Thinking back over the time following the attack, I constantly wonder how many mistakes I made. The answer, really, depends on how exactly you choose to define what a mistake is. There were plenty of things I did wrong, but I found a way to either correct the error before it became disastrous or I found a way to make the consequences work in my favor.
And then, I also wonder: how many mistakes did my counterpart make? And even better, how many would he actually admit he made?
Kenzo sucked in a sharp breath of air in hesitation before he spoke, "This isn't something you need to worry about now, but you should know PHN News has been harassing me for an interview with you about the incident."
Riyo, still stuck in the hospital, spent the majority of the past few days sleeping, seeing doctors, and responding to an inbox full of concerned well-wishers and had barely had any chance to see how the event was playing in the news. Kenzo had been her primary source of information during his daily visits, but even he had been cautious to offer her too much information. She suspected he was hiding a good deal of work from her in order to keep her focused on recovering.
"I suppose they will just have to wait," she said. "It's an open case, under investigation by both Pantoran and Imperial officials. I couldn't talk about it even if I wanted to."
"That's what I told them, but you know how they can be. Don't be surprised if the reporter somehow finds a way in here to harass you for information… Rana Bashir is the journalist in charge of the story, you know how pushy she can be."
"Well, she is very good at her job."
He stretched against the back of his chair, rubbing his temples, "True, but she's exhausting to keep up with at times. She will not take no for an answer."
"I haven't been monitoring the news. Is this getting much coverage?"
His eyebrows rose enough to answer before he spoke. "Well… naturally, a Senator nearly being assassinated by a group of Rebels is pretty big news, at least here on Pantora. I haven't seen anything about it in off-planet sources, other than a few brief mentions. Nobody involved is talking to the press about it, so everything they're saying is speculation so far. But…" he winced, "I was trying to avoid telling you about this because you really need to be focused on healing, but it's probably best you know before it spirals out of control. People are starting to wonder what an Imperial Admiral was doing at the home of our Senator so late in the evening. It doesn't look good, not without reasonable justification."
She deflated a little. As if her recovery and dealing with questions about the attack wouldn't be enough of a disturbance to her work, now she had this mess to deal with. "I suppose that's a logical question for them to ask."
"I've been pulling strings to keep it out of any major news sources for a while, promising them you'd personally give a statement as soon as you're able, but that will only work for so long. I don't know how to spin this one, Riyo. It looks bad. If you tell them it wasn't personal, it looks like you're having late night secret meetings with Imperials, conspiring with the Empire, losing sight of Pantoran values… But telling them the whole thing was personal is just as bad. The general populace is not going to be happy with their Senator being romantically linked to an Imperial officer. It's a huge conflict of interest."
She nodded slowly. "Yes, you're right. I'll think of something. Thank you, Kenzo, I think I can handle this issue on my own."
"Looks like you have company…" Kenzo's attention turned to the window facing the hallway. The Admiral and his assistant were walking down the hallway, heading for her door. He glanced to Riyo, "Do you want to see him?"
"Yes, if he came here to see me in person it must be something fairly important."
Kenzo opened the door and allowed him in, throwing Riyo a severe look behind the Admiral's back. He was worried, naturally, that Thrawn's presence here might aggravate the situation he'd just mentioned.
"I hope I'm not interrupting," Thrawn said politely. "I hoped to speak with you privately for a few moments, Senator."
"Not at all. Kenzo, would you mind leaving us for a moment?"
Kenzo frowned, but stepped out quickly, leaving the two of them to the privacy of her room.
He took a seat without asking, while she sat on the bed. "How are you?" His voice was just as gentle and soothing as it was in their last encounter.
"I'm doing well. The recovery is going very slow, but I'm making some progress."
He looked at her for a long, quiet moment. She was lying, and he could tell.
She sighed, "I have a little movement in my arm. Not as much as I would have hoped for, but the doctors say I should be happy with the progress so far."
"Are you sleeping well?"
"I can't not sleep. They have me on so much pain medication it seems all I'm capable of."
He squinted. "You didn't answer my question."
She frowned a little. It wasn't something she wanted to talk about, but maybe he would understand. Maybe this was one of the few things she could benefit from being completely honest with him about. "You must be accustomed these intense… distressing experiences, given your career. I don't know how I can sleep half the day and not feel rested." She searched his face for any sort of reaction. "Does it get easier?"
"It does, with time." He looked at her for a quiet moment. "It is quite unfortunate that these individuals saw fit to target you, who has so openly supported many ideals they claim to uphold. Perhaps this is a sign of their true motives."
