hopefully it'll go faster.

Sorry for the wait. Hope you don't hate me too much.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the people, places and things you don't recognize from the incredible J.K. Rowling's work.

Interviews and Unexpected Truths

"He hates me, doesn't he?"

Lily mumbled the words, refusing to meet Sirius's eyes as she fidgeted with her shoestring. They were sitting outside on a stone picnic table in New York City. Sirius watched her intently for a moment as a light breeze swept over them, blowing Lily's hair around her face.

"He doesn't hate you, Lily," he said quietly, his eyes still boring into her face.

"That can't be true," Lily muttered, swallowing hard.

"Don't be stupid," Sirius said, and Lily was surprised to find that he sounded angry. "You know perfectly well James Potter could never hate you."

"He should," she muttered. "And he must! It doesn't make sense for him to not hate me, Sirius! He has to hate me!"

"Do you want him to hate you?"

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"Do you?"

"Of course not!" Lily said heatedly, looking up into Sirius's face defiantly.

"Then stop trying to convince yourself that he does!" Sirius shot back, glaring. "He is angry, Lily, but he doesn't hate you; he's just…frustrated."

"Well, at least he has sense enough to be angry," Lily said. "Even if he doesn't hate me like he should," she added under her breath. Sirius pursed his lips but didn't say anything leaving Lily to ponder her emotions for a moment.

"Lily," he said suddenly, and Lily jumped, almost having forgotten he was there. He was watching her curiously now, his annoyed expression gone. "Why does it make you angry that James doesn't hate you?"

Lily stared at him and wondered if he knew that was the exact question she had been asking herself. She knew the answer, but it hurt to admit. She looked back down at her shoes and fiddled with her shoelace again.

"I've hurt him too much to deserve anything more than hatred from him," she said quietly. "And the fact that he doesn't hate me is horrible because…well, it makes me feel even more guilty, and it reminds me of—of why I was with him in the first place…"

"So…so really, you kind of do want him to hate you?" Sirius asked gently, and Lily nodded miserably.

"I do and I don't," she said. "If he did, it would kill me…but since he doesn't, it's screwing with my head, and I don't know what to think…"

Sirius nodded but again didn't respond, and Lily continued to avoid his gaze. It was another few minutes before Sirius finally broke the silence.

"C'mon," he said, standing up and stretching. "Let's get some food."

Lily forced a small smile and followed suit. Sirius smiled back and wrapped a tight arm around her shoulders, leading her back towards their hotel

Knock knock knock

Lily stuck her head out of the bathroom door, wondering who would be visiting at this hour. Still drying her hair with a towel, she exited the bathroom and pulled the hotel room door open to find Remus standing there, hands shoved deep in his pockets, looking weary but cheerful.

"Remus," she said in surprise, opening the door wider. "What's up?"

Remus shrugged with a small smile.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"Oh, of course," Lily said, ushering him in. "Yeah, make yourself comfortable."

"Do you mind if I…?" he trailed off, gesturing towards the mini bar.

"No, go right ahead."

Remus extracted a bottle of red wine and two glasses as he spoke.

"So I was sitting alone in my room, and I realized that you and I haven't really talked yet," he said.

Lily threw the towel under the sink in the bathroom and entered the living room area of her suite, accepting the glass from Remus on her way.

"I don't know what you mean; we talk all the—"

"No, I mean really talked. Alone," Remus cut her off as they sat down on opposite ends of the couch, facing each other. "Like we used to."

"Oh," said Lily, smiling at the memories that flashed through her head. "Yeah, that's true."

"So I decided it was about time," he continued.

"Oh?" Lily asked amusedly. "At two in the morning?"

"Hey, you took a shower at two in the morning; why can't I visit an old friend? Besides…I knew you'd be awake."

"Is that so?" Lily asked, sipping at her wine. "How did you know that?"

Remus smiled slightly, raising his eyes to meet hers.

"You're too much like James," he replied. "He doesn't sleep enough either."

"Ah, well," said Lily quietly. "Yes, we did always have that in common I suppose. We'd stay up all night sometimes talking about absolutely nothing."

"I remember," Remus said, grinning. "'Cause then he'd miss class the next day and you'd yell at him for it."

