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Chapter Ten – Crucible Pulse + Thirty Days
Shepard had been reading over the causality reports that had come to Admiral Hackets desk while she was recovering from her injuries. She had lost count of them at about sixty and there still were piles of them to go, she planned on reading every single one of them and writing a letter of condolence to the families of those who had fallen.
She was sitting at her desk in her quarters on the Normandy which was in high orbit around Earth, Sam was sleeping soundly down below in their bed and still had not woken to find her lover gone.
It was about zero hundred hours, Shepard rubbed her eye with her still non cybernetic hand and realised how tired she was but she knew the minute she would lay down she would be fully awake again.
She ever so quietly exited her quarters, leaving Sam to sleep undisturbed has she headed for the shuttle bay for a work out. The thought that passed her mind is that maybe she could work herself to sleep.
The elevator opened with a hiss and shut with the same as Shepard jumped in and lend on the back wall, pressing the button for the lowest deck with her elbow. The ride to the bottom level was quick, no one at midnight was wanting to get on the elevator so there was no reason for it to stop on any of the other levels.
She reached the now deserted shuttle bay for which she was hoping for. James's work out equipment was neatly placed around his work station. Shepard knew that from time to time James liked to work out while on duty and managed to both his assigned duties and work out with one affecting the other.
Shepard's cybernetic legs tapped along the metal deck plating as she walked along, even with shoes on her now much heavier body made it almost impossible for someone not to hear her coming.
She had a number of options for a work out as James kept a variety of work out equipment but James bar for pull up interested her the most. Taking off her Alliance uniform top she was left with only a half cut tank top on, full exposing her arm that had been cyberised.
She threw it in a pile next to her. Taking off her shoes then her Alliance pants for which now she was left with a part of short shorts, again full exposing her cyberised legs. There was a mirror to her left and stared at herself for a moment. She had lost quiet a lot of body fat due to the taxing nature of her cybernetic parts on her body. She had to eat a bit more than normal and force a bit more of a work out on her still organic left arm.
She like what she saw though, it was almost like an upgrade on the Lazarus Project. The cybernetic limbs giving her a bit more of an intimidating look even though Sam had pointed out that she was intimidating enough as it is.
She looked up at the chin up bar above her, jumping slightly she reached up and grabbed it with her left hand. Holding herself for a few moments, using only her left arm, she breathed deeply and pulled herself up slowly. Breathing out slowly while dropping back down.
She slowly but steadily increased both her pull up rate and breathing pace with each pull up and each breath becoming faster. The sound that she was making was close to an old steam train pulling heavy carriages out of the station from a dead stop.
She kept up her pace not stopping for nothing, not even the pain. The pain now flowed like a river of lava down her left side as her muscles begged and pleaded for her to stop but her mind shot down the please with harder and faster pulls.
The sweat now pouring off her as the huffing of the pulls turned into groans and screams as each pull became harder and harder. After one more she dropped to the floor and turned around facing into James work station. She had been facing out into the shuttle bay.
She flexed her head left to right, stretching her neck muscles. Bending down with her legs straight she touched the floor with her hands, palms flat with the deck. She then kicked her legs back bringing herself into a hand stand but throwing her legs over the bar.
Getting her legs comfortable now that was hanging from the bar with her head just above the deck. She placed both of her hands on her head, elbows out and slowly but steadily pulled her upper body to her knees which were over the bar. She dropped back down slowly. Again while breathing appropriately she continued in previous fashion of slow in and out breaths on each pull, gradually increasing both her rate of breaths and pulls.
Sounding like a steam train once again but this time like it was thundering down the line, she continued at an epic past that would surely make any Olympic athlete's jaw drop. The sweat dripping off her whole body and sliding down over her face was both pooling on the deck below her head and being flicked across the deck in front of her.
Occasionally her long red hair getting caught in the holes that were in the deck, she yelp at the sharp pain. The next pull she did up to her knees she did quickly and just as she did, let go of the bar with her legs doing a full three hundred and sixty degree flip head over heels in mid-air. She landed with a thud on the deck landing on with her right knee and right hand flat on the deck but with her left foot being flat on the deck with her knee up touching the side of her face and left arm straightened out in full to her left.
She looked up panting franticly as sweat just poured out of her. Only taking less than a moment to rest she stood up and quickly stretched. Dropping back down to the deck she got ready for push ups. Slowly again a first, maintaining a steady breathing rate and also a steady heartbeat. She didn't want to pass out from over exhaustion so breathing was key if she was going to keep up the pace of this workout.