Yes, it was a wildly hypocritical move on their behalf. Insulting, more than anything. But she kept her expression tight. "My memory of exactly what happened is still very unclear, but I thought they were after you."
"I was their primary target, but they obviously intended to harm you as well. If they'd only been interested in me there are several other ways they could have found to reach me. Targeting me while I was with you was a very deliberate and telling decision on their part."
She looked away from his gaze, because something about it was a little too intense, like he might be looking right through her. "If you think they intend to destroy the Empire and they dislike politicians like me, what do you think their real intent is?"
"Chaos," he said simply. "Whether it is the product of or incompetence or what is truly an anarchistic belief system is more or less irrelevant. It will be the ultimate outcome if they are not stopped. Anyone who chooses to target a politician with ideals such as your own certainly does not have the best interests of the people of the Empire at heart."
"Yes… well… I suppose there is truth to that."
Thrawn's expression turned reflective, his tone softening once more. "I do wish I could have reached your assailant slightly sooner, so you were at least spared this pain."
"That's wrong," The words slipped out before she had much of a chance to think about it. Was he actually feeling guilty for the outcome of that evening? "No, look… You say they were targeting both of us… this probably would have happened even if you weren't present. If anything I owe you thanks because I wouldn't be here now if it weren't for you." She paused. "And I also owe you a very large apology for my behavior the last time we spoke…"
He shook his head, cutting her short. "I am used to the behavior of people who have been through traumatic experiences, and you had two such experiences right in a row. You were overwhelmed and upset. I interpreted your reaction as a sign of your compassion for others. Nothing was taken personally."
"You're being a little over generous, I think, but thank you for understanding. I haven't even asked you how your own recovery has been going."
"My injuries were quite minor compared to yours. You have no need to worry. My medical crew saw to everything the night of the incident."
"You shouldn't be quite so dismissive; if I remember correctly you were shot."
His eyes narrowed just slightly. "You recall that?"
"Somewhat… I remember the shot going off, and you falling. Where were you hit?"
His answer was just slightly delayed. "It hit my upper chest, near my shoulder. It was at such an angle that the damage wasn't nearly as severe as it could have been."
She could very nearly remember as he spoke of it. The way he'd jerked, standing frozen for just a moment, his back to her, before collapsing. Even more clearly, the sinking sensations of fear and dread, the panic slowly setting in. And looking at his collapsed form, certain she'd just seen his life taken.
But the actual shot itself had been blocked from her view.
And then… there was their prior meeting. It hadn't been very long at all after the attack. Which side had the shot hit? He'd guided her down the hallway, his hand on her back… He'd pushed her hands down several times, and dug through a few drawers… and never once did he show any sign of injury, not even the slightest wince of pain or favoritism of one side.
Her lungs squeezed too tightly for any breath. This entire conversation… and their prior conversation… it was all a massive mistake. Every comment, every kind word from him, had just been an attempt to manipulate her into trusting him while she was weak and medicated and…
And it all meant the worst possible thing: he was already onto her. He already suspected her so strongly not even getting shot by a Rebel eased his suspicions.
"Riyo?"
Thrawn was standing before her, his hand on her good should and a concerned look on his face. "Are you okay? Should I alert your doctor?"
"I…" How long had she been sitting with the terrible thoughts buzzing through her mind? She shook it off and inhaled deeply, "No, no I'm okay. Thank you."
He didn't appear convinced. "You're certain?"
"Yes, I'm alright. I just…" she wasn't quite sure how to finish the sentence. Realized I've been a complete fool.
He frowned deeply, "Perhaps it was unwise of me to give details that might stir more memories."
He must have thought she'd just spaced out over a traumatic memory… or did he? Was that a lie as well? Nothing felt quite sure. She quickly combed back through her memories of their prior conversation, trying to remember exactly how much information she'd given him. Nothing too detrimental came to mind, in fact, he'd given her more information than she'd given him. He was still in the trust-building phase of his game.
That was something she might be able to use. She just needed to keep letting him think he was winning.
She inhaled a few more deep, even breaths, forcing her expression to something mild. "I'm okay. Really. I'm sorry about that."
"There is no need for you to be."
She hesitated, shifting a little on the edge of the bed to show she might be uncomfortable with the coming conversation. "Ad- Thrawn. Would you mind if I ask you a rather personal question?"
He looked at her unblinkingly, giving a stiff nod.
"Last we spoke… you mentioned something that I don't think I fully understood at the time because of my mental state. You said that your own people had exiled you?"
"That is correct."
"I'm sure it isn't an easy thing to speak of, I hope you didn't feel compelled to tell me out of guilt or pity or anything like that…"
"I would not have told you unless I wanted to."