"Well, I don't see why he should be allowed to miss when I was perfectly capable of making it there," Lily replied haughtily.

"Hey, I'm with you," Remus said, nodding in agreement.

They sat in companionable silence for a moment, each of them sipping wine and staring into the warm fire.

"So," said Remus suddenly, setting his glass down on the table in front of them. "Speaking of James…I heard you two had an interesting confrontation on our little camping trip…"

"Ah, he told you about that, did he?" Lily asked, sighing. "Can't say I'm surprised. You guys are like girls; you tell each other everything…"

"You tell Nadine everything," Remus said fairly.

"We are girls, Remmy," Lily said pointedly, grinning. Remus smiled slightly as well.

"That's quite true," he said, nodding. "Okay, I concede it then; we Marauders are actually a band of girls."

"At least you admit it," Lily said, laughing.

"Anyways, we're off topic," Remus said, serious again. "We were talking about you kissing James—"

"He kissed me, too!"

"However, you initiated it, did you not?"

Lily looked away guiltily and didn't answer.

"I'm not here to berate you about it," Remus continued quietly. "I just feel like I should put in my two cents."

"I know you've got more than two cents to put in, Remus," Lily said dryly. "What's worse is you're always right. About everything."

"You flatter me," he replied, smiling. "But really, Lils, I'm not here to make you feel bad or guilty. I'm just here to give you the facts."

"Which will make me feel bad and guilty," she interjected miserably. Remus grimaced.

"Well, that's possible," he admitted. "But you need to hear it."

"Fine…go on, then. It's not like I've got anything better to do at two in the morning."

Remus picked up his glass, took a few more sips of wine, then set it back down again before he began.

"A lot happened after you left, Lily," he said; his tone was light, but there was a hard quality to his eyes as he spoke. "Some things more prominent than others, but all of them very influential on our lives."

"Like what?" Lily asked before she could stop herself. Remus observed her silently for a moment, his gaze scrutinizing as though he was sizing her up.

"I'm not quite at liberty to say," he said after a moment. "They're really things you need to hear from James…"

"But you said…'our lives?'" Lily asked confusedly. "Doesn't that mean it involved you as well?"

"Well, it's a bit tricky," Remus said, sighing. "But I'll tell you what I can. About three years ago, James kind of…let himself go. What I mean is, he let his emotions catch up with him. And the outcome wasn't pretty.

"As you well know, he'd always had a tendency to become rather depressed at times, but it was never really a serious thing. Something would trigger it; he'd become very detached; and then he'd get over it in a few days.

"But this was different. Entirely different. It was like he wasn't even James anymore. He hardly ever slept, and when he did it was only for an hour or two. He wouldn't eat either. Sirius basically had to shove food and drink down his throat or he'd have starved. He wouldn't ever really talk to Peter and me; only Sirius, and only just a little bit. Occasionally we'd come over and find he'd broken or destroyed half of his possessions. It eventually got so bad that we had to take him to get professional help—"

"Remus…" Lily said suddenly, her voice shaky. She felt as though someone was squeezing her heart. "Why are you—?"

"It's something you need to know, Lily," Remus said, cutting her off. His tone was soft, and his eyes were apologetic. "James would never tell you all this himself, and Sirius would be too afraid of hurting you to let you know. But I know you can handle it, and you have to know."

"Why do I have to know?" Lily asked pleadingly.

"Because, Lily," he replied, his voice remorseful. "You have the potential (whether or not you realize it) to send James spiraling back into that depression. Just being around you is hard enough for him, but seeing that you're happy and in love with someone else is killing him. He would never admit to it of course; he would say he's just tired from all the traveling and the shows. But he's very aware that he's lying to himself."

"He…he hasn't seemed that distressed," Lily said hopefully, as if maybe she thought Remus would laugh it off and tell her he was just joking. But he only smiled sadly.

"Yes, that's the most dangerous thing about James," he said. "Somewhere along the way he learned how to act like he was alright. It's very deceiving if you're not watching carefully. It's only natural that you wouldn't be looking too closely. It would be much easier for you to blame yourself if you did."

"Well, from what I've gathered, it…it is my fault," Lily said weakly.

