"Cimmerian Sunbeams"

Chapter X

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Raven sat at her desk, a thick silver-paged hardcover book lay in front of her. Her amethyst orbs scanned the pages, each line, ritually turning each page to only bite her lip and read more. The book, in its intimidating breadth, had gold-edged papers and an engraved title on the cover.

"What is this book?" Starfire had previously inquired, pulling down the massive hardcover book. It had slipped from her hands and landed on the floor, causing a cloud of dust to disperse into the air.

Raven had rushed to her side, picking up the book and hugging it to her chest. "It's… a forbidden book. Each page is lined with perilous black magic, a magic only to be performed by the greatest dark wizards and witches," she carefully explained, standing on her toes to push the heavy book back into its spot on the shelf.

The contents of this book now enveloped the dark girl's mind. She had not left her room for three days, save for bathroom visits and unseen trips to the kitchen for water. She was almost halfway through the book. Her pale finger traced the lines as she read them, and her lips mouthed the words as they entered her mind. She knew what kind of territory she was treading, and she was prepared to take on the worst.

Meanwhile, Starfire was a wreck. Unlike Raven, she left her room and ambled about the tower, but not cheerful like usual. When the others tried asking about it, she merely put on an artificial smile and assured them that everything was going perfectly fine. Always, though, she ended up strewn across her unmade bed. The energy was drained from her. With what seemed like two members less of the team, this significantly worried Robin and the others.

"I've never seen this side of Star," Robin said, slumping his shoulders forward and sighing. "And I haven't even seen Raven. What's happening to us?"

"Don't worry 'bout it, Rob," Cyborg assured, putting his hand on the boy wonder's shoulder. "She'll be okay."

Feeling hunger for the first time in days, Raven paused her practice and stood. As reluctant as she was to face the titans, she knew that her judgment and focus would be compromised if she continued on an empty stomach. Grudgingly, she walked out of her room and into the kitchen. So far, nobody had taken notice that she was out. This relieved her. However, as she stood before the refrigerator, deciding on what she wanted to eat, a familiar voice from beside her made her cringe in remorse.

"Raven…" It was Starfire. "You have finally decided to leave your room. Have things improved?"

"Not really," came her response. She reached in the fridge and pulled out a tub of plain yogurt. She continued rummaging in the fridge.

"Am I still… an outsider?" She spoke the last word in melancholy, a tone that rang strongly in her voice.

Taking out a bag of strawberries and closing the door, Raven sighed. The wretchedness in her teammate's voice made her feel terrible. Feelings were a waste, she reminded herself. She placed the two contents on the counter and opened a cupboard to find a bowl. This was so difficult, she thought. It was like learning how not to feel, all over again. She chose her words carefully. "Everyone's an outsider, Starfire."

Starfire nodded slowly. She hung her head and turned away. "Then, I apologize for interfering again." She floated away from Raven.

The lilac-haired girl felt horrible. She wanted more than ever to turn around and tell Starfire that she didn't mean it. She wanted to tell her that she was sorry for her cold attitude, and that she wanted to just forget everything bad that had happened. She couldn't do that, though. Not when she knew she was in trouble. She knew her emotions were not ready for this, and as much as it killed her, she needed to make Starfire see this.

Once Raven mixed the yogurt and berries, she brought the bowl with her into her room where she disappeared once again. She ate as she read, taking in each word, each syllable and embedding the spells into her mind. Black magic was terribly dangerous, and it required utmost skill… skill that Raven was not sure she possessed. She didn't have any mentors or any higher power she could speak to and ask for advice. She'd already considered making a journey back to Azeroth, but truth be told, she never wanted to see that place again. It harbored too many dark memories. This was her last chance to save herself, and her teammates.

Sitting on the roof, Starfire thought about Raven. She knew that she couldn't help and she knew that Raven knew this. Why would she refuse a companion? Whenever Starfire felt alone and in trouble, what she wanted most was somebody to share the feelings with. There was nobody she had ever wanted to share herself with more. The feeling seemed mutual, but now Raven rejected and denied her. Starfire drew her legs in and wrapped her arms around them, lost in thought.

She turned around, startled as she heard the roof door close. Her first instinct was that it was Raven. To her dismay, it was merely her green teammate. "Hello, Beast Boy."

"Hey…" he walked over to her and sat next to her. "Don't take anything that Rae says seriously. I'm sure she loves you, she's just… troubled right now."

Starfire's eyes widened. "Beast Boy… you knew?"