Yes, and he only would have wanted to if it suited his needs, such as garnering empathy from someone who he believed would be easily manipulated by emotional appeals.
She pushed her loose hair back behind her ear. "Do you mind if I ask why?"
"They have a strict policy against preemptive strikes."
Banished for being too aggressive. It made sense, then, that he found a good home with the Empire. Of course, that was all under the assumption that his claim was true. But information didn't always have to be true to be useful.
He took her silence as an opportunity to elaborate. "If you could foresee an initial attack that would result in significant lives lost among your people, would you not do anything within your power to stop it?"
She couldn't help but think of her own involvement with the Rebels. It wasn't all that different. "Yes, I suppose I can understand that." Maybe. Depending on the circumstances. But now wasn't the time to debate, it was the time to play into his narrative. She smiled, "I don't know why I keep finding myself surprised that you're actually very reasonable when I take the time to listen to what you have to say."
He returned a small, teasing smile she recalled from their evening out. "You're a politician, rationality isn't something you need to concern yourself with."
She actually laughed, for the first time since the attack. His disdain for politicians was mildly entertaining. "I appreciate you coming to see me again, Thrawn. And I enjoyed our evening together, at least prior to the attack."
"It was a very unfortunate end to an otherwise enjoyable night," he bowed his head in agreement. "I need to return to the Chimaera, but I did have another reason for coming here. As I'm sure you know, the Navy is conducting a routine investigation into the incident. They will be sending an official by soon to question you about what you remember."
"Oh. I'm afraid I won't have much for them..."
"You shouldn't concern yourself with it. It is merely a routine investigation, they are simply gathering a file of what everyone knows. I believe they already have a recording from the building's security cameras. Between that and my own recount, and whatever you are able to remember, I don't think there will be any issues."
Nobody had bothered to tell her there was a recording of the incident. "Thank you for the warning. I'll be sure to tell them whatever I can recall." She paused, not quite ready for him to leave yet. She needed to make sure he felt he'd won, so he'd come back for more of these conversations. "I don't want to be too presumptuous, but if you find yourself with any small amount of spare time, I would be happy if you stopped by again."
The corner of his mouth twitched.
She shrugged, "They have me trapped here indefinitely and I'm afraid I might lose my mind. I'd be happy to discuss art or… or anything. If you have the time."
"Then I will be sure to return soon, Senator."
And then… one more thing, before he left. Just for her, to prove she was right. She slid off the edge of the bed and stood, and placed her hand on his chest opposite his rank plaque, "Is this the side…"
The rest of the words caught in her throat. It was the side; she could feel the edge of a bacta patch beneath the fabric of his uniform.
The weight of the silence between them could have crushed her. She couldn't even bear the thought of looking up at his face; there was no doubt in her mind he was giving that awkward stare again. His chest had stopped moving beneath her hand.
She stepped back quickly, bumping into the edge of the bed, "Er… I… I'm sorry…"
When she finally gathered the courage to look at his face, he just looked perplexed.
Finally, he spoke, "It was good to see you in brighter spirits, Senator. I wish you luck with the rest of your recovery."
She watched him leave, trying to come to grips with what had just happened. So the wound was real. Was anything else?
Eli tried to act like he was too busy on his datapad to notice Kenzo come out of the Senator's hospital room. They'd hardly talked since the night of the shooting, and while Kenzo hadn't given any hints that he remembered what happened between them that night, Eli had still tried to avoid him so the subject couldn't be brought up.
"Eli?"
He cringed.
Kenzo didn't give any indication he'd noticed Eli's attempt at evasion - rather, he looked concerned. "Can we talk?" He nodded to an empty patient room to the side.
"Er… yeah." He followed him in but left the door half open so they didn't have too much privacy.
Kenzo looked tired, maybe a little nervous. Or maybe he wasn't tired. The dark coloring under his eyes could have been a remnant of the pilot who'd punched him.
Another thing that inspired Eli's optimism that he couldn't remember the evening: Kenzo hadn't reported the attack. The pilot couldn't have known of Kenzo's close affiliation to a Galactic Senator, but if he had been aware he certainly wouldn't have tried to start a fight. Under a typical officer's command, the pilot would be at risk of losing his job and facing jail time. Under Thrawn's command, especially given the context of the fight, he most certainly would never see the inside of a Star Destroyer again.
It did make him a little sad for Kenzo. He must have woken up the next morning with no idea where the bruise came from.
"I know you probably can't disclose much, but do you have any more information? Was this just a few rogue Rebels or is there an actual presence here?"
Eli hadn't realized how close he was to the Senator, but he was clearly having trouble coping. "I'm sorry, I really can't give you any information."
He sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Right. I know that. I'm sorry for asking. It's just a lot to handle right now. She's stubborn; she insists she doesn't need a security detail, but I think it might be smart for her to have one."
"That would be a good idea, just to be safe," he offered gently. "I can assure you we're taking care of the situation as fast as possible."
"Thank you. Are you doing okay? You seemed tense when I contacted you with Riyo's request to meet with the Admiral right after the incident."
He stepped back, putting more distance between them before the conversation could carry on too far. "Yes. Yeah, I'm fine."
Kenzo looked at him, his lips twisting to a lopsided grin. "You're acting so strange. Don't worry about it, we only made out."
Kriiiiff… he did remember. He glanced to the hallway to see if anyone was near and slid the door fully closed. "We didn't make out, it only happened once and I really, really need you to not say anything about it…"
Kenzo rolled his eyes. "You're being paranoid. I could get into just as much trouble as you. I'm not going to say anything."
Eli let out a relieved breath, releasing a little of the tension in his shoulders. "Good. Thank you."
"You didn't do anything wrong, I was the one who instigated. It was nothing more than a stupid, impulsive, drunken move. I don't even like you. Honestly, I still think you're an asshole."
"Right. And I think you're a snobbish city boy. So can we both just… pretend it never happened? Please?"
Kenzo crossed his arms. "Yes, you're definitely an asshole. I would prefer if we forgot about it."
"You remember the whole evening? The pilot?" Eli asked.
"Ah, you mean the fine soldier who hit me? Yes, of course I remember him." He touched his nose, "How could I forget?"
"You haven't reported it." Eli shook his head. "And neither has the bartender."
Kenzo looked at him for a long moment, squinting. "Why would I do that?"
"He'd lose his job just for assaulting a civilian, but a Senator's aid? That's serious business. He was completely out of line, he deserves repercussions for what he did."
Kenzo sniffed. "He undoubtedly does, but what good would it do me to say something? The only thing I want is you people gone from my home, from my life. If I report that heathen then I just draw more of you people's attention to Pantora, and I have to deal with interacting with more naval officials. The bartender probably hasn't said a word because she's thinking the same thing. We don't need you people any more involved in our lives." He shook his head. "Further, the last thing I need is an investigator digging into that evening and knowing we left the bar together. If you don't recall, I threw myself on you right out in the open, on the street. Someone probably saw. I'm not about to risk my reputation just to get revenge." He crossed his arms, straightening up. "But you'd already figured that out, didn't you? You could have reported it days ago."
"It really isn't my business to report unless you wanted to. If you decided to report it I would obviously support your claim, but it had nothing to do with me."
He huffed a laugh. "It's none of your business? Is that what you tell yourself?"
"It was entirely between you and the pilot, you were the one affected by it. It's your call."
"You don't think you have any sort of obligation in the bigger picture? To do what you can to help better the reputation of the Navy among Imperial citizens? To make sure people with hateful ideologies aren't allowed to continue spreading their vitriol throughout the organization - throughout the very ship you work on?"
Eli couldn't think of any response.
Kenzo just shook his head, "Look, I'm happy you haven't said anything and I would prefer you didn't, but claiming it's "none of your business" is just a way of convincing yourself you don't have to do anything. You haven't reported the pilot because your life is easier if you don't report him. It's ultimately selfish. And that's fine - like I said, I prefer it unreported too, for similarly selfish reasons. Just don't lie to yourself about the reasoning."
There was almost too much truth in it, so much that Eli really didn't want to think about it. He glanced to the hallway and saw Thrawn exiting the Senator's room.
"I need to go."
Kenzo gave what sounded like a disappointed sigh, "Yep."
Eli left quickly. The entire conversation had turned into what felt like one massive guilt trip, and he was happy to be away from it. He joined Thrawn's side and waited to speak until they were secluded in the elevator. "Did your conversation go well?"
A familiar devious smile flashed onto his face, "Yes, it did. You were speaking with her assistant?"
"He's concerned with getting her a security detail."
Thrawn nodded slowly. "That would be a wise idea."
"I told him so."
As the elevator drew to a halt at floor level, he noticed Thrawn absentmindedly rubbing just below his collarbone.
"You okay?"
He blinked a few times and dropped his hand. "Yes. I believe everything is proceeding favorably now."
Riyo was sure her doctors wouldn't approve of her watching the recording of the incident for fear it might trigger some a traumatic reaction, and Kenzo would likely agree with them, but curiosity consumed her once she knew it existed. Pieces of her memory had returned, but she still didn't have a full picture of what happened that evening. Maybe watching the recording would help clear the fog obscuring her memories.