"You can't place the blame on just one person or thing, Lily," Remus said reasonably. "I'm not gonna lie and say what you did didn't do a bit of damage, but that wasn't what triggered the long fall. It was a mixture of things, piled one on top of the other that happened throughout those two years after we left school."

"Like what, Remus? You keep talking about these things, like something terrible happened, but—"

"I already told you, Lily," Remus said, sighing. "James has to be the one to tell you about all that. It's not fair for me to say."

"Fine," Lily said, groaning miserably. "Then why are you telling me all of this? Where are you headed with this?"

"I just felt like you needed to know the truth about James's emotional state before you—well, before you go kissing him again—"

"That was just a—a random, impulsive, stupid, stupid thing, Remus!" Lily cut him off beseechingly. "It didn't mean anything, it was just—"

"It doesn't matter what it meant, Lily, that isn't the point," he said calmly. "Like I said, I'm not here trying to make you feel bad about it. I just need to impress upon you the possible ramifications should you ever express any…feelings towards James at all. It doesn't matter what he says or what he does; he's never going to be completely over you. And—even though I know it wasn't what you meant to do—you can't go messing with his head like that."

"But it wasn't what I—"

"I know, Lily," Remus said reassuringly. "I'm just saying that James can't afford to believe you feel something for him if there's not chance that you do."

Lily looked away, feeling wretched. As much as she hated it, Remus was right for telling her. She'd known James was different than he had been at school, but she hadn't realized how much so. And no matter what Remus said, she knew that what she did to James had to be one of the biggest reasons he had fallen so hard into that cycle of life.

"I'm sorry, Lils," Remus said after a moment, his eyes pained. Lily shook her head with a forced smile.

"Don't be," she said. "It's good that you told me. I—I'll try not to be so…misleading in the future."

"Thank you," he replied, smiling slightly. "I just don't think I could stand to watch James go through that all again…"

"Yeah…" Lily said vaguely, her mind on what James must have been like during that time.

"Alright, well…I guess we should get some sleep, then," Remus said, standing up. Lily stood too and followed him to the door where he pulled her into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry to put all this on you right now," he said softly. "I know this is all a lot for you, too."

"It's okay," Lily said, her arms tightening around him for just a moment before she let him go. "Now, go on, you. Get outta here."

Remus smiled and left, closing the door softly behind him, leaving Lily alone with her thoughts.

"You look fine, Lily; quit fidgeting!"

"I'm not worried about how I look, Nadine!" Lily said impatiently. "I'm worried about this stupid interview. It's bad enough that they delve into my personal life, but what happens when these reporters find out that James and I used to be…involved?"

"What makes you so sure this woman knows about that?" Nadine asked.

"Well, I don't really know if she knows; I'm just…afraid she does," Lily said nervously, pacing around the dressing room. "And I haven't talked to James since the camping trip, and I just…it would just be really awkward if it came up…"

"Look, if she knew, I'm sure it would have already made it in the headlines," Nadine said reassuringly. "People would be quite fascinated to learn about the history between you two, I promise. They wouldn't be able to stop talking about it. I mean, it would be a huge story—"

"You know, Nadi, you're not really helping," Lily said pointedly.

"Right. Sorry."

"Lils? You dressed yet?"

Sirius peeked his head in through the dressing room door and looked around through squinty eyes.

"Yes, Sirius, I'm dressed," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "But thanks for waiting for confirmation before taking a peek."

"You know me," Sirius said with a wink. "Come on, the interview's about to start."

Lily followed Sirius into the brightly lit room where five chairs were set up in front of one other chair and a video camera. James and Peter were sitting in two of the chairs and Remus was chatting with a short woman with long brown hair and brown eyes and a tall man with brown hair and blue eyes. Lily assumed the woman was the interviewer.

"Here, Lilykins, you can sit in the middle!" Sirius said, gesturing towards the chair next to James. Lily opened her mouth to protest, but Sirius dragged her towards it and sat her down forcefully. "It's just more symmetrical that way, my dear. And look! I can sit next to you now!"

"Oh, joy," Lily said sarcastically.

"Alright, shall we get started then?" the woman Remus had been talking to asked as Sirius plopped down in the seat next to Lily's with a boyish grin.