Her push ups become faster and faster and once she was at a particular pace that she felt was fast enough, on each push up from the floor she quickly switched to only using one arm on the next down. Then again switching to the other arm by pushing up so quickly that she jumped off the floor. She got faster and faster with switches as the push ups got faster and faster.
With her last push up she pushed herself up off the floor and back onto her feet. She was breathing heavily, the sweat that had built up on the floor was a puddle that represented a fairly large portion of her bodily fluids and her hair was now a complete mess.
She looked over her shoulder and saw the towel that James usually used to wipe the sweat off himself hanging to the left of his work bench. She also know that he always put a clean one down here before leaving for his bunk after finishing his duties.
Running her hands through her hair, she used the sweat to straighten it all out and with the towel, wiped dry the workout that she had push herself so much to do. But the unfortunate truth was that she still wasn't tired and this was a complete and utter waste of time. The objective was to tire herself out to sleep but it failed dramatically.
She again looked at herself in the mirror is shine of the sweat gave her near naked body an almost model like look that she laughed at the thought of. The sound of the elevator reopening got her attention, wrapping the towel around her waist she walked out into the open to see who had come down at this time of night.
"Joker?" Shepard asked surprisingly, he of all people was the last person she expected to come down here at this time of night.
"Is there something I can do for you Joker?".
Joker saw Shepard and noticed that he may have caught her at the wrong time and went to leave. "Sorry Commander I didn't mean to bother you, I'll catch you again later".
"No it's okay. I have barely seen much of you since I have been up and about".
"Yeah well I've had other things on my mind" replied Joker, not making eye contact with Shepard in order to hide his emotions has best he could but Shepard could see straight through him.
"This is about EDI isn't it?" asked Shepard, completely aware of that being the fact of him not coming to see her sooner than this.
Joker sighed and realised that Shepard wasn't dumb and was completely aware of Jokers emotional state at this time. "You know I hate you right now? And that I don't want to hate you but I don't feel anything else but hate" said Joker, finally looking up at her and just staring. Not breaking eye contact.
Shepard turned to her left and took a few paces, breaking eye contact but knew that Joker was watching and waiting for a response. "Joker, I don't think either an apology or an explanation will make you feel less angry, it will make it worse. I did what I did for the sake of the entire galaxy, and I have to live with fact that thousands of people, of all the species of this whole fucked situation died following me".
"I can't help but think every single day if there was anything else, anything at all that I could have done to save just one extra life. But I couldn't and EDI being one of those lives with haunt me for the rest of my life, because I know I didn't fight hard enough. If I did, she might be alive and so would thousands of others".
"But…like a lot of people are saying to me, military and civilians alike and they are all saying the same thing. "You did your best and the people that are here now, will for generations to come pass down the stories of my efforts to keep this galaxy safe from harm. No one could have done it better then you Shepard". They all say that".
"That is a fantasy Joker and what you are saying is reality, you're angry and a lot of other people should be the same but everyone is just throwing piles of manure on it in the hope that something wonderful will grow. Joker, be angry with me if you must, hate my guts, wish for me to dead I don't care. But realise that if I could have saved EDI…I would have, I knew you loved her and I knew she loved you".
Shepard was doing her best to keep her own emotions in check. She hated these emotional out bursts that were happening lately. The realisation of the war being over and now she actually had to turn around and look at the destruction behind her that she had to carve to defeat the Reapers hung in every part of her mind like a bad smell.
Joker without saying a word turned and walked back into the elevator. His back was turned as the door shut behind him.
"I'm sorry Joker" Shepard said to herself. She went to pick up her clothes room the floor behind her. The skin around her eye patch becoming itchy as she took it off and hung it around her wrist allowing the skin to be scratched. Shepard sniffed and regathered her emotions picking up her clothes and heading for the elevator herself.
She had to wait for it to come back down as joker was still in it, heading for the CIC to return to the cockpit more than likely.
After for what seemed like forever, the elevator returned. Shepard dropped the towel around her waist and held it in her hand and walked into it. She was once again standing almost completely naked, a low cut tank top and very short shorts would leave a lot to the imagination of some if anyone saw her. The feel of the cool recycled air blowing on her from the vents in the elevator was relaxing.
Not only did she have the Reapers and not being able to sleep on her mind. She had the very distraught Joker deeply saddened by the loss of EDI who everyone knew he loved and the loss of EDI.
So many have fallen and Shepard couldn't help but continue to wonder if there was something more she could have done, given everyone's emotional state and the state of the galaxy it was hard not to think that.
The elevator stopped at the captain's cabin and she headed straight in, hoping that Sam was still asleep. As the cabin door slid open Sam was standing right on the other side.
"You haven't been working out again have you?" she said worryingly.
