She usually isn't like this. In fact, she would usually be in the completely opposite composure. Her capabilities to sit up properly and focus on her surroundings have suddenly switched to the differing notion, back arched over the table as she spaces out for an extraneously long amount of time.
Kirumi knows full well why she is acting in the way that she is; why it is that she is not able to focus on the situation as well as she usually would, or why she is not taking as much care to the way she sits. Only one worry has been rushing through her mind, repeating frequently in circles — questions being asked, but never answered: Why? What can she do for her people to subside their anger and frustration? As the questions repeat, they slowly turn into imagery; imagery of the people she's met in her town asking these questions, loudly repeating to her, pleading for her to do something.
Why?
What can she do for her people?
What must she do to please them?
And as she stares at each one of their faces, they all erupt into a sticky deep red and drop on the floor, so too tainting the floor in the same deep red that they drown in.
Just like at the ball.
No. She cannot blame herself like this. What's done is done, and she can only do what she can now to avoid the same situation.
Still, Kirumi ponders on it for too long. The image of the lively people she used to greet during her strolls into town now cold on the floor. The person she had stabbed that night. All of this was her fault… And she has to carry that weight with her.
And Kirumi wonders if what she has in mind will finally settle all of this. To stop the bleeding and to stop them from screaming.
Kirumi winces at a touch to her shoulder. She sits up with her back straight and blinks for a moment to adjust to her surroundings, and the smell of something cooking and the relatively long table covered in plates before her tells her that she is in the dining hall.
She looks over at her shoulder to what touched her only to see a pale hand brush by before retracting. She follows where the hand goes and sees its owner, Maki, standing up from her seat to lean and touch Kirumi's shoulder, but upon Kirumi's gaze, Maki sits back down, staring at the maid with her nose scrunched up and eyes narrowed.
"Something's bugging you, Toujou." Maki crosses her arms and leans back in her chair. The way she raises her head — Kirumi knows the other expects an answer.
"Why is that?" Kirumi attempts to dodge the question.
Maki points down to her plate, suggesting for Kirumi to look down on her own. When Kirumi does so, she sees her fork puncturing her napkin. Dumbfounded, she raises her fork with the stabbed napkin before laying it down on the table with a heavy and tired sigh.
"And not to mention…" Maki continues her observation, "Your clothes."
"My clothing?" Surprised at what Maki points out, Kirumi scoots her chair out and stands to look at her outfit.
Oh. The gown. Her silky sleeping gown. It was still on her. And she was wearing her high heels along with them.
Kirumi rubs her forehead with her fingertips before trying to reclaim her composure, sitting back down and returning her seat to its original position.
"I suppose my sleep was not very adequate last night."
One of Maki's eyebrows raises and her lips give a slight pout. "You sure about that?"
Kirumi falls silent at the other's expression, knowing what Maki was expecting of her but unsure of how to structure her words… or rather how to choose her words.
Then she hears a sigh from the other as Maki speaks again, "You're still thinking about yesterday, aren't you?"
"I can't help but always think about it." Kirumi shakes her head sadly. "I understand that I should be thinking about the best course of action, and I should take the time I need to plan accordingly… But I worry if more lives will be lost."
Maki stretches her arm over to touch Kirumi's own arm, the warmth touch is all that Kirumi focuses on at the moment, "Look, things will be okay. I don't think they would want to go through the trouble of killing more. They wouldn't have a purpose."
"That is true… Yes." Kirumi nods, processing Maki's words.
"You sound like you have something else on your mind," Maki hints.
"Sharp as ever, Harukawa-san," Kirumi closes her eyes.
"Well? What is it?"
Kirumi shifts in her seat, "I… believe I may have determined the best course of action."
"That's it? That's great, but what is it?"
"I.." Kirumi trails off once again, and Maki can't help but worry.
The former assassin places a hand on the maid's arm, "It's not… something stupid, is it?"
"No, no," Kirumi stifles a chuckle, keeping her eyes low, "I wonder if you may consider it idiotic, but generally, I believe it's ideal."
"Still haven't explained what it is," Maki leans back into her chair, arms crossed.
"I thought about it overnight, and even in the morning, it seemed like the right choice." Kirumi nods with her own words, "If the problem resides in the voices of the people without talent not being heard, then the best course of action is to listen. Thus, a conversation will suffice. Perhaps we can establish someone in the government who would be able to represent what they want, and the person and I can work together to relieve any tensions between the Ultimates and others. Otherwise, I believe that the best I can do is to step down from my position and let someone who will stand for both the Ultimates and everyone else to lead everyone — something I have failed to do. "
But Kirumi looks over to Maki and sees her eyes squinting and nose scrunching up. Maki looks away and Kirumi can sense the boiling irritation from the other.
"I understand that it will be difficult—"
"Yeah, it will be difficult. You really think that the Commander would want to even listen?" Maki raises her voice. "She doesn't care whatever happens to the Ultimates! She'll just gladly take your place, and she cannot be in that position."