She went about obtaining a copy through less proper means, so nobody was aware she had it. Late into the night, after the hospital went quiet, and brought up the recording on her datapad.
A loud knock nearly made her jump out of her seat. She flicked it off quickly and looked to see who was knocking at this time of night. Nobody stood in the hall.
Another knock.
It took her far too long to realize it came from the window. Ardella and Mae were both outside, clinging to the side of the building with magnetic climbers. She opened the window quickly and let them in before they were noticed by any security personnel.
Once she had a few days to gather herself and start her recovery, she made a point to contact Ardella. She simply sent the woman a short message saying she needed to speak with her urgently and that she was in the hospital. Usually, she would have apologized for the inconvenient meeting location, but there was really no room left in her to pity any struggle they had to go through.
Ardella climbed in and held her hands up before Riyo spoke, "We've gathered what we could from the news that's been running…"
She stood confidently, the weight of her right arm an awkward reminder of everything that happened. "Have you now? Well, you should know they're missing a great many details. Let me tell them to you…"
"Riyo…"
"No." She tried to keep her voice cool and even, but it didn't work. "No, you will listen to me and you will not interrupt. I had two very simple rules for you, Ardella. Keep me informed, and no attacks on Pantoran land. So you can imagine my surprise when I was attacked right outside of my own home by your second in command. Not only that — you explicitly stated I could trust him. Initially, I had this wild idea he and his two lackeys were simply after Thrawn and using me as a tool to manipulate the situation. You cannot fathom how much that thought infuriated me, that you would lay in motion a plan requiring me to play the part of the damsel in distress and you wouldn't even bother to tell me you expected me to play the part. If only that had really been the case."
Ardella shook her head, opening her mouth to reply, but Riyo charged ahead, seething. "I don't know what made me think that was an actual possibility. It was a crazy assumption, looking back on it. The man had a kriffing blaster pressed to my skull and I really thought it might just be an act. No, it took him actually saying his intentions aloud for me to realize he really intended on planting a shot straight into my skull. He nearly did it too." She pulled the gold hairpin from her pocket and flung it at the Rebel. "I had to stab the man with that in order to get away from him and even then he shot me."
Ardella's jaw clamped shut, but Mae picked the pin up from the floor.
"So explain to me, please, what the hell actually happened because I have a hard time believing you want to kill me after everything I've done for you."
Ardella shook her head. "Garren overheard our conversation about your meeting with the Admiral and acted on his own accord. I knew nothing of it, I would never have approved of it. Mae didn't even know about it."
"So you lost control. Of your second in command."
"Riyo, you know I would never okay a plan like this. You've been our biggest ally for years. We couldn't afford to lose you."
"You can't afford to lose me? Well, that's good to hear. Get control of your people, Ardella. If you or any of your people so much as put a toe out of line you can consider our alliance void."
The woman's posture relaxed a little. "Thank you… I understand you're upset, but you can rest assured…"
"Do not tell about how you understand, or how thankful you are. I don't care to hear it. Go do your job." She eyed Mae, "And she is not to be privy to any of our conversations ever again, much less to be anywhere near me. Frankly, I'm shocked you thought it wise to bring her along tonight."
Mae's mouth dropped open, "Senator, be reasonable, I really had no idea…"
"Do you actually expect me to believe that?" Riyo snapped. "Either you knew and you think I'm enough of a fool to believe you didn't know, or you're an oblivious moron who didn't realize what he was planning right under your nose. In either case, you no longer have any place in this mission."
Mae looked as if she'd bitten into something bitter, but Ardella put a hand on her shoulder to keep her from responding. She nodded to Riyo. "Your requests are understood, Senator. We will make this up to you."
"I should hope so."
Ardella made her way to the window, but Mae didn't move. "Where is Garren? The news reports say the authorities have him — is that the Pantorans or the Imperials?"
Maybe she shouldn't have accepted this meeting in person. She crossed her arms the best she could with her injury, looking away from both them. She'd tried to wipe the image of Garren from her mind for days. Her efforts thus far were unsuccessful, and this wasn't helping. "He was injured severely during the attack and taken into custody by the Pantorans for medical treatment, after which he was to be transferred to Imperial care." She shook her head, forcing herself to hold back tears. "He slit his wrists at the hospital before the Imperials could get to him."
A heavy silence blanketed the room. Mae finally broke it. "Are you sure it wasn't…"
"I was the one who found him. Yes, I'm certain it was self-inflicted." She paused, tears starting to well up again. Her emotional instability since finding him was unnerving; she'd never felt less in control of herself. "I would have helped him but I was too late."