"Yeah I have been and please no lecture, I'm not in the mood" Shepard replied, ignoring Sam's glances as she headed for the shower. Sam followed.
"You'll hurt yourself if you keep pushing yourself like this…but I have to agree on your attire though…very revealing…". Her sentence trailed off into silence as she stared at the gorgeous looking woman. Even the cybernetic limbs made her even sexier to Sam's eyes.
Shepard headed into the shower, it had been modified for her in a few small ways. A table for her cybernetic limbs to be put on while she has a shower and a low level stood built into the wall directly under the shower head so she didn't fall over and smash her head on the floor.
Shepard sat on the stool and started to take off her legs. Same watched, leaning on the archway of the bathroom door.
"Joker came down to see me while I was working out".
"While you were…ummm…dressed like that?" asked Sam.
"No. I had a towel around my waist" said Shepard looking up at Sam smiling and shaking her head.
"He wanted to tell me he hated me, blamed me for EDI's death".
Sam walked into the shower and kneeled down in front of her. Shepard was too interested in taking off her legs to have a shower to look up at Sam for the response, so Sam got down to look up at her.
"Joker is angry, you can't blame him for that but I'm sure he didn't mean what he said. I know he didn't. He'll apologise once some more time has passed for him to realise the big picture".
"Heat of the moment I suppose" replied Shepard.
"Exactly. Has anyone blamed you for anything else?" asked Sam.
"No but-" Shepard's response was cut off.
"Then when one person vents there spleen, don't interpret it as that's what everyone is saying. Everyone has lost someone, I know that and you know that but no one else apart from Joker has got a problem with what you did. He's the only one not seeing the big picture of what you have accomplished" said Sam.
Shepard looked up and stared at Sam who smiled and nodded. The amount of times that Shepard had been wallowing in self-pity and Sam has been there with the verbal splash of cold water, well Shepard had lost count.
Sam stood up and took off Shepard's arm and eye patch for her. Shepard smiled in thanks as she managed to undress herself and start the running water herself.
Sam had moved out to Shepard work desk in order to give Shepard some privacy but stayed close to the door knowing that Shepard would want to talk when she was in the shower. She always did.
"I'm meeting with the new Earth Council the day after tomorrow" said Shepard.
"To discuss the Reaper situation I guess?'' replied Sam.
"Yes. Everyone is looking at me to come up with a plan but I haven't got the foggiest idea of where to start".
"You'll think of something. You have done the impossible three times before, might as well make it four" said Sam.
"Even I'll agree with that. I've got crew assignments tomorrow though. Going to give the executive officer's position to Miranda".
"What about Ashley? Wouldn't Alliance HQ been more accepting of her being executive officer over Ms. Lawson?" asked Sam.
"Yes but I don't care what Alliance HQ thinks or wants, I need the right people in the position. Miranda has proved to me before as an extremely capable second in command and I want to keep it that way" replied Shepard.
"But what about Ashley Jane? You're not going to kick her off the ship are you?" asked Sam.
"God no, she'll still be here. Wouldn't be the Normandy without her but she is more suited for covering me in combat, not pushing papers in the CIC. In saying that though, Miranda is a capable solider as well".
"Whatever you think Jane. You always know what's right. You haven't let anyone down yet so that must show you make all the right calls".
There was a long pause, Sam though something had happen to Jane and rushed in to see Shepard just staring out into the cabin. She was so still and she just stared.
"Jane?" asked Sam.
"Oh sorry, off in my own little world. Could you grab me a towel please?" replied Shepard as she turned off the water.
Sam helped Shepard dry off and get dressed, also helping to reattach her limbs and put her patch on. Shepard gave her a kiss as thanks but also for her continued devotion to her. Shepard couldn't have seen herself with anyone else or loved someone else as much as she loved Sam. Shepard knew that Sam felt the same and knew she need not ask but she also knew Sam did get the shits at some of her bad habits.
The good things out weighted the bad thinks so it was never a problem and they continued to have a strong relationship that both knew would last till the end of time.
Both coming to rest on the bed side by side, they stared at one another until the late hour of the night got to them and fell asleep in each other's arms.
A/N: I bet some of you who have been follow this have been waiting for me to update. Sorry to have kept you waiting but life's ups and downs have been keeping me busy and I will admit that my other two stories have taken my attention away from his one.
I will update more regularly on this story now. I also want to thank all the people who are following this story and thank you all for the great reviews.
Just to let you all know I'm going to go back to the other chapters and fix them up a bit and re writ a couple of paragraphs here and there but don't worry no major storyline changes, just a clean and sweep for as close to perfection as I can get.