"Good morning Colonel." Janet leaned over the sleeping man and watched as he slowly woke up. She gave him a smile and patted his shoulder once he'd opened his eyes. "It's good to see you Sir. I hear you had a party in here last night."
Jack blinked a couple of times, still rather groggy with sleep. He couldn't figure out why he always felt so tired. It's not like he was doing anything. He finally nodded at the doctor, wondering suddenly why she was here.
"Don't you remember Sir? Today's the day of your surgery. Dr. Kessler and Dr. Rand are here and they're going to operate on your right hand and arm and see if we can't get them fixed up. How are you feeling?"
He managed to push himself up a bit and then shrugged. He felt about the same as he always felt, aching, in pain, depressed. He glanced down at his hands, hating the heavy scars and the way they no longer worked properly. He hoped this surgery would help, but the Doctor hadn't been optimistic.
Dr. Kessler, the hand doctor, had been in to see him last week. He was a short, stocky man with an abrupt manner. He'd grabbed Jack's hand without even asking permission, which had caused the Colonel to suffer a panic attack. He'd been sure he was about to be hurt.
After that had been sorted out, and the Colonel had been given a mild sedative to calm him down, the Doctor had again examined his hands, this time grudgingly asking permission.
He pressed and pulled, poked and prodded and then had sat with a frown. "After looking at the X-Rays it's clear that the damage was quite extensive", he said. "The right hand needs extensive surgery, and it will improve it somewhat, although it's impossible to say how much agility you'll get back. Of course Dr. Rand will also operate on your elbow and forearm, which may help. Some of the nerve damage is from there, rather than from your hand and it will affect your movement and ability to feel. The good news is the left hand is in better shape and that one should have better results. Are you right-handed?"
Jack nodded, although he continued to stare down at his hand, which the doctor was still pressing.
"Oh, well, you'll get so you can do more with your left hand with practice", the doctor said callously.
After he'd gone Jack had gone through a couple of days feeling severely depressed although no one really picked up on it since he slept, or pretended to sleep, most of the time.
"The nurse is going to come in and give you a shot of something to relax you Colonel." Janet laughed at his look of death and then patted his shoulder. "You'll do just fine."
Sam, Daniel and Teal'c came into see him as soon as the nurse left and teased and harassed him enough to take his mind off things for a few minutes. By the time they left he was sleepy and relaxed. The next thing he knew he was being wheeled to the operating theatre.
"He was nervous", Sam said quietly to her companions.
"Yeah", Daniel sighed. "I hate that Dr. Kessler. I think he made Jack feel worse than before."
"But he's supposed to be one of the best hand surgeons in the country", Sam told him.
"That may be true Major Carter, but he is a kra' tok", Teal'c scowled.
"Uh and that is?"
"You probably don't want to know" Daniel told her. "But I agree with Teal'c. Oh well, as long as he's good I guess that's what matters and I liked Dr. Rand."
"I just wish there was something else we could do", Sam sat with her chin cradled in her hands. The doctors had decided to do the two surgeries at the same time, reducing the total number of operations Jack would have to have. Dr. Rand, an orthopedic surgeon, was going to go in and fix his elbow, which had been broken at one point and then healed improperly. The same thing had happened to his radius, which the doctor said needed to be rebroken and set with pins. After Rand was finished, Dr. Kessler would then work on his hand. The two surgeries would take many hours as there was a lot of intricate work needed to repair all the damage, especially that in his hand.
The rest of Sg1 were on light duty and weren't yet travelling through the gate while O'Neill recuperated. The General had decided that it was more important that they be there for the Colonel besides which he knew they weren't in any shape to be in the field.
"Do you think a healing device would help?" Daniel asked again. They'd discussed it many times, including with Janet. From what they'd learned about the device from the Tokra, it helped enhance the body's own healing ability, dramatically speeding up healing time and repairing tissue. They were told that for long standing, or already healed damage it was much less effective.
"It might", Sam said, sitting up straighter. "I mean, with surgery there will be fresh wounds and healing so it should work for that. I just wish we had the one we brought back with us because otherwise the Colonel is going to have to be in a cast for a long time."
"Why do we not have it?" Teal'c asked.
"It's in Nevada", Sam said. "They tried to figure out how it worked, but they couldn't, not without tearing it apart. As far as I know it's locked up still."
"Could we not ask General Hammond to requisition it for use on O'Neill?"
"Yeah, that's a great idea Sam", Daniel said, sounding excited.
"But who would -" She stopped at the looks from the two men. "No. No way. I don't know how to use it properly. I could do more harm than good."
"You don't know that Sam. You've used it before and it worked."
"Barely! And what if I end up making things worse. There's no way I want to hurt the Colonel."
