Ranma: Monogurui
by Lord Dragon Claw
Disclaimer: "Ranma 1/2" is the intellectual property of Rumiko Takahashi. "Freakazoid!" is the lovechild of Bruce Timm, Paul Dini, John McCann, and Tom Ruegger, but Steven Spielberg was the one granted custody. I think. Anyway, I don't really own any of this and am not making money off of it. And, to placate Mike Allred, Madman is a comic written by the man upon which "Freakazoid!" drew much of its inspiration. Any other intellectual properties and/or likenesses to actual people (living or dead) referenced or featured happen to be for the purposes of parody and satire, and should be viewed in good humor. This is the internet, after all.
Chapter One: Pinnacle
Nabiki, home from school earlier than Ranma, Akane, Ukyou, Kuno, Kodachi, Voodoo Spike, etc., was excited because she found a package just inside the Tendo Estate's gate - a package she had spent a lot of money on. That should tell you something about how much she wanted it. Also, she spent almost as much money having it shipped directly from the manufacturer located near Washington, D. C. That should tell you how much she was willing to do to get it.
Nabiki had ordered the Pinnacle Chip, the fastest and best processor aide and graphics card modifier chip that was at least six times better than the next best chip, from Apex Microchips (not to be confused with Apex Digital - seriously, they are totally different companies who only share a name). That way, her computer would be ahead of the game and she would be able to keep up with her video feeds in the dojo and other training areas much better as well as run better video-editing programs.
Also, though she would never admit this to anyone, Counter Strike would run much easier, allowing her to "pwn n00bs" much more quickly. Of course, that was only a minor reason. Well, that's what she kept telling herself.
She raced up to her room and closed the door, clutching the package carefully with one arm. She opened it and was presented with the sight of packing peanuts. She idly wondered what they made the supposedly Styrofoam pellets out of before diving in to grab the vacuum-sealed bag containing the chip as well as the installation manual, spreading what was actually the missing matter of the universe before the Big Bang all over her floor.
She opened her computer case after removing most of her clothing (to reduce the chance of static to the lowest level she could) and followed the instructions to remove the existing standard (if overclocked) chip she had in her motherboard. After fifteen minutes of reading the proper installation procedure (just to be sure she didn't make a mistake), she installed the chip and closed up the case. She got back into her clothing and turned the computer on. The BIOS screen came up, asking for an activation code for her new Pinnacle Chip. Just as she reached for the manual to find the activation code, her father called to her from down the stairs, saying it was important.
Nabiki sighed and left the room.
Seconds later, a muffled "Sweeto!" could be heard from under her bed just before a small gnome-like pervert crawled out from under it. Not only did he get to see Nabiki in nothing but a thong and a bra, but he was able to use one of her video cameras to get the whole thing! Now all he had to do was find someone else with a computer to put it on a DVD for him. He opened the window, and leapt out, off to find someone with computer skills.
Minutes later, Shampoo, in cat form, leapt in through the window. Seeing packing peanuts all over the floor and knowing how uncomfortable they were under her feet in her current form, she leapt upon the computer desk. Ignoring the keyboard by simply walking over it, she leapt from there through the open door, and headed towards the furo in search of hot water.
Twenty minutes later, Ranma appeared in the window sporting a large bruise on his cheek from where Akane had malleted him into the air after their latest argument over whether or not he was a pervert. Since he didn't want to go in through the front door, where Akane would surely be with a pail of water, he opted to go through any other available open door or window. The only one was Nabiki's, unfortunately. He quietly slipped in, avoiding the missing matter scattered across the floor by tiptoeing through it.
He stopped when he saw the screen of Nabiki's computer, however. He didn't know much about computers, but he did know that the random junk on her screen made no sense, not even for an activation code. He looked and found the "delete" key, and sighed with relief - he could get rid of it and she wouldn't blame him for messing with it.
He pressed the key... and that's when all Hell broke loose.
The exact instant he pressed the key, three things happened. One; Nabiki entered her room again to see Ranma press the key. Two; Mousse, in duck form, flew in through the open window. And three; in a surge of electricity, Ranma was turned into pure energy and sucked through the screen into Nabiki's computer. Electricity arced along the LAN cable into the router, and from there into the Tendos' internet line.
The duck stood quackless upon Nabiki's bed until she shooed him out of the room through the window and closed it. She then checked her computer and found that it was functioning normally, and still asking for the activation code. She experimentally hit the delete key. Nothing happened. Shrugging, she grabbed the manual and entered the activation code and quickly opened her internet browser to see if anything weird had happened to any other person who bought the Pinnacle Chip.