"I am only suggesting that as a last resort plan if she refuses to converse." Kirumi clarifies.
"Okay, and your first plan is what? Talk to her? I don't think so," Maki shakes her head, "She'll take any chance to push you into giving up your role immediately. And I'm pretty sure she'll try to kill you as soon as she sees you."
"I understand, but this is the only possible way that I can hold a discussion regarding what the people want and come to a consensus together." The maid points out, voice sharpening to Maki's ears. It's grating.
"Okay but what if she doesn't want to listen to you?" Maki raises, "What if it really does come down to the last resort? Do you really want to give yourself up like that?"
"If that is the only way to put an end to the hunt, then I shall step down."
Those words. They're all the more grating to Maki's ears, and it's like no matter how much she tries to fight the aggravation of the other's refusal, the feelings bubble up to the surface again with full force. She takes a deep breath trying to stop herself from trying to talk more; all the words she wants to say would only combust the conversation all the more.
But Maki keeps imagining the way this will play out; it's far too vivid and clear in her mind: Kirumi choosing to go through with her final plan and step down; telling that to the Commander; seeing the Commander smirk, taking the job without hesitation before pulling out a gun on Kirumi. Then all of that ending in shades in red.
No, she cannot let that happen to Kirumi.
"But it's not like I am voluntarily seeking death. My first plan, of course, is to try and talk to solve matters."
"This is stupid, Toujou. I don't know what you're thinking, but I can tell you that it's never going to play out nicely with the Commander. She only wants your head and that's what she'll take if you go." Maki blurts out.
"Well, I cannot think of another plan that will suit this matter. This is the only peaceful way of trying to solve this, and I do not want anymore people to die. So if my death can solve this situation, then it is my death they shall have." Kirumi protests.
"Toujou!" Maki yells, "We still need you here. We still need you as a leader to handle this. Your death won't solve anything; more people are just going to get hurt under the Commander's rule."
"But I cannot stand seeing more people die now!" Kirumi yells back.
"Do you really want to die that bad?!" Maki cries out. "The Commander is ruthless. You, on the other hand, haven't literally been killing people off! The Commander actively seeks for the death of every Ultimate!"
"My ability to not do anything right now is just as bad, Harukawa!" Kirumi retorts, "Sitting here and letting her continue with that. I am just as bad!"
"No you're not!" Maki slams her hand against the table, "This is completely different! You aren't the one stabbing and killing people! You're trying to save them all! And your work is going to waste if you're just giving yourself up like that!"
"Enough, Harukawa!" Kirumi stands up from her seat, "This is the only plan that I can think of, and it's better for the common good. I have no choice but to follow through."
"We can think of something—"
"No. This is it. This is my plan, and I shall follow through with it."
"You can't!"
"Why not?"
"You're going to die!"
"That doesn't matter!"
"It does matter!" Maki slams the table once again, and with that, Kirumi closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before glaring back at Maki. A cold glare enough for Maki to freeze in place. A cold glare she is not used to seeing at all. Kirumi's eyes completely void of warmth, now icy daggers that threaten her.
"Enough is enough, Harukawa. Talking any further will result in just repeating ourselves. Let's stop." Kirumi steps away from her chair and pushes it in.
Maki clenches her fists and bites down on her lips. She can feel her body's tension rising as it begins to shake, and she hated that it's shaking at that moment. She wants to stop herself, but her body is running on autopilot and she's getting even more annoyed at herself.
She looks over at Kirumi one more time, the maid still giving her the cold glares that insists to stop, and immediately, Maki turns on her heels and silently heads towards the exit of the dining hall. Each of her steps seem heavy and her body seems to want to restrain her from walking more, each cell screaming for her to retort back at the maid.
But she still carries herself out the door. There's no point in fighting anymore. There's no point in running in circles within the argument. Maki knows that's just the way Kirumi is — stubborn in her decisions.
Even so, Maki can't stand the plan that Kirumi thought of. What even possessed the maid to believe it was a good idea? Did the maid even listen to Maki, or was all the information — everything Maki told to Kirumi — completely useless?
She slams the door of her room shut before plunging herself into the comforts of the bed. Her body feels like it's burning, and she just wants to smother herself into the sheets and muffle a scream.
Maki has to do something. Her body aches, yearning for her to run and grab Kirumi, trying to plead with her to stop all her plans.
But everytime that scenario plays out in her head, she could only see lowered, sorrowful jaded green eyes and an apologetic smile. The imaginary look is enough to send Maki crying in a fit of rage.
No. She had to do something.
Kirumi is way too stubborn to try anything else.
The only resolve Maki can find is if she interferes with the plan some way to stop the meeting from occurring.
Yes. A plan. She has to think of a plan. To stop Kirumi's horrible plan from playing out. To protect Kirumi from her own stupidity.
And Maki had to plan it soon. She knows how quickly Kirumi works.