Daniel sighed and dropped his head onto his hand. "I guess, but I still think it's worth a try."
"Why do we not see if we can contact the Tokra again" Teal'c said. "I am sure Anise and Freya would be willing to return. She did offer to help."
Figuring it wouldn't hurt to try, even though they'd been unable to contact their allies for the last couple of weeks, the three of them made their way to the General's office. When they couldn't find him there they checked out the command center to see him standing and talking to Walter.
"What is it Sg1?" he asked, turning to the three members of the team standing looking at him expectantly.
"Sir, we were wondering if it would be possible to try the Tokra again?" Sam asked. "We were thinking that the healing device might be useful after the Colonel's surgery."
Walter was sporting a grin and even the General relaxed and smiled. "I'm afraid we're ahead of you Major", Hammond said. "I just spoke to To'ran of the Tokra and asked for that very thing. They are going to send someone through as soon as they can. They said that all of their available people were on missions, but that someone should be able to come in the next day or two."
"That's great General!" Daniel beamed.
"Yes, well these stars do mean I have some ideas occasionally Dr. Jackson."
"Oh, I know you do Sir", Daniel grinned. "And we're glad. Do we know who's coming?"
"No, they didn't say", Hammond told him.
"Uh Sir, I assume Janet knows about this?" Sam asked hesitatingly.
"It was actually her idea", the General admitted. "She and Dr. Warner came to me this morning, before the Colonel went for surgery."
"Do you ever feel like everyone is ahead of us?" Daniel asked Teal'c and Sam, with a shake of his head. "We should have thought of this days ago."
"You have all been worried about the Colonel and spending a lot of time with him", Hammond said gently. "You have done a wonderful job helping him get better – both doctors Frasier and Warner have said as much. But you don't have to do everything Dr. Jackson, nor do you have to figure everything out. Let the doctors handle some things."
The dark haired man nodded and pushed up his glasses. "As long as it helps."
It wasn't until much later that evening that the team could see O'Neill. He was still groggy from the surgery. When they walked into his room it was to see him with his hand and arm up on a pillow, the hand bandaged heavily and his arm in a brace. They could also see external pins coming from his elbow, which looked painful even though he didn't appear to notice them.
"Hi Sir", Sam said softly, placing her hand on his left one. "I hear the surgery went well. How are you feeling?"
He shrugged slightly, with his left shoulder, but other than that didn't respond. None of them could tell, by looking at him, what he was thinking.
"Are you thirsty Colonel?" It was Teal'c who asked. When Jack nodded he held the glass with the straw up to his lips. "We are pleased you are doing well", the Jaffa said.
Jack stopped drinking and raised his eyebrow and then returned to drinking.
"I'm sure you're tired", Sam said after a few minutes. "We should leave you to sleep. We can check on you tomorrow."
At that Jack's eyes turned to her. Although he still didn't speak, and since he couldn't touch her as she was standing on his right side, he simply looked at her.
She stared at him for a few seconds, reading something in his eyes. "Would you like me to stay with you a while Sir?"
He glanced at the two men and then looked back at Sam and nodded.
"Okay then, I'll stay." She looked around and then walked around the bed to the other side and grabbed a chair. Pulling it up to the bed she sat down and reached for his left hand. "There Colonel. Why don't you close your eyes and rest? I'll be right here."
Two minutes later he was sleeping and Teal'c and Daniel tiptoed out of the room.
Jack had a restless night, waking up in the middle of the night in quite a bit of pain. After the nurse checked on him she gave him some more pain medication and he was soon back asleep. Sam stayed with him the entire night.
It was the next morning and she was dozing in her chair, when someone tapped her shoulder.
"Yeah?" she mumbled, stretching slightly. She turned around to see Daniel standing behind her.
"We just got a message from the Tokra", he whispered. "They're sending someone through in twenty minutes."
"Oh!' She stood slowly and stretched again and then looked down at the Colonel. He'd woken up early that morning, again in pain, and had been given another dose of pain medication. The nurse on duty said he'd probably sleep for a few hours.
"I'll come", she told Daniel. "He's sleeping soundly now."
"How was he?" Daniel asked softly.
"He had a rough night. He was in a lot of pain off and on but he should sleep for a while. Come on, I want to see who it is they send through."
By the time they arrived in the gate room, the gate had started to turn and Walter announced an incoming traveller. A moment later he nodded and looked at the General, who was standing beside him. "It's the Tokra Sir."
"Good, open it up Walter and let's welcome our visitor." By this time Teal'c had joined them and they all made their way down to the gate room." A moment later they heard and saw the kawoosh of the event horizon, followed quickly by a male figure walking through and onto the ramp.
"Dad!" Sam smiled and rushed forward to meet Jacob. He gave her a fierce hug.