He smiled. "Are you kidding? The way you two have been glued to each other? And that one time I came into Raven's room… I admit that I sort of…" he rubbed the back of his neck and blushed. "I saw you two about to kiss."

"Oh, I see…" her cheeks flushed. "And you are not troubled? I understand that relationships between two girls are not..." she struggled for the word, "customary on this planet." She felt her stomach flip as she used the world relationship. Was that even what she had with the other girl? Or maybe that was just her wishful thinking.

Beast Boy laughed. "Troubled? Me? I think it's kinda hot," he assured her, nervously. His blush slowly faded. "Wanna know something?"

She nodded. "Sure."

"To be honest, I've always kind of had a thing for Rae. It was stupid though, and she never would have felt the same. Please don't tell her. I just figured it might make you feel a little better… just because, you know, you have a chance with her. A big chance." He put a hand on Starfire's shoulder. "She may never admit this, but she needs you now more than ever. You just have to keep your distance. But make her know that she is never alone. I guess I kinda blew my chances at doing that kind of thing, hah."

The redhead tilted her head to the side. "Beast Boy, I was not aware that you were capable of giving the advice."

"Haha, yeah," he said, uncertainly. "I guess I'm just full of surprises."

He stood and Starfire looked up at him. "Thank you… you do not know how much this has helped." She rose as well.

"Hey, no problem," he responded. "Just… don't mention this to Cyborg or Robin. I'd never hear the end of it."

"Agreed!" Starfire pulled Beast Boy into a hug.

"Wanna come downstairs and watch TV or something?"

Starfire smiled. "No thank you. I think I am going to stay up here for a little while longer."

He nodded. "I understand. Remember what I told you!" He shot her a toothy grin before returning downstairs.

Standing before the altar, Raven lit the final candle. This was it. Her first attempts usually never took, but it was all about the practice she gained. In truth, she hadn't used black magic since Malchior. The thought of it worried her. If her powers were out of control as normal, her black magic could be fatal. This is why she decided to start small. If she recited a small spell, the effects of possible repercussions were reduced sharply. That was her main concern. If she were to ever hurt her friends… she wouldn't be able to live with herself.

Her altar was finally complete. She had the incantations memorized. Every syllable of every line, she knew by heart. Standing before the altar, Raven closed her eyes and focused her energy. She pressed her palms together and slowly spoke the chant.

"Exigo a me non ut optimis…" as she spoke the invocation, a wind swirled around her body. She heard the pages of her books flutter, but she continued. "…par sim sed ut malis melior!" Once she spoke the final word, her eyes opened. With horror, she observed the scene around her.

She had created a whirlwind—and she was at the center of it all. Funnels twisted and turned around her, and everything turned a diaphanous milky hue. It became difficult to see anything except what now appeared before her: a pair of four daunting, crimson eyes. They were terribly familiar. Those flaming eyes glowered at Raven. They looked like the eyes of Trigon, her father. It had been so long since she was haunted by the likeness of the horrifying beast. She tried to speak, but was rendered speechless.

"Little girl," roared deep, thunderous. "You are not to fool around with powers beyond your control." Even the voice sounded terrifyingly similar to Trigon's.

Raven gasped. She refused to believe it. Though she could not escape, she twisted and thrashed about. She shouted, above the noise, "You're not my father!" She knew it couldn't be true. She defeated him. He wasn't around anymore. "You don't frighten me!" she yelled. It was a lie. Honestly, she had never been more scared in her life.

The funnels shrank, and the illustration of the face before her grew stronger and stronger. Behind the face, she noticed a swirling portal. It glimmered and glistened as it spun. "You will obey me." The resonance became distorted. "You will obey me," it repeated.

"NO!" shouted Raven. She was using all of her strength and power to resist the control. She whipped and thrashed her body free of the invisible grasp. She felt herself growing weaker. The fear was taking over her. It happened, just as her mother had once told her. Submitting to emotions will forever end in ruin. The despair was eating away at her. Before long, she would be nothing but a mortal.

It was getting more and more difficult to breathe. The image of Trigon became defined, and soon it wasn't just his face. It was his entire body, scarlet with rage. His hands closed around her body, crushing her ribs. She cried out, but no sound came. Finally, he released his grip and she fell to the floor. Her blood pooled around her body and throbbed in pain.

"NOOOO!" she screamed. She sat up in bed, her entire body drenched in a cold sweat. Her hair was matted against her face. She had fallen asleep. Trigon wasn't there. She was simply dreaming.

tbc.