At first, all Ranma felt was pain. Then, it concentrated on his head, as if he was learning a lot of things really fast. And he was. He was having the entirety of the internet downloaded into his brain. What felt like an eternity later, he was spat out of one of the computers in the Furinkan High School's computer lab, where the Science Fiction Club had been having a meeting. The nerd who had been operating the computer, instinctively dove out of the way (he did live in Nerima, after all). They all looked to see Ranma on the floor, out cold.
Since one of the requirements to be in the Science Fiction Club was to not be part of the Hentai Horde, the various nerds were actually concerned about the boy and dragged him to the couch they had in the room, where they would figure out how to wake him. One of the nerds suggested splashing him with cold water, but another one simply smacked him upside the head. One of the few female nerds in the room (who may not have been a looker but she wasn't ugly or fat either) brought over a chocolate bar to see if the smell of chocolate would awaken him. It did.
Using reflexes to stop his own reflex of grabbing the arm that held the candy and attempting to eat it right away, the teenager snapped up. Ranma sheepishly scratched the back of his head as the female nerd handed him the chocolate bar.
As he ate the chocolate, he wished he was in female form to better taste the chocolate but was happy to be a guy and not have to deal with the leers that he assumed most of the nerdy males in the room would give him. Also, one of them started talking and he paid them attention.
"Hey, Ranma," began the nerd who had been operating the computer which Ranma fell out of. "What were you doing inside the computer?"
Ranma swallowed. "I was inside a computer?"
"Yeah, what happened?"
"I'm not sure. One minute I'm at the Tendo Dojo, and the next minute I smell chocolate. I'm not sure what happened."
There were murmurs of astonishment, as well as a couple of mentions of that one American movie called "The Matrix" and of dj vu. Ranma stood up, silencing the mutterings.
"Sorry 'bout that. See you all later."
With that, he left.
Ranma didn't know why, but his head hurt.
Pain. Ow. Synapses firing... registering as injury... sudden knowledge...
EXCLAIMATION!
What happened?
Ranma ran a full-systems-check of his brain.
Wait... Full-systems-check? When did I with the intelligence make and do?
Upon realizing this, Ranma stopped on a random roof to sort himself out.
^Brain functioning at two-hundred and seven point three-three repeating percent in all areas except sanity and impulse control. Said levels have been reduced by twenty percent from their original levels.^
I don't know what I should be more worried about - the fact that I have a computer voice in my head or the fact that I just understood everything it said?
^Typically, hearing voices in one's head is referred to as schizophrenia, in which voices seem to come from nowhere or from inanimate objects. Subjects suffering this sort of mental disorder have major difficulty determining imagination from reality, and their conditions invariably worsen, regardless of treatments. Unfortunately, no plausible cure has been found.^
Huh? Well, that one was different from the first.
^Schizophrenia is not to be confused with multiple-personality disorder, in which the subject has several different personalities within their psyche. These personalities may or may not be aware of one another. Studies have sho-^
Mental mute buttons were damned useful.
Well, I wonder what happened to me...
Probably the sick and twisted humor of some wannabe-author being imposed upon you for their own entertainment.
THE F***!!!
Hehehe... All the knowledge and information of the internet and you've instantly degenerated back to using four-letter, monosyllabic expletives.
Okaaaaay... Lemme try this again. Who are you?
I am.
Huh? Yaweh!?
Er... no. I am you, you are me, we are us, and all of that silly crap.
Darn. Was hoping that you were the Lord of the Old Testament, because then I might be able to get some results on my hunt to fix any of the stupid curses I have aquired.
Sorry to disappoint.
'Salright. So... what do I call you?
Well... That depends.
On?
Well, you'll have to ask yourself, "Do I feel sane?" Well, do ya, punk?
...
End Chapter One Fragment.
Authors Notes
Monogurui roughly translates as "insane person"... I figure that it would be a good hero name for Ranma as "Freakazoid" was already taken by Dexter Douglas.
Obviously, this Ranma timeline is set more into the early 2000's, just after the Counter Strike mod was released as its own game by Valve.
This will eventually make its way into full-story status, but I had to place it in the Brain Dump for now. I needed this plotbunny out of my head, but... well, gotta cage it for now.
Oi! I just realized how much like a crackfic this one is... Just like "Mushroom". Should be fun.
Anyone else notice how I like to have characters with multiple-personality disorder or are in some way/shape/form otherwise insane? Yeah, I have no idea what is up with that. Other than... it is funny. FUNNY!
So yeah... beginning of a chapter. I may or may not get around to finishing this... but... Brain Dump.
No need for this to be beta'd.
Beta Muyo!!!
Still no internet at home, so expect updates to be sparse this year.