"Good morning everyone," said the interviewer as she sat down opposite them. "I'm Kim Starks and this is my camera man, Larry Baxter. Firstly, if it's not too impertinent, I'd just like to say I'm a big fan of you guys."

"Well, thank you; we're big fans of yours, too," Sirius said with a flirtatious wink. Lily rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the ribs. He nudged her back playfully.

"Alright, well, I suppose my first question would have to be…how's the tour going so far?" Kim Starks asked, looking at each of them in turn with a big smile.

"It's been absolutely grand," Sirius said immediately. "Never had more fun in my life."

"Yeah, and the concerts have gone spectacularly," Remus added. "I didn't imagine we'd be able to do so many and stay on top of everything, but it's been pretty good."

"How about you, Lily?" Kim Starks asked, smiling at Lily as she addressed her. "How's it been traveling around with four guys for that past few months?"

"Oh, but we aren't just 'four guys,' Kim," Sirius said seriously before Lily could even open her mouth. "Lily's known us for years."

"Really?"

"Yes, we were buddies in school," Sirius continued, nodding. "Actually, if you want the juicy stuff, she and James here—"

"—have known each other our whole lives!" Lily cut in loudly, elbowing Sirius hard enough that he grunted in pain. She suspected Remus, who was sitting on his other side, had done the same because he was clutching both of his sides and glaring back and forth between them.

"Oh, is that so?" Kim asked; she seemed to have missed the oddness of the situation.

"Yes, James and I have known each other since…well, since we were born pretty much," Lily said with a nervous laugh. "We grew up right across the street from one another."

"Oh, so did you all keep in touch after school?"

Lily shifted uncomfortably, but the answer James returned gave nothing away.

"Well, you know how it is," he said, smiling. "There's so much going on; you're trying to sort out your life. You just kind of lose touch."

"Speaking of life after school," Kim said, looking down at her notes. "Lily, you almost immediately pursued singing, right? But you boys, what did you do for those three years before you decided it was time to go for the music business as well?"

"Well, I guess you could say we were all sort of in different places at that time," Remus said thoughtfully. "We all kind of had different careers in mind, but none of them really worked out in the end."

"Yeah, not to mention there was a lot of stuff we had to work through for a couple of years before we could really concentrate on music," Peter chipped in.

"Like what?"

"Oh, just, you know…this and that," James said quickly before anyone else could answer. "Really just normal, every day stuff."

"Well, I wouldn't call it every day—ow!" Sirius cut off as Remus elbowed him again.

"What do you mean?" Kim asked, confused, looking from Sirius to James who was glaring murderously at his best friend.

"Just…well, I mean, just a lot of stuff happened when we left school," Sirius said, shrugging. "But they're right, it's just a lot of normal stuff. Nothing particularly interesting."

"Right…" Kim said, sounding suspicious. "Well, I know that you, James, must have gone through a rough time there for a while?"

"What do you mean?" James asked, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"Well, we know you lost your father near the end of your sixth year at Hogwarts, and then two years later your mother, Elizabeth, passed away as well—"

Kim cut off abruptly as Lily gave a clear and audible gasp, her hand clenched so tightly around Sirius's arm she was sure her nails were digging into his skin. Eyes wide and heart full of absolute terror, she turned her head to stare at James. His eyes had fluttered closed and his expression was somewhat pained. It was obvious that this was not something he had intended to let her find out…

"Sirius…" Lily whispered, turning towards him desperately. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. Instead he just shook his head, his eyes despairing.

"Is something the matter?" Kim asked, sounding concerned.

Lily just looked at her, tears building steadily in her eyes and her heart hammering so hard against her ribs she was sure everyone could hear it.

"N-no, I just…I just need a little b-break," she stuttered, getting unsteadily to her feet. "If you'll just…excuse me please…"

"Lily…" James said softly, also standing.

"Don't, James!" she choked, and she swept quickly away from them all, shrugged off Nadine at the door and ran as fast as she could back to her dressing room where she slid down to the floor and sobbed helplessly to her knees.

And there you go. End of Chapter Ten. I think. I'm working on the next one. So keep reading. REVIEW! Please.

Lillian James