"Hi kiddo! How are you doing?"
"I'm fine. Why did they send you?" she hugged him back. "Not that I don't want you here", she grinned, "but we expected Anise and Freya."
Jacob laughed and turned towards the others, his arm still around his daughter. "Well, she wanted to come – quite badly actually – but I claimed seniority. I told them that since Jack was a close friend and because of my knowledge of humans I was the one to go. The High Council agreed."
"I'm glad", Sam gave her father another hug. "You know about the Colonel?"
His expression grew sober. "I've been away on a mission and only returned yesterday and it was then I found out he'd been found." Jacob had spent quite a bit of time looking for O'Neill when he was first captured, but eventually had to resume his missions for the Tokra. Still, he'd kept his eyes and ears open, but had heard nothing until his return.
"How is he?" he asked the assembled group. Noting their serious expressions he sighed. He had heard it was bad from Samel, but by the look of things the Colonel was still not doing too well.
"He was – hurt very badly', his daughter told him.
"It's more the psychological wounds we're worried about", Daniel told him. "He was tortured for months and -"
"I know", sighed the former General. "Well let's hope the healing device can at least help some of the physical wounds. Does he – is he coherent?"
As they walked slowly back to the briefing room the three members of Sg1 and the General slowly gave him the details of the Colonel's condition. "He's doing a lot better than he was Jacob", Hammond told him. "His team have been amazing and he's comfortable around them." He smiled. "I even heard they had a pizza party last night!"
"It was a team night Sir", Sam smiled. "He wanted beer but Janet only allowed him root beer. Still, he seemed to enjoy it."
"Good – that's good. But he can't speak?" Jacob said worriedly. He knew Jack well enough to know how bad that was. It would be awful for anyone, but for someone who relied so heavily on words to deal with things it would be devastating.
"No. Well, at least the doctor thinks he should be able to speak, but he refuses to try. The Goa'uld used some kind of device to damage his vocal chords, although the specialist thinks it isn't permanent and with therapy he should be able to speak."
"Mmm. If the Goa'uld – it was Raijin, is that right?" At everyone's nod he continued. "If he did that he probably also used torture and conditioning to keep the Colonel from speaking."
"Yeah, we figure it's as much psychological as physical" Daniel agreed. "And that's harder to deal with."
"Yeah. Well maybe I can help."
"How?" Sam asked.
Her father reached into his pocket and held up the healing device. "We'll convince him we've healed some of the damage and maybe then he'll try. He probably believes that he can't so this might help him."
"Can you? Will it heal the damage?"
"Possibly, although by this time it probably won't do much. It might enhance any natural healing that's taking place. By I have a feeling this is mostly about what he believes, rather than what is true."
They all nodded, suddenly feeling more optimistic now that Jacob was here. He might just be what the Colonel needed.
It was later that afternoon before Janet decided the Colonel was up to seeing Jacob. She tried to prepare him, although got little reaction from him so wasn't sure how he felt about the new visitor. When Jacob walked in he didn't do much more than blink at the man, which again didn't give anyone much of a clue as to how he really felt.
"So Colonel, it's good to see you", Jacob said, more gently than he normally spoke to O'Neill. "We all missed having you around."
There was a pause but then Jack nodded, giving the Tokra and former general some acknowledgement.
"I hear you just got out of surgery?" Jacob glanced down at the contraption on Jack's arm and the heavy bandaging on his hand. "I thought I'd offer a bit of help, if you're willing?"
When Jack gave him a puzzled frown, Jacob smiled. "I brought a healing device. I thought I could use it on you and help speed up your recuperation. How do you feel about that?"
It was obvious that Jack felt nervous as he visibly grew tense and the lines on his face deepened.
"I won't do it if you don't want me to J – uh Colonel. But I'm willing to try and it might help a bit. What do you say?"
Jack licked his lips, and glanced over to where Sam and Janet were standing, silently regarding him. At his look Janet stepped forward. "I think it might be a good idea Sir. It certainly will get you out of that thing a bit sooner."
Jack regarded the brace with a disgusted look and then lifted his head. He nodded sharply, indicating he wanted Jacob to try.
"You realize this isn't a miracle cure, right Jack?" Jacob explained as he reached into his pocket for the device. "It will have a limited affect."
Jack nodded. This had all been explained to him previously, His breath hitched when he saw the device, the memory of Raijin using it on him, when they'd gone a bit too far in their torture, rising to the surface.
It's not that he had anything against the actual device. In fact, when Raijin had used it it had meant a certain level of relief. The Goa'uld never used it enough to heal him completely, but enough to keep him from dying. Still, seeing it plainly brought back all sorts of memories he really didn't want to have.
