Story 9 Pt. 2: I Cannot Tell a Lie

"WHAT!" shouted Bruce.

Dick just stood there in the middle of the room too stunned by his lie to even contemplate moving. His eyes darted around the room for help. Unfortunately, everyone else looked just as shocked as himself. Tim's jaw looked like he had dislocated is and his eyes were wide open. Jason didn't look as shocked at Tim, in fact he wore a little smirk, but he too had been stunned to a stand-still. Damien looked utterly confused. But it was the expression of shocked horror and betrayal on Bruce's face that made Dick's blood freeze in place. He wondered for half an instant if Bruce was going to keel over with a heart attack.

In desperation, he looked to Hannah. She was his last hope to restore this situation. She looked up at him in surprise. But that look soon cleared from her eyes and she winked at him, a hint of mischief replacing the surprise in her expression. She thought this lie was just another one of his jokes or pranks that he had told her in the car. As realization dawned on him, Dick cringed.

Hannah looked at Bruce, who she had picked out to be Dick's father, and said, "I'm Hannah. Officer Grayson is my daddy but I like to call him Fred. I don't know why, but I think it suits him don't you?" She was just playing along with Dick's game, right? Ah, nope.

"Yes," lied Dick. He really should have learned by now not to open his mouth.

"Daddy? Daughter? Fred? What? How?" sputtered Tim.

"Tim, don't tell me I need to give you 'the talk'," said Jason with a slightly wicked grin, "at your age you should know what makes babies."

"I'm not a baby," Hannah glared at him. She planted her hands on her hips.

"She's 'Fred's' alright," said Jason. Dick glared at him.

Bruce found his voice. "Dick! What did you do?" he shouted. "It's bad enough that you have a daughter but how could you hide her from us for several years? Who is the mother? I can't believe I trusted you!"

Poor Dick couldn't say anything. He just stood there frozen even as his heart was beating a mile a minute.

Hannah decided to answer for him. "My mommy's name is Harley. I haven't seen her since I was two." This was the truth. Her mother had been a part of a biker gang since she was born and was named after a Harley Davison. Wanting to get back on the road again, she left Hannah with her father and rode off into the sunset. Unfortunately, everyone in the room knew a woman named Harley. A certain infamous villain.

"You and Harley Quin?" demanded Jason. "God, I didn't see that coming. I had my money on a certain hot-alien friend of yours." Ok, Jason knew it was a lie. How could he not after he gave Dick the lie pills? But there was no way on earth that he was helping Dickyboy out of this mess. It was even better than he had hoped for. He was, in all honesty, a little curious as to who Hannah really was. At first, he had forgotten himself and believed for half an instant that Dick really did have a little girl.

Dick groaned. This just kept getting worse. First the doughnuts. Then he was a father. Now he was a father who had a daughter with the woman they had all tangled with and tried to keep behind bars. The shock level in the room grew if that was possible. Bruce was fuming in his chair and his hands were clenched hard into fists. His eyes were dark and steely. Everything about him was cold and angry.

"That is quite enough for now, sirs," said Alfred regaining his composure and striding into the room to defuse the situation. Good old Alfred. "Master Dick, you have neglected to properly introduce us. This is no way to welcome family."

Dick took a deep breath. Indicating Bruce, he said, "Hannah, this is Sleepy." He pointed to Jason, Tim, and Damien. "This is Bashful, Dopy, and Grumpy. The old man is Doc; he's also grumpy so don't mess with him. The cat is Sneezy and the dog is Happy."

"Master Dick!" exclaimed Alfred, "must I do everything around here?" He put his hands on Hannah's shoulders and pointed around the room. "Master Bruce, Master Jason, Master Tim, Master Damien, and I'm Alfred Pennyworth the Butler. The cat's name is Bat-cat, and the dog is called Ace."

"I liked Drake better as Dopy," said Damien. Tim tried to fry him with a look.

Alfred rolled his eyes, "come along Master Hannah. There is a room upstairs that you can stay in across the hall from Master Dick."