"Why don't you close your eyes Jack", Jacob said gently. "Just try and relax and I'll do this quickly, okay?"
Jack nodded and did as Jacob suggested. Once he was reasonably relaxed, Jacob took the healing device and held it over the Colonel. Making sure that O'Neill had his eyes closed, Jacob bent his head and let Selmak take over. She was much better at using the healing device, having had centuries to perfect the art.
Jack felt a strange buzz and then a warmth spread through him as the healing device began to work. There was some discomfort on his arm and hand, although he wouldn't have called it pain exactly. It was more like the feeling of pins and needles you got after having your arm fall asleep. He allowed he feeling to wash over him and soon began to feel sleepy. He allowed himself to drift, and eventually fell into a deep, and healing sleep.
By the time Selmac was finished, both she and Jacob were exhausted. She gave back control to the human, who immediately stumbled and would have fallen if it weren't for Teal'c standing by him and steadying him.
"Thanks Teal'c", Jacob said, sounding out of breath.
"You are welcome Jacob Carter", the Jaffa said.
"Did it work Dad?" Sam asked anxiously.
"Selmac said it did. Like I told you, it won't heal him completely, but it helped. He should be able to get rid of the brace and the bandages."
"What about his throat?" Daniel whispered.
With a look at Jack, Janet stepped forward. "We should continue this discussion in the hall. I don't want to disturb the Colonel."
Jacob and Sg1 followed her out of the room and then all looked at Jacob, waiting for his answer.
"Well, that's hard to say. I could certainly sense some damage there, but I couldn't tell if Selmac managed to heal anything or not. We'll have to wait and see. Now we were able to heal his kidneys – and his heart." He held up his hand at his daughter's shocked exclamation. "It wasn't too bad to begin with, but now it's fine. There were a few other internal things which we were able to fix but there were also some things that are beyond the healing device."
"What did you sense Jacob?" Janet wanted to know. Their tests hadn't revealed much if anything in the way of internal, organ damage so she was curious what else the alien device had picked up.
"Well, his knees for one. He's torn them all to hell and he's going to need surgery. The healing device will help after that."
"Thanks Dad, Selmak", Sam smiled and gave her father a hug after he finished telling Janet what he'd found. "Why don't you come to the Commissary and have something to eat. I know you're exhausted."
"How are you doing Sam", her father asked her once they'd sat down with a tray of food and drinks. "You're looking tired."
"Yeah", she sighed, "but I'm happy that we got the Colonel back. He relies on us right now, but at least he's getting better."
"You realize don't you that he probably won't ever be completely better? He's gone through major trauma Sam and that will stay with him for the rest of his life. He may", he stopped and took a breath, "he's not going to be the same person after this."
"I know", she said softly, looking down. "But at least he's alive."
Jacob reached out and laid his hand over his daughter's. "Yes, and we're all grateful for that. But – you know that soon you're going to have to let go don't you? He's going to need professional help and long term therapy. You can't give up your life for that. You know he wouldn't expect that of you."
Sam's eyes filled with tears and she looked down at the table. "He has no one else Dad – no one but his team."
Jacob sighed and squeezed her hand and then pulled his away. "I know – and you'll always be his friend, but you can't give up your life for his. Sam, you're young, you have a whole life in front of you and Jack would hate it if you gave that up to look after him. You know he would."
Sam didn't reply, but kept looking down at her hands. After a few seconds of silence she lifted her head. "What is going to happen in the future – well, none of us knows for sure, but for now I'm here for him. He needs me – he needs us and I'm not going to desert him. He taught us to never leave anyone behind. Well, we did leave him Dad – we left him in the hands of a sadistic Goa'uld for months, and we're not going to leave him again."
Jacob stared at his daughter, both worried sick and yet incredibly proud of her. He finally smiled and nodded. "I'll do what I can to help Sam."
"Thank you."
The next time Jack woke it took him a few minutes to realize he felt different. He couldn't tell quite what it was, but then it dawned on him. He didn't hurt. At least he didn't hurt very much. There were a few places that remained sore, but for the first time since Raijin had captured him he felt – good.
It was a surprise and it frightened him a bit. It took him out of the space he'd grown used to and he felt a bit thrown by it. But after a while he started to enjoy the feeling. No pain – it was something he had expected never to feel again.
Suddenly he felt something strange and looked down at his hand. The almost useless appendage was itching like crazy. It dawned on him that it was itching like crazy! He'd barely had any feeling in it for months and now it was driving him insane.
He smiled.
He sat there and watched his hand until, with a deep breath he wiggled his fingers. It was hard and they were stiff and weak – but they actually moved.
He allowed himself a grin. The surgery had clearly had some effect and Jacob's use of the hand device had helped. He could wiggle his fingers and his hand itched. Things were looking up.