Grinning, Hannah allowed Alfred to lead her up the stairs, blond pigtails bounced behind her. For her part, Hannah was quite pleased with herself for having helped Dick full a really good prank on his family. She was still too young to understand and appreciate the nature of this 'prank'. In her mind, this was just a game of house; like the game she and her friends played with their baby-dolls. She ran into the room behind Alfred and jumped onto the bed. She was elated that there weren't any night rails on it like her bed at home. It made her feel grown up.

Back downstairs, Bruce walked past Dick on his way out of the living room to get ready for dinner. "We'll talk about this later. Why didn't you tell me?" Dick didn't answer; he just stood there helplessly unable to say anything to get himself out of this mess. Bruce shook his head in disappointment.

Tim followed Bruce out of the room. As he walked by, he looked up at Dick. "You probably could have handled that better, but here's a belated congratulation. She's a cute kid."

"Grayson, you dog," said Damien walking past, "I never thought you would do something like this." To me, he added silently.

"Nice going Dick. Bad pun intended," said Jason with a slightly wicked grin. He winked at Dick and punched him playfully in the shoulder. Jason was too happy. He was enjoying this way too much for Dick's liking.

In a matter of minutes, Dick was standing alone in the middle of the living room. He was still completely baffled and had no idea how he was going to get out of this mess. It wasn't his fault. Sure, he made a lot of bad jokes but this wasn't even funny. Dejectedly, Dick walked upstairs to change out of his uniform. He practically tore off his shirt and threw his cap angrily at the ground. It took everything in him not to break down out of frustration.

The family sat down to dinner right on schedule thanks to Alfred. Bruce took his usual place at the head of the table and scanned the faces of his family. To everyone's surprise, he had a pleasant smile plastered on his face. Dick guessed that Bruce had decided to be civil towards him and Hannah, the girl he thought was his sort-of-granddaughter. In his eyes was a hint of forgiveness. At least diner wouldn't be unbearable.

Alfred had made sure that Hannah could sit next to Dick and even found Bruce's old booster seat up in the attic. The clever butler had altered the seat, which was meant to be used in the car, to fit onto one of the dining room chairs. Damien had sat down on the other side of Dick with a scowl. He had been sticking to Dick and Hannah since they came down stairs. He never smiled and hardly talked to them but he was always right there to watch Hannah like a hawk. Dick assumed Damien was making mental notes on her like an assassin might. It was not a comforting thought for Dick.

For his part, Damien hated Hannah. He wanted to caller her "the little demon spawn" because he thought she was also the daughter of Harley Quin. Oh, the irony. Honestly, he was a little jealous of Hannah and maybe even felt a little threatened by her. Dick had done more for him than Bruce had at first. When Dick took over as Batman for a short time, they developed a unique partnership. One Damien hated to admit was there, but also one he was terribly afraid of losing. As Dick's supposed daughter, he feared that Hannah would grow-up and become Dick's new partner. And where would that leave Damien? He didn't like the feeling of insecurity the thought left him. Not that he would ever admit it of course. If anyone called him out on it, he would put on his costume, draw his sword, and challenge them to a duel.

"So, Hannah," said Bruce conversationally, digging into his lasagna, "how old are you?"

"I'm six," she answered holding up her fingers.

Dick was just a kid himself when you were born. "Have you been to the police department where your dad works?"

Hannah was confused for half an instant until she remembered that she had hold them all Dick was her dad. "Yeah, I was there today," she told Bruce. "But I don't like all the fighting they have to do. People shouldn't use guns." Bruce ginned at that. Suddenly, he really liked Hannah. She continued, "I'm more of a fluffy clouds and hugs type of girl. I even have a stuffy unicorn." She produced a soft pink and purple unicorn plushie from under the table. "See? This is Horny. She's my stuffed unicorn."

At this Bruce's eyes went wide and he covered his laughter in his napkin. Jason burst into laughter and didn't even try to hide it; the looks on Dick, Alfred, and Tim's faces were as beautiful as Hannah's unicorn.

"I am not amused," said Damien dryly.

Hannah couldn't understand what all the commotion was about. She guessed she had said something funny but had no clue what it was. Instead of inquiring into the matter, she decided to ask Bruce, "what are we going to do tonight? Are we all going to have fun?"

Well, Bruce was going on patrol but of course he couldn't tell her that. So, he said, "well, I can't think of something fun to do off the top of my head."

"Then use the bottom of your head," said Hannah reasonably.

The boys started laughing again and Bruce just said, "I'll try that." He hid another grin in his napkin.

"Kids these days," muttered Tim.

"She's just like Dick," said Jason, "a hugger with endless jokes. Sheesh."

Hannah ignored the boy's comments and looked up at Alfred. "Mr. Alfred sir, can we have ice-cream for desert? You know, life's too short not to have lots of sugar."

"I'm sure I can arrange for that," said Alfred.

This seemed to be the last straw for Dick. It was so hard not to talk, but by now he had more or less learned to keep his lying mouth shut. He let his head fall hard on the table in aggravation and desperation. God, he wanted to be able to communicate what was on his mind.

"Are you ok, daddy-Fred?" asked Jason jokingly. Dick didn't move.

"Maybe he just has a lasagna hang-over," Hannah suggested putting a little hand on Dick's back.

"I think he's just doing us all a favor and choking," Jason speculated.

Dick got up from the table without asking to be excused or even finishing his diner. He felt Bruce's eyes following him and Alfred's disapproving stare as the old man cleaned up the plate. Dick raced into the cave and started searching psychiatric journals for anything that might be able to, at the very least, explain what he was going through. Nothing. There was plenty on compulsive liars but non of it quite fit his problem.

Aggravated, he slammed his fist down on the analysis table. The vibration knocked a bottle of pills off the table and onto the floor. Dick picked up the bottle absent mindedly and read the label, "Maxwell's Lie Pills; never tell the truth for 24 hours. Great for withholding information from the cops." Dick growled. He checked a sample of his blood to confirm his suspicion. Sure enough, someone had slipped him a lie pill. Thinking back over the day, he realized that it had to have been either Tim or Jason at breakfast. Just based on their characters, Dick was betting that it had been Jason.

Jason Todd, Thought Dick, why that dirty skunk! That filthy weasel-face! That-that-that, duck fart! Do ducks even fart? That's a crass thought, I'm going to stop now. Dick was going to race back upstairs and tackle Jason; maybe strangle him or hang him on a coat peg by his shorts. He didn't really know. But just before he could run out of the cave, the batcomputer's alert system flashed a warning. A major arms deal was going down that very minute on the border of Gotham and Bludhaven. It was the same deal Hannah's real dad had risked his life to report to the police.

Dick sighed. Killing Jason would just have to wait. Right now, Nightwing had a job to do. He thought about going to tell the others what was going on, but knew he would just tell them another stupid lie. They probably wouldn't believe him. He imagined a case of "the hero who called arms deal" going around the superhero community. Fine, I'll do this myself. He put on his Nightwing costume, jumped on his motorcycle, and sped off into the night. At least I have some time to plot. I'll have Jason's snoot in a sling yet.

Author's note: Part 3 coming soon.

Sorry about the delay. Thanks for reading. Hope you laughed.

Fun fact: All of Hannah's quotes at dinner are modified versions of things real kids have said. When you babysit as much as I do, you get hear a lot of funny quotes. Personally, my favorite was when my six-year-old sister asked me if I had a hangover from all the juice I was drinking. I wonder what I did to make her ask that. It's not like she's ever seen a drunk before because I was 14 and my parents abstain from all alcohol. It must have been TV. Note to self: never leave kids alone with the TV on.

Next up, Alfred Vs. Cupid: Dick gets it into his head that Alfred needs a woman, contrary to the butler's beliefs. He proceeds to play Cupid and set Alfred up with a date.